


This One Time At Band Camp...

by Prototype



Series: The Blue Universe [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Teen Romance, self discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-22 07:37:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 73
Words: 117,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prototype/pseuds/Prototype
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the first day of summer, and Ray's off to band camp. For the whole summer.<br/>A whole summer of guitar strings and bonfires and new friends and strange band geek sexual experiences. There will be highs, and lows, and blood, and doughnuts. And there is Bob.<br/>It's going to be a long summer.</p><p>Originally written between 2006 and 2007.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bus

 

“Ray! Are you almost ready to go?” yelled an echoing voice up the stairwell. I freed my head from my pillow, my eyes hardly open and a stray hand wiping a trial of drool from the corner of my mouth. What did she say? 

“Ignore it, go back to sleep,” I told myself groggily, letting my head fall back into the warm, slightly moist pillow with an odd crackle. My bed was so warm and cosy…mmm…

“Ray!” 

Gah! Go away, I’m trying to sleep!

“Ray Toro! Get out of that bed now and come downstairs! You’ve got five minutes before the bus gets here!” screamed my banshee instead of a mother. The whatnow?

“Bus?” I echoed into the pillow, my eyes snapping open. I pushed my insane hair out of my eyes and sat up as best I could, my body unresponsive so early. What fucking time was it? 

“RAY!”

“I’M UP!” I hollered back, irritation scratching the back of my throat. Goddamn, what fucking bus? School ended two days ago, I remembered with difficulty. Two days of blissful drinking and partying with my closest friends. The full effect of the hangover had yet to reach me as I fumbled for the clock. It five to 8 and I was awake. This deserved another groan of annoyance. What fucking bus?

Looking up I found something blocking my vision. What the fuck? I reached up and pulled out a note from my afro, wincing as the tape caught on the hair. 

_Have fun at BAND CAMP, Willow wannabe! Remember to have lots of strange band geek sexual experiences and tell us alllllllll about them! We’ll be missing you and drinking extra for you!! Love Kevin, Jim, Oz, Finch and Stifler (Ok, Gee, Mikey, Frank and Blue)_

“Oh…holy…fuck,” I groaned, realising. The band camp bus! Shit! I was meant to be going to band camp today! I remembered Frank (supporting a very drunk Sapphire on his shoulder) laughing as he patted my head and secured the note to me without my knowledge. I had, after all, been spending that time trying not to fall over. 

“RAY!” 

“COMING!” I yelled back, jumping at the sound of my mother’s voice and jumping out of bed. Being the freak I am, my room was littered with music magazines, guitar picks and guitar cases, sheet music and posters of guitars. I like guitars. Almost as much as I like doughnuts. No, scrap that, I like them both equally. Is that possible?

These thoughts continued as I searched through my broken chest of drawers from some black jeans and a black T shirt, before getting dressed as fast as I could without risking a blinding headache. 

Why the fuck was I going to band camp? Oh yeah, because it was either that or find a job and pay rent. Gah, definitely band camp. Ok, what have I forgotten? Knowing me, probably a lot. 

My eyes fell on a black duffel bag by the door, along with my beaten up backpack covered in graffiti thanks to Sapphire and a tipex pen. Thank Christ I seem to have packed already, I knew myself far too well. 

“RAY! THE BUS IS HERE!”

“SHIT! COMING!” I yelled, grabbing my hairbrush, my shoes, my bags and bursting out of my room as fast as I could without hitting my head on anything. I fell down the stairs with as much grace as I could muster so early, picked myself up, grabbed the toast my mother held in my teeth, threw myself out the front door and fell over again. 

This wasn’t starting well. 


	2. The Empty Seat

I threw my stuff into the boot of the bus and clambered aboard the bus to the sounds of sniggers. The bus was pretty much full, and all eyes were on me as I walked down the centre aisle, panting for breath whilst chewing my toast. I was getting laughed at for that display of stupidity known as being too tall for my own good. I had grown a lot in a short period of time (as Sapphire constantly moaned about, now being the shortest of all of us) and I was constantly tripping over my feet and hitting my head on things (or almost). It didn’t help that I also had hair like some sort of brown sheep and a terrible memory. I forget everything. 

This wasn’t starting well at all. 

“Hey, you wanna sit here?” asked a voice near my elbow. I glanced beside me to find a smiling boy my age sitting there. I smiled back gratefully, knowing full well all the other seats were taken or populated with someone who would spend the rest of this trip ripping the piss out of me. 

“Thanks a lot,” I grinned, dumping my backpack under the seat in front of my seat and whacking my head on the chair. Goddamit! The sniggers increased. But the kid next to me didn’t laugh, he winced. 

“Shit, you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, happens all the time…I’m quite well known for it,” I nodded, rubbing my head and sitting down with a sigh. A ball of paper hit my afro (which decided it wanted to stick up over the rim of the chair) and I had to wrestle to free it.

_Hey loser, need a new do?_

“What the fuck?” I demanded, turning around in my chair and glaring over the rim of the chair. Any heads watching me ducked and the laughing started up again as the bus drew away from my home. I sighed and sat back down, glancing over the guy next to me to watch my home fade away. Homesickness went through me like a knife. 

“Missing it already?” said the kid next to me, smiling serenely. I nodded, then looked at him again, realising how odd his voice sounded. He noticed my interest. 

“I’m deaf,” he filled in. Oh, that was it. His voice was a little louder than I would have expected, and stunted, like he wasn’t positive how he was using it. 

“How do you hear me then? I mean…”

“I’m a fantastic lip reader,” he filled it, smiling again. I grinned. 

“So you can read everything I say? Even if I say… I wanna make a super sonic man outta you,"

“Queen, Don't Stop Me Now’,” replied the boy, grinning even wider. 

“FAG BAND!” screamed someone behind us but I didn’t let it show on my face. My new friend obviously didn’t even notice. 

“Hey, how do you know that? I mean, you can’t listen to it…”

“I read the lyrics like poetry. Works well enough. I get the rhythm from other people singing it,” he explained, smiling to himself. 

“Oh…cool,”

“What’s your name?” asked the boy, offering his hand. 

“Ray, yours?”

“Simon, or just Si, I’m not that bothered,” said Simon as I shook his hand, grinning. 

“Cool, Si it is then! What instrument do you play?” I asked, settling down for the conversation. Simon seemed a nice guy, and I’d need a friend to talk to for this whole summer. He had longish brown blonde hair, pulled back in a tiny ponytail and the fringe escaping it to brush either side of his face. His blue grey eyes watched me closely, while his mouth was in a permanent contented smile.

I was really tired, but I’d fall asleep later. I started to drag my hairbrush through my hair, attempting to tame it to some sort of style. No such luck. 

“I play piano mostly, I like the vibrations in my fingers. I prefer instruments I can watch instead of hear. Like wind instruments! What is the point?” he asked me, laughing. I chuckled and shrugged. 

“No idea, just a lot of air. I play guitar mostly, but I have done some other stuff,” I replied shrugging as the bus pulled out onto the freeway. Simon nodded, showing he understood everything I had said. With him watching my lips carefully, I took extra care to say everything properly and I think it confused him a bit, as my mouth stretched a little bit wider when I thought about how I spoke. 

“Dude, you don’t have to do that, just talk normally, I’m used to it,” he assured me, bending down to find his bag. I waited until his eyes were watching me again, hiding a yawn behind him. 

“Sorry, my bad. I’m not used to…well, having people watch me speak,” I said, making a face to show I didn’t care that much, knowing he couldn’t read the emotion in my voice. He smiled softly. 

“You’ll get used to it. Till then, try this,” he offered, giving me a sketchpad with music lines on it and a pencil. I grinned gratefully. Five minutes later, I was plugged into my music blaring out under my afro and Simon and I were writing notes to each other and playing hangman. 

_So why you coming to band camp?_ He wrote to me. 

_My folks gave me a choice. This, or working._

_Harsh!_

_You?_

_My parents ship me off to this camp every summer, because they know I don’t have many friends back home. It’s a way of filling the void that is my summer I guess._

_That sucks, that you don’t have many friends. You seem a pretty cool guy._

_Thanks man. I’ve got friends there though, so it’s not a big deal for me. Plus, I love music._

_Music does rock._

_What about you? Got any friends?_

_I’ve got a few, I’ll miss them._

_Tell me about them._

_Ok. There’s Gee, he’s a total weird-arse vampire guy, with all the red and black stuff going on and this really insane childish smile, but he’s a total psycho underneath, you know? And then there’s his little brother Mikey. He’s like my little brother a lot as well, we all kinda look after him, he’s so awkward and cheeky and shit. Frank likes guitars and stuff too, and he’s completely in love with our friend Sapphire, but he’s such a pussy he won’t tell her. It’s hilarious. Oh, and we’ve all got this huge thing for doughnuts._

_Sounds like a lot of fun, but I should probably warn you, I’m not a huge fan of doughnuts_

_Ha! Liar! Doughnuts are God!_

_Bullshit! Hey, have you always had a fro?_

_Yep, pretty much. It’s kinda my thing these days, along with awkward feet and a memory like a fish._

_I guessed that, judging your rush out of your house this morning…_

_Yeah, I completely forgot I was meant to be getting on this bus…I spent most of last night drinking and passed out._

_Ha! Wild night?_

_My friends wanted to send me off with a headache, isn’t that sweet of them?_

_Incredibly. You gonna miss them?_

_Yeah, but it’ll be ok._

_How so?_

_New friends are golden._


	3. The Camp

“I never, never, ever want to have a repeat of that trip,” I grumbled as I hopped off the bus, Simon ahead of me, but looking over his shoulder to watch my lips move. He grinned in response as we walked over to the boot. 

“It could have been worse,” he shrugged as we grabbed our bags (now coated with dust from the road after being unceremoniously dumped on the floor). I raised an eyebrow, fighting a yawn. 

“I don’t know about you but any trip where your iPod runs out of battery, you can get no sleep and you have to deal with a bus full of morons singing The Wheels On The Bus and My Humps is a bad trip,” I complained. Simon smirked. 

“Luckily for me, none of those were an issue,” he grinned and I shot him a glare, remembering the ease he fell asleep with while I tried not to choke myself with my shoelace. 

“Man, I wish I were deaf now,” I grumbled and he shook his head quickly. 

“Trust me, it sucks. Firstly I never get to hear any of these bands I hear so much about, you never hear people sneaking up behind you and you have to suffer sign language, which is a complete pain in the arse!” he told me as we followed the group from the bus towards the camp, walking under a big sign that read ‘Long Pine Music Camp’. 

“I guess…but I’m so fucking tired!” I moaned, before looking at my surroundings. The camp was in the middle of the woods, surrounded by large pinewoods that filled the air with a sticky sap smell but kept the sun out. Everything was wood and…well ‘campy’. 

We were all led between two large wood cabins into the middle of the camp, where a large incredibly cliché log circle was along with a large pit of ash and stone. Around the outside ten large wood cabins lined the circle, five for boys and five for girls. Beyond that circle, I could see more cabins for the different classes, and an open-air theatre. And, just beyond all that, I saw the glimmer of the lake and the pier. 

Typical, really.

We set our bags down at our feet and sat in the big circles, which was already pretty full of kids. We were the last bus I think…maybe second to last. I cast my eyes around the circle, wondering if there was anyone I recognised. As I looked around the circle of unfamiliar faces someone caught my eye. 

A blonde boy sat across the circle to me, his eyes connecting with mine for a few seconds. He was leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees and a smile playing across his ringed lips. I smiled back, giving an awkward little wave and he returned it before turning to the guy next to him. 

“You know him?” asked Simon next to me, nudging my ribs. He gestured to the blonde boy I had just waved to, who was now laughing and jostling with his friends. 

“Uh, no…I guess I just waved at him. Why, do you?” I asked him, turning so he could see me fully. He nodded, slightly reluctantly. I saw his smile changed by something else. Did he disapprove? 

“Sorta…his name’s Bob Bryar, he’s another regular here,” he shrugged, still with that expression. 

“Don’t you like him?” I asked, glancing over at him. He seemed ok to me. Simon fidgeted. 

“Well, it’s not like I hate him, or anything, I don’t know him honestly. But…well, he’s kinda odd, you know?” he said, avoiding my eyes. He had to look at me though, to understand me. I frowned slightly, brushing some dust out of my eyes. 

“Like what?” I asked him. He seemed…I don’t know, uncomfortable about it, but I was curious now. Looking back over at Bob I saw he was looking at me again, but this time he gave me a wide grin. I returned it before Simon nudged me again. 

“He’s…you know, _weird_ ,” he said, trying to get something across to me I was so not getting. 

“You’re gonna have to explain that a bit, mate,”

“Well…he plays drums, and nothing but, y’know? He plays all day, but never in the concerts. He’s always messing around and playing jokes and having midnight parties but he’s never with loads of people, or the ‘popular’ musicians. He’s into rock music and stuff,”

“There is nothing wrong with rock music,” I said flatly, but he continued. 

“I prefer classical. Anyway, Bob. He’s…he’s just weird. He flirts with the girls but…” and at this he leaned in closely, glancing around him “He goes with the guys, or tries to at least,” he said, as if sharing a big secret. I raised my eyebrow. 

“You mean he’s gay?” 

“Yeah. It’s weird,” he said, and I swear he shuddered. I frowned. 

“What’s so weird about that?” I asked, and he missed the dangerous tone in my voice. Ok, I wasn’t gay, but I wasn’t a homophobe. In fact, I severely disliked anyone who was. My dad was a homophobe and it was a big motivation to be as open minded as I could be. If someone was gay, good for them to be strong enough to come out and say it, despite all the negative shit they’d get. 

“Well, y’know, it’s wrong,”

“ _Wrong?”_ I echoed, my lips curling a little bit. I couldn’t believe I was hearing after getting to know this guy so well. I thought he was cool, but my views were changing. 

“Yeah, wrong. It goes against nature for a man to be with another man. It’s…it’s kinda gross,” defended Simon, frowning at me. I gaped at him. 

“You’re joking right? You’re seriously not telling me you’re a homophobe?” I said hollowly, unable to believe it. He was kidding, right?

“I’m not a homophobe! I’m not scared of fags! I just think they’re gross,” 

“I can’t believe this…firstly, I can’t believe you’re so rude that you call them fags, and secondly that you think they’re gross! It’s just another lifestyle choice! I seriously cannot believe you, Si,” I said, shaking my head and looking away. Bob’s smile caught my eye again and I smiled back, to show my support and also to annoy Simon. 

If he was going to be a total dick, I’d rather be friends with Bob. I’d probably prefer it, he looked really nice. 

“Hey, it’s my view. You’re being just as discriminate by judging me on my views!” hmphed Simon, giving me a reproachful look. 

“I’d rather be discriminating to homophobes than a homophobe myself,” I retorted. Simon looked pissed off, but then again so was I. 

“Are you gay?” he accused, narrowing his eyes and beginning to edge away slightly. That made me feel even more angry. I couldn’t believe there were still people out there who hated anyone who preferred their own sex! 

For some reason something Frank once said sprang to mind: Homophobia is Gay. It almost made me laugh in Simon’s face, despite my anger.  

“What if I was?” I fired back. 

“Then I don’t want to be friends with you, bum-fucker,” snarled Simon, turning away from me fully. I grabbed my backpack in anger and stood up. 

“No wonder you don’t have any friends, you moron. You’re a total jerk. And for the record,” I said with narrowed slits for eyes and my afro standing up in irritation (a sight I’m told is quite impressive) “I’m not gay,”

And with that, I strode straight across the circle to where Bob was talking with a girl behind him. I noticed, coming closer, he had the beginning of a blonde beard, his goatee a bit patchy but cool nonetheless. When he noticed I was walking towards him, he turned and smiled warmly, his eyes hidden behind some large sunglasses. That made this just a bit more awkward. 

“Hey…can I sit with you?” 

Bob smiled at me and moved on so I could sit next to him. 

“Please do,”


	4. The Cabin

“Oh Thank the Lord of Doughnuts And Other Fine Pastries,” I sighed, collapsing onto the bed I claimed as mine and burying my Afro into it. Behind me, I heard Bob chuckling. 

“Early start?”

“You could say that…” I moaned into the pillow. I heard a creaking of bedsprings and looked to the side to find Bob sitting on the bed next to mine, smiling at me. His sunglasses now rested on his head and I noticed he had blue eyes. 

“What about you?” I asked, rolling onto my side and kicking my shoes off. Bob shrugged. 

“I got here yesterday, I’m a regular camper,” he chuckled. I frowned to myself, adding up. 

“Wait, did you get the free day before you came?” I asked, fighting a yawn. Bob shook his head. 

“Nope. As soon as school broke out, my dad sent me up here,” he said, and his face grew harder around the edges, his eyes downcast as he talked about his dad. Sensitive subject. 

“What about your mom?” I asked, thinking how unfair it was to be sent here straight away. Bob chuckled. 

“Mom doesn’t have much say in what goes on in our family, but she doesn’t care that much. As long as I’m ok, she lets Dad send me wherever,”

“You like it here?” I asked, changing the subject. Bob looked up again and grinned. 

“Yeah, it’s really cool. The instructors are all friends and I’m allowed to do pretty much whatever these days,” he shrugged, grinning. I grinned back and rolled onto my back.  

“So what do you do?” I asked, looking at the wood grain patterns on the ceiling. 

“I play drums a lot, and that’s pretty much it. Me and the guys spend most of our time down at the lake or in the woods, just hanging out. If you get up early enough, you can reach the nearest town, get some booze and get back before they miss you. Then, the evenings get a lot more fun,” he grinned, letting me in on activities that, according to camp rules, were forbidden. I grinned back, thinking that sounded a lot more fun than wood hikes and sing alongs. 

“The guys?”

“Just some friends of mine you’ll meet in a second, when they get sorted, they’ve been coming here every year like me,” he filled in. 

“How long have you been coming here?” I asked, watching him as he pulled off his trainers and started rustling around in his duffel bag by his bed. I don’t know how, but he had got me in the same cabin as him, along with his friends who were still outside in the circle. The idea was you got sorted into cabins one by one, and Bob was first. He had talked to the instructor sorting the names and I had been next. 

“About…4 years, no, 5,” he grinned as I gaped. 

“5 years? Here every summer? What about your friends back home?” I asked as Bob started pulling clothes out of his bag and pushing them into the chest of drawers next to his bed. I followed suit, shoving stuff I dimly remembered packing away.  

“Ah, well, that’s why I made friends here. I don’t see my other friends that much at all, except during school time. I live in Miami, right? My parents live up in Chicago and my Dad sent me down to live in our beach house pretty much permanently. But in summer, he likes to send me here. No idea why…I think he thinks if I get really good at drums, and sound technical stuff, I’ll leave home and join a band, get fucked that way. That, and he likes having the option of using the house when I’m not there,” Bob told me. I stopped unpacking as he told me, unable to keep my shock from my face. 

“He sent you to live in your beach house _permanently_? Why?”

Bob looked up and me and glanced over me, as if there was a sticker somewhere on me that read ‘You can trust me’ or maybe even ‘I’m a nice guy’. 

“My Dad’s a homophobe, and I’m gay. We don’t get along, at all,” he said finally. I didn’t say anything for a while. I could see Bob thought I was shocked because he was gay, which I already knew. Then I managed to choke out:

“Your Dad’s a total dick!”

His face lit up, his mouth splitting into a huge grin along with a throaty laugh. He laughed for a long time, and I chuckled along, before breaking out laughing too. Bob was a cool guy, I liked him a lot.  

“Yeah, he really is!” agreed Bob, grinning widely at me. 

“What’s so funny, guys?” asked a voice, followed by a boy entering the cabin and dumping his bags. He had shoulder length blackish hair with blonde brown roots and lighter eyebrows, along with a curved smile and brown eyes that could glare and twinkle at the same time. He was solid, but shorter than Bob and walked with a sort of gorilla like stoop, to match his lowered brows and jutting chin. 

“Ray, meet Bert McCracken, poetic psycho and childish maniac,” introduced Bob, gesturing to the guy who had just come in and was offering me his hand. I took it, grinning back and noticing the ink on his arms. “Bert, this is Ray Toro, all round nice guy and successful survivor of Simon,” smirked Bob, which made me raise a curious eyebrow and Bert whoop in surprise. 

“Dude! Congratulations!” he laughed, throwing his massive combat boots across the room to the bed he’d already populated and jumping down next to me on my bed. I smiled at him, unsure how to react to that. 

“Huh? How did I survive him?” I asked, looking between them. Bert grinned and turned towards me, his entire body animated. 

“Simon’s the deaf homophobe, right? He’s a total pain in the arse-“

“And not the right kind,” interjected Bob, smirking to himself. 

“Yeah, anyway, he’s always giving us hell over our…what did he call it last time? ‘Ungodly activities’, was that?” Bert grinned, looking at Bob for confirmation. Bob nodded and grinned again, tossing boxers into the bottom drawer without care. I looked at Bert again. 

“So you’re gay too?” I asked. Bert chuckled and shook his head, smoothing his incredibly messy and slightly greasy hair behind his ear. 

“Nah, I’m Bi, but what does that matter to little Simon? He gives us grief at every opportunity, but any thing back and we get shot for ‘harassing the deaf kid’,” Bert told me, with venom in his voice. I nodded and then made a face. 

“That’s really unfair…how did I survive him?” 

“You were with him the bus ride here, right? We don’t get many new fish here, it’s a kinda ‘you come once, you wanna come again’ deal and Simon always sits next a new fish every year. He’s turned most of the morons who come here against gays, not that they needed much persuading, and I saw him trying to do it to you too,” Bob explained, smiling at me proudly for my choice to jump ship and join his, far more open minded, crew. Bert slapped my shoulder, grinning. 

“You’re a total dude!” he laughed, before jumping up and going over to his bed to sort out his own stuff. 

“Thanks…so you get a lot of trouble here?” I asked as Bert started jamming clothes into his chest of drawers faster than me left alone with a doughnut. 

“Not really, people just keep their distance, and we get verbal abuse and stuff thrown our way, but nothing big. Oi, Bert, do something about your boots! It’s only been a few minutes and you’re starting to stink the place out!” complained Bob and I had to agree, Bert’s feet did reek. Bert threw us the fingers and went to hang him boots up by the window ventilation. 

“Small warning bout Bert: he stinks, and he doesn’t care,” hissed Bob, grinning at me. I chuckled and threw my empty bags under my bed. 

“Where are my bitches? My arse has an itch and I want you to- oh, hello! New fish!” 

“Pete!” yelled Bert, delighted, and throwing himself at the newcomer, wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. 

“Bert! My beautiful disgusting Butt McCrack!” laughed the new boy. I looked him over while he and Bert spun around the room, screaming how delighted and disgusted they were at seeing the other. Pete was the best dressed of us so far; he wore jeans, a black shirt with a rib cage painted on it and a green and black jacket. Bert, in comparison, was decked out in stained cut-offs showing off his hairy legs and a dirty black T-shirt. 

“That’s Pete Wentz, total queen but a seriously nice guy. Watch out, he’ll hit on you shamelessly!” whispered Bob, watching Pete drop Bert and turn on Bob, yelling his name.

“My Bobby Boy!” he yelled, running at him and grabbing him in a huge hug. “It’s been way too long between summers! You don’t visit, you hardly ever write, or call-“

“I call you every other night, you whore!” laughed Bob, flattened beneath the black and red haired boy, whose large brown eyes were sparkling with delight. 

“I’m not a whore, I’m just too sexy for my own good! Both sexes want me!”

“Same here!” laughed Bert, picking himself up off the floor and trying to brush the dust off his butt (which didn’t make much different to his scruffy appearance). At this Pete turned his attention on me, grinned wickedly and jumped off Bob before jumping straight in to my lap and winding his arms around me. 

“Hi-I’m-Pete-you’re-really-cute-you’ve-got-such-a-dreamy-smile-and-I-don’t-think-I’ve-ever-seen-anyone-with-eyes-as-pretty-as-yours-wow-I-bet-you-work-out-you’re-so-strong! Oh-my-God-I-feel-like-such-an-idiot-talking-to-you-like-this-but-you-really-are-adorable! What’s-your-name-cutie?”

I stared at him, shocked. 

“Pete says hi,” translated Bob as Bert pulled him off me with a dark mutter of ‘Get off him, you queen’.

Pete grinned and slid off me, so instead he was sitting right next to me and still smiling at me with his big eyes. 

“So, what _is_ your name?” he asked, his hand on my thigh. I stared at him with my mouth wide open. Bob jumped in again. 

“Pete, stop measuring the reach of his tongue, he’s straight,” 

“Oh! Damn! You’re a cutie!” said Pete, shaking his head and giving me a bit more space. “Again, name?”

“I’m Ray, hand?”

“Oh sorry,” apologised Pete, taking his hand off my thigh and giggling to himself. Behind him Bert cracked up. 

“He really isn’t!” he choked out as Pete shot him a death glare. 

“Hey, where’s Adam?” asked Bob, breaking up the glaring match. 

“Who?” I asked, confused. 

“Oh, there he is…with another new fish!” called Bert, pointing to the doorway where two shadows moved across the light course and entered. The first (Adam, I guessed) grinned at everyone inside, his dark brown and highlighted hair flipped over his eyes and a white jacket slung over his broad shoulders. Another boy followed him, smiling shyly. 

“Hey guys, long time, no see,” grinned the first. Yep, that’s Adam. 

“Hey Adam, this is Ray, new fish and straight before you get any ideas,” warned Bob, who gave Pete another look. Pete smiled at me apologetically. I smiled back, and then looked back at Adam who slung his bags onto another bed, leading the new boy in further. 

“Hey Ray, cool hair. This, oh my scrumpilious summer sex slaves, is Ryan and he’s a little queen too,” introduced Adam. I looked at the new kid and smiled just as warmly as I could. He had flipped dark hair and a cheeky smile that could just be seen as he looked on us shyly. His eyes were dark and wide, as if he couldn’t quite take in everything he was seeing. He walked with a twist in his lean body, as if he couldn’t decide whether to walk straight forward or turn and run. Which is exactly what he wanted to do when Pete jumped over to say hi. 

“Pete, back off, the poor kid’s not your next slice of arse,” growled Adam as Pete smiled at Ryan. Bob chuckled to himself and stood up. 

“Hi Ryan, welcome to the Gay cabin –excepting Ray of course. Now…who’s up for a swim?”


	5. The Swim

“I don’t know bout you guys…but I’ve never been swimming with five guys who can’t stop staring at me…” I said nervously as we wandered down to the edge of the lake. Bert grinned at me and shrugged. 

“Sorry man, but with shoulders like that…” he trailed off, his eyes going over my body again. 

“Yeah, you do have a pinchable arse!” complimented Pete, throwing me a saucy wink as he chased Adam whilst holding his towel as a whip. 

“Um, thanks?” I tried as Adam screamed for dear life, Pete’s towel connecting with his leg in a loud snap. We were all dressed in our bath suits (and for Pete that was something more akin to a male model underwear shot than swimming wear) and moseying down to the lake. Bob assured me no one was expected to do much on the first day other than hang out and get to know their cabin members. But the flaw was, as Bob explained to me with a pleasant smile, everyone basically knew everyone else, so the time was spent planning the next joke on the instructor, catching up from last summer or breaking in new fish, like me and Ryan. 

“You’re a new one too, right?” said the smaller twitchy kid, coming to walk beside me. I nodded, smiling at him. 

“Yeah, New Jersey, you?”

“Nevada. Why’d you get shipped out here?” 

“This or working for rent. Plus, guitars!” I chuckled as Adam slipped on the wet pebbles lining the cool greenish lake and fell in, closely followed by the obscenely dressed (or undressed) Pete. 

“Ha! You’re a guitar dude too!” grinned Ryan, his eyes lighting up. 

“Yeah, but I’m the ultimate guitarist…holy shit…” I said, watching the lake water froth as Pete and Adam rolled around, making out almost violently. 

“Yeah…that kind of stuff happens a lot over the summer, you’re gonna have to get used to it, Ray. Teenage hormones and all,” said Bob coming up next to me. I raised my eyebrows, unable to look away from the two guys. 

“Um, sure…do all of you do this kind of stuff?” I asked uncertainly. I wasn’t sure what I was gonna do if they were gonna spend the evenings making out all night.  

“Well, I don’t that much, but Bert, Adam and the Queen herself over there do. It’s kinda a summer heat thing, I guess,” smirked Bob in his quiet endearing way. The way he looked fondly on the two guys making out in a frenzy of lips, tongues and hands with a shit load of splashing was kinda weird, like he was proud of their hormones. 

“A summer heat I want in on!” yelled Bert, diving into the water and throwing himself into the embrace, attaching his lips to Pete’s. 

“It’s no wonder all the other kids think we have AIDs…” sighed Bob happily, throwing down his towel and lying down on it. I sat down next to him, Ryan on my other side. 

“Can I ask you guys a slightly personal question?” I asked, going slightly red. I drew my knees loosely up to my (rather well toned) chest and leaned my elbows on them, still watching the…activities going on in the lake. 

“When did we find out we were gay?” piped up Ryan, watching Adam and Bert tongue tie for a rather long time, water soaking their hair to their faces. 

“Um, yeah,” I said, glancing at both of them to make sure I hadn’t pissed off anyone. Bob was smiling as he lay in the sun, his creamy skin almost glowing in the light and his eyes calmly closed. Ryan looked at me and smiled knowingly. 

“I figured myself out a few years ago. I just realised I paid more attention to guys than girls,” he shrugged. He went back to watching the guys with unhidden curiosity and a bit of envy. I could see he was debating with himself to join them or not. 

“Bob?” I prompted, looking at the blonde guy I now considered one of the coolest people I’d ever met, along with all these guys. Man, I wish the dudes back home could meet them…

Bob opened his eyes and looked at me softly. Did he always do that? 

“I knew pretty much all along, but I came out with I was 14. Dad was pretty pissed, as I told you,” he said, looking straight at me. I didn’t know what to say, but Ryan rescued me. 

“I can’t tell my parents, they’d have a heart attack…” he sighed deeply, his eyes growing darker and shadowed. I patted his shoulder comfortingly. 

“You’ve got to tell them one day, Ryan. They may be shocked but they can’t disown you, could they?” I comforted. Bob gave a small chuckle. 

“I live at my beach house permanently, of course they can,” he muttered darkly, his voice taking on a resentful tone for the first time since I’d met him. Ryan looked even more upset. 

“God, what would my parents do? They’d probably kick me out and stop supporting me through college!” he gasped, covering his mouth. 

“Hey guys! You gotta get some of this action! Adam’s got some new moves!” laughed Bert from the water, only to be pulled under by two very wet and horny dudes. I chuckled despite myself, and so did Ryan next to me. 

“Ok, don’t tell them now, but you’re gonna have to one day, right? If you lie to them, you’ll always be lying to yourself,” I said softly, my arm over Ryan’s slim shoulders. He smiled at me. 

“Yeah, I’ll have to tell them one day…just not yet,” he said, mainly to himself. I smiled, satisfied he was ok. My belief was doubled when he got up and walked proudly over to the water before grabbing Adam and pulling him in for a kiss. 

Go Ryan!

“You know, that kid’s gonna have a hard time if he tells them. You know that right?” said Bob next to me, propping himself up on his elbows and losing his warm smile. He looked weird without it, and I wanted it to return. I leaned back to mimic his position. 

“Yeah, but he’s got to, right? I mean you did, and the guys did, right? And you’re all ok, right?”

Bob shook his head sadly. I waited for the guilt. 

“Bert’s parents disowned him completely when he was 15, they just kicked him out of their home. His aunt took him in, and that’s only because she’s out of her head on heroin and crack to notice anything about his activities. He could be fucking a guy in the next room and she’d be clueless,” he sighed as we watched the soaking wet Bert be crashed through the churned water to the chant of ‘Off McCrack! Off McCrack!” with the guys reaching for his swimming shorts. 

“Seriously?” I asked, feeling my stomach clench up with guilt. Bob nodded softly. 

“That’s why he loves this place so much. I’m worried about him though, I’m sure he’s gonna cave in and join her in addiction one day,” sighed Bob, a frown painting his face. I moved on quickly. 

“What about Adam?”

“Adam’s parents are some sort of crazy religious bastards. If Adam even tried to bring the conversation around to homosexuality, his folks start raving about damnation and Hell and all sorts of fuckarse crazy shit. He’s too freaked out to tell them because they’ll go culty on him,”

“Freaky. What about Pete?”

“Heh, Pete’s was actually quite funny. He told his parents and his Dad had some sort of seizure. Woke up, forgot the whole thing and his Mom decided not to tell him. She’s really cool about it, she covers up for him a lot, but his Dad has no idea,” smirked Bob, his voice sounding hollow. 

“Do you envy him?” I asked gently. Bob didn’t move, other than to blink slowly. 

“Yeah, I do. I never really got on with Dad, but I miss my Mom…Pete’s lucky enough to have the most understanding parents so far,”

“Correction, parent,” I said, sighing. Bob nodded. 

“So, if you were gay, how would you come out? In theory, of course,” asked Bob, curious. I raised my eyebrows, surprised at the question but curious myself. How would I do it? 

“I’d…I don’t know, I’d probably lead up to it, y’know? Like give my parents little warnings and clues, so when I did actually tell them they’d have a pretty good idea already,” I shrugged. Bob was staring at me, looking slightly shocked. 

“That’s a good idea! I can’t believe I didn’t try that!” he cursed, grinning to himself. I laughed back and a call from the lake interrupted us. Ryan was being held up by all three of our horny bastard friends. 

“We have an offering!” yelled Adam, grinning his head off as water rained down onto him from Ryan’s slippery body. 

“Yeah, come and get it!” called Pete, his voice going all high and almost seductive. 

“He’s young and sexy!” agreed Bert, his greasy hair looking a lot less greasy in the water. Out of the three of them, he was the most tanned, but Pete ran him a close second. Adam was quite pale but starting to tinge brownish around the edges. Ryan was incredibly pale in their grip and Bob next to me was almost glowing golden white, matching his hair and contrasting his blue eyes. 

And me? I was as pale as they come. 

“Not this time, you strawberry pies!” yelled back Bob, laughing. I chuckled at his insult. 

“Strawberry pie?!”

“Yeah, big insult with us. The dumber it sounds, the more insulting. You’ll pick it up, I guarantee it,” laughed Bob as the three wet losers in the lake exchanged horrified looks, Ryan still squealing in the wind above them. The game sounded all too familiar…

“YOU GOIN’ DOWN BOBBY BOY!” yelled Pete as they all dropped Ryan into the lake as one and ran out of the water to grab him. 

“Fuck!” he yelled, scrabbling up and trying to escape as three sets of wet hands fastened around his arms and ribs, pinning him and pulling him into the water. I laughed hysterically as Bob flailed ungracefully in midair as he was thrown into the deep green water with a huge splash. Five boys now wrestled in the water, the game more centred around dunking, splashing and tickling than making out. I couldn’t stop laughing. 

“Hey, Ray! Come join us, straight boy!” called Pete, standing free of the scrum until Bert grabbed him and pulled him over so he slipped on the mossy stones. I laughed again and stood up, coming to meet them. 

“Ok, but no pinching my butt, Queen!”


	6. The Guys

After a very fun swim of various water games and swimming races, we wandered back into the camp, changed (which in itself was a bit of a game for all but me) and strolled into the centre of the camp for the communal dinner. I felt like I’d know these guys for years already, they were just so much fun to be around. I wished more than anything the dudes could be here to meet them. 

“Who ya missing, Sting Ray?” asked Bert, jumping on my back without warning. I stumbled, cursing and wrapped my arms under his legs to hold him up, chuckling. 

“Just my friends back home, I think you guys would get on really well,” I shrugged, following Ryan and Bob while Adam trying to shift Pete from their cabin. The coconut nutter himself couldn’t decide on what to wear. 

“Ok, bring them next year! We love people! As you can guess, we aren’t the most popular cabin to party in,” Bert told me, slipping off my back as we drew closer to the circle of logs. There were people watching us with either vague curiosity or disdainful interest. Either way, we were the entertainment. Bert pinched my elbow. 

“You do realise that by hanging with us, everyone will assume you’re gay, no matter what you say,” he hissed as we wove our way onto the log left vacant for us. I shrugged, unconcerned. 

“What other people think doesn’t bother me, I know who I am,” I assured him with a grin. He smiled back and squeezed my shoulder. 

“It means a lot to me, and I think us, that you’re cool with this. We’ve kinda stuck together against everyone else, but your friendship really does mean a lot,” he said bashfully, turning red even in the firelight on the main circle. I smiled at him. 

“Relax Bert, I’d rather be assumed gay with you than considered homophobic with them,” I told him. 

“So you’re definitely sticking with these freaks?” interrupted a voice. I looked around to find Simon watching me like a hawk a row in front, some of his camp friends turning to look at the same time. I felt Bert stiffen beside me, along with Bob on the other side. Ryan had no idea what was going on, his innocent face blinking with hurt in the light. 

“Yeah, I am. They’re a lot more fun than you so far,” I said cuttingly. Then I regretted it. I hate being a dick to anyone, even dicks. 

“Well just watch your arse, you fag, or you’ll be fucked in it. We don’t like guys like you, so just keep your distance,” he warned in a low voice. I raised an eyebrow, disgusted. He deserved my anger. 

“You don’t have to like us, but the sooner you realise homosexuality isn’t a disease, the better for all of us,” snarled Bob, and I thanked God I had some form of support. Bert next to me was too busy shuffling his feet. 

“It is a disease and it’s sick!” said a girl next to Simon. I sneered at her. 

“Oh please! It’s not sick you homophobe! Don’t you treat me friends like shit or I’ll make you sorry,”  
Ok, shittiest threat of the year but I wanted to defend my new friends no matter what. 

“What are you gonna do? Fuck us in the arse, you fag?” laughed a boy two along from Simon, glaring at us like child molesters or something. 

“I’m not gay, you fucktards, and even if I was there is no way I’d fuck you!” I groaned, trying my best to piss him off. I think it worked. 

“We don’t want to eating near us, fag. We saw what you were doing down at the lake, who knows what you’ve got!” said Simon, turning red. 

“If you don’t wanna eat here, move, because we aren’t,” said Bob calmly. His authoritive voice rang through the circle and slowly; the people in front of us moved away or down until we were in our own clear space. It was depressing that so many kids were so homophobic, but a relief we could eat in peace. 

“Oh God, I’m sorry guys, I couldn’t help myself. I hate homophobes,” I sighed, holding my head in my hands. I felt three hands touch my back in sympathy and when I looked up Bert, Ryan and Bob were smiling at me like I hadn’t done anything wrong. 

“Thanks man, you stood up for us! That hardly ever happens! Everytime we do, we end up in a bit of trouble,” sighed Bob, grinning at me. 

“Really? What kind?” I asked, a bit shocked. Simon and his friends didn’t look up to much other than a bit of crappy verbal abuse. 

“Y’know, just stuff you can’t really react to. Letting our canoe drift down the river so we walk instead of row, gluing our cabin door shut, stupid stuff mainly. It’s shitty, and it gets to you after a few weeks. But they lie as well. Tell the instructors we’re bullying them, stealing stuff, shirking or even having orgies all night,” smirked Bert, looking faintly interested in the idea. Ryan and I exchanged looks.

“So do you?” I asked, grinning. 

“I wouldn’t call them orgies, but incidents have happened. Bob there never joins in, he such a pussy,” laughed Bert as the instructor handed us our plates of baked beans, mashed potato and sausages. I switched my attention to Bob. 

“Why not, Bobby boy?” I grinned, teasing him. 

“I just don’t go in for that kind of stuff, I prefer loyal commitments to casual sex and snogs,” replied Bob, shovelling potato into his mouth. 

“Well, I’m in for it!” laughed Ryan and Bert grinned back at him, his eyes glinting. 

“Another time, my dear little Ryan,” he said, licking his lips and making Ryan blush.  

“Hey, guys, they’re still watching us…” pointed out Ryan a few seconds later, his voice quavering a little bit. He reminded me of Mikey at times, small and sweet, but also funny as hell and as dirty minded as we all were. 

Looking over, I saw Simon and his friends are staring at us with faces of venom. What was so offensive about my friends? Did they _look_ gay somehow? They looked the same as everyone, talked the same, dressed the same (ignoring Pete’s idea of sensible swimwear) and acted the same. It was just so unfair to hate them just because they were gay! It made me angrier than I had ever been in my entire life. 

And I can get angry easily. Frank speaking French, for example. 

“Ignore them, they’re nothing to us,” I said firmly, glaring back. 

“We can’t ignore them if they continually make our holiday less than fabulous,” said Bert, coining a phrase Adam hadn’t stopped saying since the swim. 

“Hey, I promise you guys I won’t let them fuck this up, we’ll stick together. They can’t hurt us, and if they do,” I paused to crack my large knuckles threateningly “I’ll just make them sorry, like I promised,”

“Seriously? Ray, there’s loads of them you’ll get pummelled!” said Ryan. 

“I’ll take a few with me. Plus, you guys will help me, right?” I asked, looking around. 

“I’m half their size!” cried Ryan.    

“I bruise like a peach!” complained Bob.

“I bite, which gets me in worse trouble,” shrugged Bert. 

“Guys! You would help me if I got laid into right?” I checked, hoping they were joking. They were silent then all as one laughed. 

“Course we would you fuzz ball! Not that it’ll ever happen!” laughed Bert, throwing his arm around me as Bob and Ryan did the same, ruffling my hair and pinching my arms, laughing at me jokily. 

“We go down, we go down together,” promised Bob in my ear, his arms wrapped around my shoulders. It’s weight felt weirdly good on me and I grinned at him. 

It was roughly now Pete and Adam reappeared.

“So, what we miss?”


	7. The Girl

Whoever put a guitar in my hands the next morning was a God. I had had a bad night’s sleep, mainly because I didn’t get to sleep. Me and the guys had spent the entire time sitting on Bob’s bed talking and laughing and feasting on the cookies Ryan brought for the coach trip and never got round to eating. 

The next morning I was tired and slow and useless. Then someone put a guitar in my hands and everything was cool again.

We sat in a wide circle, sitting on logs and listening to the teacher rabbit on about chords and notes, stuff I already knew. Then we got to play. 

“Wow, you’re good,” said a voice next to me as I strummed along, smiling to myself. I turned to find a girl sitting next to me, the guitar in her hands still as she listened to me. She wore thick-rimmed glasses, magnifying her brown eyes, and shoulder length hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was cute in a geeky way. I gave her a lop sided smile, glancing around the circle where I had been either stonily ignored or glared at. Looking back at her I smiled a bit wider, she seemed nice compared to some of the dicks in this circle. 

“Thanks. I’m Ray, by the way,” I said, pausing my strumming and offering my hand. She took it and smiled again. 

“I’m Zan Zan,” she said and I did a double take. 

“Zan Zan?” I asked, confused. She smirked and then explained. 

“Suzanne, shortened to Zanna and then turned to Zan Zan,” she shrugged. 

“I guess that makes sense…can I just call you Zan?”

“Hell no, Zan Zan sounds funnier!” said Zan Zan firmly. I sighed and shook my head. 

“You’re stubborn aren’t you?”

“Hell yeah!” she grinned, before turning back to her guitar. She started playing, and I listened, thinking she was pretty good too. I couldn’t help thinking I was better, but she was still pretty decent. 

“How long have you played?” I asked. She shrugged. 

“About a year and a half. What about you?” she asked, looking back at me. I noticed that her glasses were a lot like Mikey’s. 

“Four years or so,” I shrugged and she smirked. 

“It shows, you’re really good. I’m better at keyboards,” she shrugged. 

“Can I just warn you, I’m in the gay cabin. Just warning you,” I shrugged, hating the whole idea but knowing it was the simplest way to put it. Zan Zan looked a little surprised, but unconcerned. 

“Ok…are you actually gay?” she asked. “Or is that what everyone just assumes cos you’re in the same cabin as the gay guys?” 

“No, I’m straight, they’re my friends,” I said, waiting for a snide remark or something like that. None came. 

“Cool. I don’t know them personally, but I hear stuff. I’m guessing it’s mostly not true though,” she shrugged, concentrating on her guitar. 

“Like what?” I asked quickly, narrowing my eyes. I wouldn’t stand for rumours about my friends. Zan Zan looked up, surprised at my tone. She looked a bit apprehensive. 

“Just stuff like they have orgies and all have AIDs and shit like that. I don’t believe any of it, but it’s pretty hard to ignore,” she shrugged. I sighed deeply. 

“It’s not true,” I said sulkily. I wished the guys were here right now to make me laugh about it. Unlike them, I couldn’t just laugh off this kind of thing, it deeply offended me. They’ve been dealing with it for years, they were used to it. Me? I hated it.     

“I gathered. Hey, cheer up! It’s not like it’s true,” she pointed out and I looked up, smiling grimly. 

“You’re right…it just pisses me off when people believe rumours that are blatantly full of shit,” I sighed again, running my fingers over the guitar strings, sending a soft chord through the air. Zan Zan smiled at me. 

“Yeah, it sucks. Back home everyone thinks I’m a guy,” she laughed, and I couldn’t stop a chuckle. 

“How does that work. I mean…” I trailed off, gesturing weakly to her rather well endowed chest. She smirked and shrugged. 

“God knows. These could be fake,” she suggested, looking back down at her guitar and flittering her hand across it, sending notes out. 

“Are they?” I teased. 

“Nope!” she laughed. 

 

 

 

Later that day, I found myself back down at the lake with the guys. We’d borrowed a canoe and gone over to the other side, avoiding the groups of campers who either hissed at us, or called abuse from the water. 

“So who was the girl you were talking to today?” asked Ryan, landing me in a pot of mocking for the rest of the summer. I instantly shrugged as the guys all turned to grin at me. 

“Her name’s Zan Zan, she’s a friend,” I said noncommittally. 

“Ooo! Sting Ray has a girlfriend!” called Pete from Bert’s shoulders, grinning dementedly. 

“I don’t! We were just talking!” I defended myself, flushing without meaning to. I caught Bob’s eye and smiled at him, shrugging as if asking him to help me out. 

“Hey, boys will be boys…or queens if you like. You talk to a girl, you like the girl, apparently,” said Bob, not helping in the slightest. 

“I don’t! I just made a new friend!” I defended, shaking my head. 

“Come on Ray, we’re gay! We’re like girls; you’ve got to feed us gossip! Come on, do you like her?” called Pete again as Bert lurched around, trying to free him from his shoulders. 

“I dunno, she’s cute I guess,” I shrugged, unsure what to say. Bob smiled his soft smile next to me, in step with my long legs. 

“Cute cute, or just cute?” pestered Adam, his arm slung over Ryan’s shoulders. I shrugged again, glancing over my shoulder to shoot him an annoyed look as the Pete/Bert creature burst across the path and fell into a bush. 

“Just cute. I’m not really interested,” I said firmly. I thought back to Zan Zan and internally shrugged. She was ok, I guess, but I wasn’t very interested in her. 

“Hey, Sting Ray, truth or dare,” said Bert, standing up from the bush and trying to free himself from it if it wasn’t for Pete’s hands pulling on his already low belt from inside the bush’s leafy confines. 

“What?”

“Truth or dare,” repeated Bert, grinning madly and trying to slap Pete’s probing hands away. 

“Just answer truth, Bert’s dares are painful,” warned Bob under his breath. I glanced at his sincere face and shrugged for the millionth time. 

“Truth,”

“What was your last relationship like?” asked Bert, smirking at some unknown victory. I shuffled my feet. 

“Um…well…I’ve never been in a relationship,” I said finally, scratching my afro. I had five pair of attentive eyes on me. 

“Really?” asked Adam. 

“Seriously?” asked Pete. Bob said nothing, but there was a twinkle in his eye that wasn’t sympathy, or mocking. He seemed amused, but curious about something.  I fidgeted under their gazes. 

“Even Bert here’s had a boyfriend! How could a slice of arse like you stay off the market?” demanded Pete, looking dumbfounded. Ryan glared at Pete from under Adam’s arm. 

“Hey! Not everyone’s been so lucky. I haven’t hooked up with anyone yet either!” he defended me, looking indignant from his short status. I looked down at him and smiled warmly, even though it was obvious he was lying. Adam squeezed Ryan’s shoulders, his eyes glowing. 

“You’re right. He’s right, guys, it’s nothing,” he agreed as we began walking again. Bert and Pete fell into step behind myself, Adam and Ryan, with Bob right at the end of the pack.

“Why’d you ask anyway?” I asked Bert over my shoulder. He smirked shiftily, embarrassed to have offended both Ryan and myself. I didn’t care; I was just curious how he knew. 

“It’s just…I wondered I guess. Hey, look we’re here!” yelled Bert, changing the subject, grabbing Pete’s hand and sprinting ground Adam, who was still wrapped around Ryan. He tried to pull Adam away with them, but the taller guy shook his head, tightening his grip. 

“No way Bert, you run, I’m gonna stay right here,” he said softly, smiling at Ryan who flushed. As Pete and Bert ran ahead into the clearing, I dropped back at bit to leave Ryan and Adam alone. I may be forgetful, overly tall and a bit of a slow blond oaf on occasion, but even I could see the sparks flying off those two. 

“Hey,” said Bob’s voice beside me and I turned to smile at him. We held each other’s gaze for a bit, both smiling warmly. We were walking towards an opening in the tall redwood trees, dead pine needles attacking our bare feet. There was a slope and a bare face of rock that opened into a jagged cave like hollow with a flat floor. I had a feeling this was the destination as Pete and Bert were already clambering all over the sides of the cave adorned with their names. 

“Why did Bert want to if I’d had a girlfriend yet or not?” I asked suddenly, breaking eye contact with Bob. He shrugged and I almost jumped when the back of his hand brushed against mine. He was warm. 

“I guess he’s wondering if the reason you’re so pro-gay is if you’re closet gay, but that’s just a guess,” he said softly as we dropped behind Adam and Ryan a bit further. The two were slowing down, still entwined and neither Bob nor I wanted to interrupt. 

“Um…I don’t think so,” I said quietly. I wasn’t shocked by the idea, or repulsed, just curious. Did I come off as gay? How did you know? What if I was bi? 

“You’re not sure?” prompted Bob after I’d thought for a few minutes. I shrugged, biting my lip. 

“How would I? I’ve never really been that driven to do anything…like that with either sex,” I shrugged, losing the ability to make words make sense. Bob smiled and his hand touched mine again, by accident once more. I felt a tingle across my skin and I realised I’d shivered. 

“Cold?” he asked me, watching me run my hand over goose-pimpled skin. I nodded, looking up at the sky that was still warm with golden afternoon light but blocked out by shadow. 

“No problem, we’ll have a fire going in a few minutes. We’re pyros, through and through,” he said, patting my shoulder. I shivered again, smiling back. 

“Don’t we have to get back to classes soon?” I asked, looking at my watch. Shit, we were late already! I looked up at Bob’s smiling face and I didn’t care anymore. 

“They won’t miss us, they never do. You’re still cold,” he stated. It wasn’t a question, it was a fact. I shrugged, and when Bob wound his warm, muscular arm over my shoulders I instantly felt warmer and I couldn’t stop smiling. 

New friends were golden. 


	8. The Game

I felt so completely at home here with these guys. Homesickness wasn’t even an issue anymore. Now I just couldn’t wait for next year so I could force my friends to come here to meet these guys. 

Bob and me sat right next to the fire, throwing sticks in and pebbles to create small explosions of sparks. Bert was jumping over the fire at random points, coming back with bigger sticks everytime. Pete lounged next to Bob, spread around half the circle. Just over the flames, broken in-between Bert’s energetic jumps, I could see Adam sitting with Ryan sitting in-between his legs. His arms were around the smaller guy’s waist and he was whispering into his ear, kissing it softly between each sentence. Ryan’s eyes were misty and his face was smiling serenely. 

They were adorable. 

“I’m bored,” announced Pete after a few minutes watching Bert dance through, over and around the growing fire. Bob and I looked up from the drawing we’d been trying to create in ash. 

“Then entertain yourself,” advised Bob, turning back to the drawing and edging closer to me. I grinned to myself. 

“I want to do something fun with all of us,” interrupted Pete again, sitting up and wrapping his arms around his knees. Ryan looked interested, and Adam did too, leaning his head on the smaller boy’s crown. 

“Like what?” Ryan asked. Pete shrugged, then his face lit up in manic delight. 

“Bert, sit down. We’re gonna play Truth or Dare,” he announced to a slightly less than impressed circle. 

“Is this just another way of making out with us?” asked Adam, raising his eyebrow. Bob smiled to himself and I glanced at him, smiling as well. Pete shrugged, smirking. 

“Yes and no. I see it more of a chance to get to know everyone in Truth and have some fun in Dare,” he shrugged. There was a brief pause. “And yes, that was another reason,” he conceded to a gentle ripple of laughter. Bert plonked himself down in the space between myself and Adam/Ryan, grabbing and stick and poking the fire. 

“I’m in, as long as I get to make up the Dares,” he grinned. Bob and Adam both winced. 

“This’ll be too interesting to pass up, I’m in,” commented Adam, shifting a bit but still keeping Ryan held close to him. 

“Me too,” said Ryan quickly. Pete grinned and all eyes turned to Bob and myself. Bob sighed contentedly, still scratching away at the rock we sat on, drawing a B. He ignored everyone pleasantly, moving onto an O in the crackling silence. I couldn’t keep the smirk off my face as Pete coughed repeatedly for Bob’s attention. Bob started the last B, still smiling. 

Finally Pete cracked. 

“Bob!” he yelled. Bob blinked as he looked up, feigning confusion. 

“Yes?”

“Are you in or not?” asked Pete, speaking forcefully to keep irritation from his voice. Bob shrugged and looked at me. 

“I am if Ray is,” he said, smiling at me. I nodded quickly without taking my eyes away from Bob. Bert cheered and the game began. 

“Right, since you’re the one so keen to play Queen, you can go first,” decided Adam, grinning. Pete opened his mouth to argue but Bert didn’t let him. 

“Oh no you don’t! You are going first Petey!” he crowed. “Truth or Dare?”

There was a menace in Bert’s voice, an undercurrent of mischief. I knew I’d be terrified to be on the other end of his glittering beetle black eyes, wide pointed grin and sinister voice. The cracking and glow of the fire only added to the look. Pete, on the other side of the fire from Bert, considered, completely unfazed by him.

“Um…err…let’s see…well…hmm…um…hum de hum hum…,”

“Choose before I boot you so hard you’ll be swallowing with three Adam’s apples,” growled Adam, making Ryan giggle in his grasp and me snort with laughter. 

“He’s not kidding,” whispered Bob in my ear, making me jump. I turned my head towards Bob, feeling his breath across my cheek and smiling for no reason. I didn’t even hear what he said. 

“Ok, ok, Truth!” decided Pete quickly, moving closer to the fire. Adam sighed and shook his head, mirroring Bert. 

“Pussy,” commented Bob loudly to Pete, who feigned shock. 

“What, you think I’m gonna be the first one to try Bert’s new stock of Dares? He’s been working on them all year, you can tell!” he chuckled, pointing accusingly to the other boy. Bert shrugged and grinned widely.  

“It’s true, they’re disgusting,” 

“Right, Truth, let’s go,” prompted Pete, looking around. Ryan glanced at Adam, unsure what to ask. Adam’s face was closed off as he thought, eyes narrowed as he mentally searched for an evil enough Truth. Bert looked stumped, staring off into space like a stoner and next to me Bob had even stopped scratching. 

“Most disgusting fantasy?” I said suddenly. I had just remembered a pretty intense game of Truth and Dare I’d played with Mikey and Blue one evening as Gerard and Frank battled each other on Tekkan. I’d been hit with that one and it resulted in a lot of giggling, a lot of face panning and a whole new perspective of yours truly.  

“Nice one,” nodded Adam, approving. Bert agreed to and I could feel Bob’s eyes on me, so instead of looking at him, I reached up and poked his nose. I missed his nose and poked his lip instead and felt something warm and wet close around my finger. Looking I found he was gently biting the tip of my finger, smiling mischievously. 

“Um…there’s a Bob on my finger,” I smirked, letting him gently nip the tip. I didn’t jump when his tongue licked it softly before releasing me. The others hadn’t even noticed us, too busy bugging Pete for his answer. 

“Ok, ok! Anyone here watch the Miss America pageant?” Pete asked finally.

“No,”

“No,”

“No,”

“Yes,”

“What?!”

They all looked at me like I was insane. I glanced around the circle, looking innocent. 

“What?! Hot women in tight dresses!” I argued, defending myself. Bob chuckled. 

“Are you looking at the arses or the boobs?” he asked me curious. 

“Um…” I didn’t want to admit I was usually admiring the dresses than the chicks in them. “The legs,” I invented quickly. 

“Ahem!” interrupted Pete quickly before Bob could object to my blatant lying. 

“So yeah, I’ve always wanted to have sex on that runway the chick walks down when she gets the crown. Y’know, when all the glitter falling and the music’s playing,” grinned Pete, his eyes lighting up as he thought about it. The image made me laugh, Pete getting mounted as ‘Isn’t she Beautiful?’ played. 

“Now that’s just disturbing,” said Adam, laughing along with Ryan. Bert stood up and opened his mouth, singing at the top of his voice. 

_“ISN’T SHE BEAUTIFUL!”_

“Shut it you faggot!” growled Pete, face turning sour. Bert stopped abruptly, his own expression dropping into anger. 

“Hey! You know I hate that word!” yelled Bert, as Bob and Adam both winced at Pete’s yell. Ryan and I just sat there, confused and worried. The atmosphere dropped faster than a stone through air. Pete looked sulky, ashamed but stubborn. Bob coughed gently. 

“Look, guys, chill. Bert, don’t mock Pete’s fantasy, Pete don’t insult Bert. Now apologise,” 

Bob’s voice was soft, but commanding. He was like the oldest, most mature kid I’d ever met. Funny, easygoing, but with a streak of sanity in him. He could take control of a situation and calm everything down with ease. I knew whatever he’d ask me to do in that controlling voice, I’d do it straight away. Both Pete and Bert shrank under him, and mumbled sorry to each other. 

“Ok, moving on faster than Jesse Owens on speed, Ray’s turn!” interrupted Ryan quickly. That kid had more sense in him than I thought. Then I panicked. There was no way I was letting these guys probe me for details on my sex life, or lack of. So, stupidly:

“Dare,”

As soon as the word left my mouth I regretted it. I was first on the list of Bert’s long formulated list of dares. I was in deep, and I wouldn’t be getting out of here easily. Bob patted my shoulder in a comforting way. 

“Your funeral,” he said, looking over at Bert. Bert, in turn, looked faintly surprised I’d said dare, then grinned so evilly I wanted to hide behind Bob. 

“Wait! Bert, come ‘ere!” Adam called quickly. I panicked again, this was a bad idea. A really bad idea. Bert scooted over to Adam who smiled widely and whispered in his ear. 

“Lemme hear! Lemme hear!” called Pete, jumping over to lean in as well. Bob and I watched apprehensively as four, glittering pairs of eyes landed on me. 

“Perfect,” purred Pete, patting Adam’s head and nodding slowly. 

“Absolutely…” agreed Bert, licking his lips. 

“What’s the dare, guys?” interrupted Bob impatiently, raising his eyebrow at them. Adam sat up straighter, Bert giving him the Dare reins. 

“Ray, I dare you to make out with Bob,”

There was a short silence. 

“Um…ok,” I muttered, glad the firelight hid the bright red flush taking over my face. I avoided Bob’s blue eyes, which suddenly seemed like searchlights from his face, aimed straight at mine. “I-If you’re ok with it, I mean,” I stammered quickly, my eyes snapping to his without being told to. He was smiling softly, a totally calm serenity around him. I didn’t realise how close he was to me. 

“Not a problem,” he assured me, his hand on my shoulder. I bit my lip, staring at him, unsure what to do. Did I just move forward? Did I have to turn my head? Did I have to part my lips first or let him?  

I tried not to remember that Pete, Ryan, Adam and Bert were watching us like horny hawks. 

“Just relax,” whispered Bob, his eyes flickering over the lapping flames to their grinning faces for the tiniest second before coming back to mine. I breathed out slowly, then in sharply as he began to move towards me. What was this going to prove? All logical thoughts about anything flew out the window, as Bob’s face grew closer to mine. His cheek grazed mine, hiding my furious blush from the light. I didn’t need the firelight to stay hot, my skin feeling like it was blistering. Was I nervous because I was kissing a guy, or was it just because I’d never kissed anyone before? What if it was because I was kissing Bob? I didn’t know, but I stopped thinking when he turned his head towards me ever so slightly, his fingers on my other cheek leading me to do the same. I felt his lips brush the side of my mouth, before touching them full on in a first gentle peck. 

Well…that wasn’t so bad. 

“We said make out!” reminded Bert and I swore quietly, I didn’t know if I could. I’d never done it, what if I sucked? Oh God, oh God, oh God…

“Relax,” whispered back Bob, his face still close enough to mine to butt our lips as we spoke. Then he tilted his head, bringing our lips back together. His hand was holding my neck gently, nudging under my Afro to ease my head into the right position. I pushed back against his lips, before realising his tongue was touching my lips. I instantly opened my mouth a bit, letting him slip his in. Oh God, that felt weird!

I stopped thinking about what was actually happening after that point. After Bob’s tongue touched mine, all I could focus on was how warm and soft his mouth was, how weird but good it felt to have another tongue touching mine, or having lips kiss mine. No wonder parents are concerned, this was so much fun I could do it all day!

“Um…guys? You can stop now…no, seriously, stop. You’ve been doing that for over five minutes and you’re making Bert horny,”

“Hey!”


	9. The Surprise

Later that night, when we’d finally returned to the camp, I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Every night, just before I went to sleep, I had to think through everything I’d done that day, process my thoughts and then I could just drift away. By the time the game ended, I’d made out with all of them, and been told I was good at it too. I blushed in the darkness, thinking of the winks and praise the guys had given me. 

Out of all of them, I knew I preferred Bob. Maybe it was because I considered him my closest friend here. Maybe it was because he was my first kiss. Maybe it was because he was so soft and gentle, and tasted so good, whereas Bert or Pete were tonsil suckers and Adam and Ryan didn’t seem that keen to kiss anyone who wasn’t each other. No matter what it was, Bob stuck in my mind the longest…

So I now knew I wasn’t exactly straight, but I knew I wasn’t exactly gay. So Bi maybe? It didn’t seem such a great big deal, I told myself calmly. I liked boys and girls. Simple. Smiling to myself, I rolled onto my side and bunched my pillow up. Now I could just fall asleep…

But I didn’t for a long time. I lay there, dozing and half dreaming, replaying Bob’s kisses over and over again. Little things stood out, like how he smelt or the way his tongue glided over mine, or how pretty his eyes were.

After what seemed hours of listening to the other guys snore, I heard voices. 

“Hey Bob, you asleep?” hissed Bert from the bed opposite Bob’s. I kept my eyes shut, concentrating on my breathing. 

“Yep,” replied Bob softly and Bert chuckled, slipping out of his bed and padding over to where Bob lay. My chest tightened. No way was I gonna sit through a gay love romp between those two…

“Can I ask you something?” asked Bert, sitting down on the foot of the bed and crossing his legs. It didn’t sound like he wanted anything from Bob, just to talk. I relaxed slightly, but tried not to listen. This sounded confidential. 

“Go ahead, what’s up?” replied Bob, sitting up. Bert paused. 

“Is anyone awake?” he checked. There was a short silence from Bob. 

“I don’t think so, what’s up?” he repeated. He didn’t sound tired, he sounded as awake as I did. 

“Do you like Ray?”

I started paying attention.

“Whattdya mean? He’s a nice guy, he’s funny_”

“That’s not what I mean Bob…I mean, do you _like_ him?” asked Bert, and I could hear the grin in his voice. Bob paused, fidgeting. 

“Um…kinda,”

“Thought so, you’ve been so quiet and…odd around him, like you’re treading on eggshells. I can tell by the way you look at him too,” smiled Bert and Bob sighed deeply. I knew Bob was looking at me and tried to look as natural as possible. Bob? Like me? How did that work?

“I’m not even sure why I like him Bert, he’s not my usual type…I’m not sure if I wanna be in anything so soon after…you know,” he sighed again and Bert chuckled. 

“Summer love…it’ll be ok. Plus, we don’t even know if the guy’s gay or not, he just seems to be Bi curious so far,” 

“I dunno, he kisses too good to be straight,” chuckled Bob and I tried not to giggle. Bert did as well, stifling a laugh. 

“You two made out more than Adam and Ryan did, I swear,” he giggled and there was a soft thump as Bob hit him with a pillow. 

“Shut it, Butt Crack. I-I really like him…as least I think I do. How do I know? I mean-“

“Forget about him, that was over a year ago and you’re too good for him, let it go, blah blah blah, move on. What if Ray is like us?” asked Bert. 

“I don’t know, what if he is? I’ve got a chance then, I guess, but I’m not doing anything about it. I’m not forcing anything on him…not like it was forced on me,” sighed Bob. Bert hmphed. 

“Your such a drama queen…it was ages ago, you’ve gotta get over it, and him, eventually,”

Bob didn’t say anything, so Bert continued. 

“So…if Ray is gay or Bi or whatever, you’re not gonna do anything about it? Even though you fancy the pants off him?”

“Subtle…I don’t think I could. I just don’t know…this is all based on whether or not he’d want me, even if he was gay,”

“I think he is,” decided Bert. “I mean, a guy that hot? Hanging out with us, sticking up for us, making out with us all afternoon? Straight? Please, get a ruler,”

Bob chuckled and I fought another smile. He had a point. 

“Well, I’m not forcing anything on anyone. I mean it,” said Bob firmly. Bert stopped chuckling to his own joke and when he spoke again I heard sympathy. 

“Man…he really messed you up, didn’t he?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Bob, it’s ok, we’ve all been there-“

“Sorry Bert, but I really, really _don’t_ want to talk about it,” said Bob firmly, and the bed moved as he burrowed back into his bed and turned away from Bert. 

“Bob?” said Bert, worrying. 

“Goodnight, Bert,” said Bob firmly. Bert sighed and got up, going back to his bed. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled. 

“S’ok,” assured Bob before pulling the covers over his shoulders. Silence filled the cabin, except the sounds of snores and sleepy murmurs. Eventually I managed to fall asleep, my head still full of Bob replays and unanswered questions. 

The next morning he woke up to find the cabin empty except for a note on my pillow. 

_Hiya Sting Ray, sleep well? We all have classes and shit all day, but you got the morning off you lucky bastard! You and the rest of the guitar freaks!_

_Love Adam, Pete, Bert, Ryan and Bob_

_XxX_

I sighed and shoved the note in my back pocket, pulling my jeans on. All morning and no one to spend it with. I wondered if I could go spy on my friends, cause a bit of havoc. After all, I had literally nothing better to do. I wandered out of the cabin and realised I was hungry…and craving coffee like I normally craved doughnuts. And I craved some of those too. It was one of those disgustingly perfect summer mornings. The air was laden with the scent of pine, the sunlight was shifting down through the dappled trees and there was music on the air. It almost made me want to heave. 

“Hey, Ray! You hungry?” I looked down from the cabin porch and found Zan Zan walking towards the steps, holding two cups of coffee and balancing a box over her forearms. I grinned, recognising the name of a baker on the lid of the box. 

“Mornin’ Zan Zan, whatcha got there for me?” I asked in return, coming to meet her on the steps. We both sat down and she handed me a mug of coffee. 

“A wake up call and some decent breakfast, you missed the communal one,” she said, placing the box on my knees. I grinned and opened it, sipping my hot coffee. I gave a small whimper of happiness. Doughnuts. Six of them. Two glazed, two powdered sugar and two sprinkled. 

“Oh my God…I love you,” I said in a weak voice, drooling. She grinned and sipped her own coffee, looking out over the burnt out camp fire and log circle in the middle of our cabin circle. 

“I aim to please. Any reason you missed breakfast?” she asked me, taking a sprinkled doughnut just as I reached for a powdered sugar. I shrugged my shoulders clumsily. 

“Overslept…didn’t get much sleep last night, too much to think about,” I told her quietly, blinking sleep out of my eyes. 

“You realise you’re not wearing a shirt, right?” she giggled. I looked down at my naked chest and chuckled. 

“Ok, I’m tired, it’s official,” I said, getting up to find a shirt. I returned a few minutes later as Zan Zan was starting on her second doughnut, a glazed. 

“What were you thinking about?” she asked, taking a huge bite. I fiddled with the buttons on my shirt, trying to eat my doughnut at the same time. Surprisingly it didn’t work. 

“Just stuff…” I mumbled, unwilling to tell Zan Zan about my make out session with Bob and my mixed up feelings. I wasn’t a big talker about that kind of touchy feely gooey stuff. 

“Wanna talk about it?” she offered. I shook my head, sitting down and leaving the top three buttons to go to hell. She persisted. 

“Homesick?”

“Yeah,” I said quickly, going with her excuse. “I miss my mom,” I made up. She nodded and rubbed my shoulder. 

“It’s always like that at first, but after about a week, you’ll be fine,” she told me with a crooked grin. 

“Thanks. How long have you been coming here?” 

“Couple of years. My parents like big, expensive pilgrimages through Europe with the whole roughing it, churches and temples kind of vibe. Not my scene, so they send me here,” she shrugged, drinking her coffee. “I like it though. It’s…nice,” 

“Always important,” I chuckled, finishing another doughnut and downing the coffee. When I looked up I saw someone I didn’t want to see. I groaned. 

“Who else got the morning off?” I asked Zan Zan, averting my guys from the guy walking towards us. 

“The dudes who do keys. Why?” 

“Hey! Zanna!” yelled the reason why I asked. Simon, the homophobe, was walking towards us, looking rather pissed off. I didn’t want to start a fight. 

“Oh, hi Si, what’s up?” she called as he came closer. 

“Not much, why are you hangin’ with this fag?” he demanded, glaring at me. I didn’t say anything, just chewed thoughtfully. I could feel my temper rising, and I tried to remain calm. I thought of Bob, his permanent calm nature, and instantly felt better. If he could do it, I could. 

“Morning,” I said quietly, looking at him squarely. I wasn’t threatened. Zan Zan looked as pissed off as I should have been. 

“Don’t call him that, Simon, he’s not gay. And even if he was, it’s not PC to call him that,”

“Do I look like I give a shit about PC?” snarled Simon. What happened to the nice calm guy I met on the bus? This Simon was just a little shit. 

“Lay off,” snapped Zan Zan, standing up. He glared at her, then at me like it was my fault. 

“Zan, he’s a freak! He’s a bent bumfucker, you shouldn’t be talking to him, let alone feeding him,”

She went bright red. 

“Don’t talk about Ray like he’s an animal! You’re being an arsehole, Simon, and I’ll tell the leaders you’re causing trouble again unless you back off!” she said in a high voice. Simon made a face, mocking her. 

“Ooo! I’ll tell the leaders on you!” he repeated in a high voice. I sighed and continued to drink my coffee. Think of Bob’s infuriating calmness, stay cool.

“Stop it, Simon!” snapped Zan Zan, advancing on him. 

“Make me!” he fired back, grinning maliciously at her and stepping closer to her “Come on, Zan, leave him to his gay fuck buddies and you and I can go for a nice long walk…” he said quietly, reaching out to touch her hand. She stepped back, her hands clenched into fists. 

“I’m not going anywhere with you, you dickhead! Ray’s my friend and I’m not gonna let you treat him like this!”

Simon, humiliated and rejected, coloured and his expression crumbled down into a scowl. 

“You bitch. You like him, don’t you? You just want a bit of the Gaylord to yourself? Ran out of luck there didn’t you?” he laughed, pointing between us. Zan Zan glanced at me – whilst I remained painfully confused – and went red. 

“Shut up!” she snapped, running out of options. Seeing she was in trouble, and Simon’s smug smirk didn’t happen, I stood up firmly. I’m a big guy, I’ve got big shoulders and I’m tall, I take up quite a lot of space. When I want to, I look threateningly big and muscley. That’s the idea I was going for when I stood over Simon. 

“I’m only going to clarify this once for you, Simon. If you don’t leave me and my friends _alone_ , I will make you very sorry. That means you stop calling us names, stop making life difficult. Just leave us alone, got it?” I said carefully and firmly. He seemed to miss the point.

“So you _are_  gay?” he crowed triumphantly. Zan Zan jumped in, like an angry fox. 

“No he isn’t!” she cried. I didn’t say anything, letting her go on what I’d told her only the day before. Yesterday I had been sure, but today…after doing all that with the guys and hearing Bob say he liked me. 

“Prove it,” laughed Simon. Zan Zan didn’t hesitate, she grabbed my collar and pulled me over to her, smashing her lips against mine. My eyes bulged, I couldn’t think what she was doing, I was just plain shocked. But not as shocked as Simon. 

“Urgh! You bitch! I can’t believe I dated you!” he cried, turning away and leaving as fast as he could. Zan Zan didn’t seemed to notice, she just kept kissing me. I pulled away from her fast. 

“Whoa! Whoa! Whatcha doin’ there, missy?” I cried, holding her wrists. She gave me a shy grin. 

“Sorry, I just wanted to prove you weren’t gay,” she shrugged. I opened my mouth to speak, then closed it. Then opened it again. 

“Ok, look, I’ve been thinking about this and I think, I’m pretty sure that, I’m bisexual,” I decided. It was a fair bet, I enjoyed making out with those guys too much to be straight. Zan Zan shrugged. 

“Um, ok…wanna go make out behind the cabin?” she offered. I blinked, the offer threw me. The first thing that came to mind: Bob. 

“No, sorry, I can’t, I…er…” 

Looking hurt, she waited for me to come up with a decent excuse. I hesitated about giving her the truthful one. 

“I think I like Bob,”


	10. The Phonecall

Zan Zan understood. I think. She looked hurt, disappointed, but she didn’t seem to be too bothered. But she did buggar off after that, telling me she’d see me around the camp. Ok, I guess she was only after one thing from me – a steamy slice of Torosaurus! 

Ahem. Had to be said. 

Seeing as I was the only one out of us with the morning off, I decided to go for a wander, maybe try and distract the guys. Pity I managed to get very lost without someone leading me. As I wandered in between cabins, retracing my steps and re-retracing my steps and them re-re-tracing my steps, one of the summer camp leaders found me. I tried to remember his name, my bad memory failing me once again. 

“Ray, isn’t it? You look lost,”

“You could say that, um…er…”

“Steve,”

“Hi Steve,”

“Hiya. So where you trying to get to?”

“I have no idea, I’ve got the morning off,”

“Ah, you’re one of the strings! No worries, so where are you trying to get to?”

“Um…”

I hesitated again and tried to remember who or where I was trying to find. 

“Hey, is this your first time at the camp?” asked Steve a few seconds later. Was he always this happy?

“Yep,”

“So I guess you didn’t know about the phone in main office, you can use it to phone home, beg them to pick you up if you want, all the newbies do at first,” he looked disappointed, like I’d personally hurt his feelings. I quickly tried to make him feel better. 

“No! You misunderstood! I was just trying to remember where I was looking for…my memory sucks,” I shrugged. He brightened. “But can I use the phone anyway?”

He nodded and led me to the main building, chatting away about guitars and how much fun everyone has at the band camp if they stuck at it for a while. He asked me who I was staying with and when I told him, he nodded with a firm expression around his eyes. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Those are good kids, they stick together. I just think it’s unfair they feel the need to isolate themselves from the rest of the group and act out,” he sighed. I frowned, confused and defensive. 

“They stick together because none of the kids at this camp want to know them,” I corrected. I didn’t know if the leaders knew my friends stuck together because they were gay or not, but I wasn’t going to be the first person to say it to them. Steve gave me a look. 

“The kids here are decent kids, Ray, they wouldn’t purposefully exclude someone,” he didn’t so sure of himself. 

“Unless there’s something about them they have ‘moral issues’ about,” I scoffed, shoving my fists into my pockets and staring sulkily at my feet as I walked. 

“Look, every year those guys cause trouble. They skip classes and they disobey rules and disrupt the camp. They’re good kids, but they have their unruly sides too,”

“Yeah, but so does everyone. They’re being discriminated against by the rest of the kids here. Can’t you see?” I sighed. Steve stopped me, and he looked rather uncomfortable. 

“Look, I know their deal, I’m friends with Adam and I understand, but there’s not much I can do except keep your paths smooth, alright? The rest of the leaders are just as homophobic as the kids, and if they aren’t, they don’t believe they’re gay and therefore just manage to get into fights, got it? It’s true though, that they skip class and stuff, but I can’t do much about that,” he shrugged, breaking off and walking ahead. I didn’t have to jog to keep up with him, my legs were long enough to help me catch up almost straight away. 

“But surely you can do something about it?” I asked. He laughed. Not in a mean way, but generally amused. 

“I already do! I watch the guy’s backs, but there’s not much I can do without getting too involved,” he sighed, still chuckling, as if whatever that it meant to him was incredibly funny. 

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I already told you that a lot of the leaders don’t think the guys are gay, but the majority believe and are incredibly homophobic about it…to say it’s not good would be an understatement. If I get too involved in what goes on between your cabin bad the rest of the camp, the leaders will assume I’m getting too close to you and they’re gay…do I have to spell this out to you?” he asked, looking a less helplessly at me. I nodded, I got it. If the leaders wanted to, they could fire him, even get him locked up, for being too close to a group of young boys…whether he was gay or not. Vicious. 

“Oh, dear, Lord. That sucks beyond all belief,” I sighed. He nodded and shrugged. 

“I do my best to help you guys out though, cover for you as best I can,” he assured me, opening the door of the main office for me and I went in. 

“Well, thanks man, it’s nice to know someone else in this camp apart from Zan Zan doesn’t want to drive us out,”

Steve pointed to the telephone and cracked a smile. 

“Not a problem, man. Just checking though, are you gay?” 

The question was expected at some point, but the answer hadn’t been prepared. I stared at the phone for a bit, trying to work out the answer. I mean, I think I liked Bob, but I still had a crush on that girl from Lost, Kate. Did that make me Bi? Or properly gay? Or maybe I was just kidding myself into thinking I liked Bob because I knew he liked me and it was so different to have someone like me for a change…but then again, why did my fingertips and stomach feel so tingly when I pictured him? 

…Wow, he had a nice smile…

“I’ll get back to you on that,” I told Steve, smirking and picked up the phone. It rang three times then someone deigned to pick it up. 

“Wazza?”

“Greetings, Martian, I come from Earth,”

“Prove it,” muttered the voice on the other end. I grinned. 

“Doughnuts equal God,”

“Hi Ray,”

“Hiya Ger, what’s up?”

“You missed some sort of party…we had lots and lots of drinks…and nachos…and I seem to remember Mikey falling over…it must have been good though cos we seem to have a large amount of street signs with us…oh, it’s bright, what time is it?”

“Round 10, you hungover goon,”

“I’m not hungover…hungover implies drunkiness, and I never get drunk…never, never, never,” he muttered down the phone, still hammered. 

“Of course you don’t. Where’s everyone? Anyone else alive down your end?”

“Hold on, I’ll check,”

There was movement and shuffling and a loud thud, followed by several more, a few yells of annoyance and swear words, alongside ‘give me the phone you hairless excuse for a primate’.

“Hi,” said Mikey. 

“Hi Mikes, what’s up?”

“I’m tired,”

“And?”

“Hungry,”

“And?”

“And so what? Get in the kitchen and make me food woman!” 

There was an indignant yell in the background, and I heard Blue swear at Mikey and say something about empowerment of woman and kicking Mikey’s balls in. 

“Shut up you spanner! I’m talking to Ray over here, just roll over and go back to sleep,”

“Frank with her?”

“Where else?”

“Good night?”

“It was ok, we watched movies and stuff, then this morning, around 1 we went out, got hammered and stole a bunch of signs and post-boxes….again…shit, where are we gonna hide these ones?”

“Frank’s basement, just like last time,”

“Good plan. So how’s band camp, Willow? Anything weird or gross or cool happen yet?”

“Um…” Let’s see, I’m in a cabin with five gay guys, the rest of the camp wants to kill me, the leaders hate my guts, the only girl I made friends with will probably never speak to me again, the best doughnut shop ever delivers, guitar was cancelled…oh, and I think I have a crush on my new friend Bob. “Nah,”


	11. The Fantasy

I left the office a bit better than going in. I felt happier, cheerier. I always felt better after talking to Mikey, he had a way of cheering me up no end. I even started whistling for no reason. I was in one of those moods where I wanted to figure myself out. God, this was such a teen flick. 

I sat down on the wooden bench overlooking the lake, half hidden in pine trees and overhanging branches, put my elbows on my knees, my chin in my hands and thought. 

I like thinking. Ok, stupid, very stupid thing to say, but it’s true. I’m a slow guy, I walk slow, I eat slow, I even breathe slow. I’m so slow and thorough, I think slow. Sometimes it’s like I’m not thinking at all, just moving on instinct. I’m pretty clumsy too. So when I sit down and really let my brain work and take over, it’s almost refreshing. I can play back memories perfectly. I know lyrics, notes, movie quotes backwards, I can call nearly anything up. Usually nothing useful. I can also imagine and see every detail of fantasies and images. That bit was good. 

In my head, I went through all of the images of Bob I could. I saw him smiling at me from across the camp fire in his sunglasses. Him talking and smiling as he glanced across at me as we talked. He in the sunlight on the bank of the lake, he hands behind his head and his eyes fixed on the water. Bob, sleeping. Bob, and his face just before he kissed. Better still, Bob just after he kissed me.

Every one conjured up those intoxicating warm fuzzy feelings inside my gut. Actually, lower than that if I’m honest, and a bit higher too. He made my breath shorten, my chest freeze up and my face light up. So, step 1, I like Bob. 

Step 2, how gay does that make me? Am I gay enough to want to have boyfriends? Do I still like girls? Should I let Bob know I liked him as well? What if I rushed?

_Ok, Ray mate, slow down, one question, one scenario at a time._

My brain hardly ever bothered speaking back to me, and I liked it when it did. I never second guessed the suggestions it gave me, or mistrusted what it told me I was really feeling. It shut me up when I started thinking too fast, getting ahead of myself. And it was nice. 

I started off with the whole ‘do I still like girls’ thing. I pictured Amy Lee – there was one hot Goth chick. She was looking particularly sexy in my head this morning. She wore one of those amazing dresses from The Open Door, the one with the huge skirt and the backless corset bit. Her long black hair fell across her petite white shoulders. Ok, enter me, looking very manly as usual – cough cough. Extreme lights, soft music, and me walking over to the window where she stood. I touched her shoulder and there was nothing. No lust, no drive, just this vague feeling of admiration and me wanting to talk to her about the piano opening to Lithium.  

Ok, even the sexiest girl doesn’t seem to cut it. I tried again, this time with that hot punk girl from school, and although I could see myself kissing her and being stunned, I wasn’t too interested. No one I could picture did much for me. 

Ok, let’s try…would I work well with a boyfriend? I pictured Billie Joe, but rejected the idea of dating a guy three times my age. I scanned through the guys I knew and settled on Elijah Wood. God, that boy is cute. I saw us sitting in a café, reading newspapers and talking about plans. I saw us watching late night movies. Us going to the movies. Dating. It was nice, but there was something missing. 

Bob. 

Elijah turned into Bob. 

Bob waking me up on a Sunday morning with a kiss. Bob forcing me to go shopping for shoes, pulling me and pushing me. Bob sitting the other side of a room, a party, smiling secretly at me. Lying on a hillside with Bob’s arms around me, his lips on my skin. Us in bed, making love. 

Oh wow…

I’d never thought of gay love before, but it made me feel wonderful inside, all tingly and warm. Bob straddling my lap, his arms around my neck and his lips on mine. I held him close to me, feeling his warm weight underneath my fingertips. The covers were knotted around our naked bodies, the fragile morning light causing our skin to glow and Bob’s hair to shine. I pulled away, holding his face in one hand, stroking my thumb down his jaw. He looked back at me through blue, half closed eyes, smiling. 

“Hey babe…what’s on your mind?” he asked me, his fingers working through my hair. It was so sexy, that feeling. I was powerless as he gently pulled it through his drummer fingers. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. I felt his mouth connect with my neck, his back moving in and out as he pushed his body into mine. I felt a tug from down below, my crotch paying extra attention to Bob’s body. 

“You,” I told him gutturally. He smiled into my neck, pushing me down into the mattress. 

“Good answer, beautiful,” he whispered, kissing my skin. He began to move down my body, kissing my warm skin and biting me where he could get his teeth around the contours of my body. The trail of kisses led down my chest, alongside his fingertips. His warm mass left my body cold and the tingling kisses felt like melting butter on my skin. They got lower…and lower…and lower…and wow…wow…Omigod!

“Ray?”

“Mmmm…”

“Ray?”

“Don’t stop…”

“Ray?!”

“Harder…”

“RAY?!”

“Wha?!”

I fell off the bench and looked up to find Ryan standing over me, looking a bit amused. 

“Wow…what was that?” he grinned, his eyes sparkling like he’d just seen someone with a doughnut he wanted. I hastily stood up and then automatically crashed down on to the bench. My crotch was bulging. Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit. I shook off the images still in my head, my breathing constricted. 

“Nothing! What are you doing out of classes?” I said instantly, fully aware that I was bright red. Ryan sat down next to me, and faced me on the bench, his legs crossed like a little school kid at story time. 

“Lesson ended early, and bullshit, you were practically masturbating without any contact,” he said wisely and I went even redder, shocked. 

“Dude!” I cried, no clue what to say to that. He rolled his eyes. 

“Ok, crude, but you know what I mean. Bob on your mind?” he asked. I was still shocked for Ryan being bold enough to discuss masturbating in the middle of the picturesque forest! It was surreal. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said firmly, but by this point you could have used my cheeks as miniature frying pans. 

“Oh please, I know that look,” he said, nudging me. I sighed and hung my head, embarrassed. 

“How bad was it?”

“Eyes closed, smiling dreamily, slowly leaning to the side and moaning quite loudly too,”

“Oh shit,”  
”Relax, no one else heard you,” he told me. 

“Thank God for small comforts,” I sighed, rubbing my face. “I feel terrible,”

Ryan frowned. 

“Why? There’s nothing wrong with being gay,”

“No, that’s not it, Ry. I don’t have a problem being gay, if I am actually gay, which I’m not fully sure of yet anyway, it’s just…I don’t know, I feel bad thinking bad thoughts about Bob,” I shrugged. Ryan was trying to fight a smirk.

“The big old bulge in your pants begs to differ, you’re into guys, simple as that. As for Bob, don’t worry, everyone had nasty thoughts about someone eventually,” said Ryan helpfully. 

“Did you?”

“Never stop,” he said cheerfully. I glanced at me and saw he was perfectly serious, with a cute little smile lighting up his face. No wonder Adam liked him, the boy was adorable. 

“Why do I suddenly feel like two girls gossiping in the locker room?” I asked, the corner of my mouth twitching. He shrugged. 

“Someone has to be the girl in every relationship, I guess I’m Adam’s bitch,” he said dreamily. 

“Ooo, are you Adam’s official bitch?” I asked, mirroring him and crossing my legs over the bench. Ryan’s flush told me yes. 

“He asked me out last night, as we were walking home,” I’m almost ashamed to say we had a very girly giggle about that.

“He is a good lookin’ guy, isn’t he?” I said, grinning. Ryan nodded and his eyes sparkled. 

“Oohh yeah! And guess what! We’re sneaking out tonight, he’s taking me somewhere,” he whispered. I grinned. 

“Somewhere where? Romantic? Sexy?” I asked, way more interested than I probably should have been. 

“He hasn’t specified, just a general ‘somewhere’,” smiled Ryan, then shook his head free of his sappy, love infested thoughts. “So, on to you and Bob! Sparks?”

I blushed and began to pick at the rubber of my boots. 

“I dunno…I think, maybe, no idea. I mean, that kiss last night was…wow,” I smiled, remembering. Oh my God, he was a good kisser…those lips, that tongue, that piercing…mmm…

“Mmmm…”

“Ray, stop it, you’re growing again,”

  
”Ugh!” 

I adjusted my legs quickly and felt myself growing hot again. Ryan laughed. 

“And you’re not sure if you’re gay or not!”

“Shuttup, not funny! I like Bob but…gah, I don’t know! I’ve never been in a relationship; I have absolutely _no_ idea what I’m doing most of the time when I’m just being normal! How useless would I be as a …”

“Boyfriend?” finished Ryan, still smiling. I nodded. 

“How many boyfriends have you had in the past?” I asked after a while. Ryan raised his eyebrows, thinking back. 

“Um…two. And a third if you thinks it counts, but that was a confusing relationship since he refused to come out of the closet and admit he was gay, despite the fact he and I were having sex,”

“Was he your first?”

“No, I broke him with him about five months ago, the first one was a few years ago and was the most exploratory but I only starting sleeping with guys in the middle of my second relationship. The first one ended cos my boyfriend got bored waiting around for me,”

“What an arsehole!”

“I know…but I think Adam’s a decent guy. And he only lives an hour’s train journey away! I really like him, I think I have a decent shot with him,”

I nodded, smiling. 

“You two are ridiculously cute together,” I told him. He smirked. 

“No where as near as cute as you and Bob would be together,”

I pulled a face. 

“Yeah…together. In a dating way…with kissing and dates and sex and stuff…”

“Ahh! Now I see you buggage! You’re worried about sex, aren’t you?” said Ryan, crowing in triumph. I blushed. 

“No I’m not!”

“Yes, you are! You’re worried about losing your vi-“

“Say it, and I’ll really hurt you!” I warned as Ryan grinned and ducked as I slapped at him.  

“You’re scared of sex!”

“You’re loving this, ain’t you?” I grumbled, trying to ignore him and the red hue of my cheeks. No one had ever made me feel as embarrassed as Ryan did that afternoon, as he explained all the different factors of gay sex. Whilst it sounded…graphic, I must admit I was very tempted. 

As for Bob…I just had to wait and see, didn’t I? I was the girl of the relationship, after all, and the guy always asks the girl.  


	12. The Lunch Line

 

Ryan and I were pulled out of our girlish giggle by the lunch bell. The line wasn’t long, as most of the classes had to walk quite far, but we saw Adam, Bob and Bert in the middle of the line. They beckoned us over, grinning and Ryan instantly went over to Adam, and snuggled under his arm, kissing him sweetly on the lips. We all did the ‘awww’ thing while the girl behind them made a face. 

“Hey,” I said sheepishly to Bob, as Bert and Adam carried on their in-depth debate over Billy Talent. He smiled at me, pushing his sunglasses up to rest on the crown of his head. 

“Hiya. How was your morning?” he asked. I shrugged as we moved forward in the line. I tried to ignore the fact I was blushing. 

“Pretty good, Zan Zan came by to visit with doughnuts and coffee, which was kinda embarrassing for me,” I grimaced, half grinning. Bob cocked his head, confused. 

“Why embarrassing?”

“I didn’t have a shirt on…” as soon as I said it, I went redder than ever. Bob’s eyes widened and his grin did too.

“Oh really?” he chuckled as I felt my face giving off frying pan vibes. He sounded interested but still, I couldn’t stop trying my tongue in knots. 

“H-How was class?” I asked eventually, when I looked up to find Bob still smiling at me. He shrugged, moving forward. 

“Drumming. As in sticks hitting drums. All good,” he told me noncommittally. “Ryan found you, I take it?”

“Yeah, he had the morning off,” I told him, as we glanced back at Adam and Ryan, who were still loosely wrapped around each other. 

“They’re really cute together, aren’t they?” he said softly. I nodded. 

“Yeah, I’m glad they’re together,” I said, almost pointlessly. I glanced at Bob to find him looking at me with something in his eyes and a tiny little smile playing over his lips. 

“Yeah…me too,”

At this point, Bert out of nowhere and threw his arms around our necks, yelling in our ears. 

“Soooo! Are you two fucking yet?”

There was a short silence as Bob and I looked at each other, looked at Bert, looked back at each other and then simultaneously rolled our eyes, shook our heads and walked away from him, up the queue. 

“What I say?” he demanded, indignant. Bob and I ignored him and conversation began to flow again, as we got into the lunch hall. 

“Oh, joy, mashed potatoes, beans and meat stew…the delights of the forest served on a plastic plate,” mused Bob, looking at the options before grabbing a tray and loading it with two plates, one for me, one for him. I noticed this and it made me smile. 

“I’m starving,” I admitted as he loaded his plate with ladles of mash and then mine too. I did the same with the meat stew, thinking it smelt way better than it looked. 

“Well, eat up, dinner’s not for another seven hours!” grinned Bob. As a group we all left the lunch hall (with loads of evil glares aimed at us) and went to eat on our cabin porch. 

“Where’s Pete?” I asked, looking around for Queen. The others didn’t look up from their plates. 

“Basses always get held back longer,” shrugged Bert, yawning and scratching his head. “I need another swim,” he complained “It’s too hot,”

“Yeah, and you stink as well,” laughed Adam, and ducked as Bert swatted at him. 

“Shall we take the afternoon off?” mused Bob, licking his spoon. I got distracted by his tongue, before shaking my head free in a flip of afro. 

“That’d be cool,” I grinned, as they all agreed. At this point, Pete appeared, holding a plate of food and looking pissed off. Very pissed off. I hadn’t seen the Queen look so pissed off since I’d come. 

“What’s up, man?” I asked him as he sat down next to me and glared at his food. 

“I just ran into Simon and his little band of homophobes,” he grumbled and we all sighed. 

“There is something very wrong with that arsehole,” muttered Bert. “What happened?”

“Not much, the usual I guess. Threats, insults, morons on parade,” Pete shrugged and moodily began to eat his food. 

“Threats?” I echoed, sounding a bit worried. Back home, there was no such thing as idle threats. 

“Relax, Simon’s all talk,”

“Yeah, but still…what’s he been saying?”

“The usual. We’re sick, twisted, we don’t deserve to be here, we should be punished, we’ll get what we deserve, we’re going to Hell,” listed Pete. 

“We’re all gonna get AIDS,” added Bert. 

“We’re abominations of nature and God will punish us,” inserted Adam, grinning whimsically. 

“To be gay is to be evil,” concluded Bob, smirking. I made a face. 

“Dickhead,”

Later that lunch period, we all climbed onto the roof of our cabin and laid around in the sun, taking our shirts off and half falling asleep. Adam and Ryan were asked, very politely, not to make out very loudly, but they settled from just lying side by side, hands entwined. I lay between Pete and Bob on the gentle slope, the sun warming my skin. I turned my head towards Bob and squinted at his profile. 

He smiled peaceful and his eyes narrowed and relaxed as the dappled sun played over his eyelids. It reminded me of my daydream, when the sun made his hair and skin low and his lipring sparkle. I tried not to focus too much on how good he looked, not needing an erection at that point in time…

“Boo,” whispered Bob, opening his eyes and glancing sideways at me. I grinned sheepishly. 

“Sorry,” I whispered. 

“It’s ok,” he said, smiling and closed his eyes again. He shifted slightly and when he relaxed again, his hand was touching mine, his fingers gently touching the side of my palm. In the minutes that followed, somehow my fingers managed to move over his until my hand was resting in his. 

“Sting Ray, wake up,” 

Someone was poking me in the ribs, tickling me awake. I hadn’t realised I’d fallen asleep. I opened my eyes to fall Bert crouching over me, grinning. I looked to the side and found Bob and the others had all gone. 

“They went ahead, leaving us asleep to burn in the sun,” chuckled Bert, offering me a hand up. 

“That was nice,” I hmphed, noticing my chest was a tinge of red. Bert shrugged. 

“All in fun,” he assured me as we tried to climb down the cabin elegantly (as in fall off and land in a big heap). Classes had started again, the camp leaders all away with the kids. This meant no one bothered us as we walked down to the lake where the guys were. 

“Hey…um, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said earlier, about you and Bob, it wasn’t cool,” Bert said randomly. I raised my eyebrows. 

“Weren’t we just talking about pirates?”

“Yeah, but I felt the need to say sorry. You and Bob are cute together, and it’d be good if you two…y’know, got together,” he said, kicking stones in his bare feet. I shrugged. 

“We’ll see what happens…Ryan and I were talking about this earlier,” I admitted. Bert nodded. 

“Ryan doesn’t know Bob so well, though. He could use some happiness,”

“Who, Ryan or Bob?”

“Bob,” 

“Oh. Happiness? He seems pretty happy to me,” I said, frowning. Bert bit his lip. 

“He’s a quiet guy, he tends not to emote that much, besides the usual calmness blah, blah, blah. He’s got his own deal,” he told me, avoiding my eyes. 

“Like what?” I asked. Bert didn’t answer for a bit. I wondered if I should tell him I’d overheard him and Bob last night, but I didn’t. And of course, it was that moment, that oh so tense moment, I chose to stack it over a big rock. 

Bert looked down at me then started laughing. I laughed as well, my hair full of leaves and my palms dirty where I’d put my hands out. He gave me a hand up and I brushed myself off, chuckling. 

“Oaf!” he laughed before we began walking again. The moment was lost, but not the subject. 

“Bob…well, you know all about his parents and how gay they are, practically disowning him and all that, but he’s got other issues,”

“Like?” I asked, my palms stinging from pine needles. 

“I don’t know if I should really tell you, but I supposed giving you a warning isn’t such a sin. Bob had a boyfriend about a year ago, a little guy called Sonny. I wasn’t sure if they suited, Sonny was this scrawny little Emo kid with some serious attitude problems, alongside some issues he never really he told us. He was all dark and twisted, but fun in a spaz way,”

I waited for Bert to continue in his own time, wondering where this was all going. I guessed, call it a long shot, that it was no where good. 

“They got pretty heavy, pretty fast, but Bob’s a careful guy, he doesn’t rush anything he doesn’t trust and he began to doubt Sonny. The guy was reckless, he was violent and on drugs all the time and pretty much a heartache for Bob. One night he and Bob were out together in the woods, Sonny attacked him, tried to rape him and then ditched completely. They found him a week later, mauled to death by a bear,”

I was so stunned, so unbelievably stunned, I walked into a tree. I’m so clumsy. 

“You’re kidding,” I said weakly, hoping this was some kind of bad joke. Bert’s expression confirmed his incredibly shocking story. So shocking I had difficulty walking straight. I even tripped over for the third time in a row. 

“Ok, seriously dude, just stay on the floor,” chuckled Bert grimly, helping me up again. 

“This was a year ago?”

“Yeah…Bob had a hard time finishing off the time at camp, but he was getting better by the time we all went home. We all met up at Christmas and he was pretty much the same old Bob,”

I bit my lip.

“Wow, poor Bob. Might not be such a good idea to…y’know,”

“Come onto him?” finished Bert, smirking. I flushed and shrugged. 

“In a manner of speaking,”

  
”First off, you never would, you’re too shy. Secondly, he’d love it, trust me, he digs you, and thirdly I TOLD YOU, YOU WERE GAY!”

I hit another tree. 

“Fine, you win,”

“I should’ve bet you money,”


	13. The Lake

An hour later and I’d almost forgotten my rather revealing talk with Bert, as we wrestled in the water and all swam together as a big, gay happy group. We raced each other, dunked each other, made countless jokes at Ryan and Adam who were being so cute it was almost revolting, and basically messed around. 

“Tag! You’re it!” yelled Bert, pushing Pete and running away and diving into the dark green water. The Queen ran towards us, grinning as water flicked out of his dark red and black hair. Don’t forget his idea of swimwear was rather revealing as well. We all ran for it, laughing as Pete slipped on wet stones after us. Bob and I dived into the water, swimming as fast as we could, but it didn’t matter that much as Pete went after Adam instead of us. Nevertheless, we swam across the bend in the lake, about 100 metres across, racing each other and trying to catch each other.   

Exhausted, we gave up on the bank, collapsing half way out of the water onto the wet, mossy stones. We were under the shadow of the pine trees over here and I shivered as the water trickled off our bodies. I panted for breath, trying to sit up but found I was laughing too hard at the distant vision of Pete chasing Ryan around in circles whilst Adam and Bert climbed a tree. 

“What are you laughing at, Sting Ray?” grinned Bob, lying next to me as he rolled onto his back. I grinned and pointed. 

“Entertainment,” I told him, as he followed my finger and watched. He chuckled and then looked back at me. I glanced at him and smiled, and found I couldn’t look away again. Bob looked back at me, so close our propped up arms were touching; we were warmer than everything else around us. 

And then we were kissing. 

Bob was twisted over to meet my lips, his arm resting over my stomach, his fingers gently touching my ribs whilst my hand lay on his cheek. His tongue moved over mine, my teeth nibbling at his ring. You know when something so amazing happens that all the air seems to get sucked out of your lungs and there’s this tingly pressure on your ribs, making your head go all light and floaty and your arms to shake? Think that, ten million times more exciting and powerful. That was how I felt when Bob kissed me.

And he was definitely in control. He was the one pushing into me, pulling me into him and being the dominant one in the kiss. But not for long. I began to kiss him more forcefully, to really let him have it. I didn’t want to stop kissing him, it was like being on a mini rollercoaster, or having one connected to your mouth. Addictive, tantalising, fucking fantastic. 

I have no idea how long we kissed, it seemed like forever in the space of a second, but when Bob pulled away from me, I was gasping for air and ready to beg for more. I was so into him I didn’t want to keep my hands off of him. 

“You are such a good kisser,” he told me, smiling seductively. I grinned. 

“You’re not too bad yourself,” I growled, raising my hand to smooth away droplets of water from the side of his head, running my fingers through his hair. He smiled again and sat up, facing the view again. I sat up and wound my arm around his waist, kissing his shoulder. 

“Are you ok?” I asked him. I was sure of myself, so sure of this thing between us, I didn’t stop to think about Bob and Sonny, just Bob and me. He didn’t respond, just sat with his arms resting on his knees and his face turned away from me. 

“I’m not sure. I really like you Ray, I guess that’s obvious, but I’m kinda nervous,” he admitted, turning to look at me. I nodded, drawing back. 

“Ok, I understand. I just…” I looked into his eyes again “I just can’t believe how into you I am,”

Bob looked ready to say something, but it got lost as he bent forward and kissed me again. This time, it was just a gentle push of the lips, no tongues, just a beautiful joining of lips. 

“I love hearing you say that,” he grinned. Then he sat back, and glanced across the lake. 

“Have any of the guys spoken to you about Sonny?” he asked, biting his lip. I nodded reluctantly. 

“Yeah, Bert did,” 

“Figures, he’s such a gossip,” he chuckled softly before losing the laughter. He looked pretty miserable. 

“Are you ok, Bob?” I asked again, reaching out to touch his hand. He looked down at my hand in his and shook his head. 

“I trusted him, Ray…I thought I was in love with him. I covered for him and I tried to help him and I lied for him and instead, he…he attacked me and he abandoned me,” he whispered. “And the guys don’t seem to get it…they don’t seem to want to even try and understand how alone I felt when he just left me, half beaten, in the middle of the forest and ran away. It was so bad and no one wants to understand it. I just want someone to care enough to understand,” he whispered. I couldn’t help it, I just had to wrap my arms around his back, pulling him back to lean against my chest. 

“It’s ok, I’m here now. You can say whatever you need to, I’ll be here for you,” I promised. He didn’t respond at first, then turned to look at me over his shoulder. 

“You will?”

I nodded. 

“Go on, I’ll listen and I’ll try and understand,” I promised. He sighed and then it just began to roll out of him. The grief and abandonment, the hurt, the pain. The anger and betrayal. He kept talking in the same, low, innocent voice. I said hardly anything, occasionally assuring him he was ok, and that I was there and he could trust me. 

I have no idea how long we stayed there, but eventually he ran out of things to say and he looked better. He was smiling and he looked at me like he couldn’t believe I’d stayed with him the entire time, with my arms wrapped around his muscular waist. I don’t think he realised I would have stayed with him until the moon rose. 

“Ray, will you…go out with me?” he asked me quietly. Inside, I was tingling but tried to keep control of my joy. 

“Are you sure you’re ready for something?” I asked him. He smiled and reached out for my hand. Then he pulled me forward and kissed me, his hands holding my head and his body rubbing against mine. Things got a little heavier and he led me into the water, our bodies keeping close even with the cool water around us. I was sitting on the mossy stones, the tide rippling around my waist, and with Bob sitting in my lap, kissing me with lust. 

“So…is that a yes?” he asked, smiling at me. I pretended to think about it. 

“Naaaaah, you’re not my type,” I giggled. Bob pretended to be stabbed through the heart, pushing backwards into the water and I dived after him, trying to catch him and tickle him. 

“Come ‘ere, ya big blonde softy!” I called, grabbing his hands and pulling him into me again, both of us kicking to keep our heads above the water. “Of course I’ll go out with you,”

He grinned at me and tickled me back. 

“Now I’m not so sure!” he teased. 

“Ooh, harsh! Well, maybe I’ll go see if Pete wants someone as hot as me,” I grinned. Bob stuck his tongue out and I leaned forward to nip it. 

“You’re so mean,” he pouted, licking my upper lip. 

“And you love it, babe,” I growled, snaking my hands around his waist. He winked at me and gave my arse a little squeeze that made me blink and then grin harder. 

“Don’t deny you love it too, babe,” he said back, kissing me again. I am such a girl, I got all flustery and giggly as he kissed me and tickled me and teased me until it got later and we decided to race back to the mainland. 


	14. The Glow

“Hey, where are the guys?” I asked when we reached the other bank, and walked, dripping, up the beach. Bob glanced at me and grinned. 

“God, you look sexy all wet like that,” he told me, offering his hand. I laughed and took it and we wandered off, towards the camp. As we got closer, we heard raised voice, arguments. 

I wasn’t surprised to see Bert, Pete (why can’t that boy find some trunks that actually cover his arse?), Adam and Ryan yelling at Simon. Bob released my hand as we drew up, but I took it back. I wasn’t ashamed of the fact I was in a gay relationship. 

Simon turned his gaze on me and saw Bob’s hand in mine, and his eyes narrowed even more. 

“Oh, look who came out of the closet,” he muttered darkly. 

“Fuck off Simon,” I said with a smirk. His lip curled and he looked away, back at Pete. 

“Like I was saying, you really shouldn’t be allowed to walk around like that! I mean, look at you! You’re disgusting!” he yelled. 

“Fuck you, you’re way worse than I’ll ever be!” Pete yelled back indignantly. 

“And at least Pete looks good in a man thong,” I muttered to Bob. Ok, I was being a bit of an arsehole, Simon couldn’t hear me or read my lips if I didn’t move them much, but I didn’t care, I really didn’t like him. 

“I’m clean! I’m not filthy like you!” yelled Simon, advancing on Pete. Bert, glowering, stepped forward, in front of Pete. In Pete was filthy, Bert was ten steps below that. It might have just been the stubble and hair deceiving us though. 

“Say that again, and I’ll break your jaw,” threatened Bert in a low, dangerous growl. His gorilla-like brow was lowered over black, merciless eyes and I suddenly saw how scary Butt Crack could be. Simon didn’t look so great just then. He glared at Pete, and then Bert. 

“You two are first,” he said in a stage whisper, then stormed off into the foliage. We watched him go, all fuming. Little stuck up homophobic prick. Bert looked the most furious, that his best friend had been threatened, and he grabbed a rock off the ground, and yelling, hurled it after Simon. It hit a tree with a clunk and fell to the floor with bark. 

“Well…that was eventful,” muttered Pete, tugging at Bert’s arm and leading the way towards the cabin. 

“Yeah, you got threatened and everything,” said Ryan. “What did he mean, first?” He sounded worried, but Adam slung his arm over his shoulders. 

“Relax, he’s all talk, he can’t touch us,” he told him, smiling warmly. 

“If he does, he’ll have no bones left to call his own,” growled Bert, still fuming. 

“Hey, relax man, we can watch our backs, Simon isn’t worth it,” Pete said, jumping on Bert’s back. I smirked at them. 

“You’re right, but still, be careful, eh?” 

They nodded and soon Bert was back to normal, running in circles and dropping Pete’s half naked ass in bushes. 

“So, I see you two have stopped being all shy on us,” said Adam, drawing level with us. Bob grinned. 

“Who said we were being shy? I think we were both playing hard to get,” he decided, looking at me. I chuckled and wrinkled my nose. 

“Of course, that was it,” I agreed, and he pulled me closer so he could kiss me just gently. Behind me, Ryan and Adam were chuckling. 

“It’s almost revolting how cute everyone is this year,” said Adam to Bob. 

“I concur, my dear Lambert!”

“Now you just have to get Pete and Bert together,” said Ryan and we all looked to where Bert was being chased by Pete (please God, someone give him proper trunks) and yelling someone about sex slaves. 

“No chance,” giggled Adam. 

“Why not?” I asked, glancing at him. Bert had been immediate to protect Pete, they made out a lot and they were some of the silliest friends I’d seen since Mikey and Blue. 

“Well, Pete’s a bit too free and flighty for someone as solid as Bert, and as I hear it, the Butt Crack’s half in love with this guy back home,” said Bob. 

“Oh,” said Ryan, pouting. Adam looked ready to ravage his bottom lip. 

“Relax, it’s not that huge a deal. They’ll probably fuck each other over the summer anyway, they’re addicted to each other,” he shrugged. Ryan grinned and then pulled Adam down to kiss him as we reached the porch. Bob and I left them to it, going into to the cabin. 

“Hey, where’s Adam and Ryan?” asked Pete, as Bert hid under his bed. 

“They’re outside, enjoying themselves,” said Bob, going to his bed and pulling him down onto it with him. 

“But I’m all wet!” I complained, as I dripped on his pillow. He grinned. 

“Perfect,”

“Ok, if you two are gonna get all horny, Bert and I are off to go fishing or something,” giggled Pete, pulling some board shorts on and getting his rod out of the corner. “Bert?”

The scruffy kid crawled over, shaking dust out of his hair and brushing it off his knees and front. 

“Damn you, I was gonna listen in!” he chuckled, winking at us and grabbing his own rod and following Pete outside, where we heard them yelling at Adam for taking advantage of Ryan in such a obvious and cliché way, and then Ryan saying something about being the one doing the abusing. 

“I’m gonna have to apologise for these people I call friends, they have no manners,” chuckled Bob. I shrugged, grinning and leaned back against the wall. 

“They’re cool, I just wish you could meet my guys from back home, then I’d be the one apologising,” I said. Bob licked his lip and shrugged. 

“I’ll meet them one day. Less talk now,” he said firmly, leaning forward to kiss me. 

“Hold on, Bob, what about Simon?” I asked. He made a face. 

“What about him?” he asked, leaning back onto his elbow. We were lying side by side, facing each other. I moved my hand to fit in the dip of his waist to his hip and he reached over to brush my hair back from my cheek, although he was fighting a losing battle. 

“He sounded serious to me. What is he gonna do to us?” I asked, biting my lip. Bob’s eyes watched my teeth moved over my lower lip, distracted. 

“Um…nothing? He’ll preach, he’ll moan and whinge and curse but he’s full of air. He’s too weak to hurt us. Can I bite your lip?”

“Sure. Wait, hold on. But are you sure? He’s not as weak as you think,” I said, worried. Bob sighed and moved his thumb over my mouth gently, getting bored with the whole ‘talking’ factor of being so close to each other. 

“He’s been like this every summer I’ve been here, he’s full of shit and he likes sounding tougher than he is. Now, can I _please_ enjoy my new boyfriend?” he pleaded. I grinned. 

“Well, ok, I guess,” I teased, shuffling closer to him and kissing him softly. The day pretty much just faded away after that.   


	15. The Threat

“Surface for air long enough to realise it’s time for food. Unless you’ve already eaten,” said a smirking voice at the door. I looked up from where I was lying to see Adam leaning on the doorframe, lit up from outside. It was a lot darker now and I could hardly see his face, or anything else, besides Bob’s pale body. 

“You dirty buggar,” laughed Bob who was under me. I blushed and grinned, climbing off of him and letting him sit up. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down onto the rumpled bed, onto his lap and kissed me with just the same intensity and fire he’d been kissing me with for the last several hours. I still couldn’t get enough of it. 

“Seriously, guys, Ryan and I are hungry and we’re waiting,” sighed Adam, shaking his head at us. I freed myself from Bob and pulled him to his feet. 

“I take it you didn’t eat either,” chuckled Bob. Adam stuck his tongue out. 

“We were on the porch! Don’t be so crude,” he chuckled. 

“Hypocrite,” fired back Bob, as Ryan appeared behind Adam – ruffled hair and smiling dreamily. 

“It’s colder out now, I suggest shirts,” said Ryan, slipping past Adam – whilst getting his arse squeezed- and going over to his on bed. I looked down and remembered I was still only wearing my swimming trunks, and so was Bob. I glanced at Bob, unable to resist looking as his pale, moulded chest. It had a few vampire lovebites on it, around his neck and collarbones. I smiled to myself and knew I had a few of my own. I pulled a t-shirt with the words HIT THE LIGHTS scrawled over it in Tipex – Sapphire had a spaz attack one afternoon, covering half my t shirts and my bag in slogans and bands she loved. I wondered what’d she say if she saw the deep purple marks on my skin. 

“Babe, come on, they’re ringing the bell,” said Bob from the door, and I hurried to slot my fingers in his and follow Ryan and Adam to the food hall. 

“You seen the Idiot Twins since they buggered off?” I asked them. 

“Nope, but they’re probably lost on their way back. Bert never misses food,” grinned Adam, shaking his head. 

“You remember that time he broke into the food hall because he missed lunch?” Bob asked Adam, and they started laughing. 

“And got stuck in the window!” laughed Adam, closing his eyes and holding his stomach. 

“And don’t forget what he did when the alarms started ringing!” 

“With all that jelly!” 

Ryan and I exchanged looks. We let them finish their giggling before saying anything. 

“So…Bert’s doesn’t usually disappear around feeding time?” I doubled checked, starting to feel my paranoid nature kicking in. Bob shook his head. 

“Never! One time, he and Pete were making out on the cabin roof, and the bell rang and he just jumped off and ran, leaving Pete up there! Queeny was SO pissed off,” he giggled, shaking his head in memory. I chuckled and looked around at the other students moving towards the food hall, ignoring us stonily. I couldn’t see them anywhere, but maybe they were inside? Or already at the log circle?

Besides me, Bob and Adam were telling Ryan about some of the mishaps they’d gotten into the years before. 

“Hold on, Bob, I’ll catch up, ok?” I said, kissing his cheek. I began to walk away when he pulled on my hand. 

“Give me some sugar first,” he growled. I grinned at him. 

“You’re not meant to have dessert first,” I teased him, and he shrugged. 

“I like having dessert first,” he pouted. I opened my mouth to tease him again, when Adam interrupted me. 

“Oh, for God’s sake, kiss him!”

I grinned and pulled Bob towards me, pushing my lips into his.

“Ok, gotta go, don’t miss me for the next five minutes,” I warned him, then left. 

“Will anyway!” he called after me as I walked towards Zan Zan. She was sitting in the log circle, already chomping her way through the burger and chips. One of our fellow guitarists sat next to her, entertaining her with a very animated story. 

“Zan Zan,” I called her name, breaking her attention away. 

“Hey, Toro, you ok?” she asked, smiling. I nodded and came closer. Her friend glared at me for interrupting. “Heard you’re dating Bob,” she smiled. 

“Yeah, he asked me out,” I grinned despite myself. She smiled and nodded. 

“Anyway, have you seen Wentz or McCracken around after classes?” I asked. She swallowed her bite and shrugged. 

“They were fishing at the river earlier, but I saw them leave before me. Haven’t seen them since then,” she shrugged. I bit my lip. 

“Have you seen Simon?”

“Ick, no,”

“Thanks,” I said, then began to head back towards the food hall, seeing Bob, Ry and Adam ahead of me. Then I had another idea and went to the office instead, where Steve was working on the computer before getting his food. No one else was in there. 

“Steve!” I called, knocking on the door. He looked up and saw me, then slipped out of his chair and unlocked the door for me. 

“You ok?” he asked. I shrugged. 

“I’m fine, but I’m worried about some of my friends,” I said, glancing over my shoulder. Steve raised his eyebrows and shut the door, ushering me to sit down. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, sitting down again. 

“Well…you know Simon?” I asked. 

“Yeah, the deaf kid,” said Steve, looking up at me 

“Yeah, he hates us, he’s a huge homophobe, and he threatened my friends, Bert and Pete, he said they’re first,” I said quickly. 

“First for what?” asked Steve, frowning. 

“Not sure, but nothing pretty. But the thing is, I don’t know where they are. Bert never misses food, and he’s not anywhere, neither is Pete, or Simon. I’m worried,” I shrugged, now feeling it was incredibly stupid. Steve didn’t look convinced. 

“What do ya think Simon’s going to do? Beat them both up?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. I shrugged. 

“Maybe, or get someone else to, there are loads of kids here who don’t like us,” I told him. He sighed and leant back in his chair. 

“Ok, I’m going on patrol soon, I’ll look out, but they’re probably in your cabin or eating, you might have just missed them. I don’t think Simon would hate anyone enough to try and hurt them,” he shrugged. I stood up. 

“I come from Belleville, I think differently,” I said quietly, then smiled at him. “Thanks though, see ya,” I said before disappearing outside and going to find my boyfriend. 

“Hey, Sting Ray!” called a voice. “Ray! A little help over this way!”

I turned and faced the dark fringes of the tree circle. 

“Hello?”

Bert came out of the bushes, limping slightly. He was panting, and holding his side. 

“What the fuck? Are you ok dude?” I called, running over to him and grabbing his elbows. He nodded, gasping for air and looking up at me. His nose was busted and bleeding. 

“Pete! It’s Pete!”

“Whoa, what’s Pete? Where is he?” I asked him quickly, looking over his shoulders for Queen. 

“He’s hurt! We were attacked!” coughed Bert, straightening and grabbing my shoulder. 

“Who?” I demanded, looking him in the eye, trying to get him to calm down. He looked livid and I knew there was only one answer. 

“Simon,”


	16. The Bruises

“Bob, guys, come on, Bert and Pete need our help,” I gasped, leaning down and lowering my voice. Bob, who’d looked so pleased to see me a second before, looked shocked now. 

“What? Are they ok?” he asked, his food (and mine, he was so sweet to get me some too) forgotten as he stood up, taking a hold of my wrists gently and trying to calm me down. He was always so calm, so in control I could feel myself calming under his blue gaze. 

“Bert’s been hurt, but Pete’s worse, they were attacked by Simon,” I told the three of them quietly, and Adam instantly went berserk, yelling and swearing. Ryan tried to control him but Adam was too pissed off. Bob, on the other hand, was worse, he was full of cold fury. 

“Where are they?” he asked me evenly. 

“In the woods by the food hall,” I told him softly and we all left quickly. Adam ahead of us, Ryan running after him and Bob leading me by the hand. 

“Are you ok?” he asked me, glancing over his shoulder. I nodded. 

“I’m fine,”

When he got there, we found Bert sitting against the side of the cabin, Pete in between his legs and Bert’s arms around his chest, holding him close. In the dim light, you could see the dried blood on Bert’s face. Pete’s face was turned away from us, his hair covering most of it. Adam fell to his knees next to them, forcing Pete to look at him. 

“Pete! What happened?” he yelled, looking at Bert’s nose, then back at Pete. Queen had a nasty shiner already growing purple on his right eyes and his lip was swollen. He smiled softly and coughed, spitting out blood. The way he sat told me he’d been winded, kicked in the stomach hard. 

“We got jumped,” he shrugged, in-between coughing and wincing. Ryan and Adam helped him up out of Bert’s arm as Bob and I watched. Bert scrambled up and we stood in silence for a while, Adam supporting Queen and Bob holding up Bert. 

“Let’s get them inside,” said Bob calmly, and Adam nodded firmly. I was starting to get a good idea how they all operated, as Ryan and I fell into step behind the four of them. My Bob was the level-headed one, the voice of reason in troubled times. He absorbed the facts and moved the pieces to safety before he acted. He thought before he moved. Adam, on the other hand, was the hot air. He blustered, he ranted, he raved, he cursed and he swore revenge. I could tell though, for his unease around blood, he wasn’t so keen on fighting. A quick mouth and a firm defence, but no attack. 

Bert was the fist, the one most likely to hit you in the face rather than explain why he’s upset, and then Pete was the kind to rip the piss out of either side but get personal. 

As for Ryan, he was the victim, the one who only gets angry with a good cause and a lot of personal injury. And me? I get angry over injustice and I’ve gotten into enough fights to know how to handle myself and know when to avoid a confrontation. And I could see that getting back Simon like Adam was calling for was a bad move. He hadn’t attacked them on his own, he’d had help. Probably some of the bigger guys in the camp, the ones most likely to enjoy some mindless pummelling. 

Ryan and I stood by the doorway as Adam and Bob helped to put their friends to bed. Bert was fine, he was complaining loudly about food, but Pete wanted to just go to sleep. 

“Shut up Bert, I’ll go get your dinner,” sighed Adam, rubbing his eyes and heading towards us. He reached for Ryan’s hand as he passed me and the two of them headed off. Bob looked over at me and cocked his head in. 

“So tell us exactly what happened,” he said to Bert as I walked over to them. Bob was standing in-between Bert’s and Pete’s beds, and I sat down at the end of Bert’s bed, swinging my legs on to the bed and crossing them. Bob moved closer to me, reaching out to touch my fingers lightly. I don’t think he even noticed he’d moved closer to me as he spoke to Bert. 

“Well…Pete and I were walking back for the river with our catch and stuff, we were just talking and laughing and he jumped on my back and we started spinning in circles and then he said something about –“

“Bert, as much as I’m sure that seems important, it’s really not,” said Bob in his authoritive way. “Just the details please,”

Bert sighed and looked at me briefly, then glanced at Pete who was already half asleep in his bed, arm trailing over the side.

“Someone pushed us roughly from behind, I tripped and Pete landed on top of me, someone said something harsh about now he could fuck me and then Pete got pulled off me and someone was kicking me in the stomach and face. I could see Pete and he had two guys, one holding him and the other laying into him. There were four of them, all guys from the drums and bass groups, big guys. And then there was Simon, standing there, preaching and laughing and basically being a little twit,” Bert recited, looking angry and ready to hit something but he settled to moodily crossing his arms and sinking into his pillow, glaring at nothing in particular. 

“Big surprise, he is a twit,” I smirked and Bert snorted. 

“There are way better words to use,” he said moodily. I grinned. 

“You’re right, shall we explore the many varieties, old bean?” I offered in a crappy English accent.

“Why oh course, dear boy!” he said in an even worse one. We were cut off by Bob. 

“Um, guys, as adorable and fun as it would be watch you guys slag off Simon, can we focus for a little bit longer?” he asked, smiling gently at me. I melted a little bit, and both Bert and I nodded, just as a big snore came from Pete. 

“Lucky Queen, out like a light,” grumbled Bert. Bob smirked and sat down next to me, leaning his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face. 

“That may not be such a great thing, Berty,” he sighed. I moved closer to him, placing both my palms on his back and rubbing his around him, hugging him from behind. I felt one of his hands meet mine, netting our fingers. “This is the first time, ever, since we’ve been here that Simon’s gone out of his way to get one of us hurt. I don’t know why, and I don’t particularly care, but he’s gonna attack again, I bet,” he sighed. At this point, Adam and Ryan returned with food. 

“Oh goody, I get Pete’s as well!” grinned Bert, taking the trays off Adam and shoving food in his mouth. 

“Oh, you’re feeling good now!” giggled Adam, and shoved him over. “Scoot over, freak,”

“Shut up, you tall fancy girl,” smirked Bert, moving over to Adam could relax on the bed next to him. 

“You’re a girl? This is a bitter disappointment, Adam. I’m afraid we’re over,” giggled Ryan. Adam wrinkled his nose. 

“You’re a little tease, Ry,” he grinned, pulling him down onto his lap so we were all on Bert’s bed except Pete who was perfectly happy to sprawl everywhere in his. 

“I’m gonna lock the door, ok guys? Then I’m gonna clean Pete up and don’t you even _think_ of stealing my doughnut, McCracken!” ordered Bob, grinning as he stood up. Bert pouted and moodily handed it over. 

“Where’s mine?” I asked, looking at my plate Ryan had given me. 

“Um…” Ryan glanced at Adam and they both simultaneously grinned sheepishly at me. “Sorry,”

I pulled my tragic face. 

“This is a terrible day for afro heads everywhere,” I whined, and found Bob’s hand holding half a doughnut an inch from my nose. 

“Here ya go, babe,” he whispered in my ear, kissing it and then heading for the door. I grinned at the doughnut and devoured it, looking for Bob. When I looked back at Bert, Ryan and Adam I found three pairs of ‘I told you so’ eyes.

“Oh shut up,” I told them quietly as Bob came back, bringing the first aid kit with him. 

“Ok, so you said there was mucho kicking and punching?” he checked with Bert. 

“Yeah…it sucked. I so wanna hit him til he bled,” growled Bert. I pulled a face. 

“Simon or Pete?” I asked. 

“Simon,” said Bert quickly. “Quick show of hands, who hates him?” 

Five pairs of hands raised instantly, and then Pete’s hand as well, only sluggishly. 

“So you are awake. You hungry Queen?” asked Bob, helping him sit up so he could clean the dried blood off his face. I was almost jealous of the attention Bob was giving Pete, if only it weren’t for the blood and bruises. 

“Nah, but I will have a doughnut,” he smirked. Bert grouchily handed it over. The conversation continued how what to do about Simon, until we agreed not to go anywhere alone, and also that I should go talk to Steve again, try and get these guys punished and maybe even sent home. 

“Ok, great, stop talking, go away, I have a headache, I want to sleep!” snapped Pete almost straight away and we all raised our eyebrows. 

“God someone’s bitchy tonight,” commented Adam. Pete glared at him. 

“Sorry, Wats, but you weren’t beaten to a bloody pulp,” he said. Bert coughed loudly. 

“I did!”

Pete raised his eyebrow. 

“Yeah, but you like being beaten,”

“Damn bent!” giggled Bert and we all decided to call it a night. I yawned as I collapsed on my bed, and giggled as the bedsprings groaned. 

“Oh no, why’d Ray have to get the squeaky bed?” moaned Ryan. “You can just tell he’s a squirmer!”

“You better believe it,” smirked Bob, coming over to the space between our beds. I smiled at him as he pulled his shirt off and cracked his shoulder. “Move over, lump,” he said. I shifted over to let him slide in under the covers with me. 

“I think I preferred babe, what’s with the fast forward?” I asked as his hands went straight for my waist and pulled me closer to him so I was lying on top of him again, resting my head over his shoulder. 

“I get cold easily,” he shrugged, kissing the top of my head. 

“Oi, you two! No fucking or you’ll keep us up all night with the squeaking!” ordered Bert. “Hey, where are you to going?” he asked. Adam and Ryan were too busy pulling on jackets to reply at first. 

“Me, Ry, romantic evening, bye!” called Adam, grabbing Ryan’s hand and unlocking the door.

“You’re joking right? After Bert and Queen got pummelled?” asked Bob, sitting up. Adam sighed and looked at Ryan. 

“Point. You mind waiting a little bit, Ry?”

Ryan wrinkled his nose and shook his head, pulling Adam back towards his bed. They left the door unlocked. 

Bob sighed and got out again, going over to lock the door and draw the curtains shut. When he got back in I sighed again and cuddled him close. Even for a few seconds, it was too long apart.


	17. The Ache

“Good morning gorgeous,” whispered a voice next to my ear. I smiled without opening my eyes. 

“It’s not morning yet, more time to sleep here with you,” I mumbled, wriggling in deeper into the pillow and covers over us. I was curled on my side, with Bob spooning me from behind and his arms locked over my stomach. 

“Open your eyes,” whispered Bob again, his lips curved into a smile as he kissed the back of my neck, his face buried in my fuzzy hair. I did and groaned when I saw how bright it was. 

“Make it go away, Bob, I wanna sleeeeeep,” I moaned, wriggling so my face was under the cover. Bob chuckled and I squealed as he tickled me. 

“Come on, sleeping beauty, wake up or you’ll never get your kiss,” he whispered. 

“I so don’t need to be awake to get a kiss,” I said, twisting over and cracking my eyes open just a tiny bit, so I could see his blue eyes and his smile. “You look good in the mornings,” I told him, leaning forward to kiss him. “And you taste good too,” 

He grinned and pulled me closer into him properly, opening my mouth with his lips. 

“Hey, I haven’t brushed my teeth yet,” I complained as he deepened the kiss, running his tongue over the top of mine. 

“Don’t care,” he mumbled as he continued to kiss me, moving his body over mine slowly, his hands travelling over my body, and mine over his. 

“You’re so sexy,” I giggled as his kisses moved from my lips to my neck. He smiled against my skin. 

“You’re so much sexier,”

I didn’t open my eyes, enjoying the feeling of having Bob in my arms, the feel of his lips on my neck and collarbones, his hands moving from my jawbone and neck to shoulders and ribs. He felt so soft and smooth and warm and…oh, he was so amazing. 

“Bob, before you and Ray do something really X-rated, please remember there are other people in the room!” yelled Bert from his bed. I opened my eyes and glared, as Bob pushed himself up on his elbows to glare at Bert as well. The greasy, kinda bruised Butt Crack was grinning at us. 

“At least let them get the camera first!” he giggled. Bob raised his eyebrows. 

“You are such a weird little freak,” he said, rolling over to my side again and smirking. Under the duvet, his hand rested on my stomach, his index finger making small, travelling circles over the indents of my six-pack, and basically being a tickly little tease. It did distract me enough not be try and talk to Bert, just close my eyes and focus on those little fingers tracing over me. 

“Oh, shut up. Just a little warning, if you two do decide to fuck on that bed, Pete and I will want earplugs,” said Bert firmly, nodding with his hands behind his head. 

“Oh really? And what about Adam and Ryan?” asked Bob, his fingers digging in a little bit, in the area just under my navel, brushing the soft hair of the ‘goody trail’ as Sapphire had called it. Oooh crap, where do you think you’re going, Bobby boy?

“Oh please, they’ll probably join in the sex fest, what with you two moanin’ and groanin’ and thrustin’ and bustin’ each other’s butts,” growled Bert, licking his lips and giving us a dirty look. We both burst out laughing at him. 

“You dirty, dirty sod! Get all thoughts of my boyfriend out of your grotty little skull!” laughed Bob, sitting up a bit and shaking his head at him. I giggled, Bert’s face making me crack up. 

“How can you blame me? It’s like high level porn,” grinned Bert. “Just you and Ray and some lu-“  
”Finish that sentence and I’ll never forgive you!” laughed Bob, unable to believe the stuff Bert was coming out with, and I was too busy laughing. 

“Knock it off, Bert, you’re ruining my mood,” I called, turning towards Bob and pushing him down into the mattress. 

“Fine, but no hanky panky! I mean it! Pete’s asleep, the other happy couple have gone to talk to your Steve guy cos you refused to wake up, and I’m bored!” complained Bert loudly. I rolled my eyes and laid down on Bob again, my forefinger lazily rubbing his chest, before realising it was Bob’s nipple. Oh well. 

“Please shut up Bert, I’m trying to relax,” called Bob loudly, sighing and pulling me closer. “And that’s really helping,” he growled in a low voice to me. 

“I’m just so bored though! I mean, it’s Saturday, no work, but still!” called Bert. 

“Oh shut up you irritating primate!” interrupted Pete, yawning and stretching and swearing when he realised doing the above two things hurt. 

“I’m not a primate!” snapped Bert moodily. “You’re a queen!” he retorted childishly. 

“I’m very aware of that, thank you for waking me up, and OW!” yelled Pete, poking his eyes and lip, pulling the covers back to look at the deep purple and blue bruises all over his ribs and stomach. 

“Nice colours,” commented Bert. They started squabbling again, and Bob sighed to me. 

“Why did God see fit to put me with those two?” he groaned, trying to bury himself in my shoulder. I shrugged and yawned. 

“You love them really,” I said, snuggling down, rubbing my feet against his. 

“I’d willingly trade them for life size models of them made completely of doughnuts and cookies,” he said, nuzzling my neck and kissing the lovebites affectionately. I grinned and rubbed my nose against his, leaning in to kiss his lips gently. 

“I need to give you a guitar,” I chuckled. 

“Oh really? Why’s that?”

“Give me you with a guitar, and the amount of doughnuts it would take to build two more of those two,” I grimaced, watching as Bert and Pete began throwing pillows at each other, bickering in their best friend way “And I’ll be in heaven,” I grinned. Bob smiled and laughed, kissing me. 

“And if you eat all those doughnuts, you’ll be fat too, but I’ll still adore you,” he told me, rolling over to cover me with his body and beginning to kiss my neck, his body pressing down on mine in a really, _really_ nice way… 

“I’d probably be sick too, if I ate all those doughnuts,” I agreed, sighing deeply as he kissed and sucked my neck, his hands on my hips. 

“Totally,” agreed Bob, before moving back to my lips and sending me reeling with another slow, amazing kiss. Good thing I was lying down, this was one of those kisses that would’ve made me walk into a tree or forget my name. What was my name?

Oh well, it didn’t matter as Bob’s body moved ever so subtly over mine, his board shorts causing friction in mine, and his strong chest rubbing against mine so slightly but so roughly it made every part of me tingle with excitement. I was so warm, and his skin was so hot it was almost burning next to mine and I couldn’t keep my hands off him, tracing the contours of his back and spine, wishing now Bert and Pete weren’t there so I could really let rip, let Bob know just how much he was turning me on, and really, really feel him. 

“Whoa! Guys! Act normal!” yelled a voice that made both Bob and I jump, Bob almost throwing himself off of me, and slipping from under the cover onto the floor with a cursing thud. I lay in my bed, shocked for a second, then sitting up very fast. 

“Don’t scare us like that Adam!” I scolded, already feeling cold without Bob on top of me. Bob, in turn, moodily stood up and sat down on the edge of my bed, glaring. Adam raised an eyebrow, and licked his lips. 

“Oh please, like you were sleeping still. Just a little warning, the homophobic camp leaders are coming,” he told us. “Ryan’s with them so they don’t get lost,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes and turning to wait for his boyfriend to arrive. Bob swore and climbed over my bed to find a T-shirt, whilst I pulled mine on as well, covering up bites. Our necks still stood out bright purple though. 

“The phobes! Are coming! The phobes! Are coming!” Bert started singing that crappy U2/Green Day song, with different words and I couldn’t keep my chuckle to myself as Ryan appeared in the door, with several pissed off looking leaders, obviously interrupted from their breakfasts. 

“Pete, you got some visitors,” said Ryan helpfully, before he and Adam slipped away as quickly as they could. 


	18. The Leaders

“So…you got attacked, did ya Petey?” asked one of the instructors, going straight over to where Pete sat in his bed, watching them. They ignored me, Bert and Bob. 

“Yeah…Bert and I got jumped,” said Pete, sitting up so they could see the deep bruises on Pete’s ribs and shoulders. The oldest guy, the camp general or something, knelt down and looked closely. 

“Ouch,” he said, whistling through his tree. “You were hit pretty hard. No broken ribs?” he asked. Pete shrugged. 

“I dunno, how do you find out?” he asked. The camp leader motioned him to stand up, and one of the deputies came forward to start pressing his forefingers to Pete’s ribs, pushing them to make sure they weren’t broken. Pete still winced in pain as bruises were aggravated. 

The leader then walked towards us, me moving towards Bob and Bert as subtly as I could. He wasn’t the most threatening guy, but there was something worrying about him. He was an old, tall, thickset guy with short silver hair and wrinkles of smiles. He wasn’t smiling now though, he was staring at us with dark blue eyes. Eyes that must’ve seen some much I couldn’t even imagine, old eyes with old history. He looked from Bert, to Bob, to me and when those dark blue robs bored into me, I shivered. 

“Which one of you found them when they were attacked?” he asked in a level voice, neither kind nor cold. Behind him, Pete was being bandaged up properly, having cracked two ribs. 

“Um…me,” I said, dropping my eyes and taking a step forward. When I glanced up, he was staring at me fixedly. I hoped against hope he didn’t notice the hickys on my neck.

“What time was it?” he asked. 

“Um…just after the dinner bell had been hung, about five minutes after 7 I guess,” I shrugged. “But I think they were attacked before then, Bert only just found me,” I said quickly. The camp leader – what was his name? I’d completely forgotten his name. 

“Did Bert tell you straight away Pete had been attacked?” he asked. I nodded quickly. 

“Did he tell you who attacked him?” 

“Yeah, he said Simon and some of the guys from drum and base,” I said, feeling less tall than I did usually under his gaze. And I swear I was the same height as him…

“Names?” he asked. 

“Um…Pete?” I prompted, looking around the leader to where Queen was being roughly bandaged up. He screwed up his face, trying to think.

“Um…I remember Tom, the big one with the shaved head, from drums…um, I think the one holding me was Jack something,” he said. 

“O’Toole,” jumped in Bert “I recognised him,”

“Anyone else?” asked the deputy, throwing Pete’s shirt at him. 

“The tall guy with tats and muscles, Nick, and Will, the one from bass,” said Pete, staring at the ground as he tried to remember. It had been dark, faces obscured, and both he and Bert had been preoccupied with beating to get Polaroid’s of the attack, but at least they recognised their attackers. The leader nodded and turned back to the rest of the leaders in our cabin. 

“Gentlemen, go extract the boys from wherever they are, take them to my office,” he ordered, and we watched in silence as they filed out, ignoring us. The leader then turned to us and beckoned Pete over to stand with the rest of us. 

“What are you going to do?” asked Bob, standing behind me as close as he could get without wrapping his arms around me. The leader glanced at him – what was his name??- and I saw his eyes flash to Bob’s neck and I coloured. 

“We’re going to give the boys a strict warning, they do anything like this again they’ll be removed, sent home and banned from the camp. This kind of behaviour is unacceptable,” he said in a low voice, as if he wanted to tell us that whatever we were doing in the secrecy and darkness of our cabin together was also unacceptable. He was a homophobe I guessed. Jesus Christ, it never ended. 

“Is that going to be enough?” asked Pete. “I mean, they’ll just do it again,” he shrugged. The leader – started with an S…maybe a J- turned his eyes on Pete. 

“Not while I can help it. They are to keep away from you at all costs, in classes, in breaks, in leisure time. To be extra sure, we’re going to lock their cabin door, stop them coming in the night. It’s unfortunate, but incidents similar to this have happened,” he said, sighing deeply. 

“Thank you, Mr Samson,” said Bob quietly. That’s it! Samson! He went to stand in the doorway, looking out at the boys and girls gathered in the log circle. 

“Quite all right. Now, may I suggest, that whatever it was you were doing to provoke such an attack, you consider,” he looked inwards at us “You stop doing it,”

Then he was gone, leaving us alone. 

“Nice guy, but that was low,” growled Bert, going back to sit on his bed. Pete yawned and followed him. 

“He’s one of the ones who doesn’t believe we’re really gay,” he sniggered, lying down with a groan. Bob and I sat down on his bed and I pulled him onto my lap for a change, resting my shoulder against his chest and he cuddled to me. 

“Some people have no clue,”


	19. The Lazy Day

“You know…you have the prettiest eyes,” I told Bob, my chin resting on the little dip between his pecks. It was a very soft dip, which I had already licked about thirty seconds previous to my statement – which in my view was a world changing and monumentous statement that deserved to be recorded in history books. 

Bob smiled at me and that only made his eyes glow even prettier. 

“Oooh, wow, do that again,” I grinned, moving my hands from either side of his chest (where I had been tracing random little circles of happiness) so I could touch the either side of his face and nudge his cheeks back up into a curving smile. I grinned. 

“That is so goddamn sexy,” I told him softly, stroking my fingers down his face. He turned his head to the side and kissed my fingers, nibbling the tip. “Hey! Bad Bob, that’s a bad boy!” I giggled. 

“Yep baby, I’m baaaad,” he growled, his arms crossed over my back and pulling me up so he could push his lips against mine. We were lying on the roof of the cabin, in only our board shorts, me lying on top of him comfortably and trying to ignore that irritating Simon issue and just enjoy having a boyfriend, a proper shiny new boyfriend.

Called Bob. 

Have you met my boyfriend Bob? He’s big and muscley and has nice blonde hair and big blue eyes and a really cool lipring (that’s fun to nibble on) and when he smiles he looks so cute you just wanna jump on him. But you can’t, cos he’s _my_ boyfriend. As in, he’s dating me. And I get to make out with him and be really stupid with him and I can say loads of random stuff and he won’t mind, and it’s really, really nice.

“Is there anything to do today besides laze about and be soppy?” I asked, breaking away the soft little kiss. Bob shrugged, then shook his head. 

“Nah, lazy time! Pete and Bert are spending the day asleep or playing chess in the log circle – they have no life – and Adam and Ryan have slipped away on their lonesome for some good old coupley fun – which is sounding really fun right about now,” grinned Bob, and rolled me over so he was on top of me. I giggled as he moved down my body and attached his lips to my neck, his hands moving freely over my skin. There was this warmth between us, not just the sun shining down on our kinda pale bodies. There was a heat, a sexual lust, as well as this intimacy even though we’d only known each other a few days. I felt like I’d known him for months or years. 

Of course, talking was well out of the question for the next…I’d guess hour or so as Bob and I made out extensively on the roof of the cabin, ignoring Bert’s thumps on the ceiling with a broom when we were a little too rough. 

After what seemed no time at all we were lying side by side, still as close as possible and smiling softly at each other. My lips were aching and my tongue was all fuzzy but that didn’t stop me exploring Bob’s body in other ways, running my hands over his shoulders, back, chest and stomach, loving the feeling of his skin under my fingertips almost as much as the taste of Bob’s tongue inside my mouth. 

“Who would you rather make out with? Patrick Stewart or the chick from Bleeding Through?” he asked suddenly. My eyebrows shot up and I grinned. 

“You’re so random…I think that’s why I like you so much. I’m going with the Star Trek guy,” I said firmly. 

“You’d go for old instead of young then,” giggled Bob. “You’re the submissive type,” he told me. “You’d rather let someone else tell you what to do,” 

“Ah! I’d let _you_ tell me what to do, I’d submit to you any night,” I giggled. Bob licked his lips. 

“I just might hold you to that,” he grinned, before moving on. 

“Ok, Trinny and Susannah threesome or one on one with Xander from Buffy?” 

“Xander, Xander, Xander,” I said firmly, squeezing my eyes shut to block out the images of Trinny and Susannah naked. I opened my eyes again to find Bob laughing at me and instantly felt better. He was so cute. 

“So you’re not one for adventurous sex, you’re more the romantic, edged with the comic side of sex,” he decided, nodding. I smirked. 

“And what are you, my dear Bobby Boy?” I asked. He shrugged and trailed his hand slowly, slowly, slowly up from my bellybutton over the contours of flesh and up over my nipple. Words got lost in my throat as his small, warm fingertips traced three delicate, tingling lines over me. I shivered under his touch, goosebumps rising. 

I opened my eyes in time to see Bob bowing his head down to kiss my chest, just over my heart, his teeth grazing me softly. Then he looked up at me with a dirty, very sexy look. 

“I’m a dominant, strong willed and semi-adventurous lover,” he told me, moving up to push our swollen lips together. I grinned and licked his top lip. 

“I never said I wasn’t adventurous,” I growled, stroking back his hair with one hand and kissing him again. 

“Hey, babe, what are you doing tonight?” he asked, his body resting over mine. I smiled down into his eyes and bit my lower lip. 

“I’ve got a hot date,” I told him proudly. He raised his eyebrows at me, grinning evilly. 

“Oh yeah? Who with? He hot?” he asked, running his fingers over my neck. I nodded. 

“Yep, he’s gorgeous, you’d love him,” I teased. Bob pretended to sigh and looked disappointed, but he couldn’t keep the smile from curving over his calm face. 

“That’s a pity, Sting Ray, cos I wasn’t wondering if you wanted to come hang out in the den with me, just the two of us,” he shrugged, shifting his weight and sitting up, pulling away from me. I pouted at him and sat up as well, keeping the tantalising distance between our bodies. 

“The den?” I asked. 

“It’s this little crappy cabin they’ve got up in the woods, somewhere they put two people who’ve had an argument - usually people in the same cabin. You stay in there and watch videos and ‘talk’,” he told me, raising his eyebrow sceptically. “Mainly kids break into it to make out and other stuff,” he told me, leaning his face closer to mine, barely an inch between us. I exhaled heavily, he was teasing me and I was feeling it. 

“Other stuff?” I asked, licking my lip, blinking heavily and almost panting, he was so close. 

“Yeah…only there’s no rush, baby, we’ve got the entire summer to fill up in fun little ways…” he whispered. I nodded. 

“Yeah, totally…”

“I was wondering if you wanted to sneak out tonight, and go check some of the movies, and, spend some time together. But if you’ve got a hot date, I don’t wanna interrupt,” he said, turning his face away and glancing at me sidelong, grinning. I gasped. 

“Teasing bitch!” I cried, jumping at him and tackling him over, rolling us over and over until- 

Whoosh.

Thud. 

“Ow…” I moaned, staying as still as possible as Bob rolled off me and onto his back, both of us having fallen off the roof of the cabin. 

“Ouchies…” he agreed, wincing and cracking his neck. 

“My bad,” I apologised.  

“It’s ok,” he assured me, his hand finding mine and squeezing it. We stayed there for a while, staring straight up at the sky.

“Um…can you feel your spine?” I asked. 

“Nope,” said Bob. We looked at each other and burst out laughing. Bob scampered to his feet and offered me a hand up, pulling me up so I tripped into him and wrapped my arms around his neck. 

“You are amazing,” I whispered, looking at him through lowered eyelids. He smiled and brushed a leaf out of my Afro. 

“You’re so much more amazing,” he told me. I loved the deep blue glow in his eyes, it made my stomach tingle. I leaned forward gently and kissed him softly. I didn’t risk anyone homophobic seeing us, so I broke out of his embrace and pulled him around the corner, behind the cabin. He raised his eyebrow at me. 

“What was wrong where we were? You worried about Simon?” he asked, chewing on his lipring. I shook my head. 

“Not that so much, it’s just…” I took his wrists and pushed him roughly against the wooden walls of the cabin, pulling his arms up and pinning his wrists up above his head. He gave me a kinky look. “I just wanna prove to you I can be adventurous too,” I whispered, teasing him with my lips barely centimetres from his. He lunged and I ducked away, grinning evilly. 

“Oh no, baby, you’re gonna have to beg for it,” I told him, pushing my body against his roughly then releasing the pressure, grinning. His eyes were closed, his face furrowed as he breathed heavily, licking his lips. 

“You are such a tease,” he whispered, opening his eyes and looking at me with barely concealed lust. I grinned and cocked my head to the side. 

“I don’t hear begging,” I said in a singsong voice. Bob’s stare was such a turn on, I was ready to give in to him. He was right, I was the submissive, but I was still gonna try my hand at being the alpha dog. 

“Want me to beg on my knees?” he asked in a low, seductive voice. My breath got stuck in my throat, then I grinned slowly, eyes sparkling with mischief. I leaned forward, pushing my lips against his earlobe. 

“Maybe later, baby,” I growled, then bit his earlobe, making that little noise in Bob’s throat grow. I liked that sound. Bob squirmed his hands free of mine and grabbed my hips, spinning me around and pushing me into the wall. 

“Later,” he promised, and kissed me so roughly I could feel my heart thudding in my chest. 

Best Saturday ever.  


	20. The Rock

 

Eventually the sun dipped down below the lines of trees and Bob and I emerged from behind the cabin, ruffle haired and slightly panty. My lips were sore and swollen from so much making out and nibbling, my skin even had little half moon marks on my back and shoulders where Bob’s fingers had dug into me because I’d bitten into him so hard, or pushed me a little too far into the wall, causing him to moan in pleasure. 

To feel that level of sexual pleasure, and to know you cause it in someone else is the most frighteningly satisfying and wonderful feeling the human creature was designed to hold. 

Bob reached out for my hand, winding his fingers in between mine and giving me a dirty look, like what we’d spent the entire day doing was our little secret. It wasn’t, but it still felt that way. I grinned at him and leaned over to give him another soft kiss. 

“Oh, give it a rest you two! Ye Gods it’s like a soft porno soundtrack through the wall!” groaned a voice from the porch, and we broke off to look over. Bert and Pete were sitting up on the sun-drenched porch, feet up on the rail, and both happily wrapped up in blankets and covers, looking like two grotesquely fat multicoloured slugs. 

“At least you don’t have to deal with Adam and Ryan,” grinned Bob, pulling my onto the porch and we both sat down on the wooden floor, Bob pulling me down onto his lap and wrapping his arms around me. 

“Thank God for small mercies. You two should probably think about putting shirts and stuff on, cos you’re covered in bites and stuff…and Ray, you’ve got leaves in your hair,” said Pete, smirking through his black eye. I reached up and began pulling them out, blushing. 

“What did you guys do all day? Play board games and drink tea?” teased Bob, resting his cheek against my warm shoulder and gently kissing one of his love bites on the curve. Bert wrinkled his nose at Bob. 

“Screw you, we had fun, didn’t we Peter?” he said, looking over at the Queenmiester. 

“Oh yes indeed we have, Robert! What a fun, fun afternoon we’ve had, kids! We’ve played monopoly, every card game we can remember the rules to – even if Robert here can’t – and, of course, we’ve learned the importance… _if keeping our mouths SHUT when we orgasm in public, Bob!”_

“Hey! I wasn’t orgasming, I can keep myself under control thank you very much!” he grinned, kissing my shoulder again “And I’ll lose it later tonight,” he whispered softly into my ear, kissing the lobe gently. I flushed, but neither Bert or Pete noticed, debating over whether or not we’d been in public or not. 

“So going back to Adam and Ry Ry, where is the other couple?” I asked quickly, shooting Bob another dirty look. 

“Um…well they wandered off towards the lake, but I think they were gonna take the canoe over to the mountains, get a fire going…enjoy the scenery,” said Pete with a devilish glare. 

“Ooo, the scenery, eh? And what kind of scenery would this be?” grinned Bob. I rolled my eyes as one of his hand took a wander, curving gently around my butt. If the guys noticed, they didn’t comment. 

“The kind with…you know, boxer shorts and journeys of the nether regions,” grinned Bert, looking insanely excited by the prospect. 

“Do you realise you’re getting the happy off imagining your friend’s having sex?” asked Pete, smirking. 

“I need a boyfriend…or a girlfriend. Bad,” agreed Bert and we chuckled at him. 

“You really, really do,” I agreed, as Bob continued to kiss my shoulder, running his hands softly over me.

“Ok, stop it you two, you’re gonna make me vomit and I already feel like that,” groaned Pete. “My ribs hurt,” he complained. Bob rolled his eyes. 

“Something always hurts with you,” he sighed. 

“Usually my ass,” giggled Pete. Our eyebrows shot up and both Bob and I looked at Bert. 

“Hey! Nothing to do with me!” he said, looking shocked. I laughed again at him, trying to ignore Bob’s wandering hands. 

“Course it isn’t! So when do we expect the boys back?” I asked. I think Bert and Pete shrugged, but it was impossible to tell, they were so wrapped up. 

“I’m guessing since they weren’t out last night, they’re making up for lost time,” said Bob. I made a face. 

“Up being the right word for it,” I muttered. 

“Thank God someone said it! Those two are actually worse than you two,” said Pete knowledgably. Bob and I raised our eyebrows, exchanging looks. Personally I thought the stuff Bob and I had been doing – and the fact we’d been doing it so close to these two – was way heavier than the adorable Adam and Ryan couple. 

“Oh, don’t give me those looks,” said Pete, catching our silent meanings. “You two may think you’re God’s gift to the teen lust hormone-charged libido vibe, but those two have been carrying it around with them ever since the sparks starting flying, and this is the first chance they’ve had a proper chance to let loose,” he told us like a sanctimonious teacher telling us how wonderful the government or something was. 

“What makes you so sure?” I asked, a little confused and a little suspicious. Pete shrugged. 

“I know Adam, and he’s a private kinda guy. Affectionate in public, but not overly lusty. As for Ryan, he follows Adam’s lead. Those two holed up somewhere, together, alone, and the feathers will fly,” he nodded. 

“Totally, plus with them both having the naughty down to an artform, and probably a good stack of horniness over the winter, its even more porno flicky,” grinned Bert. 

“That is disgusting Bert, please stop thinking about Adam and Ryan together,” Bob said sternly, shaking his head. Bert grinned. 

“Can’t help it. I can just see Ry, arse up, face down, rocking back and forward as Adam sticks it to him good and hard just like-“

“You have got to stop talking. Seriously, it’s not good for you,” interrupted Pete, shaking his head. 

“Yeah Bert, why are you always thinking about your friends naked?” I asked. 

“Not thinking, remembering,” he smiled widely, his eyes going all dreamy. My jaw almost dropped. 

“You slept with Adam?” I asked, shocked. I didn’t think Bert was Adam’s type…

“Don’t look so shocked Sting Ray,” said Pete, smirking. 

“Yeah, nearly all of us have slept together at some point or another. We’ve been mates for years, stuck in kinda homophobic worlds, you get familiar if you know what I mean,” grinned Bert. 

“Speak for yourself, I’ve never slept with any of you,” said Bob, rubbing his head against my shoulder. I felt a bit better then, I didn’t like the idea of sharing Bob, or having him compare me against these guys. Me = novice virgin. These guys = experienced kinksters. 

“So…you slept with Adam and Pete?” I checked with Bert. He nodded, and looked over at Pete. 

“Oh yeah,” he grinned. I looked at Pete. 

“And you slept with Adam and Bert?” I asked. He grinned. 

“Yep! Both very good little boys, I couldn’t sit for days,” he said fondly. I twisted around to look at Bob. 

“Why didn’t you sleep with these guys, babe?” I asked, curious. “Not that I want you too or anything…”

He grinned and kissed my lips softly. 

“I told you, I like commitments. I love these guys, but…they’re my friends and call me old fashioned, but sleeping with someone changes that friendship,” he said, shrugging. I smiled, I didn’t care that much about the details, I just wanted the reassurance. 

“But you did date Adam for about thirty seconds,” pointed out Pete. My didn’t take my eyes off Bob’s, smiling slyly. 

“Really?” I asked him, not really bothered but at the same time kinda bothered. I am such a girl. 

“Yeah, but he wasn’t my type in the end. I like guys who are…quieter, gentler, more like you,” he lowered his voice for the last part, leaning his forehead against mine and smiling softly. Two things interrupted my dreaminess. 

The first was Bert and Pete pretending to vomit. 

The second was glass shattering. 

“What the fuck?” yelled Bert as I jumped in Bob’s arms and scrambled to my feet, pulling him with me. The glass had been inside our cabin, and as I ran into the cabin, it didn’t occur to me to look outside the window straight away to see who was running away. A big rock lay in the middle of the floor, surrounded by shards of glass and bits of windowsill. 

“Who the fuck did this?” I yelled, going over to the pile of glass. I felt Bob’s presence behind me, touching my arm. Bert and Pete had stumbled free over their cocoons, running to the window and peering into the foliage. 

“Whoever did it’s gone,” sighed Pete. “I’ll get the broom,”

“I think it’s obvious who did this,” snarled Bert “It was Simon, that little twat!” he growled, storming towards the door. 

“Bert, wait, don’t go get angry, you’ll just get us in more trouble,” said Bob in a stern voice, and Bert stopped at the door, glancing over his shoulder. 

“Fine. I’ll go tell Steve,” he said tensely, riled and trembling with anger as he stormed off. 

“I’ll go with him,” said Pete “Make sure he doesn’t do something stupid,” 

As he darted out after Bert, Bob turned back to me and sighed. 

“Bob…” I whispered, staring at the mess. 

“What is it?” he asked me, standing by my side and taking my hand. I pointed. 

On the rock, scribbled in black marker pen: Lambert and New Fish Next. 


	21. The Urgency

 

Eventually the sun dipped down below the lines of trees and Bob and I emerged from behind the cabin, ruffle haired and slightly panty. My lips were sore and swollen from so much making out and nibbling, my skin even had little half moon marks on my back and shoulders where Bob’s fingers had dug into me because I’d bitten into him so hard, or pushed me a little too far into the wall, causing him to moan in pleasure. 

To feel that level of sexual pleasure, and to know you cause it in someone else is the most frighteningly satisfying and wonderful feeling the human creature was designed to hold. 

Bob reached out for my hand, winding his fingers in between mine and giving me a dirty look, like what we’d spent the entire day doing was our little secret. It wasn’t, but it still felt that way. I grinned at him and leaned over to give him another soft kiss. 

“Oh, give it a rest you two! Ye Gods it’s like a soft porno soundtrack through the wall!” groaned a voice from the porch, and we broke off to look over. Bert and Pete were sitting up on the sun-drenched porch, feet up on the rail, and both happily wrapped up in blankets and covers, looking like two grotesquely fat multicoloured slugs. 

“At least you don’t have to deal with Adam and Ryan,” grinned Bob, pulling my onto the porch and we both sat down on the wooden floor, Bob pulling me down onto his lap and wrapping his arms around me. 

“Thank God for small mercies. You two should probably think about putting shirts and stuff on, cos you’re covered in bites and stuff…and Ray, you’ve got leaves in your hair,” said Pete, smirking through his black eye. I reached up and began pulling them out, blushing. 

“What did you guys do all day? Play board games and drink tea?” teased Bob, resting his cheek against my warm shoulder and gently kissing one of his love bites on the curve. Bert wrinkled his nose at Bob. 

“Screw you, we had fun, didn’t we Peter?” he said, looking over at the Queenmiester. 

“Oh yes indeed we have, Robert! What a fun, fun afternoon we’ve had, kids! We’ve played monopoly, every card game we can remember the rules to – even if Robert here can’t – and, of course, we’ve learned the importance… _if keeping our mouths SHUT when we orgasm in public, Bob!”_

“Hey! I wasn’t orgasming, I can keep myself under control thank you very much!” he grinned, kissing my shoulder again “And I’ll lose it later tonight,” he whispered softly into my ear, kissing the lobe gently. I flushed, but neither Bert or Pete noticed, debating over whether or not we’d been in public or not. 

“So going back to Adam and Ry Ry, where is the other couple?” I asked quickly, shooting Bob another dirty look. 

“Um…well they wandered off towards the lake, but I think they were gonna take the canoe over to the mountains, get a fire going…enjoy the scenery,” said Pete with a devilish glare. 

“Ooo, the scenery, eh? And what kind of scenery would this be?” grinned Bob. I rolled my eyes as one of his hand took a wander, curving gently around my butt. If the guys noticed, they didn’t comment. 

“The kind with…you know, boxer shorts and journeys of the nether regions,” grinned Bert, looking insanely excited by the prospect. 

“Do you realise you’re getting the happy off imagining your friend’s having sex?” asked Pete, smirking. 

“I need a boyfriend…or a girlfriend. Bad,” agreed Bert and we chuckled at him. 

“You really, really do,” I agreed, as Bob continued to kiss my shoulder, running his hands softly over me.

“Ok, stop it you two, you’re gonna make me vomit and I already feel like that,” groaned Pete. “My ribs hurt,” he complained. Bob rolled his eyes. 

“Something always hurts with you,” he sighed. 

“Usually my ass,” giggled Pete. Our eyebrows shot up and both Bob and I looked at Bert. 

“Hey! Nothing to do with me!” he said, looking shocked. I laughed again at him, trying to ignore Bob’s wandering hands. 

“Course it isn’t! So when do we expect the boys back?” I asked. I think Bert and Pete shrugged, but it was impossible to tell, they were so wrapped up. 

“I’m guessing since they weren’t out last night, they’re making up for lost time,” said Bob. I made a face. 

“Up being the right word for it,” I muttered. 

“Thank God someone said it! Those two are actually worse than you two,” said Pete knowledgably. Bob and I raised our eyebrows, exchanging looks. Personally I thought the stuff Bob and I had been doing – and the fact we’d been doing it so close to these two – was way heavier than the adorable Adam and Ryan couple. 

“Oh, don’t give me those looks,” said Pete, catching our silent meanings. “You two may think you’re God’s gift to the teen lust hormone-charged libido vibe, but those two have been carrying it around with them ever since the sparks starting flying, and this is the first chance they’ve had a proper chance to let loose,” he told us like a sanctimonious teacher telling us how wonderful the government or something was. 

“What makes you so sure?” I asked, a little confused and a little suspicious. Pete shrugged. 

“I know Adam, and he’s a private kinda guy. Affectionate in public, but not overly lusty. As for Ryan, he follows Adam’s lead. Those two holed up somewhere, together, alone, and the feathers will fly,” he nodded. 

“Totally, plus with them both having the naughty down to an artform, and probably a good stack of horniness over the winter, its even more porno flicky,” grinned Bert. 

“That is disgusting Bert, please stop thinking about Adam and Ryan together,” Bob said sternly, shaking his head. Bert grinned. 

“Can’t help it. I can just see Ry, arse up, face down, rocking back and forward as Adam sticks it to him good and hard just like-“

“You have got to stop talking. Seriously, it’s not good for you,” interrupted Pete, shaking his head. 

“Yeah Bert, why are you always thinking about your friends naked?” I asked. 

“Not thinking, remembering,” he smiled widely, his eyes going all dreamy. My jaw almost dropped. 

“You slept with Adam?” I asked, shocked. I didn’t think Bert was Adam’s type…

“Don’t look so shocked Sting Ray,” said Pete, smirking. 

“Yeah, nearly all of us have slept together at some point or another. We’ve been mates for years, stuck in kinda homophobic worlds, you get familiar if you know what I mean,” grinned Bert. 

“Speak for yourself, I’ve never slept with any of you,” said Bob, rubbing his head against my shoulder. I felt a bit better then, I didn’t like the idea of sharing Bob, or having him compare me against these guys. Me = novice virgin. These guys = experienced kinksters. 

“So…you slept with Adam and Pete?” I checked with Bert. He nodded, and looked over at Pete. 

“Oh yeah,” he grinned. I looked at Pete. 

“And you slept with Adam and Bert?” I asked. He grinned. 

“Yep! Both very good little boys, I couldn’t sit for days,” he said fondly. I twisted around to look at Bob. 

“Why didn’t you sleep with these guys, babe?” I asked, curious. “Not that I want you too or anything…”

He grinned and kissed my lips softly. 

“I told you, I like commitments. I love these guys, but…they’re my friends and call me old fashioned, but sleeping with someone changes that friendship,” he said, shrugging. I smiled, I didn’t care that much about the details, I just wanted the reassurance. 

“But you did date Adam for about thirty seconds,” pointed out Pete. My didn’t take my eyes off Bob’s, smiling slyly. 

“Really?” I asked him, not really bothered but at the same time kinda bothered. I am such a girl. 

“Yeah, but he wasn’t my type in the end. I like guys who are…quieter, gentler, more like you,” he lowered his voice for the last part, leaning his forehead against mine and smiling softly. Two things interrupted my dreaminess. 

The first was Bert and Pete pretending to vomit. 

The second was glass shattering. 

“What the fuck?” yelled Bert as I jumped in Bob’s arms and scrambled to my feet, pulling him with me. The glass had been inside our cabin, and as I ran into the cabin, it didn’t occur to me to look outside the window straight away to see who was running away. A big rock lay in the middle of the floor, surrounded by shards of glass and bits of windowsill. 

“Who the fuck did this?” I yelled, going over to the pile of glass. I felt Bob’s presence behind me, touching my arm. Bert and Pete had stumbled free over their cocoons, running to the window and peering into the foliage. 

“Whoever did it’s gone,” sighed Pete. “I’ll get the broom,”

“I think it’s obvious who did this,” snarled Bert “It was Simon, that little twat!” he growled, storming towards the door. 

“Bert, wait, don’t go get angry, you’ll just get us in more trouble,” said Bob in a stern voice, and Bert stopped at the door, glancing over his shoulder. 

“Fine. I’ll go tell Steve,” he said tensely, riled and trembling with anger as he stormed off. 

“I’ll go with him,” said Pete “Make sure he doesn’t do something stupid,” 

As he darted out after Bert, Bob turned back to me and sighed. 

“Bob…” I whispered, staring at the mess. 

“What is it?” he asked me, standing by my side and taking my hand. I pointed. 

On the rock, scribbled in black marker pen: Lambert and New Fish Next. 


	22. The Window

“Ok, you guys just stay, got it? Staaaaay here!” said Bob, standing at the door with his duvet tossed over his shoulder and a cheeky grin on his face. I snorted at the expressions the four guys inside the cabin. Adam and Ryan – both immensely satisfied and worn out – were lounging on Adam’s bed, curled up with a set of cards each, and Bert and Pete – wrapped up again – sitting at the foot, with cards of their own. They were glaring at us (even though Bert took the opportunity to cheat and glanced at Pete’s cards about five times), probably kinda pissed that Bob was treating them like dogs. 

“Good boys, you just stay. Right there. Good dogs,” grinned Bob, turning and winking at me. 

“Ok, seriously, fuck off,” snorted Adam, tightening his arm around Ryan’s shoulders protectively and looking back at his hand. 

“And please don’t come back til you’ve at least jacked off,” begged Pete. We all looked at Bert with raised eyebrows. He defended himself quickly. 

“What? Please don’t! Then maybe we can go the night without squeaky bedsprings,” he sighed irritably, aiming that directly at me. I wrinkled my nose, leaning in the doorway. 

“I’m a fidgeter! I can’t help it!” I defended myself back. 

“I’m guessing it didn’t help having Bobolicious there tickling you all night,” pointed out Ryan, turning some of the blame on Bob. Bob held up his hands. 

“Innocent until guilty!” he grinned and winked at me. “Anyway, we’re off,” he said decisively. Adam raised his eyebrow magnificently. 

“Oh aye?” he asked. 

“Aye!” grinned Bob, his eyes sparkling at the beginning of what I could tell was an age-old game. 

“Oh aye?” asked Adam again, calmly placing a card on the pile between the four. 

“Aye!”

“Oh aye?”

“Aye!”

“Oh aye?”

“Aye!

“Fag,” grunted Adam, folding first, to both games he was playing. Bob, I think, had won. 

“Indeedy!” he grinned, reaching over to wind his arm around my waist. 

“That might not be such a good idea, Bob, me mate,” sighed Adam. “After all, with so many threats hanging over our heads…” he left the rest of the sentence hanging, but we all knew the point. I sighed, and internally I drooped. I wanted my evening with Bob. 

“Yeah, but none of them have been directed at _us_ ,” pointed out Bob, and I perked up. 

“Yet!” Back down. 

“Oh stop ruining our fun, you said yourself you didn’t want us in here tonight,” groaned Bob, leaning against the door post. Outside, it was beginning to grow dark, but we’d already eaten and everyone was milling around. No one would notice us slip away. 

“Yeah, but we don’t bank on having you guys being beaten alive,” sniffed Pete, still sore and cranky. “It’s no fun, trust me,”

“Yeah, we all know, we’ve all been solely whipped at one point or although, but that’s not the point. Bob, Ray, as much as we want you guys to go and enjoy each other’s nude company, do you really think it’s a good idea?” asked Ryan, completely serious. I sighed and leant my head against the door post. 

“No…” I moaned, thinking of the evening I’d missed out on. 

“Which is exactly why we’re doing it! Later guys!” grinned Bob, grabbing my hand and turning away from the door, ignoring any and all protest. But as soon as we turned, we hit another person not wanting us out that night. 

“Oh, hi Steve,” I said a bit awkwardly, completely aware Bob was holding my hand with a duvet tossed over his shoulder, whilst both of us were only wearing board shorts and emerging from the cabin full of gay kids. Oh well.

The camp leader smiled a bit stiffly, his eyes travelling over everything, and they dismissed it. 

“You boys going out?” he asked in a friendly voice, checking around. Bob glanced at me. 

“Um…no,” he said evasively. I guessed spending the night at the den wasn’t strictly allowed. Steve smirked at us, genuinely amused. 

“Oh good, cos if you were plannin’ on spending the night elsewhere, I’d be sorry to ruin your plans, all the cabins are locked up tonight,” he told us. I groaned internally. Was everyone trying to ruin my evening?

“Why everyone? I thought it was just one cabin,” said Bob, frowning. He looked so cute when he frowned. Steve nodded. 

“We thought it safest if everyone stayed inside their cabins tonight, and no one wandered off too far. So, curfew’s at 9, after that everyone’s locked in,” he told us. 

“Ok,” I said miserably. I checked my watch, it was about half 8. Steve nodded again and turned to leave, leaving Bob and I to go back inside and break the news to the guys. 

“I’ll be back at 9 to lock your door, ok boys?” called Steve, turning back. 

“Gotcha,” grunted Bob, and I caught the glint in Steve’s eye as he grinned at us. 

“Don’t worry so much, guys. I’m not locking the windows,”


	23. The Den

Bob and I waited in the cabin with the guys – fighting off mockery and coy insults with many a pillow – and tried to look as calm as possible when Steve came and locked the door, smiling at us before walking away. When he was gone, Bob got up and went over to the window. 

“Everyone’s locked in,” he told us, smiling to him and to me. I looked that smile, I just wanted to jump on it…and completely flattened Bob with my Torosaurus bulk. 

“Oh wonderful!” sniffed Butt Crack moodily, tossing his set of cards down on the duvet and pouting in that caveman way of his. 

“What’s up your arse, Cracky?” asked Ryan, who appeared to be snoozing on Adam’s chest, even though of I couldn’t see where his other hand was. Sneaky little whore, I grinned. 

“Unfortunately not much,” grinned Bert, never one to let a dirty joke go. “I don’t think this is such a good idea,” he sighed, pointing to the locked door. My eyebrows shot up. 

“I thought you wanted me and Bob to get out of here and not come back until…how did you phrase it? ‘Don’t come back til you’ve at least jacked off’?” I smirked, avoiding Bob’s eye because I knew he’d make me blush. Bert gave me a look, as Pete the Queen filled in. 

“He doesn’t mean you two, Sting Ray, he means the whole idea of being locked in,” 

“Where’s the problem?” asked Bob, coming over to sit by me, winding his arm around my lower back and rest his chin on my shoulder. We were gonna wait til it got darker, then bail. 

“The problem is, if no one can get out, then no one can get _out_ ,” said Adam. “As in, if a horde of homophobes with burning torches decides to break their door down in search of evil and comes up with us in our oh so fireproof fortress of stone and fire escapes,” he said sarcastically, his eyes closed as Ryan traced little circles on his stomach muscles. 

“And that’s where you guys are wrong,” I grinned. “The window’s aren’t locked,” 

The look on their faces was priceless, even Adam opened his eyes. 

“Oh,” he said, looking stupid. 

“So if you don’t mind, we’re off!” grinned Bob, blowing a kiss and jumping up to open the window, the light outside starting to fade to obscurity. 

“Be careful!” called Ry, as we slipped out the window and Bob grabbed his duvet. He offered me his hand and I took it, grinning at him as we slipped away from the campsite. I was lucky he was leading me, so sure footed and confident in himself, it was getting so dark I kept tripping on roots and stubbing my toes on stones, swearing under my breath. At one point, Bob turned and smiled at me.

“You ok, baby? You keep hurting yourself,” I could tell he found it funny that I was so clumsy. I shrugged, leaning over to rub my sore big toe. 

“I wish I wasn’t such a oaf,” I sighed, irritated by myself. I felt Bob touch my shoulder, draw me back up to his level. 

“You’re anything but an oaf, baby,” he smiled softly, and I saw the glimmer of his eyes in the scarce light, the soft outline of his creamy face. When he leaned forward to kiss me, I felt less oafish than I ever had in my entire life. I could feel my whole body tingling near his warmth. 

“Are we almost there?” I asked, standing as close to him as I could. He nodded and pointed. 

“Just up there,” he grinned, taking my hand again and leading me up the slope. Of course, I managed to walk into several tree trunks and get my fro stuck in a low overhanging branch. Finally, mercifully, Bob lead me onto a flat wooden desk, the porch of the den. When he let go of me to open the window, I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his shoulder, wishing we were inside already. I couldn’t believe how much he turned me on. 

“Hold on, baby,” he whispered as the window opened with a creak and he turned to kiss me. I pushed him against the windowsill, thrusting my tongue into his mouth. My hands pushed him into the wood, my whole body pressing into his. He didn’t stop me, didn’t try and take control, he just wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back with as much passion. 

I groaned deeply as his teeth locked around my bottom lip, dragging it out and sending thrills through me that I couldn’t do anything but slam back into him, play fighting with his tongue. Nibbling on his lipring, I let him pull me up into him, his muscular arms hoisting me onto his hips as he rested on the sill. I must’ve been heavy but he didn’t seem to notice that, all his attention on my tongue and my lips. 

“Shall we go inside?” he asked breathlessly, breathing heavily as he broke away from our kiss. I nodded quickly, sliding down off of him and climbing in through the window, Bob holding the window open for me. Climbing through, I managed to trip and hit the floor face first. I jumped up quickly, blushing bright red and hoping Bob hadn’t noticed. 

“You ok?” he asked, pushing the duvet after me. Damn, he noticed. I cringed. 

“I’m fine,” I said quietly, turning towards the den. 

Inside, it was a lot darker, and I could barely see anything. There was a few beat up couches, a TV, some of those annoying posters that say stuff like ‘Smiles are contagious’ and ‘don’t let the fog of failure block out the sunlight of success’ and shit like that. I didn’t get much of a chance to investigate further because Bob came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, using one hand to twist my head to the side so he could bite my neck from behind like some kind of platinum vampire sex god.

I grinned as I closed my eyes, leaning back into him, resting the base of my skull on his shoulder as his other hand moved at first up from my stomach, over my ribs and my nipple to touch the love bites bruising my neck and then moved it back down. In the silence of the cabin, all I could hear was my heavy breathing, the beating of my blood in my head and the sounds of Bob’s lips on my neck. 

His fingertips moved again, down the centre of my body, between my pecks and down that line of muscle that leads straight to the bellybutton. My muscles clenched under his ghost like touch, my teeth biting down on my lips to stop myself groaning. He could feel me tensing under his touch. 

“Relax,” he whispered into my neck. “You’re completely safe…”

His voice had a hypnotic quality to it now, the soft command and control was so much more powerful. If he’d told me to do anything, I probably would have done it without question, just to hear that voice whisper huskily in my ear. I breathed out slowly, feeling his hand move lower and lower, running over the hairs leading towards my crotch. The tingle sent shivers down my legs and I felt my trunks beginning to strain again under his warm touch. 

“You ok?” Bob asked me, his fingers reaching the elastic of my shorts and stopping. I nodded quickly, twisting my head further to the side as his lips moved up towards my ear. 

His fingers moved down further, edging under the elastic and moving to my hip. His other hand moved down to follow it, his hands now working on pushing my shorts down my legs, over my erection. The cool air brushed over my legs and freed member. I was breathing so heavily my entire body moved backwards and forwards with each gasping intake. Bob kissed my neck again, rubbing his face against my skin.

“Feel good?” he asked huskily, his own pressing erection pushing into me from behind. I nodded quickly. 

“Yes…” I moaned, wishing his hands would stop their teasing trails and actually touch me. My trunks slipped from around my thighs straight down to pool at my feet. Bob’s fingers moved down my hipbones, until his hands brushed against my member, forcing a guttural moan from my lips. I could feel him grinning into my neck as his hands slowly but firmly fixing around me. My legs trembled as he squeezed me gently, pushing sensations I’d never felt before, almost like liquid lust exploding in my veins. 

We waited for me to grow used to his warm hands and then he began to move one of his hands up my member, from the base to the tip, before gently running his thumb over the helmet of my member. It felt so amazing I jolted in his arms, so he quickly moved his other hand to my hip, holding me steady. 

He waited a little bit before dragging his hand back down my member, hard and slow. I gritted my teeth, trying to keep my panting as quiet as possible, because everytime I moaned and I felt Bob grin into my neck, it reminded me of how innocent and naïve I was to all this. I think Bob realised this as he began to fall into a slow, almost painful routine of pushing his hand slowly up and then down my shaft, squeezing and tickling the slit of my member with his thumb, his palm now growing slicked with my pre-cum. 

“Relax, baby, I wanna hear you moan…it’s just so sexy,” he growled seductively into my skin, increasing his rate of strokes. I let my jaw slack, the sounds of ragged breathing now filling the cabin. One hand reached out and leaned against the wall, my body growing heavy as everything focussed on Bob and his hand moving up, down, up, down, up, down, growing faster and faster. My moans grew louder, messier, as his strokes became stronger, smoother. 

“Oh God…” I groaned, my head swimming, the pressure beginning to build up inside me. “Oh God…” I said again, my throat constricting, my muscles shaking with anticipation. 

“Don’t fight it,” whispered Bob’s calming voice straight into my head, cancelling out everything else. He could feel the tension rising in my body, his fingers digging into my hip as he held onto me tightly. I nodded again, breathing heavily and focussing on Bob’s hand still pumping me hard and fast now. 

Everything was beating, my skin sweating and my head pounding and my whole body moving with Bob’s hand, thrusting into his palm. His lips graced over my hot skin, his tiny whispers moving over my hot skin like trails of cooling water, tingling with pure, undiluted lust. 

This was way more intense than anything I’d ever felt before, way more powerful than anything I’d ever done to myself before, this is pure flesh on flesh desire, pleasure given form and it was the biggest rush I’d ever experienced in my entire life. 

“Oh God…oh God…oh God…I think I’m gonna-“ I whispered in a ragged breath, wanting Bob to know, but he could probably tell from the way my member tensed in his hand and I released the pressure into the cup of his palm, cumming hard and fast, my heart pounding. 

“Oh God!” I gasped, leaning heavily against the wall and leaning my head back on Bob. His lips met my cheek, and I twisted towards him, finding his lips. 

“Oh my God…” I moaned, panting for breath in the warm silence. Bob smiled, and lifted his hand to his mouth, the warm sticky liquid coating his fingers. “That was so amazing…” I moaned, opening my eyes to see him licking his fingers clean. It was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. 

“I’m glad you liked it, baby,” he whispered as I leaned heavily against the wall, moving so my back was against it and Bob was in front of me, pushing his body against mine and hungrily kissing my lips. 

“But you haven’t felt nothin’ yet,” 


	24. The Sofa

Bob left me leaning against the wall, panting and rubbing the sweat droplets from my brow. My member pulsed gently, weak and lifeless. I opened my eyes and looked for Bob, suddenly feeling cold without him pressing against me. He was dumping the duvet on one of the couches, going over to a CD player I noticed by the TV. 

“What do you feel like listening to, baby? The selection’s…well, crap,” he chuckled. I didn’t answer, feeling horny, breathless and yearning for him. He turned towards me as I walked over to him, my heart still pounding. 

“I don’t mind,” I said, not caring about the music, or anything else, I just wanted Bob. His hands went to my hips as soon as I came in reach, guiding me right into his body, his lips meeting mine in a silent agreement that it didn’t matter. I gently pushed Bob against the wall, kissing him tenderly, it was all I could manage as fatigue seeped through my body. But I still wanted more. 

Bob broke the kiss, his lips still touching mine gently. 

“You ok?” I asked him, my heart beginning to slow down from my orgasm. He nodded, one of his hand at the base of my neck, his fingers running through my hair. 

“It’s just…I feel bad,” he said softly, his eyes lowered. I bit my lip. 

“What do you mean?” I asked, suddenly feeling less confident of myself. His eyes raised to mine again. 

“I don’t mean you’re not turning me on, or that I’m not enjoying this,” he said quickly “You can probably tell,” he grinned. My smile returned as I felt his shorts beginning to strain, his member only a thin sheet of material from mine. 

“Then what is it?” I asked, softly grinding my hips into his, holding onto his hips. The last thing I needed to do now was trip over my big feet whilst I was standing still and trying to entice my boyfriend. I’d probably die of shame…

Bob leaned his head back against the wall, breathing out shakily and the pressure against my crotch increased. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked again, pausing. He opened his eyes and looked at me, leaning forward to push his lips gently against mine. 

“It’s just…I feel bad because I’m meant to be your boyfriend, and I brought you up here for a…well, I guess date isn’t the right word for it, but some time to just us, and I feel like I’ve used you now…” he said gently, his fingers still stroking through my hair, which was such a turn on I had difficulty focussing on his words. 

“I don’t feel used, I’m enjoying myself,” I smirked. “And you are my boyfriend, Bob, and ok, this isn’t technically a date, but it is time for just us, this is what people going out do,” I pointed out, tipping my head to the side. His eyes lingered on my love bites, his teeth gnawing on his lipring – bite it, bite it, go on Ray, bite it. 

“But I haven’t even taken you out!” he said, his eyes looking tragic. I smirked, he was so adorable. 

“I don’t give one, I just want you, Bob! I don’t care where we are, what’s going on, who we’re with, nothing matters as long as you’re around,” I said softly, raising a hand to stroke his cheek in the dim light. He smiled at me, his eyes crinkling a tiny bit at the corner, and that only made me smile wider. 

“What did you have in mind for our little non-date thing then?” I asked. He shrugged. 

“I dunno, some movies, some talking, a lot of kissing, maybe some other stuff…you know, cutesy stuff,” he chuckled at himself. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. 

“That sounds great…especially the kissing part,” I winked. Bob smiled warmly, holding me close. 

“Goddamn, you’re so sweet. You’re gonna rot my teeth,” he said, grinning at his own lame joke. I chuckled and rolled my eyes. 

“That is such a crap joke,” I chuckled, shaking my head at him. He grinned wider, his eyes sparkling. 

“Ah, but it’s no joke!” he told me, lifting the hand he’d used to pump me to his lips, tasting the tip. “You taste sweet,” he said in a dirty voice, making my jaw drop. He giggled at my expression, slipping out from between me and the wall, going on to the window. 

“I am?” I said weakly, turning to watch him close it. He nodded, turning and smiling wickedly. 

“Oh yeah. You’re surprised,” he stated, a little bemused. I shrugged, and went to sit on the couch with him, feeling completely un-selfconscious even though I was stark naked. 

“Yeah, I guess…I never really thought about that…” I shrugged as he grinned at me. I let him pull me into a tight hug, twisting our bodies until we were lying down on the couch, me lying on top of him. His hands were rested on the small of my back, just before the curve of my arse. 

“What does yours taste like?” I asked, grinning. His eyebrows shot up. 

“I actually have no idea…” he said, laughing at me gently. As he laughed, all the muscles down his stomach and crotch tightened, and I bit my lip, twitching my hips closer into his. 

“Maybe I could do what you did and find out…” I said nervously, risking quite a lot to say that to him. I knew I wanted to, but I still felt nervous. Bob stopped chuckling, his eyes fixed on mine, only an inch or two from him. 

“Whoa…that’s an offer I don’t wanna refuse,” he grinned at me, his grip tightening on my bare skin. I smiled back, licking my lips. He opened his mouth to say something else, but I caught him off guard, thrusting my tongue into his mouth and literally taking his breath away. I could feel Bob’s member pulsing so close to mine, pushing into my leg, and it made mine begin to stiffen too. 

I rolled onto my side, pulling Bob with me and moving my hand down to his waist, pulling him firmly into me, feeling him grind his hips into mine. Oh God, that was so hot, I wanted to –

THUD. 

“Ow…” I moaned, opening my eyes to find myself cold and on the floor, looking up at Bob’s laughing face. He couldn’t stop laughing, it just exploded out of him in loud, warming rolls. It was nothing like his calm, soft voice, it was so much louder, more vibrant. I decided, as I watched him with a smirk, that I wanted to hear him laugh any occasion I could. I knew that if I fell in love with Bob, it would be his laugh and his eyes I fell in love with. I would adore him for his sweetness, his smile and his nature, but I’d love him for his laugh. 

And those eyes. 

“Shut up, you big blonde softy!” I chuckled, still lying on the floor. Bob eventually calmed down, and looked down at me again with his big eyes. 

“Coming back up to me?” he asked sweetly. I shrugged, smiling at him through half closed eyes. 

“Give me a good reason,” I teased, crossing my ankles. Bob thought for a second, then hung his arm down, his hand brushing the skin on my inner thigh, so close to my member it made me tense and Bob grin widely. 

“I’m cold?” he tried. 

“Me too,” I said, raising my eyebrows, inviting him to join me on the floor. 

“The sofa’s comfier than the floor?” he tried again. “Especially cos I’m on here!”

“Fair enough!” I said quickly, getting up and hopping back onto the sofa with him. Instantly he pulled me down into him, kissing me so forcefully you’d think the minute or two I’d been away had been more than a month. 

Hands went everywhere, travelling over skin and pushing at sensitive areas, inspiring moans of pleasure until both of us were painfully hard. I couldn’t stop myself, I wanted him to feel as amazing as I had when he’d pumped me, my hands went from his shoulders to his hips, finding those annoying shorts. 

Bob didn’t even seem to notice me sliding them off his firm arse, even though he must’ve, they snagged on his erection. He didn’t stop kissing me as forcefully and as beautifully as he was. As soon as they were off, I had to stop kissing him, to busy trying to keep my breathing steady, his naked member rubbed against mine in such a hot way I was ready to cum all over again. 

“Oh shit…” I moaned as he pushed his hips into mine, rubbing our members together and sending shivers of pleasure through my body. 

“You feel so nice…” he whispered in my ear, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close to him, really pushing at my limits. I knew I was panting, that I was gripping onto him really hard, but I didn’t care, I just wanted to taste his lips and feel him there. 

This was the best night of my night. 

It only got better as Bob put space between our two bodies, gently taking my hand and moving it down. 

“I’m taking you up on your offer,” he whispered, kissing my lips gently. I smiled, looking up into his eyes. 

“I’m…I’ve never done it before,” I warned him huskily. He smiled back at me and kissed me so tenderly I thought my heart would burst out of my ribs. 

“It’s ok, you’ll do great,” he encouraged me; leaving my hand to track it’s own way down his stomach to where his member was. I took hold of it, and instantly Bob closed his eyes, a small smile creeping over his face. I bit my lip, looking down and enjoying the view. At first it was hard to pump him, my elbow was at an odd angle, and our skin wasn’t moist enough to make it any easier. But, like Bob had done, I squeezed him gently, rubbing my hand up and down his shaft, rubbing my thumb over the slit. Bob’s breathing just got heavier, his hand going limp on my hip. 

“You alright?” I asked him softly, giving him another little squeeze. He nodded, opening his eyes and kissing me roughly. I grinned and moved a bit faster. 

“Try…try spitting on your palm,” suggested Bob deeply, opening his eyes again. I could’ve slapped myself for not thinking of that. I let go of him reluctantly, my heart rate almost matching Bob’s and spat on my palm. He watched me move my hand back down, taking a hold of him again and spreading my saliva all over his large member, my hand just gliding over it now. Pre cum added itself to the warm mix and now I could really let him have it, moving my hand as fast as I could without breaking my elbow. Bob had rolled onto his back and I leaned over him, pumping him as hard and fast as I could manage. My strokes were messy at first but they became smoother as I went, remembering what Bob had done to me. I kept leaning down to kiss those lips, open as he breathed deeply. He was breathing faster now, his fingers digging into me. 

“Oh God…” he moaned deeply, twisting his head backwards. “Oh God…”

I couldn’t keep the grin off my face, the triumph that I was inspiring these sensations in him. I was going so fast my arm was beginning to hurt but I didn’t stop, determined to make him cum for me. 

“Oh Ray…” groaned Bob, his teeth gritted, his eyes squeezed shut as his body begun to tense under me. And then he released, breathing out a huge sigh and cumming all over my hand and his chest. The gasp he took coming through it was like the one you take when you surface in a swimming pool, he moved up on his elbows, panting and sweating. 

“Oh fucking hell…” he said, looking into my eyes before kissing me. “Oh God…” 

“Good?” I asked, grinning at him, feeling my heart swell. He nodded quickly, kissing my lips almost painfully hard, his tongue begging access. 

“Fucking excellent,” he breathed, collapsing back down into the cushions of the couch. I grinned at him, running my sticky fingertips over his lower stomach, tickling him gently. 

“Now I get to find out what you taste like,” I teased, pushing myself down his body until my face was almost level with the tip of his member. Only I’d save that for another time. Slowly, tantalisingly slowly, I licked a long line from his belly button up his stomach, over his chest, biting gently on a nipple, sucking it tenderly. My tongue just glided over his cum. 

“You taste good, baby,” I told him softly as he watched me, a dazed, horny look in his blue eyes. I lifted my fingers to my lips and licked them clean slowly, never taking my eyes off him. He watched me like he wanted to jump on me, wanted to do all sorts of dirty little things to me. Instead he just pulled me up to him and kissed me like no tomorrow. 


	25. The Warmth

Tired, warm, all sort of contented feelings. That’s how I felt as I laid in Bob’s arms. I have no idea what time it was, and I didn’t care. Our eyes were lazily fixed on the TV screen, watching Pirates of the Caribbean. I wondered if Bob had never seen it before, he kept laughing at all the funny bits, when I only chuckled a bit because Blue had made me watch it a million times over. I couldn’t help but grin at Bob giggled behind me, his chin resting gently on the crown of my head, resting on the arm of the couch. 

“You’re so cute, baby,” I said, so lazy I couldn’t be bothered to raise my voice very loud. 

“Huh? Why?” he asked, his arms wrapped tightly around my chest, his hands resting gently on my chest. I shrugged, shaking my head a little bit and yawning. 

“You find this funny…” I smiled, wriggling further back into his arms and hitching the duvet to right up under my chin. 

“Don’t you?” he asked, surprised. I shrugged. 

“Yeah, but not so much after the first million times,” I told him, growing bored of the action sequence – they are never as interesting as the other bits – and deciding I was too tired to keep my eyes open. Closing my eyes, Bob decided he wanted to hear me talk. He tickled me lightly and I jumped. 

“Did you hear me?” he asked, chuckling at me. 

“Um…no? What did you say?” I asked, yawning and moving onto my other side, so I was facing Bob’s chest, my hands moving over his really, really hot body so I was tangled up in him. 

“I asked if you thought Johnny Depp was hot,” he chuckled, enjoying my wandering hands. I looked over my shoulder, twisting so I could see the screen where Johnny seemed to be panicking onscreen. 

“Wow…he’s hot…” I said, admiring him even though I was upside down. I felt something warm and moist on my chest, just above my nipple. I looked down to find Bob’s lips attached to my skin, his teeth gently nibbling at me. 

“Wow…that’s hot…” I grinned, closing my eyes and enjoying Bob’s hands as they moved down my back and onto my arse. He gripped me hard, pulling me up and hard, our naked bodies rubbing together in a really erotic way. It certainly woke me up. 

“Oh God…keep doing that,” I moaned as he ground his hips against mine, pulling my leg up and over his hip, pushing our hard members together. Bob freed his teeth from my chest, raising his face to meet mine, teasing me by inviting me to kiss him, then ducking away a bit, avoiding my lips with a grin on his face. 

I wrinkled my nose at him, before delving forward to kiss his neck, moving up to his ear, still moving my legs in time with his, a rhythm that felt so good I was moaning deeply from my throat. 

“Keep doing that, baby,” he said huskily, rolling onto his back so I was straddling him. I arched my back so I could move my hands down his body, taking a hold of his member in two firm hands. He groaned again, his eyelashes fluttering in pleasure. I smiled gently, moving from his ear to his lips, kissing him gently, as he was too distracted by my moving hands on his shaft to kiss me back properly. I squeezed him softly then harder, rubbing down his length and then up again, tickling the very tip with my thumbs, teasing Bob so much he gasped inwards, his muscles jumping under me. 

“Enjoying yourself?” I asked, rubbing faster. He nodded quickly, sweat beginning to build on his forehead and on his neck. 

“Oh God yes…” he groaned, opening his eyes long enough to join eyes with me and smile warmly. I grinned, still pumping him, then jarred, feeling something on my own member. I looked down to find Bob’s hands fixing around me, squeezing me as best he could as I squeezed him back. Soon we were both pumping in time with each other, me rocking back and forward and back and forward on his hips, sweat breaking out all over my body as Bob sat up slowly and kissed me, wrapping my legs around his waist and still pumping. 

“Oh God…” I moaned deeply, “Oh God!” The pressure was mounting again, that thrill of tension through my entire body. Bob’s lips graced over my shoulders, his husky voice whispering nothing and everything at the same time, his hands rubbing faster and smoother, everything growing moist and sticky with pre cum.

“Shit, I’m gonna…I’m gonna-“ Bob was cut off by his spine lengthening, his head leaning back and his dick tensing in my palms, his orgasm reaching all the way to his fingers touching me, sending me so close to the edge I almost lost it too. 

“Wait, hold it,” whispered Bob’s voice in my ear, his teeth nibbling on my lobe. I gasped for breath, my head light and my skin pouring heat out. “I want you to feel something…” he whispered, one of his hands leaving my member and travelling down further in between my legs. He kept pumping me, faster and still squeezing. His fingers crept down past my balls, reaching the track of skin between my dick and my arse, pushing softly at the area, sending such hot flashes through me I came before I could even warn him, cum exploding in his palm. 

“Holy fuck!” I gasped, my head swimming and my muscles shaking, my body collapsing against Bob’s sweating one. 

“Like that?” he asked, gasping as well, our chests heaving in unison. He laid back on the couch, wiping his forehead and holding me close, kissing my hot forehead.     

“Yes…oh my God, yes! You are amazing,” I whispered, lifting my chin to kiss him softly. He smiled. 

“You’re better,”

“No, you…”

  
”No, you…”

“No…you…”

“No…you…zzz,”


	26. The Morning

When I woke up the first thing I did was yawn, I was still exhausted. My muscles were stiff and weak, my eyes cracked with sleep and my skin sticky. But I was comfortable. I opened my eyes to find myself lying on top of Bob, my head fitting into that nook between the sofa back and his head, resting on his shoulder. My arms were wrapped around his chest, my legs tangled up with his. Bob’s face was turned away from me, his purple bitten neck so close to mine I could breathe in his lovely scent. 

I snuggled deeper into his warmth embrace, kissing his shoulder lightly. I was too tired to get up, and I didn’t want to wake him up as he gently snored his way through the morning. Judging by the amount of light coming through the window, it was mid morning, around 9 or 10. The den was even funnier in the daylight, the brightly coloured posters, the videos, the stuffed animals, it was all so young. 

You know that happy cabin they send Wednesday, Pugsley and that other random kid to in the Adam’s Family Values? It’s that cabin. Only possibly worse. 

Bob’s chest heaved underneath me, taking a deep breath in as he yawned, blinking his eyes sleepily. He twisted his neck, wincing, and looked for my eyes. 

“Hi,” I said, flushing red. He smiled warmly and reached down to kiss me gently. 

“Hey, why so red?” he asked, yawning again. I tried to shrug, but I couldn’t force my tired muscles to move anymore than a pathetic little shrug. 

“Meh,” I tried again “You make me blush like a schoolgirl,” I smiled. He grinned softly and cracked his neck, wincing. 

“That’s cute. Ow,” he muttered. 

“What’s up?” I asked, wriggling to free myself from the crack between the back of the couch and the cushions and managing to climb back on top of Bob again. He smiled dirtily. 

“Do that again, and I will be,” he winked, as his blue eyes drooped closed. “Nah, my neck’s killing me,” he sighed, reaching up to rub it. I wasn’t surprised; both our necks were stiff with love bites. 

“I’m sorry,” I said softly, tilting my head so I could gently peck the dark purple red marks. 

“Don’t be, I like them. Gives me bragging rights,” Bob winked, stretching out on the couch, flexing all his sexy muscles and clicking bones, before settling more comfortably onto the couch. 

“Hey, sit up,” I said, lifting myself up off him. He moaned at the loss of contact, reaching up to pull me back down. 

“Why?” he asked as I wriggled out of his arms and sat up over his hips. 

“I wanna give you a neck rub,” I said as sexily as I could manage. Bob chewed on his lipring, his eyes drifting down from my eyes to my shoulders, then lazily down my chest to where my legs straddled across his.

“Only my neck?” he asked, licking his lower lip and raising his half closed eyes to meet mine again. I coloured lightly, grinning. 

“You’re so dirty babe,” I told him, putting my hands either side of his head, leaning on the couch arm, leaning down over him. The plectrum necklace around my neck (which somehow managed to survive last night) was brushing over the dip between his pecks, tickling him. 

“Sit up,” I said again, smiling warmly. He didn’t say anything, his eyes closed and his entire countenance making me think he was ready to slip back to sleep with me in his arms, but then he moved sluggishly, pushing himself up into a seated position and wriggling out from under my legs, turning so his back was to me. I wrapped the duvet around my shoulders and over his too, fighting away the gentle morning air from his creamy white skin. 

I’m pretty good at massage I think. I mean, a chick at school taught me how to do it in detention once, because we were both bored off our faces. But I had very little idea what I was doing, besides almost choking people and digging my thumbs into their shoulders. But when I ran my hands over Bob’s shoulders, there was something different in the way I was touching him. There was a calmness about both of us, a gentleness I felt when I dug my fingertips into his warm skin, massaging the muscles and shifting his shoulders, causing deep guttural moans to rumble out of his throat. His back straightened, his shoulders rolling under my thick palms.

“Mmm…” groaned Bob, leaning back into me, my hands moving at first down his spinal column, digging into the muscles around his vertebra and forcing air out of his lungs, emitted in little gasps of pleasure. I moved my hands back up, smoothing in graceful circles, over his broad shoulders and down onto his chest, his back meeting my torso as he leaned back. I kissed his neck softly, his neck curving back onto my shoulder, baring his neck to my kisses and his chest to my travelling hands. I ran my fingers across his shoulders, pushing into his collarbones and then down his pecks, my fingers making small circles. Bob groaned again, his arms hanging weakly by his sides as I rubbed my hands down his torso, over his nipples and down to pulsing muscles of his ribs, digging into them without intent to tickle, only wanting to give him pleasure. His throat rumbled again, his mouth hanging open as he breathed heavily. He seemed to be loving this as much as I was, loving him this way. Pure skin on skin contact. 

“Feel good?” I asked him softly, my teeth grazing his earlobe as I shut my eyes and focussing on the deep itch I was scratching in Bob as I dug my fingertips into the sensitive skin on his stomach, digging in circles and rubbing him softly and smoothly, every tiny movement of my hands beating in time with the beating of our hearts. 

“Feels amazing…” he whispered, twisting his head slowly towards mine and kissing me sweetly. He tasted fantastic. 

I moved my hands up his body again, over his chest and stroked his nipples softly, tickling him and making his muscles tense. He gave a deep groan of pure pleasure, lying helplessly in my arms as my hands travelled over his warm, smooth skin, rubbing and massaging. Pressing into his soft muscles, I kissed his neck and licked it softly, going from the base of his shoulder to the lobe of his ear, biting on it and nibbling softly. 

Suddenly feeling up to some more fun, I began to move my hands down his body again, going further than his stomach muscles, past his bellybutton. 

“Ok, boys, stop right there,”

“WHOA!” Bob yelled, jumping in my arms and grabbing the cushion in front of him, jamming it over his crotch, just as I jumped and bit down hard on his ear. 

“Oops, sorry,” I apologised to him, looking up and glaring at the window. “Fuck off Bert,” 

Butt Crack grinned dirtily at us, winking and leaning his elbows on the windowsill. 

“Nah, I’m good here. Just thought I’d call off the main performance until the rest of the audience arrived,” he giggled, his eyebrows doing a suggestive dance. Bob was glaring, pulling the duvet around his shoulders, hiding our naked flesh from Bert. 

“I am not happy,” he stated, reaching up to rub his sore ear. 

“Sorry,” I said again, circling my hands around his waist and glaring at Bert myself. Bubble burster. 

“Not you, babe, Bert! You just spoiled what was going to be a lot of fun for me!” he told Butt Crack moodily. I shook my head, hmphing.

“Damn you Bert, damn, damn, damn you! Damn you to hell for ruining our fun!” I cursed him, shaking my head and hugging Bob close. Bert grinned wider and winked. 

“Seems like you two have been having enough fun already!” he said, pointing to my shorts next to the window and then Bob’s as well over by the video rack, as well as the cushions spread all over the floor where our pornographic little adventures had evolved all over the den.

“Oh shut up,” said Bob, growing moody even though his hands were nestled in my arms. I felt his hard on ease away, his muscles relax into me. 

“Your words sting. Ok, guys, get dressed, there’s a meeting down at base camp and it’s one of those crappy holding hands and singing ones…” Butt Crack told us, rolling his dark eyes and running a hand through his greasy hair. 

“Jesus, would it have anything to do with this whole ‘let’s beat the shit out of the gay kids’ thing?” asked Bob, sneering. Bert nodded, raising as if to say: _I know, God, what dumbasses._  

“Except they’re calling it ‘let’s not beat the shit out of the weird kids’ thing, our little homophobic camp leaders still don’t publicly believe we’re not entirely 180 degree straight,” snorted Bert.

“How PC,” I commented.

 “Now, I’m gonna go take a piss while you two put clothes on,” he said, before disappearing. Bob groaned in frustration and twisted into me, burying his face in my neck. 

“I hate, I hate, I hate that boy!” he muttered, before biting me softly. I giggled. 

“Me too. Ok, knock it off, baby, we’ve gotta go. We can save this for later,” I promised, kissing his lips hungrily as my stomach growled. He laughed and twisted around properly, ducking down to kiss the folded muscle of my stomach, which only made me sit up straighter. 

“Aw, it’s ok to be hungry baby, and I like your tummy, it’s cute,” he grinned, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in for another kiss, the duvet drawn around both of us in a sexy cocoon. 

“Shut up,” I hmphed, kissing him more forcefully. 

“No, I do think it’s cute, it’s cuter than my tummy anyway! I’m way podgier than you,” he told me, shrugging and digging his hands onto my shoulders. I shook my head, afro brushing my cheeks. 

“No you’re not, you’re hot,” I grinned, moving my hands to his stomach, stroking it. He jumped and squirmed. 

“You’re too cute,” he said, not taking me seriously, but any chance for argument was cut off as lips met lips and tongues met tongues, my teeth nibbling on his lipring. 

“So you guys rea- OH DEAR LORD THE HORMONES!” 


	27. The Hormones

Eventually Bob and I distangled ourselves and pulled our shorts back on, Bob deciding he’d come back for the duvet later. We climbed out the window, pulled it ajar and walked back behind Bert, hand in hand and swapping secretive little glances of lust. I wanted to stop and kiss him again, I wanted to be as close to him as possible, but Bert was leading us on and threatened to shave my hair off if we didn’t hurry up. 

Bob and I had to slip back inside our cabin quickly, as we were half naked, smelt of stale sweat and other substances, and our chests and necks were covered in purple bites. We remerged quickly, shirts on and hair brushed (or dragged through) as well as covered in ‘man perfume’ as Blue called it. 

The log ring in the centre of the camp was full when we finally arrived and slipped into the back logs next to Adam (who was doodling on Ryan’s arm) and Pete, who looked liked he wanted to go back to bed. 

“Everyone ok?” I checked, and they nodded, but the camp leaders were starting it up. 

Have you ever seen one of those cartoons with the colours are incredibly bright and garish? And there’s dancing sunflowers with those horribly stretched grins and doped up twinkly eyes, and little fat pigs singing in high pitched voices and dancing and it’s all surreal and weird and scary? The kind of cartoon you sit there with your mouth hanging open and your eye twitching? The one you can’t form words about so no one will ever understand how deeply disturbed you are?

That’s exactly what this stupid meeting was like. The camp leaders came on with their creepy wide grins and yelled some encouraging slogans and someone got out a guitar and tortured it in front of us and there was singing and humming and swaying, then came the ‘meaningful’ tales about kids who were outcast from society but went on to be serial killers, just because they weren’t shown love when they were little, and then stories about ugly ducklings and bald little bears and it went on and on and on like some sort of perverse freak show. And it went on for two hours. 

Finally, mercifully, Samson (you know, that creepy camp leader whose name keeps evading me) stood up and told us to be safe, and then gave one of those spine chilling warnings that any violence between anyone would be strictly forbidden and severely punished, and that if any camp member came to any harm the culprits would be sent home, banned for life and the police would contacted. Blah blah blah, cheers dude!

Then everyone got up, rubbed their sore arses and wandered off, muttering darkly. Bob turned to me, and poked my arm. 

“Um, babe? You can close your mouth now, your eye is twitching,” he told me, pulling on my hand and pulling me up. 

“What the fook?” I demanded almost straight away, my eyes bulging. “There was…singing…and swaying! And that poor poor guitar!” I moaned, feeling ill. Bob supported my arm, leading me with a hand on the small of my back as he whispered encouragingly in my ear. 

“It’s ok, it’s over, you can breathe,”

“But that guitar!”

“I know, I know, it’s cruel,” he agreed, leading me up onto the porch steps and sitting me down on one of the outside chairs and waving a hand in front of my eyes. “Ok, seriously, start blinking, you’re scaring me,”

I blinked immediately. 

“Sorry,” I grinned apologetically and then sighed. “God that was scary,”

Bob grinned at me and sat down next to me, yawning. 

“I know, they have them every Sunday usually…you learn to switch off after a while,”

I snorted and looked to where Adam had picked Ryan up over his shoulder and was carrying him back towards us, smirking. 

“What the fuck?” I asked as he came onto the porch. Adam shrugged and turned around so we could see Ryan’s horrified frozen expression. 

“He took it badly,”

Bob and I laughed as Adam went inside with his boyfriend and Bob moved his chair closer to mine, entwining our fingers. 

“I’m tired,” he complained, and smiled warmly at me. 

“I’m hungry!” I told him in return. “We missed breakfast didn’t we?”

He nodded and yawned. 

“Don’t worry, we can go haggle some doughnuts off one of the fat kids,” he grinned and I chuckled, looking out for Pete and Bert. They were still sitting in the log circle, with the camp pleaders standing around them, offering support and talking. They didn’t look happy when they finally freed themselves and came over to us, Pete walking tenderly. 

“Oh look, it’s the horny ones,” he said as he came on to the porch. “You’re in my chair,” he hmphed, sitting down on the porch with his back to the handrail and leaning his spine against the post. Bert joined him and began scratching at the wooden floor. 

“My chair now,” I retorted, leaning my head back against the wicker back of the coveted chair. Pete pouted and turned to Bert. 

“Hey, Crack, how did that meeting rate compared to last year’s brilliant ‘squashing bugs leads to AIDs’ meeting?” he asked, curious of the dirty and distracted kid’s opinion. My attention was renewed. 

“Squashing bugs gives you AIDs?” I echoed sceptically. Bob chuckled next me, opening his eyes and sitting up. 

“Oh yeah! That one was so gnarly!” he laughed, shaking his head. Bert looked up and grinned. 

“Oh come on, the bugs one was a nightmare in stereo! An instant 9. That meeting was barely a 4,”

I winced. “I don’t wanna know…”  
”Well we’ll tell you anyway,” grinned Pete. “It went on for four hours,”

Wince. 

“It was done as a musical, with kids from the special Ed music camp,”

Cringe. 

“We had to sway all the way through – and smile,”

“Oh dear Lord…”

“There were three guitars,”

“MAKE IT STOP!” I begged, covering my ears and pulling my afro over my eyes. “THE PAIIIIIIIIIIN!” 

I felt Bob’s hands pull me back into the chair and heard them all laughing at me. 

“Calm down Sting Ray, you don’t have to relive it in your nightmares,” giggled Bert evilly and I phewed. I looked towards Bob.

“You never told me the dangers I had to sit through when I came with you,” I said gravely. He shrugged. 

“We do it to every new fish, no matter how cute they are,” he laughed, his hand stroking my neck. “Plus, they force everyone to attend,”

“Arseholes,” muttered Pete, looking crabby. 

“What’s wrong with you, Queeny?” I asked, noticing his dark expression. He shrugged moodily. 

“Oh nothing, my ribs just hurt from being kicked in and mashed into a bloody pulp!” he fired back angrily, before standing up. “I need a nap,”

“Yeah, cos you’re a moody bitch when you’re sore,” said Bob. Pete rolled his eyes. 

“Your sympathy overwhelms me,” he muttered sarcastically, heading for the door. 

“OH DEAR GOD THE HORMONES!” he howled, looking inside and instantly throwing himself backwards, his back hitting the floor and his hands covering his eyes. 

“ADAM PUT SOME PANTS ON!”


	28. The Piano

 

“You know, for a guitar player, you’re a surprisingly good piano player…” grinned Bob, sitting next to me on the piano stool. On my other side, Adam’s hands joined me on the keys, playing up and down to match the tune I was attempting and almost playing. 

“Cheers blondey, I happen to have a hand at quite a few instruments,” I grinned, nudging him with my shoulder. He smirked. 

“What kind of instruments are we talking about here?” he asked in a low voice. I winked at him as Adam said loudly. 

“Whatever you’re talking about, shut the fuck up!”

“Just cos you’re moody because you didn’t get to finish up with Ryan, doesn’t mean it’s nice to yell,” said Bert, coming over and hopping onto the smooth wooden top of the piano, crossing his legs and scribbling away in his spidery, childlike writing in his notebook. 

“Fuck off, Butt Crack, I’m trying to play Kelly Clarkson,” hmphed Adam, starting again on the chorus of ‘Because of you’. 

“It’s an A next,” I told him as he tried to remember the next note. He smiled and continued to play it, my fingers playing alongside, but down the octave. 

“Hey, Adam, Torosaurus, stop that for a second and check this out!” called Pete. We turned and found Pete and Ryan sitting on fold out chairs behind us, both holding guitars, only Pete’s was a bass. 

“I’ve been helping Ryan out with this song he’s working on, I think you guys should give it a listen,” he grinned, rubbing underneath his black eye and turning to Ryan. 

“Ready?” he checked, and Ryan nodded, and they both launched into some catchy strumming, Ryan beginning to sing. 

_“Sit tight, I’m gonna need you to sit tight, come on just snap, snap, snap your fingers for me! Good, good, now we’re making some progress, come on, just tap, tap, tap your toes to the beat!”_

They broke off and Ryan looked up at us grinning. Bert, Bob and I all broke into applause, whistling and cheering. Adam was grinning, his eyes going misty. I leaned closer to him. 

“Let me guess. You, Ryan, a guitar, in the Den,” I said in a low voice. He glanced at me, brushing his high lightened fringe behind his ear. 

“Oh God yeah,” he grinned, winking. I chuckled as he got up and went over to Ryan, bending down to hug him and give him a passionate kiss. Pete rolled his eyes and got up, leaving the couple to make out with the guitar in between them. 

“Told ya guitars are sexy,” I told Bob. 

We were in the music hall, where the end of camp concert was held. It was a slow day, so we’d decided to go waste time in the music hall, playing around and planning our evening. So far, we planned on drinking, smoking pot and playing Scrabble. Of course, we weren’t allowed to leave our cabin, but that still left board games and substance abuse. 

“Hey, Queeny! Give those back!” yelled Bert, as Pete snatched the notebook out of his hands and danced away, reading them. 

“What the fuck Bert!” gasped Pete, ducking behind the piano as Bert jumped off it and raced after it, swearing and cursing Pete. 

“Why haven’t you been sharing these, you little tosser? You little strumpet, you? How dare you keep these from me, you wankerous rock star?” demanded Pete, his usual level of insanity having returned with the use of doughnuts and a shit load of painkillers, sending him as high as he could get without scraping his head on the ceiling. His pupils so dilated he looked downright evil. And right now he was in serious danger of earning some more injuries from a pissed off Bert. 

“Gimme!” yelled the gorilla-like rocker, glaring and chasing Pete around. 

“This poison’s my intoxication, I broke the needle off in my skin, picked the scabs and picked the bleeding and assume that it was all in vain. A positive scab that's never healing, calloused hit me in the face. A burning bridge that's so misleading, poison’s more potent now with the flame,” read Pete loudly over the cries of Bert, before tripping over a bassoon, rolling and jumping back up again, narrowly missing Bert’s fierce tackle. 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” roared Bert, rubbing his head and clambering up, dust all over his dirty clothes and anger in his eyes. 

“Um, Pete, might wanna give the Crack his stuff back…” said Bob, biting his lip. Pete – giggling manically – ignored him and jumped on top of the piano, sliding down onto my lap shamelessly. 

“Maybe you and me so kiss me like you did, my heart stopped beating, such a softer sin. I'm melting in your eyes, I lost my place, could stay a while and I’m melting in your eyes, like my first time that I caught fire. Just stay with me, lay with me now,” he read to me, grinning insanely and then wrapping his arms around me tightly. “MY LITTLE BUTT CRACK’S A POET!!”

Stunned silence ensued as Bert silently walked around the piano and prised the notebook away from Pete’s fingers, then moodily went to sit in the corner. I looked at Bob over Pete’s shoulder – having difficulty breathing. He glanced at me, 

“I better go have a word with him…he’s a bit steamed. You can tell cos he’s silent,” he said quietly, slipping away. I heard Adam say roughly the same to Ryan, and go over to the Butt Crack, damage control. 

“Need a hand?” offered Ryan behind me as Pete nuzzled my neck, humming the tune Ryan was just playing. His hands went to my hair. 

“Hey! No touchy the fro!” I muttered angrily. 

“Ray? Want help or not?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” I cried, muffled by Pete’s shoulder in my mouth. Ryan chuckled and began to tickle Pete so he instantly slid off me and then began to cling to my leg, licking my knees. I felt so sorry for them…

“Ok, Petey, up you get…let go of Ray…” said Ryan loudly, wrestling with Pete to release his arms, but as soon as he freed one, the other would tighten and then the other would snap back too. Eventually we poked his bruised ribs to make him let go, grabbed both his arms and dragged him out of the hall. 

“We’re gonna lock him in the closet!” I called to the other three, unable to look up as I pulled him along the floor. We went through the swing doors, heading for the bathroom, both me and Ryan giggling. 

“You should’ve all stayed locked in that closet,” said a harsh voice. I dropped Pete’s arm straight away, turning quickly. 

“Go shove a piano up your arse, Simon,” I said, equally harshly, staring down at the smaller guy. Ryan let go of Pete too, his shoulder touching mine as we guarded our high friend and faced down Simon. He smirked, shaking his head. 

“Oh please…that’s your whole problem, Toro. You like sticking things up your arse,” he chuckled, his dark eyes mocking me. I gritted my teeth, my temper beginning to rise. 

“You little wanker,” I hissed, taking steps towards him, ready to make him pay for hurting my friends. Ryan’s hands closed around my arms, pulling me back. 

“Back off, Ray, you can’t touch me,” laughed Simon, but I could see he wasn’t as confident as he wanted to be, I was way bigger than him. My lip twitched. 

“You so sure about that, arsehole?” I asked him, straining against Ryan. The kid was small but he was strong enough to hold me back. 

“Yeah, I am, you and your little gay friends can’t hurt me,” he laughed, shaking his head at me, which only made me angrier. 

“Whatever! You touch us again, and I’ll make you pay, you fucktard!” I growled, the vein standing out on my forehead. Simon’s lip twitched and he took a step forward, facing me off. 

“You think you can? You guys are fucking freaks! You deserve to fucking die of AIDs, you sodomites!” he yelled, his face twisted up in hate. I spat on his face, my arms held back from hitting him by Ryan. 

“You arsewipe!” I yelled, trying to wrestle Ryan off me. “Come near ANY of us and I’ll use your fucking face as a floor wipe!” I raged, multiple pairs of hands pulling me back, pulling me away. 

“You think I’m threatened by people like YOU?” yelled Simon, as Bob and Adam held me securely backwards, Bert helping Pete up. Simon looked at Pete, smirking.

“Nice black eye, faggot,” 

“Watch what you say, homophobe, could get you in trouble,” said Bob, his teeth gritted. Simon shook his head at him, disgusted. 

“Fuck off, fag!”

I thrashed, trying to fasten my hands around Simon’s neck. 

“DON’T CALL HIM THAT!” I roared, almost being pulled down onto the floor by my friends. 

“I’ll call them whatever I please!” yelled Simon back, raising his arms and mocking me. Ina pushed me into Bob and stood in front of him, the tall guy bearing down over him. 

“You even think of touching my friends again, and I promise we’ll all put you out of your misery, then you’ll find _you’re_ the one going to hell,” he said in a deceptively calm voice as Bob fastened his strong arm around me, trying to calm me down.  

“Now get the fuck out of here before we beat the shit out of you,” said Pete, sober enough to be angry. It was difficult to tell who was holding who back, Bert or Queen. Simon just threw his head back and laughed. 

“You guys are so fucking clueless! But what would I expect from butt fuckers?” he snorted, shaking his head at us. Adam’s eyes narrowed as my blood boiled. 

“I think you need a little reality check,” threatened Adam, stepping forward again, his fist pulled back threateningly just as Ryan darted forward and pulled his boyfriend back. 

“Adam, no! You heard Samson, anyone touches anyone, we’ll be sent home,” he hissed into his ear. Adam’s eyes narrowed further, not looking away from Simon’s twisted face, but he heard Ryan and relaxed enough to net their hands. 

“Aw, how sweet. Fags in love,”

“I warned you!” I cried, jolting forward again, Bob holding onto me loyally. 

“Relax, he can’t hurt us,” he said. “He’s blowing steam,” he said bitterly. Simon hmphed, shaking his head. 

“And you’re just blowing each other. And that’s not exactly true is it, now, Bobby? You know I can hurt you,” he chuckled, trying his best to look threatening and all evil villain, but he just looked like a twat.

“Don’t even think about it,” hissed Bert, Pete’s arm securely around his neck to stop him jumping on Simon. Adam and Ryan had moved to either side of Pete and Bert, holding onto Bert’s wrists and arms, holding back the mad monkey man. 

“Fuck off, I’ll do what I want. And remember,” he said as he attempted to make a sinister exit, pointing between Adam and Ryan “You two are next,”

“Don’t you fucking touch them! Don’t you even THINK of touching them!” Bert yelled after him, turning red in the face as he was held back. But we let Simon leave without pain, Ryan was right we couldn’t touch him without massive penalties. And I for one didn’t want to be sent home. 

“I swear one day he’s gonna commit suicide and in the note admit he was a closet gay,” hmphed Adam as we filed back into the music hall, past grievances forgotten. I gave a dry laugh, Bob’s arm around my waist. 

“He’s such a douche. I could’ve taken him,” I said confidently. Bob squeezed me softly. 

“We know, you could’ve pounded him, we all could’ve. It was a good thing you didn’t though babe,” he sighed, dropping his lovely blue eyes and furrowing his brow, making me worry. What could possibly be so bad as to earn this?

“What is it?” I asked, stopping him. He looked at Adam. 

“Me and Adam have been going here the longest, we were here a full whole year before the Insanity Twins,” he told the fragmented audience. Pete and Bert weren’t listening, discharging each other’s tempers. “Simon was here, obviously, and although he’s never done anything like this before, he’s always threatened it…”

I bit my lip, watching Bob. Adam took over, sulkily.

“And he let it be known common knowledge that his precious daddy was the foremost sponsor for this band camp bullshit. Such a wealthy powerful arsehole that Simon’s pretty much camp royalty. Not matter what he does, they won’t send him home, in case daddy’s money suddenly begins running a bit dry…” he told me and Ryan, looking furious. My jaw hit the floor. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?” I cried, my voice echoing through the hall. Adam smirked. 

“That’s what I said,” he hmphed, him and Ryan going over to convince Bert to calm down, which would probably include a bribe. I was left with Bob, his arm still around me. 

“You ok?” he asked me, giving me a weak lopsided smile. I shook my big fluffy head sadly and we went to sit down on the piano stool again, Bob pulling me onto his lap and hugging me close. 

“You know what? You were so brave, standing up to him like that. You stood up for us, you defended us. You’re truly one of the best friends I think we’ve ever had here. I mean, you got so angry just for us!” he smiled, smiling at me proudly. I flushed and bit my lip, looking down. 

“I shouldn’t have gotten so angry…” I said ruefully. He shook his head. 

“No, it was appreciated, Bert and Pete will love you for it,” he grinned, reaching up to kiss my cheek softly. I smiled and hugged him close. 

“I’m worried now, Bob. Adam and Ryan practically have beatings hanging over their heads!” I said, looking over to where Adam had resorted to tickling Bert to calm him down. 

“We’ll be ok. Everyone’s locked in, and if they even try to touch us, we’ll get them back. Plus, those guys even give us a dirty look they’ll be home before they realise it,” Bob told me. 

“Still doesn’t feel safe,” I muttered, biting my lip. 

“What’s up?” asked Bob gently, touching my chin to make me look at his beautiful blue eyes. 

“It’s just…if he gets Adam and Ry…then we’re next,” I said, my eyes becoming shadowed. “And if he hurts you…” I shook my head, holding him close. “I don’t know what I’ll do,”


	29. The Carving

I sat outside on the porch of our cabin, a lump of wood in one hand and a small craft knife in the other, whittling away without a particular design in my head. To be honest, I was trying to look as busy as possible so no one would come bother me and also because I was trying to think clearly. 

Like I told you, I’m not much of a thinker. I do everything slowly (except relationships, it seemed) but this time my mind was racing so fast I was getting left in the dust. My thoughts kept going around the same track though. 

How could we get Simon off our backs? How could I protect my new friends from him? I felt the need to look away them, solve this problem. I knew why I felt this way – I knew I thought this was my fault. Not because I brought Simon with me or did something to make him hate us, but because he chose these year, of all the years he’s been going to camp with my friends, to attack them. I felt like it was my duty, like a rite of passage, to look out for my new friends, and my new boyfriend. 

Bob was inside, looking after Bert with Pete. The guy had been so angry after Simon left he’d out his hand through a glass window, cutting himself up quite badly. It didn’t help he hated blood and needles, Bob was trying to stitch him up without too much of a fuss, Pete distracting the Butt Crack. I’m a total girl when it comes to blood and stuff like that so I hid out here. 

As for Adam and Ryan, they were lying on Ryan’s bed, talking quietly and worriedly. I recognised that haunted look – they were marked men. They were waiting for the blow to come. 

I wondered if I should go speak to Steve again, try and do something besides watch. According to Bob, Simon was untouchable thanks to his father, and any attack on him would see us packed up and away from each other faster than a virgin’s climax. Bert away from Pete, Ryan away from Adam and Bob away from me. I couldn’t bear the idea of being ripped away from Bob after so little time, he was beginning to be my everything. 

I shuddered to think of the end of band camp. 

“Hey, Sting Ray, whatcha doing?” asked a voice behind me and I recognised Adam’s soft accent. I glanced at him as he sat down next to me, hitching his tight black tights further up his arse and scratching at the ripped out knee. 

“Shit all,” I shrugged, showing him the lump of wood I was trying to carve into a guitar. Adam took it from me and turned it over in his hands, his high lightened fringe falling down to cover his eyes. I could tell he wasn’t examining the wood, but lost in his own thoughts. I waited calmly for him to speak, feeling he wanted time and space, but a shoulder to cry on that wasn’t his boyfriend whom he wanted to protect or his old friends he didn’t want to look soft in front of. 

“I wanted to thank you…” he said eventually, looking up at me, his dark eyes looking straight at mine without hint of embarrassment. He may have been a proud guy full of hot air, but he was polite. I smiled back.

“What for?” I asked, taking the wood back into my rough large hands. Adam leaned his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, staring into space. 

“For what you did at the music hall, for standing up with us,” he said in a low voice. I nodded and smiled grimly. 

“Don’t mention it. That guy just…he makes me want to hurt him,” I said, hoping Adam picked up on how restrained I felt putting it as meekly as that. He nodded, understanding. 

“It really does mean a lot to me, and to Pete, Bert and Bob. We’ve…we’ve been mates a long time and we’ve gotten used to the idea that no one in this place outside of our little group is…I’m looking for the right word here,” he said slowly, choosing his words carefully. I waited as he listed the ones that came to mind. “Worthwhile, friendly, decent,”

I wasn’t sure what to say, but Adam wasn’t finished. 

“I don’t mean decent like Simon does, I don’t that at all. I mean decent like you’re a straight up, honest, good guy. You hardly know us yet you’re willing to beat the shit out of someone because he’s threatened us! You’re…you’re decent,” he told me, looking at me and smiling. I grinned back, feeling my skin tinge pink. I’d never felt so complimented by anyone (who wasn’t Bob) in my entire life. 

“Thank you Adam,” I said softly, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder, feeling truly touched. Adam grinned at me. 

“If you ever need anything, if you ever want anything, you know we’re all here for you 110%, anything for you. It’s not just Bob that adores you, mate, it’s all of us, we all think you’re fantastic,” he told me. “Of course, Bob likes you the most, that’s probably kinda obvious!” he laughed, his eyes crinkling as he laughed. I blushed and ducked my head. 

“Aw, you’re so cute! Don’t be so shy all the time, Bob’s really got a thing for you,” winked Adam, shuffling closer to tease me without anyone overhearing. I shoved him with my shoulder. 

“You’re making me blush here, Adam, knock it off!”

“Would this be a bad time to ask if you’ve slept together then?” 

“Adam!” I yelled, shocked and laughing, looking at him and shaking my head. “You’re impossible!”

“Not impossible, just irritating,” he grinned, squeezing my shoulders. I raised my eyebrows. 

“You got that right. So…I dare don’t ask what’s gonna happen between you and Ryan?” I asked nervously. Adam glanced towards the door, where Bert was swearing loudly. 

“We’re gonna have to be careful, very careful, but that’s ok I think. But I need to ask you a favour,” he said. 

“Sure, what is it?”

Adam looked shifty, and kinda embarrassed. 

“Ryan and I are gonna go across the lake again, probably a few times over the next few weeks, just to be alone, y’know? Would you, and most likely Bobolicious, mind guarding the boats for us? Let us know if any of the phobes set sail our way?”

I was nodding before he finished his sentence. 

“Yeah, course, can do,” I grinned. “I’ll work on my fishing,”

Adam’s eyebrows shot up, along with a dirty grin. “Is that some kinky new term I don’t know about?” he asked. I rolled my eyes. 

“Fuck off, you fancy git,” I giggled.

“Whatever, Sting Ray, it’s just anything to do with bait and a long rod just sounds-“

“Adam, I’m warning you,”

I got up, thinking I was going for a swim, and Adam called after me. 

“Downright kinky!”

“Adam!”


	30. The Girl Talk

Shaking my afro free of water, I climbed out of the water and slipped on a few of the mossy stones, turning to look out at the lake. It was beautiful, this entire place was beautiful. The sun rippled over the water and silhouetted the trees against the golden afternoon sky. 

I sighed deeply, feeling ice cold water drip off my body. 

“Hey, Toro,” said a voice behind me. I turned and found Zan Zan in front of me. She’d been swimming too, her hair running down her back in damp tresses, and a sarong wrapped around her hips. 

“Hey, Zan,” I grinned, walking towards her and giving her a warm hug. 

“Fuck, you’re freezing,” she grinned, brushing droplets over off her bikini. I shrugged. 

“Sorry, but not my fault,” I told her, leading her over to the jetty and hopping up onto the warm wood. I gave her a hand up and we went to sit on the edge of it, feet just touching the water and faces turned towards the beautiful scene. 

“How’s everything between you and Bob?” she asked, stretching her arms. I nodded, smiling warmly. 

“It’s fantastic…he’s amazing,” I sighed, feeling so very girly. Zan Zan snorted at me. 

“Oh man, Torosaurus’s in love, dangerous breed,” she said, nudging my ribs. I smirked. 

“Shup,” 

“Oh, get over it, you big girl. I’ve heard something mind blowing,” she leaned closer, whispering. My eyebrows shot up. “Unless of course, you need a break from blowing,” she giggled.

“ZAN!” I yelled, blushing hard and fast, shoving her off the end of the jetty, into the cold water. She screamed, the water taking her breath away as she plunged into it and surfaced, yelling abuse and panting. 

“FUCKING HELL THAT’S COLD!” she cried, jumping my leg and pulling me in. The coldness forced the air out of my lungs, my eyes snapping closed as I hit the water, my muscles tensing. I surfaced, gasping for breath and splashing her. 

“You bitch! That’s FREEZING!” I yelled, grabbing the side of the jetty and pulling myself up with my straining arm muscles. Zan glared from the water. 

“Give me a hand up!” she moaned, as I shook my fro free of water and panted from the cold. I rolled my eyes and offered her a hand, yanking her out f the water so she fell into my arms and we got involved in a mini slap fight, shaking water off ourselves and calling each other names. 

“Arsehole!”

“Bitchrag!”

“Butt monkey!”

“Pumpkin smoocher!” 

“Dino breath!”

“Panda knickers!”

Eventually we stopped and sat down again. 

“Ok, what is it?” I asked. Zan Zan grinned and turned to face me, crossing her legs and arranging her sarong in a more sensible fashion around her waist. I copied her, except I didn’t have a sarong. Although now I wanted one…

I could tell Zan Zan was bursting to gossip, she was settling down to tell me a long story, one I found myself keen to hear. I am such a bloody girl!!

“I’ll tell you, but first I want some return gossip!” she grinned. I rolled my eyes. 

“Whattdya mean?” I asked suspiciously. 

“Like, tell me about you and Bob, fill me in on Adam and Ryan, tell me what’s happening in your quarter!”

“Zan, I love you, but no, those guys are my friends, I’m not leaking our lives to you to spread!”

Zan Zan groaned. 

“I wasn’t going to! I’m just curious! I wanna hear all about your new boyfriend! I can tell your begging to tell me,” she grinned, touching my hands. “I swear on my own guitar strings, I won’t tell,”

“Hmmm…that’s pretty serious. Guitar strings aren’t cheap!”

“Plus, I can tell you’re _dying_ to tell me,” she grinned. “You so want a gurrrrlfriend to giggle with, and none of the guy’ll do cos they’re so much more experienced than you – they lack the feminine touch a real gurrrrlfriend can give,” she persuaded. I sighed and laid down on my stomach, the sun warming my back and legs, as I hung over the edge of the jetty, tracing the water with my finger. 

“Ok, ok, you’re right,” I groaned as she copied me, squealing. 

“So tell me, you and Bob, how far?”

“Um…” I said turning red. “You’ve got to promise not to breathe a word!” I threatened. She held her hands up and offered a pinkie. “Promise on my eternal guitaring soul,”

I snapped pinkies with her and leaned closer. 

“Handjobs…and all the fringe benefits,” I confided. She squealed and threw her arms around me. 

“Oh my God, you’re so cute! You’re all red and shy and bashful! Did you like it?” she asked, begging for details. I blushed harder. 

“Oh God, yes! Bob’s amazing,” I sighed, going dreamy. Zan Zan giggled. 

“You so like him,”

“Duh! The guy made me come like, a million times! My dick’s still sore!” I laughed and Zan Zan squealed. 

“Too much information!”

“Really?” I asked sceptically. 

“Ok, no, but I didn’t want you to think I’m some kind of pervert…”

“Too late,”

She squeaked indignantly and hmphed. 

“Ok, so you two are being all cutesy cutesy, how about Adam? He’s an old friend of mine, is this Ryan thing serious?”

I nodded, chuckling, remembering stumbling on Adam and Ryan in a very intimate position on the rock face. 

“Oh yeah!”

“Really? How serious?”

“As serious as it gets!”

Zan Zan giggled. 

“Oh, good old Adam, he’s a really horny guy, he loves his sex, but he’s caring too – he adores his boyfriends,” she told me. I smiled, feeling better for Ryan. 

“They seem happy together,”

“They look fucking adorable! So, anything between Pete and Cracky?” 

“Bert’s in love with someone back home, as far as I know, but anything could go down between those two,” I chuckled. Zan Zan’s eyebrows shot up. 

“Cracks in love? Oh my God, that’s so sweet! I hope it works out…as for the two of them? Unlikely this year…Bert’s tied up, and from what I hear – Pete’s attention is somewhere else completely…” she whispered secretively, instantly grabbing my attention. 

“Ok, share, you whore,”

She laughed. 

“Ok, but I warned you. From what I overheard, Pete’s got his eye on a certain Torosaurus…” 

“What?! Me?!”

“No, the other one, dumbass!”

“But! I’m with Bob!” I said weakly. Zan Zan shrugged. 

“Can’t blame the guy for looking, he likes you, but he’ll get over it, Pete’s not one for commitments, but watch out if he gets drunk – he’ll be all over you like a bad spray on tan,”

“Hey, this is natural, ok?”

“Whatever!”

“Hmph. So what’s this tantalising news you’ve been just bursting to tell me since you got here?” I asked. Zan Zan sat up, crossing her legs again and I rolled onto my side, propped up on my elbow to watch her gesticulate along with her rapid words. Oh my God, she talked fast and for so long!…I could’ve taken a nap and when I woke up she would’ve have finished…

“Ok, so I was in the lunch queen behind Jock O’Toole, you know – the guy who beat on Bert and Pete?”

“Don’t remind me,” I muttered darkly, but she ignored me and continued in the same fast talking flow of gossip. I managed to keep up quite well. 

“So I was just talking to Jenna – you know, that lovely girl from the bassist group, she used to have a crush on Pete til it became slightly too obvious he’s swinging in the other direction – anyway, so she’s all pissy because Jack’s teasing her about Pete so she buggers off and leaves me standing behind Jack but he just ignores me, which is kinda a pity cos he’s so hot it’s so not funny and I’m all like checking out his arse, it’s absolutely amazing! I know you’re all in love with Bob and everything, but if you ever get a chance to check it out, you should, you’d drool so much you’d need a paper towel! Anyway, you probably wouldn’t want to since he totally pulptified your friends and he’s an arsehole and all that, but anyway, the point is that this other guy comes up to him – one of the drummers I think, and he was downright gorgeous, but that’s so not the point, is it? Totally no, so anyway they start talking all quietly and glancing around like someone’s gonna overhear them and Jack completely forgets I’m right behind him, pretending to listen to my iPod which I totally wasn’t since it got broken a few days ago when Kristy – that really tall girl with the long brown hair in flutes, totally dropped it in the sink when we were washing up and having this awesome foam fight you totally should been in with, and it was ruined but I still had it with me because I love it and it’s covered in my stickers and stuff, I’m so attached to it, it’s so not funny! But the whole point is, I was totally listening in on their conversation and they’re talking about Simon, about how they’re all concerned about his intentions for the gay kids – you guys, duh! – and they were worried cos Simon’s been acting really weird and Schizo and all freaky and violent and more aggressive than usual and all this stuff, but the drummer’s acting like this is awesome cos he wants to pound your faces into pulp for being bent butt fuckers- his words, totally not mine, I swear to God I wanted to hit him for saying that but I totally just pretended I was jigging to BFS and did my crazy little dance as I listened to them, and they completely ignored me. Ok, so, after hearing this, I went over to see Kristy – since she totally owes me the biggest favour ever known to human kind for breaking my iPod and she totally knows it so I completely own her for the rest of camp, but I swear on my life I won’t take advantage of this, cos I’m such a nice, caring, lovely girl and wipe that smirk off your face before I smack you one down, Toro, so yeah, Kristy’s totally my slave right now and I made her go talk to Simon in the circle, and distract him, y’know? So I – the most wonderful and sneaky and amazing – Zanny the Magnificent and Glorious – seriously, totally wipe that smirk, Toro! – could sneak into his cabin whilst the guys were out. I totally had to go through the window, and you have no idea how painful that is when you have boobs, guys are so lucky they don’t have to worry about two painful water balloons permanently welded to your chest, it’s possibly one of the worst things to try and do with them, as in try and hoist yourself through a window over a really painful sill! So eventually I get in and I’m completely swearing my head off under my breath, and I go over to Simon’s desk and start rifling through his shit and trying not to gag because everything in there stinks of either aftershave or boy BO, and I always did wonder if gay guys got turned on by boy BO, I mean I like it, and I’m a girl, so does it work the same with gay guys or what? Oh nevermind, the point is, I’m in there, practically hiding under his bed and I hear Kristy trying to convince him to go to the lake with her, but he’s all cocky and shit and takes her in the cabin, so I totally panic my arse off, grab his diary and his letters and dive under the bed, and it’s so horrible under there, you have absolutely no idea! It’s all dusty and dirty and there’s toenail clippings and all sorts of stuff and I’m trying my hardest not to gag or choke on the smell, or sneeze or something, but it’s ok cos once they sit down, he can’t see me so I can make as much noise as whatever and he won’t hear a fucking thing, so Kristy totally paying me back but talking to him, acting all coy and innocent and they start making out so shamelessly – he is so revolting when he makes out, he keep groaning and making all these animal noises and his hands are everywhere! And they’re so sweaty and clammy and it’s horrible, so I’m gagging even more and feeling so bad for Kristy, I was ready just to get up, and pull her outta there, but I’m there to find shit out, so I start flipping through his letters and diary and it’s full of shit, all this emo poetry like ‘Love like Pain’ and ‘This Hurts Too Much to Try and Heal’ and ‘Give Me A Smile, I Die Inside’ and even ‘I Heart You, Emo Girl’ and there’s piano melodies that are all twinkle and total rip offs of Britney and all this angsty stuff about girls and spots and do girls like penises like his and is his nose too big, should he cut his ponytail, he feels so alone, blah blah blah – typical teenage bullshit, and then I totally score in the most amazing and unbelievable way imaginable! There’s this entire chapter, about twelve pages long about his brother and how much he hates him now and how he feels betrayed and sickened and how his brother’s been kicked out of the family but he’s all upset because he loves his brother but he feels he should hate him and he’s confused and emotional and upset and angry as hell, and he wants to take his anger out of the people he hates most – all in you guys, the gay kids, and this is all because of one simple, little thing,” grinned Zan Zan, finally letting me catch up. I missed most of it, but I got the idea. 

“What?” I asked, excited and leaning in closer. Zan Zan leans in to whisper in my ear, secretive and glinting with mystery. 

“His brother’s gay too,”

My jaw dropped. 

“No way!”

“Ah, but that’s not all!” crowed Zan, beckoning me in so I leaned right in, let her breath tickle my ear. 

“Simon’s worried he might be too,” 


	31. The Head Start

“No way,”

“Way!”

“No way!”

“Way!”

“No way!”

“Way!”

“No way!”

“Dude, way!”

“Ok, what’s going on?” interrupted a voice at the end of the jetty. Both Zan Zan and I turned to look, and my face lit up in a manic grin – it was my Bob, looking more beautiful than I remembered. He was grinning warmly, his eyes fixed straight on me. I beckoned him over and he padded over, sitting down and leaning over to kiss my cheek. 

“Hey baby,” he smiled at me warmly, our own little secret. He grinned at Zan Zan too, who just rolled her eyes at us. 

“Zan and I were just debating whether or not that cute guy from Torchwood would make an exception for her,” I explained. Bob chuckled, shaking his head. 

“Unlikely, Zan, he’s more likely to try and steal my Torosaurus here,” he grinned. 

“So’s everyone,” laughed Zan Zan, her eyes flickering towards the sex magnet ‘o lurve, aka me. I shrugged and grinned easily. 

“I can’t help it, I’m just too sexy,” I winked at them both. Bob rolled his eyes and took my hand, intertwining our fingers and making Zan Zan roll her eyes to the heavens again. 

“Course you are, babe,” chuckled Bob. 

“Ok, it’s getting too cute in here, I’m off!” decided Zan, standing up abruptly. “You two do your couple thing, I’m gonna go have a manicure in the girly cabin,” she grinned. 

“Ooo, I love manicures,” smiled Bob. Zan laughed and reached down to hug us both. 

“Bye guys!” she called, before padding off, adjusting her sarong as she went. I looked back at Bob who was grinning stupidly. 

“What?” I asked, grinning back. He shrugged. 

“Dunno, you just look really cute today…it might be your afro though, it’s dried funny,” he giggled. I reached up to feel the mighty bush (TUNDRA!) on my head, my face aghast. 

“Oh Jesus’ panties!” I moaned, trying to tug it into shape. 

“Is that even an insult?” asked Bob as he helped me rearrange my crazy windblown hair. Bad Zanna for not telling me it’d gone funny. 

“No, but it’s good enough,” I hmphed. 

“So what were you and Zan talkin’ bout? I saw you down here being all cosy and I got all jealous,” teased Bob, pouting. I grinned and leaned forward to kiss his lips softly. 

“Don’t be, we were gossiping,” I shrugged. Bob’s eyebrows shot up. 

“OK, you know the whole gay couple thing? You don’t have to take your side of it to the stereotypical girl extremes,” he giggled, so I stuck my tongue out and poked his stomach. 

“Shut up, I like gossiping,” I hmphed. 

“So, whatcha talk about, gorgeous?” asked Bob, rubbing his thumb over the skin of my fingers, even the slightest touch driving me crazy. I shrugged. 

“Oh, you know, us, the guys, the girls, Simon,”

“You know, I love the fact Simon isn’t even classed as a guy anymore,” smirked Bob, leaning on his elbow so he was closer to me, our eyes lazily fixed on each other. Close and casual, comfortable in the warm sunshine. 

“Me too. I learned something completely mind-blowing,” I said, leaning closer to him and dropping my voice. 

“Oh, that Sue let Danny finger her behind the bike shed?”

“What? No! Everyone knows that,”

“Ok, how about Michelle’s hair extensions are fake?”

“Bob, please, that’s so obvious even the blind guy’s seen it,”

“Um…oo! That Lola has a crush on Samson?”

“Ok, that’s just gross,”

“What about-“

“Bob, shut up and I’ll tell you,” I smiled sweetly. He stopped talking and lifted his sunglasses up off his nose, his gentle blue eyes fixing on me. 

“Go on then, before I jump on you and tackle you into the lake, you sexy doughnut,”

“Don’t call me fat! Anyway, it’s about Simon,” I grinned. Bob’s eyebrows shot up. 

“I’m all ears,”

“He thinks he’s gay,”

“I think I misheard that, what?”

“He thinks he’s gay,”

“No, seriously, every single ear has stopped working, what?”

“He thinks he’s gay,”

“Oh. He has to spoil everything doesn’t he?!”

“I don’t understand you…”

“Well, he just goes being an arsehole and spoiling our holiday and now he’s going and raining on our gay parade! He can’t be in our club,” sulked Bob. He was adorable when he pouted. 

“Babe, he’s nothing to do with us, even if he is gay, now stop pouting,”

“No, I hate him,”

“So do I, I wanna hit him til he bleeds, but we won’t get away with that. Where are the guys?” I asked, stroking the side of his face gently, unconcerned with anything that wasn’t Bob’s calm blue eyes. 

“Bert and Pete are still in the cabin, Adam and Ryan are keeping an eye on them – in their own, distracted way,” he giggled. I knew what he meant and winked. 

“Sounds like a plan,” I said huskily, all this stress making me horny. Bob’s eyebrows shot up and his sunglasses feel back on his nose. I laughed and took them off, brushing his bottom lip with my thumb. 

“Wanna go for a swim?” I asked, grinning wickedly, and letting my eyes drop. Bob nodded quickly and scrambled to his feet, pulling me up by my hand. 

“After you,” I gestured, pointing into the dark water. Bob grinned and squeezed my fingers, leaping into a graceful swam dive. I grinned, he was such a show off. When he surfaced, I couldn’t believe how sexy he looked, all wet like that. Mmm…

“Come on, babe, I’ll race you! Last one there has to do the elbow work!” he grinned, teasing me. My jaw dropped. 

“You dirty bugger! Ok, go then, I’ll give you a head start!” I yelled back, preparing to dive.

“Even better idea!”

I was so shocked, I fell into the lake with as much grace as a blind nun on rollarblades. I surfaced quickly to see Bob swimming ahead of me, laughing. I grinned and ducked under the cold, cold water, kicking away him. I was a strong swimmer, so strong I caught up with Bob half way across the lake, grinning at him over the ripples my strokes were causing. He looked impressed, grinning. 

I couldn’t be bothered to beat him, even though I would’ve liked to have him do me first, but when we got right to the edge of the lake I gave an extra burst of speed. We collapsed on the warm stony beach, exhausted. I’d pushed Bob to his limits. 

“I think I won,” I grinned, licking my lips. “Pay up bitch,” 

“Oh come on, barely fair, I was just behind you!” gasped Bob, breathing heavily. 

“I could’ve beaten you so easily. Come on, baby, you know you want to,” I winked. He grinned and rolled onto his side, pushing his body up next to mine. I watched water roll off his muscles, enjoying the view thoroughly. 

“How about I up the bet?” he grinned. My eyes widened. 

“Huh?”

“Come on, baby,” he grinned, getting to his feet and offering his hand to me. I took it and let him lead me back into the water, just like when he first asked me out. He pulled me down so I was sitting on his lap, and I could feel the familiar pressure pressing into my leg. I had no idea he was so easily turned on. I moved so I was straddling him, my hands on either shoulder, kissing him gently at first, enjoying the gentle caresses his hands gave as they ghosted over my body, squeezing my arse and running over my thighs and legs, pulling me right up into his body. I could feel his erection pressing against my crotch, and I grinned as his hand dipped under the elastic of my shorts, teasing the tip of my own swelling member. 

“How kinky are you?” asked Bob softly, looking up at me innocently. The question took me by surprise and I tried to concentrate as he ran his fingers down my shaft just his other hand eased my shorts down my arse. 

“Um…I’m not sure, Bob…how kinky are you?”

The sparkle in his eyes told me everything I needed to know, and I was sure I liked it. 

“Can I be a bit kinky with you?” he asked, still so innocent it was unbelievable he was asking me that. I chuckled and bit my lip, before nodding. 

“Ok, whatcha got in mind?” I asked as his thumb brushed across the tip of my member, making my muscle clench briefly in pleasure. 

“Turn around,” he grinned, eyes sparkling. My eyebrows raised but I grinned and wriggled until I was sitting on his lap again, facing away. His lips kissed my shoulder and I twisted my head for a proper kiss, running my tongue over his softly. Bob’s arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me into the position he wanted me, so I was resting on his stomach, his erection pushing into me from beneath. His hands went to my hips, at first pushing them down, digging his crotch into my arse as he continued to kiss me, then his fingers moving to my shorts, pulling them down around my hips, down my legs. Hands ran up the insides of my legs, making me squirm in pleasure. His touch sent shivers up my spine. 

The water was so cold my body felt numb, but Bob was so warm and his hands so warm that when he touched me the effect was even more amazing. He guided my hands to his hips behind mine, propping himself up so I could slide his shorts off him as well, still kissing him passionately. 

Bob’s hands moved back to my hips, pulling me back up his body and gently teasing my thighs apart. I realised why, his erection was now directly below mine, I could feel the tip of his member brushed against the sensitive underside of mine. I leaned forward gently, rubbing them together. I gasped for breath, only realising now how much Bob was turning me on, making me pant. His breath was ragged next to my ear, his lips still kissing my neck, his hands holding me still as he twitched his hips up and down, rubbing our members together. 

Slowly, his hands moved down my arms to my hands and our fingers intertwined. Then he moved our hands down, to our erections, somehow managing to hold both of our members in our combined net of hands. I grinned to myself, hair hiding it from Bob. He’d done this before, I could tell, and I was enjoying it slightly too much. Slowly our hands moved up our two lengths, replacing warmth with the water’s cool embrace, fluxing the muscles, teasing in ways I’d never thought I could be teased. His fingers ran over my slit tantalisingly slowly, just as mine did the same to him and our hands moved down again, digging into the underside before coming back up. Bob’s arms were curved around me, holding me still as we moved up and down together, pumping in perfect unison and growing faster and smoother, his lips still kissing my skin lightly. 

I was gasping for breath, unable to form coherent sentences or even words. Bob was moaning, long and deep as our bodies moved together, warming up the water around us, creating heat in the friction. 

The pleasure seemed to last for hours, our hands moving faster and faster all the time, heart rates pumping alongside our strokes. I was rocking back and forward on Bob’s lower stomach, driving him crazy as I did, and I groaned deeply when he bit down on my shoulder, adding a hint of pain into our pleasure. Sweat was building on our bodies, washed away in the lake, and I was enjoying this sensation so much, of our combined hands on combined dicks, that everything was just beginning to spin. 

“Oh my God…” I groaned, the words coming from deep within my throat.

Gasping moans, deep breaths, hard friction. That, and the building pressure in our groins, was enough to make both of us come hard and fast. Bob held onto me as we rode out the orgasms, kissing my skin gently. Panting, he laid back into the water, eyes closed. I opened mine, stars flickering in my vision. Twisting over his hips, I lay down over his body, our spent members rubbing together gently, I took his face either side in my dripping hands and kissed him like I’d never kissed him before. 

“If that was kinky, I think I like it,” I told him gently, winking, before going in for another deep kiss. 

“You want kinky, I can give you kinky,” he grinned back, kissing me back with as much lust. “But, um…give me a few minutes?”


	32. The Bench

It was a few hours when Bob and I finally swam back to the main land. We were soaking wet (duh) and the cold energetic swim both cooled us off and woke us up from the lazy, sexy cliché we’d been in. I was still so horny – just seeing Bob or hearing his voice made me want to jump on him and get very very naked. 

Walking up the bank, I was a bit behind Bob, staring at his arse and practically drooling. His back was gorgeous, rippled with muscle and moving as he walked, his shoulders swinging in time with his long strides. I wanted to run my hands over it, taste the moist pale skin and feel the warmth shining out of him, but there were other people around on the bank now. Most ignored us, a few stared in case we got too close. In the wooded part, Bob reached behind him and took my hand, intertwining our fingers and smiling warmly. 

“You ok?” he asked in his low, sexy voice. I nodded and smiled, staring back at him. It would’ve been better if I hadn’t tripped over a protruding root and hit the wood floor face first. I heard Bob laughing – that sexy, loud laugh once again – and I smirked as I picked myself up off the ground. 

“Ok, now I’m pissed off,” I told him, putting my hands on my hips after brushing dirt and leaves off my wet skin. Bob tried to control his laughter, but it only got worse when he saw my cross face. 

“Aww, babe, it’s ok, I think it’s fucking adorable how clumsy you are!” he chuckled, reaching for my waist, pulling me into him, rubbing his hips gently against mine. I rolled my eyes and let him kiss me sweetly, forgetting my embarrassment with every second ticking away. 

Grinning into my mouth, sensing my irritation had faded, Bon tightened his grip on my waist, running his hands up and down the curve of my back, his fingers tracing the contours of muscle around my spine. 

“God your back is sexy,” he moaned, closing his eyes slowly, fluttering them open in pleasure. I grinned back lazily, feeling trickles of cold water move slowly down my warm body. 

My grin only grew wider as Bob began to walk me backwards, pushing my body against the rough bark of a tree, digging his hands into me. I moulded my back against the tree, letting him push me into it, run his hand all over me gently as he kissed me so tenderly and sweetly I could barely breathe.

He ground his hips against mine, rubbing the renewed stiffness in his boxers against mine. I leaned my head back against the tree, smiling and breathing deeply, Bob’s kisses more moving down my jaw, onto my neck, kissing the sore love bites gently, the ghostlike touch of a lover. 

He was pushing into me so much, the bark dug into my skin, sending pain through me, but distorting it into some kind of sick pleasure. Bob’s deep moans and his fingers digging into me only made it far more amazing. He felt so good next to me, pushing into me. 

“Oh God…you don’t know how much I want you, so bad,” he growled, moving his hand down my side, cupping the curve of my arse. I squirmed, suddenly feeling too pushed. 

“Hey,” I warned, touching his wrist so he let go. It wasn’t because he’d grabbed my arse, it was how he grabbed it. Harder than I liked, more like a possession than a person. I opened my eyes, looking for his. I must have sounded stricter than I thought, because Bob instantly let me go, took a step back, looking at me confused and bewildered. 

“I’m sorry, what did I do?” he asked softly, biting his lipring. I took a deep breath and blinked slowly. Then I shook my head, searching for his eyes. 

“Nothing…I just…I guess you surprised me,” I said softly. Bob’s eyes looked traumatized, completely thrown and upset because I seemed so shut down to him, my voice low and level. 

“I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to,” he apologized, shuffling from foot to foot. He looked so distraught I couldn’t help but curve my lips in a smile. 

“It’s ok, really, it is. Come on,” I said, reaching out for his hand and leading him away, towards one of the secluded stone benches that overlooked the river. It was the same one Ryan had caught me fantasising about Bob on – and proceeded to educate me in every single aspect of gay sex. Including several that I think were either illegal or physically impossible. I don’t think I could my legs behind my head…

I sat Bob down on one end and sat down opposite him, crossing my legs stiffly and holding onto his hand. But when I looked into his big blue eyes, his gentle smile, the words died on my tongue. Did he really need the warning I was about to give him? Did he need to be reminded of how naïve I was, how (for lack of a better word) innocent? How could I feel in any way pressured or uncomfortable by someone so beautiful and gentle? Someone with whom I’d been pleasuring and had been pleasured by in only the past day or so? How could Bob, my calm, adorable Bob, now make me feel pressured?

I couldn’t say those words to him, I couldn’t bear to see the hurt in his eyes when I told him I didn’t think I could…you know, sleep with him, for a lot longer than he seemed to think. 

When I looked into his trusting, sensitive eyes, I knew he wouldn’t force me, I could just show him with my body, couldn’t I?

Leaning forward I pressed my lips to his, reminding him of the sweetness a simple kiss held. Bob’s hand stayed in mine, his lips opening slowly to receive my tongue, and finally he seemed to relax. I knew he’d understand my need to take it slow, even without telling him. 

I sidled closer to him, our knees touching as we kissed, hands clasped and fingers rubbing over skin gently. Bob’s tongue probed my mouth tentatively, playing with my tongue and running over my bottom lip, before his teeth fixed down on it and nibbled gently. 

This was what I wanted, gentleness. A soft command over my body, a gentle hand to show me the way to pure pleasure and walk with me side by side as we walked it.     

Bob’s hand freed itself from mine, going to my waist, gently bringing me closer to him, a movement I flowed into, hooking my legs over his lap, letting him slowly pull me onto his lap. 

“You ok?” he asked, breaking the kiss long enough to gaze into my eyes and ask for permission to continue. I nodded, and smiled. 

“Just…be gentle,” I said quietly, stroking the side of his face slowly, and pushing out lips back together, deepening the kiss. Bob’s erection pushed into the bottom of my thigh, and soon too my shorts strained, but I was too caught up in our kiss to notice. Bob was the best kisser in the world, he kept the flow going without losing variety. 

But then he pushed me down onto the bench, slowly lying me down and crawling on top of me, pushing his leg between mine, rubbing our crotches together. And still his tongue kept up it’s dance with mine, becoming faster, more focussed. His hands propped him up over my chest, hips grinding into mine. 

Releasing my lips, he moved his kisses to my neck again, lowering his body on top of mine, bringing a pressure that once fuelled me but now worried me. What did he want from me? What did he expect? His hands were moving down again, to my hips, his kisses moving down my chest, still that pressure, blocking off my air, making me sweat in all the wrong ways. 

“Bob, stop! Stop!” I gasped, overcome. His kisses stopped, the weight instantly lifting as my hands scrambled to push him off me. I practically threw myself off the bench, breathing deeply. Bob was trying to talk to me, reaching for me, confused and upset, but I couldn’t hear him over my heartbeat. 

“Too fast…too fast,” I gasped, and hurried away. 


	33. The Crack

“Ray? Sting Ray?” 

The voice was tentative, worried. I didn’t turn around, I recognised it straight away. 

“Hey Butt Crack,” I sighed, tearing up a leaf in between my fingers, staring off into space. There was a relieved sigh, and I heard Bert crunch leaves underfoot, coming over to sit next to me. I scooted over on the wooden bench, giving him space but keeping my gaze elsewhere. He glanced at my furrowed brow; the pile of ripped up leaves in front of me and bit his lip. 

“Ok then…not so good,” he said, scratching his neck. 

“What isn’t?” I asked. 

“You. I was gonna ask how are ya, but I got the answer from your caveman brow,” he said. I grunted in response and Bert giggled manically, which made the corner of my mouth twitch. 

Silence fell between us. Bert tapped his feet, shuffled, clicked his fingers, messed around, fidgeted until it bugged me. 

“Ok, what?” I asked, turning to look at him. He looked nervous, biting his lip and widening his eyes.  

“Um…um…um…”

  
”Spit it out,”

“Bob’s-really-really-worried-about-you-and-he’s-really-upset-and-megaly-sorry-and-he-asked-me-to-check-you’re-ok-cos-he-didn’t-think-you’d-want-to-see-him-right-now,” rushed Bert. I caught it, worked it out and sighed. 

“Yeah, thought so…” I sighed. 

“So…wanna talk about it?” asked Bert nervously. I shrugged. 

“What am I meant to say? I like Bob, a lot, I wanna be his boyfriend and all that stuff but…he scared me. I’m…man, this is embarrassing,” I sighed, ducking my head and holding it in my hands. Bert made a sympathetic noise and rubbed my shoulder. 

“Come on, it’s just me, you can talk to me,” he smiled. I nodded and looked up at him, my eyes shining. There was a painful lump in my throat. 

“It’s just…I don’t know what he expects of me…I don’t know how fast I wanna take this. I mean, it’s _great_ , and he makes me feel really good and I love doing stuff with him but…some stuff’s just a bit…not right now, you know? Not so soon, so fast. I just felt constricted a bit back there and I’m not sure why…” I sighed, looking at the floor again. 

“Ok, I know this is hard, and you don’t need to tell me exactly what happened – I’m such a perv, probably not a good idea,” he chuckled. “But did you tell Bob that?”

I shook my head. 

“Not exactly, not when it was ok. I mean, on the other side of the lake, what we were doing…it was fucking great! And then we come back over here and he pushes me into the tree or down onto the bench and…I don’t know what he wants me to do, what he wants from me…”

Bert patted my shoulder. 

“It’s ok, you’re nervous, you’ve never done this before, I get that and Bob does too, he is so torn up right now – he thinks you hate him-“

  
”I don’t! I love him, but…gah, Bert, I’m a virgin! I’ve had little to no contact with either sex before coming here and now I’m in a bloody relationship with a drummer who turns me on so much and I’m scared of that!”

“Ray, that’s natural, you’re first relationship is always the most odd, you know? You’re gonna be scared, and feel worried and horny at the same time – it’s confusing but you’ll be ok. Bob would _never_ make you do anything you didn’t want to,” 

I nodded. “I know…now I just feel bad for upsetting him,” I sighed. I wished Bob was here, so I could hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I adored him. Gah, such a girl. 

“Hey Bert…what was your first relationship like?” I asked. Bert shrugged, grinning. 

“Weird as hell. I was 15 or something, and it was with this chick who scared the shit out of me. She was a year older, but had been moved back a year cos she failed her exams…she was insane, and really violent and sarcastic and weird as hell – I fucking loved her! I was a horny teenager, she was a horny teenager…it was basically just a blur of kinky shit in public bathrooms and my bedroom – but it only lasted a month or so,” he told me, his eyes glazing over. 

“Why?” I asked, curious. Bert sighed deeply. 

“She moved away with her mom, to get away from her dad. We didn’t even get a chance to fuck,” he sighed. “Been leading up to it for ages,”

“That sucks man…I guess you didn’t see her after that?”

Bert shook his head. 

“Nope – she and her mom had to vanish to get away from her dad, she didn’t have an address, an email, even a number, you know? They just disappeared,” he sighed. 

“What was her name?” I asked softly, turning to face him properly. He smiled, his eyes going all gooey. 

“Ellie…man, she was awesome, like a punk from the 80s,”

I smiled. “She sounds awesome. What was your first gay relationship like?” I asked, curious. I knew Ryan’s, but Bert was more likely to give me gritty details. Bert’s eyebrows went up and he grinned. 

“Ah, yeah. Well, it was with my French tutor…eyebrows down, please, he used to come to my house twice a week to try and teach me French – I sucked so bad at it he ended up coming nearly every night. My mom and dad were hardly ever around so at the end of the lesson, we’d go out to the pub and get hammered, or go to a club. Then, one evening, after I passed my French exam, he took me to dinner, but there was something different between us. I felt shy around him, he kept smiling at me…and then he kissed me, right there in the restaurant. And then everything he came to my house to teach me French, we’d end up making out on the couch, and it got heavier and heavier over the course of a year until we were having sex three times a night whenever my parents were out…” he sighed, smiling. Then the light dimmed in his eyes. 

“What happened?” I asked softly, reaching out to touch his arm. He shrugged and looked down, still hurt. 

“I came home one afternoon and waited for him to come over, we were gonna go to our favorite club to see our favorite band together, then go back to his…I’d been looking forward to it for weeks! He never turned up, so I caught the bus to his and knocked on the door. Only…it was some other guy who answered it, with just a sheet wrapped around his waist and bitemarks all over his chest. Then he walked up behind him and saw me and instead of being sorry and trying to explain, he wrapped his arms around the other guy’s waist and asked if I wanted to come in and join in with them…”

“Oh my God! What did you do?”

“I didn’t know what to do! I was betrayed but so tempted. I ended up punching the other guy in the stomach, slapping my tutor guy and leaving as fast as I could…turns out he’d been sleeping with guys all over the city…I was lucky, he always used a condom with me,” he sighed. My jaw was enjoying it’s new place on the floor. 

“Oh my God!”

“That was when I was about 16. About three months later I was in a heavy rebound relationship with a guy I met in a coffee bar, but there was no sex involved, just lots and lots of kissing and sweet dates and cutesy stuff – that was when my parents found out, kicked me out and I moved in with my aunt who’s permanently high as a fucking kite…but anyway, that guy and I broke up cos he was just kinda trendy gay, he didn’t want to sleep with me and actually had a girlfriend on the side too. Oh, then I got involved with this lesbian couple for a while, they were fun, and introduced me to a guy who I think I fell in love with, we dated for a few years and had some of the best sex this side of Hollywood, but he moved away to Uni and yeah…of course, there were loads of torrid little flings and out night stands in between all these – I’ve been around a bit in my area. I get messed with a lot too, guys just think I’m a bit of arse on the side, they don’t treat me like my last boyfriend did. They try it on, try and abuse me or use me and they end up with bloody noses. Yeah, I’ve slept with loads of guys, but on my own terms, and when I sleep with girls, I always let them lead me, it’s unfair the other way around,” he shrugged, squeezing his sexual attitudes into a few short sentences as I closed my mouth. 

“You’re not a whore, you’re just popular,” I chuckled, quoting a badge Sapphire had worn for a few months, and practically murdered people when they questioned it’s sincerity. Bert grinned. 

“Exactly! You’re very lucky, you know. I envy you Ray,” smiled Bert. My eyebrows shot up. 

“Why?”

“Ok, you’ve kept yourself out of the sex circle for a while, so now you’re a bit more mature and everyone’s looking to find someone for a long run, you’re discovering all this stuff. I mean, I don’t regret anything I’ve done, but I wouldn’t have minded skipping out on the hormonal insecurity relationships and sex throw in…man, that and your first relationship is with someone as great as Bob! I mean, the guy is perfect for a boyfriend!”

I smiled, letting Bert talk. 

“He’s sweet and gentle and funny as hell, and he’s careful and smart and he adores you! He’s such a nice guy, he’ll never ever break your heart! You’re so lucky to be entering in all this with someone like him…man, you two will go such a long way together, you fit so well,” he sighed. I grinned and nodded. 

“Yeah, but I think I’ve messed up a bit,” I sighed. Bert shook his head. 

“No you haven’t, just a small hiccup, Bob’s fine, just worried. You should talk to him, you two can work it out easily,” breezed Bert, bored with this conversation. I grinned. 

“Ok, ok, I will. Come on, let’s get back to the cabin,”

“Yay! Can I tell you about the guy I have a crush on?”

“Sure, as long as you don’t start telling me about the twins you screwed on a plane or something…”

“How did you know that?!”

“With you, it’s not hard,”


	34. The Announcement

As soon as I walked into the cabin, the conversation stopped. Adam and Pete were sitting with Bob on his bed, both talking in low concerned voices. Ryan hovered nearby, but tapped Adam’s shoulder when I came near the door. Bert entered first and glanced back at me – it was creepily silent. Adam and Pete looked at me, nervous and on edge, Ryan looked tragic.  

Bob just looked up at me with red rimmed eyes, biting his lip. 

And Bert being Bert decided to break the ice subtly. 

“Hey Adam, Pete, Ryan, there’s a fantastic display of tension inside this cabin, and I wanna leave NOW! How bout you guys?”

I cringed, hiding my face. 

“Yep,”

“Sure,”

“Sounds good,”

The guys jumped up and left quickly, Bert grinning at me like he did me a favor and slipping out alongside the guys. Then it was just me and Bob. When I looked up, I met Bob’s eyes and he quickly dropped them, flushing. There was an uncomfortable silence. 

“FOR FUCKS SAKE SAY SOMETHING!”

Adam was never one for subtly either. I cringed and Bob bit his lip. 

“Um…ok, fuck. This is weird,” I sighed, going over to sit down on the edge of Bob’s bed. 

“Yeah…um…fuck, I’m sorry Ray. I’m not sure what I did but I’m sorry,” he rushed. I shook my head. 

“It’s ok, it wasn’t really your fault, I didn’t tell you…” I sighed, crossing my legs on the foot of the bed and looking at the pattern on Bob’s duvet. He was watching me carefully. 

“What happened?” he asked softly. I sighed deeply. 

“Um…Honestly, I was scared. Pete, get your ear away from the door before I smack you one,”

“Eep!”

Bob chuckled, then sniffed loudly, gulping heavily. I looked again, biting my lip. 

“I never meant to make you cry,” I said softly. Bob nodded quickly, looking down. 

“I’m sorry, I’m a bit of a cry baby sometimes,” he said gently. I didn’t say anything, just moved closer, offering my arms out to him. He sniffed again, and melted into my embrace, sobbing a little bit. 

“Shh, shh, it’s ok, don’t cry,” I whispered. “Just listen,”

I was honest with him. Scarily honest. Just like he was with me the first time we kissed, I was so honest with him I think I overdid it. I told him how nervous I was, how worried of what he expected of me, how I didn’t think I could sleep with him for a bit longer – everything. When I was done, Bob was lying in my lap, his back to me, my arms around his chest and his head leaning against mine. His fingers were resting on my forearms and he hadn’t said a word until I finished lamely with ‘I think I’m done,’

“So…where we are now? You’re ok?” he checked. I nodded slowly. 

“I love where we are now – I really do. You turn me on _so_ much and I love it all, but…you know,” I grinned. He smiled. 

“So you’re ok with handjobs and stuff like that?” he double checked. I laughed. 

“Baby, I’m nearly 18 and a virgin, handjobs are totally good for me,” I winked, even though he couldn’t see me. Bob burst out laughing. 

“God, you had me so worried, I was so worried you hated me!” he chuckled, sniffing again. 

“I couldn’t ever hate you, I adore you! You’re the nicest guy ever and I am totally gonna fall in love with you one day,” I told him, nuzzling his ear. He smiled softly and twisted, kissing me lightly. 

“You are so sweet and amazing, I can’t believe you haven’t been snapped up before!” he said, looking up at me with his big puppy dog blue eyes. I stuck my tongue out. 

“Pah! No one snapping at me would be anywhere near as good as you. Now shut up and let me apologise for making you cry,” I grinned. Bob’s eyes widened and his lips curved into a big smile. Of course, biggest make up make out session _ever_ followed. 

I don’t think my lips will ever recover. 

 

“Oi, Bobo, Sting Ray, quit swapping saliva samples and get out here! Camp leaders coming and they ain’t no way nearly as camp as you two!”

Pete has such a way with words sometimes. I propped myself up off of Bob’s body and sighed, rolling my eyes. 

“God! You’d think we were actually expected to be part of this camp!” I sighed, rolling off Bob. He sat up and grabbed my shoulders, ignoring Pete and kissing me again. 

“Don’t – care – bout – camp,” he said between kisses. I grinned into his mouth and wrapped my muscular arms around his chest, pulling him onto my lap. 

“No, seriously, hormone bunnies, news flash coming our way: STOP WITH THE GAY PARADE!”

Bob halted his lengthy nibble on my bottom lip, dragging it out and opening his eyes. We made eye contact and rolled them simultaneously, smirking. He released my lip and scrambled off me, offering me his hand. I took it, grinning at him, so glad we’d talked and stuff. Outside, I stood behind him, my heat pouring into him as the camp leaders came up onto our porch, looking around at all 6 of us like they hadn’t seen anything more disgusting. Steve smiled at me and Bob – eyes twinkling as we both remembered his favour of keeping the windows open. 

“Hey boys,” said the leader dude – God, the name’s gone again. S…S…S…damn. Screwed. “Got some good news,”

“Oh aye?” asked Adam, crossing his arms and lowering his eyelids. “Good for you or good for us?”

“Play nice, Lambert,” warned one of the other leaders, and Ryan twitched.  

“Anyway, we think we’ve got a solution to you’re little spat between some of the other boys here,” said the S guy, rubbing his hands together. 

“Uh oh…” I murmured, suddenly worried. 

“You’re taking a little mountain trek together!”

“WHAT?!”

“WHAT?!”

“WHAT?!”

“WHATCHA MA MAMA?!”

“Oh crap…”

“That’s the spirit! You leave tomorrow morning for the first base camp!”

Oh. Holy. Jesus. 


	35. The Problem

“No, no, no-no-no!” I moaned, holding my head in my hands. I shook my fluffy big head from side to side in despair. Bob sat next to me, his hands covering his eyes 

“This isn’t happening…” he moaned. 

“Dear God who art in heav-“

“He ain’t listening, Adam!”

“Shut up Bert, no harm in trying!” 

There was a bit of a desperate air in the cabin that day. We were – for lack of a better word –screwed. Starting with S, ending with D. With a crewe in the middle… 

“We can’t go. Seriously, guys, we can’t go! We’ll get our arses kicked and then…you know…our arses will be sore,” 

Pete started well but trailed off pointlessly, leaving himself open for Bert to catch the same old dirty joke in it’s throat. 

“And not the kind that makes you smile!”

“There is NO WAY I am going,” hmphed Pete, ignoring Bert completely. I rolled my eyes at him. 

“Ya think any of us want to go? We’d be safer if we stuck together,” I said firmly. Pete frowned fiercely. 

“Bullshit, Bert is one of the most insane fuckers at this camp and he and I got completely pimped when we were together!” he fired back angrily, still bitter and no wonder. The bruises still gleamed purple. I stood up, my temper simmering. 

“I meant together as a group of six. No one’ll touch all of us,” I said in a low, dangerous voice, feeling Bob’s hands tighten around my wrists and pull me back down to sit on the bed. Ryan cut off Pete’s angry retort. 

“Ray’s got a point – if we stick together, we should be ok,” he said, looking at Pete carefully. He looked so sure and firm, Pete lost his hot air and slumped against the doorpost, moodily staring at the floor. 

“I’m not arguing, but can I point out there will always be occasions we’ll be apart on this trip,” added Adam a minute later, standing up and going to wrap his arms around Ryan’s stomach, pulling him close. 

“I’m not pissing with you guys there to hold my hand,” jumped in Bert, agreeing. I snorted. 

“Relax, I’m sure we can work shit like that out…and I’m sure we can keep our ‘ungodly activities’ in our pants on the trip- right Adam, Ryan?” I smirked, looking at the couple. Adam looked tragic, Ryan even worse. 

“Oh crap…a whole week without sex? And the entire time only inches away from this sex god?? Are you trying to kill me?”

Adam eye’s glowed. “Aw, babe, you’re making me blush,”

Bob and I made eye contact, rolling our eyes and squeezing each other fingers as Ryan and Adam began making out. Bert coughed loudly. We all broke off to look at him – expecting a sarcastic comment. 

He looked startled. 

“What?…my throat was itchy,”

Pete rolled his eyes and stepped forward again. 

“Look – this is crazy! There is no way we can go on a mountain trek with a group of kids who hate us! This isn’t some shitty little girl fight, like they don’t like the same boy band! This is homophobic hate crime shit, assault! There is no way this is gonna work without us getting hurt!”

“Preaching to the fucking choir,” pointed out Bert as Pete finished. 

“Amen,” muttered Bob, shading his eyes. 

Silence fell over us again. Sighing, I got up to go over to the window, and rested my elbows on it, looking out glumly at the bright campfire. There was a group of girls sitting on one of the logs, painting each other’s nails and giggling – glancing over at a group of kinda cute boys, who were all showing off for their attention. Zan Zan was there, with the girls, and as I watched she jumped up and ran over to one of the boys, jumping on his back and talking into his ear, before jumping off and running away. He gave chase and I couldn’t keep the smirk off my face – this was the typical summer camp. Girls flirting, guys laughing, friends together and the sun shining down on everything. Good times and summer adventures. 

What a chick flick. 

“Guys…I think we’ve gotta do something about this trip – stop it somehow, instead of hanging around whining,” I said. Bert rested his elbows next to me. 

“I like whining…”

  
”I’m sure you do, but we gotta make a stand,” I said firmly. I could feel one of those irritating pep talks you get in feel good comedies, and quickly shut my mouth. I was aided as Bert pushed his hand over my mouth too – feeling the feel good vibes. I blinked ‘thanks’ at him as Adam came over to peer out the window. He looked at my determined face, then back out. 

“I don’t get it…” he said, confused. 

“What?” I asked, freeing myself from Bert’s grubby hands and letting Bob pull me down onto his lap. Adam looked out the window again. 

“Where’s the big sign screaming ‘OSCAR MOMENT’?”

“Shut up, you fancy git,”

“Charming!”

“Ok, cutting you two off there before you start pulling each other’s hair,” cut in Bob, wrapping his arms around me and pushing his lips against my shoulder lightly. Adam opened his mouth to complain, but Ryan cut him off. 

“Adam, babe, don’t bother,” he giggled, fluttering his eyelashes. I guessed Adam’s was a sucker for eyelashes, as he just melted against Ryan and pulled him up for a kiss – he didn’t even seem to hear what he said. My eyebrows went up at Ryan’s cunning. 

Bert started coughing loudly again, and for so long, Adam broke off and looked over, frowning. 

“What? Still itchy?”

Bert shook his head. “Nope, Steve’s here,”

“Hi Adam,”

“ARGH!”

I chuckled loudly, Bob smirking as well, but gently sliding me off his lap as subtly as you can when you’re as bulky as I am. Steve was leaning against the doorpost, looking completely bemused. 

“No need to scream your affection for me, Adam, I know you love me really,” he smirked as Adam flushed and sat down on the other bed closest to the door, sulking. 

“Sorry…you startled me,”  


”Oh goody. By the way, guys, I heard Ray’s little ‘Oscar moment’,”

We all looked a bit apprehensive, oh shit. 

“Sorry, I wish I could get you out, but they’re gonna make you go on this trek. Even if you break a leg or something, you’re going…” 

“But why?? You know why and how much those guys hate us!” yelled Pete indignantly, stepping forward. Steve looked uncomfortable. 

“I’m really sorry Pete, but the other camp leaders, whilst being quite fond of you, are ignoring the obvious here,”

I cut off Pete’s anger by standing up. “Steve, why are they making us take this trip at all then? Why not just keep us apart?” I asked, frowning. I could feel Bob’s fingers curling into mine, desperate for contact. Ryan was right – how would we survive a week without even touching each other? Even kissing each other? I ignored the voice in my head that said I’d managed it for the first 17 or so years of my life. 

“Well, there’s the other thing…technically you’re not meant to know this, but I’m telling you anyway. The organisation who owns this camp – the land and who grants us permission to use it as a recreational tool, as well as give us a substantial amount of money to keep it going – they’re sending a team to inspect the camp, the leaders, the kids, even the goddamn toilets – looking for health and safety problems, violations, general content and mistreatment…”

I blinked slowly, swallowing as the information sunk in. 

“So…they’re sending us away in case that team puts two and two together and …”

“Figures out the leaders are homophobes and the kids are beating the shit out of us…” finished Bob, standing up to wrap his warm palms around my arm, pulling himself closer to me, aghast. Steve nodded slowly, looking away as stunned silence filled the cabin. 

“Sorry,” he muttered a few minutes later. 

“You’re sorry?! A team is coming to fix the fucking problems at this camp and instead of owning up and admitting they’re homophobic bastards who wanna let the kids fucking break my ribs, they’re sending us away – with the kids who did _this_ to me!” yelled Pete, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it up to his collar bones, leaving the bare tanned expanse of his ridged, muscular chest from the elastic of his shorts and the light trail of hair under his bellybutton to his outlined pecks and ribs. I gasped at it though, we all did – his entire chest was mottled with one of the most violent bruises I’d ever seen. And I’d seen a lot. Deep purple blotches netted with little blue broken veins covering his ribs, edged with a disgusting green, yellow colour and deep red staining his stomach muscles. It looked angry and sore and swollen, no wonder Pete was so moody about the whole thing. “And you’re _sorry_?!”

“Pete, calm down, it’s gonna be ok,” mumbled Bert, his hands closing around Pete’s elbows as his shirt fell back down, covering the violent marks. Steve looked embarrassed, and shocked, his eyes almost bulging. Pete didn’t say anything else, just shook his head angrily and turned away, sitting down on the edge of the bed and ignoring us as Steve made his excuses and left. Silence came down until Bert coughed once again. 

“Um…ok, I have a plan,” he said, grinning. We all looked at him expectantly, even Pete looking up, still kinda pissed. 

“A roundhouse, tonight. Start the trek off with a hangover so harsh our ears’ll be ringing!”   


	36. The Roundhouse

A roundhouse. Brilliant!

I used to do proper roundhouses with Frank and Ger, but then Frank got more and more distracted by Sapphire, and Mikey began hanging with us as well. Those two were underage, and we didn’t need any more trouble for that, so we kinda cut back and left it indoors. Plus, we got to the age when getting drunk and high wasn’t as interesting as it used to be. 

But now, I hadn’t been on a roundhouse for a long time, like a year or something, and I was itching to break back into it. For those who don’t know, a roundhouse is simply getting very drunk and getting very stoned whilst partying with your friends, an all nighter with a bit of everything! 

We split into three teams. First, me and Bob were catching a bus into town to buy as much booze as we could carry (thank Jesus for fake ID and backpacks). Second, Pete and Bert were going to bargain the stoner kids for weed, which apparently takes longer than expected. Third, Adam and Ryan were going across the lake to have sex and set up the bonfire. 

I’m serious – that was their plan = sex and fire. Ryan was firm in the order as well, he’s still pissed he’s gotta survive without sex for two weeks. Personally I’m more bummed about the whole trekking thing…I hate pointless walking up and down hills with backpacks…and the fact we’re going with arseholes. 

Me and Bob went to see Steve before skipping camp, and he said it again for us: There is no way out. They’re sending us away one way or another. I don’t want to be sent home, so it looks like we’re trekking it. Shit. That, and the boats are going to be locked up that night so the bonfire Ryan and Adam were building would be wasted, we’d have to make do with our cabin. Like they were _actually_ building it anyway…

“Don’t look so down, baby…could be worse,” smiled Bob next to me. I looked up and smirked at him. 

“Oh really? Throw in a dental examination in French and it’s my best day ever,” I giggled, shaking my head. Bob slid closer to me on the bus bench and wound his arm around my waist. 

“It should be in some ways – I mean this morning was nice, and earlier this afternoon…leaving out the meeting and Simon pissing us off and that other thing, it’s been a pretty good day,” he grinned. 

I smiled and leaned over to kiss him slowly, running my tongue over his lip. 

“It’s been one of the best days of my life, drama and all,” I smiled, reaching up to brush his blonde hair to the side, stroking his cheek. Oh God, those eyes of his were just so beautiful and blue! Seriously, they were just gorgeous! I could stare at them for hours, they were just so amazing! Bright blue flecked with darker bits, and filled with warmth. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer, leaning his forehead against mine. 

“What you staring at?” he asked softly, kissing my lips lightly. I shrugged and flushed a bit. 

“My boyfriend,” I grinned shyly. 

“Damn bent,” he giggled, dipping his head to kiss me properly, pushing his lips into mine affectionately and sweetly. He tasted so good, I never wanted to stop. I felt his fingers touch my neck, easing over my love bites gently as he tilted my head to the side, twisting his head to gain more access to my lips, pushing his tongue into my mouth and running it over mine gently. His mouth was so warm and tasted of coffee, I couldn’t keep my lips off him, I wanted to just eat him up. 

“Oh shit, Bob, the bus is here,” I giggled, breaking away from his kiss and biting my lip as my cheeks flushed red. The people on the bus closest to us were staring. Not glaring, just looking. I didn’t know which was worse, as least when they glared I knew how to react. Bob sighed deeply and raised his eyebrows in disappointment. 

“Man, why do they always come when I don’t want them to,” he moaned, looking glum, his fingers squeezing mine. I grinned. 

“Wanna wait for the next one?”

He looked at me and his eyes twinkled. 

“Hell yeah!”

 

Bob and I walked lazily through the small town centre, ignoring the odd looks we got. It was warm and sunny, the thick amber light covering us and warming us. The roads were dusty, our trainers scuffing the dirt as we strolled, just relaxing and talking. About everything, anything. Music, movies, books, TV, politics, friends, everything. I told Bob stuff I’d never told anyone before – like how I wanted to be a world famous guitar player, about when I was 9 I got my head stuck in the cat flap cos I forgot my keys, all sorts of stuff. His stories beat mine hands down, but he still didn’t believe half of mine. 

“You did _not_ forget your shoes!”

“I did! My mom was yelling at me to finish packing and I forgot to put them on!” I laughed, shaking my head in embarrassment. Bob chuckled. 

“What did you wear on your feet then?”

“Well…I kinda wandered around in socks until my mom noticed,” I laughed, and earned another heart-warming roll of laughter from Bob. I smiled at him, my hand nestled in his comfortably. 

“You’re a bit of a forgetful one, ain’t you?” he asked when he stopped laughing, his eyes still crinkled at the corners. I shrugged. 

“Ok, yeah, I really am…I’m constantly tripping over my feet and forgetting things! I can never remember homework or deadlines, I never meet up with people on time and I have no idea when birthdays are! I can hardly tell what day of the week it is!” I laughed. 

“It’s Monday,” Bob smiled as we turned onto a side street, me following his lead. “And I bet such a bad memory causes some fantastic practical jokes,” he chuckled, looking sideways long at me. I nodded and smirked. 

“My mates always convince me I owe them money…I can never remember little details like that, but usually just stuff like who did what but never why or when…I suck at when,” I laughed. 

Bob made a thoughtful face (which made me want to jump on him).

“Maybe you should keep a diary…” he suggested. I burst out laughing, until I realised he was serious. 

“A diary? Do I look like the kind of guy who keeps a diary?” I smirked. Bob shrugged, smiling warmly and pulling me in for another kiss. 

“I dunno. Do you look like the kind of guy to kiss a drummer in the middle of the street?” he asked. 

“Nope,” I said, kissing him without another thought. A little old woman walking behind us gave a gasp and stalked past, glaring fiercely, which only made me snort with laughter, burying my face in Bob’s shoulder. He chuckled along with me, hugging me close. 

“Come on baby, let’s get the alcamahol and get back to camp before Bert smokes all the weed,” he whispered into my afro, nuzzling his face in it. He was the only person (aside from Sapphire) I let play with my afro. And I loved him touching it, it turned me on so much. I gave a small moan as he pulled away, pulling me into the shop we were stood in front of. It looked like your regular off license. I followed himself, curious why this one was any different to the last three we’d passed. 

“Bobby!”

Oh…that’s why. 

“James! Long time no see!”

The guy was a few years older than us, and looked it. A light beard scratching his chin and short lightly curled blonde hair with bright blue eyes – the boy was quite attractive, but nothing like my Bob. He was smaller and scrawny and lean. 

“Hey, new fish!” grinned James, coming out from the back of the counter and pulling Bob into a hug, grinning at me over his shoulder. I smiled as he offered me his hand. 

“Name’s Ray,” I told him. 

“My boyfriend,” smiled Bob quietly, and James’s eyes lit up some more. 

“Really? That’s great Bob! Great to meet ya Ray!” grinned James, pulling me in for hug. I made a face at Bob over his shoulder – who was this guy? Bob laughed at me softly. 

“Ray, babe, this is James, a great friend of mine who used to play guitar at the camp but moved down here to work and stuff…he’s like the brother I never had,” filled in Bob. “James, this is Ray, new guitarist down the camp, he’s one of the nicest, most loyal guys I’ve ever met – and the best kisser this side of Cincinnati!”

I blushed furiously. James laughed. 

“And shy by the looks of it, hiya Ray! Ok, guys, what can I do ya for?” he asked, going all professional and slipping back behind the counter. 

“We’re roundhousin’ it tonight – we need as much as you wanna give us. You free?” asked Bob, dropping his voice as his fingers reached over to intertwine with mine. James shook his head. 

“Nah, sorry, got my girlfriend’s birthday to go to, or I’d be there! How are the guys?” he asked, going over to the back wall and pulling big bottles of vodka off them, but not answering Bob’s request properly – I guessed that was part of the arrangement between them. 

“They’re ok. Adam’s going out with the other new fish, Ryan, and you know that prick Simon?”

“Aye,” said James gravely, adding whiskey to the bottles in front of me. My eyes bulged. 

“Yeah, well, he’s gone psycho this year – he beat the shit out of Pete and Bert and threatened the rest of us too,”

“Fuckin’ hell!”

“Yeah, and instead of doing something else, anything useful, they’re sending us on a trek…with Simon…and the other guys who hurt them,”

James’s eye twitched, his face frozen like he’d never heard anything so stupid. His mouth hung open like a fish, he couldn’t form a coherent sentence. 

Then, eventually…

“Samson still leaving his brain in the sun then?”

“Yep!”

When Bob and I left, we were burdened by many a bottle, and laughing at James’s jokes and stories – all rushed as we wanted to get back to camp. Waiting for the bus, Bob rested his head on my shoulder, sighing deeply. 

“You ok babe?”

“Yeah…kinda sleepy…and horny as hell…”

I laughed at his blatant honesty. I twisted my head to the side, kissing the top of his head. 

“Well maybe we can do something about that, babe,” I giggled, whispering in his ear before biting it gently, purring. Bob gave a deep moan. 

“Oh…that’s turning me on again, babe…mmm…stop before I get stiff,” he moaned as my teeth nibbled slowly on his lobe, tickling it lightly with the tip of my tongue. 

“Ooo, yes please,” I giggled, wrapping my arm around his waist and pulling him closer to me, sucking lightly on his ear. 

“Not here, babe!” he moaned again, but didn’t push me away, his voice giggling gently. I chuckled softly, my voice rumbling out of my throat. 

“Oh, yes, here, I want you now, you big blonde sex god,” I growled, getting more and more turned on, pulling him closer to me. 

“Oh Ray, you tease!” groaned Bob, turning his head towards me and pushing his lips against mine, kissing me softly. “You free tonight?”

“Mmm…” I moaned, in between kisses “Maybe, whatcha got in mind?” I asked huskily. Bob grinned against my mouth, his tongue dancing over my lips. 

“You, me…a little taster before a two week prohibition,” he growled, hands resting on my waist, fingers playing with the waistband of my jeans, hidden by my shirt. 

“Sounds good – the den?” I asked, grinning. Bob shook his head. 

“Adam and Ry are going up there for some fun – Bert and Pete are going to the sleepover in the girl’s cabin, and we’ve got the cabin all to ourselves,” he whispered, eyes twinkling. 

“You waited to now to tell me this great news?” I giggled, brushing my nose against his. He nodded, grinning.

“Uh huh…so, you game?”

I smiled warmly and leaned forward to kiss him again. 

“I’m game, baby,”


	37. The Haze

“CHUG CHUG CHUG!”

The chant infected my ears, fogging my brain as I titled back my head, downing the bottle as deep as I could, the vile taste stinging my taste buds. I gagged on the sharpness and ducked forward, wincing. 

“Urgh!”

Bob’s lips hit mine a second later, knocking me over onto the floor and pinning me down, hips across mine and body pushing down on top of me. The taste of vodka passed between our months, covering our tongues and fuelling our desire. 

“Guys! Keep it clean!” yelled Adam in our ears, pulling Bob off me and pulling me back up to sitting. Bob threw me the dirtiest look I’d ever seen, grabbing the forgotten bottle and downing some. I looked over to where Bert was deep dragging on a bong, hair pulled forward to hide his face. He sucked in extra air and rolled his head back, holding the weed in as Pete held his shoulders, laughing loudly over the moody music playing the background. 

_Season of the bitch, sassy on the board walk, skirts in the ditch_

_Here they come, call them the Diamond Dogs_

“Come on, Ry, get down here, you dirty little whore,” growled Adam, pulling Ryan onto his lap and turning him towards him, kissing him roughly. 

“Keep it clean!” I called, laughing before sliding to the floor – I was way too drunk to function. Bob shuffled over to me, handing me the bong and grinning. 

“Come on babe, add some wacky weed,” he giggled. I didn’t need convincing, I let him pull me upwards and wriggled onto his lap. He held me as I lit up and puffed deep, holding it until I had to breath and blew it back in Bob’s face, joining my lips with his, breathing the weed fog between our joined mouths. 

The music pounded into our skulls as we kissed, forgetting everything. Then someone pulled me off Bob and thrust some more vodka in my face, Pete challenging me to a flaming shot match. 

I grinned. 

“You’re on,”

A line of shot was set up, ten each, and more ready to come. Filled to the brim with vodka. And then all set on fire. 

“GO!”

Blow out the fire, chug the shot, move on…

I was down before Pete, my face hitting the floor after the fifth shot, and Ryan and Bob’s hands pulling me back. 

Alcohol, pot, music, dancing, laughing, kissing, more alcohol, more weed, more alcohol, laughing, kissing, music music music…

Before I knew it, I was laid down in my bed, ready to pass out and throw up. Adam and Ryan had staggered off to the Den, and Pete and Butt Crack had taken the rest of the booze to the sleepover. I felt hands touch my shoulders, lips kissing my skin, turning me onto my back. I opened my eyes, Bob sitting astride me, with the kinkiest look on his face. 

“You feelin’ good, baby?” he asked me, his fingers running up and down my chest, pushing against my nipples, into my ribs, tickling me but not enough for me to laugh. 

“I want you to kiss me,” I said, grinning, trying to prop myself up but my limbs too heavy to obey me. He smiled wider and licked his lips and slowly leaned down, taking pressure off my crotch. His eyes never looked away from mine, even when he got so close his eyes blurred into a general blue colour - he had such beautiful eyes. 

He teased me for what seemed like hours - hovering his lips close to mine, his breath stroking over my skin, eyes burning into mine with unnatural desire – he wanted me so badly, and I grinned coyly, knowing I was torturing him. But the sensations he was pulling out of me were ten times more potent than the ones I inspired in him. The weight of his warm, sexy body pressed over mine, fuelling my heart beats, the prefect weight of man pressing over me. His hands traveling over cool skin, pressing in sensitive patches, teasing my nipples and tickling my flesh, drawing deep guttural moans from somewhere deep, hot and primal inside me. I wanted him so bad I couldn’t move as his lips pushed against my jaw line, kissing the light stubble on my cheek, whispering the dirtiest little secrets to me. 

Oh, the whispers! For one usually so careful with his words, so gentle and loving. What filth he sang to me, telling me every nasty thought he had, the things he wanted to do to me, the hot, sweaty little things with his round, wet mouth and his smooth, tender fingers. How he wanted to hold me, rough and hard and slicked, how he wanted to push me to my limits, make me scream his name, grow dizzy and starry eyed from pleasure and pain, beg him for more, beg him to touch me, to kiss me, to fill me. 

I lay beneath him, my chest heaving as his voice filled me with his lust, making me so hard I whimpered with every exhale. I wanted him so badly – just touch me, please, relieve some of this torturous teenage pressure, just fucking touch me!

“Please…please…” I moaned, eyes closed, fluttering open to see his gentle grin, his wicked eyes. 

“Please what?” he growled into my earlobe, biting down gently, the tiniest pressure making me want more, harder, faster, everything just bigger and more intense. I was ready to cum in my shorts from his touch. 

“Fuckin’ touch me!” I begged, body twitching into his warmth, bucking my hips into his, making him sigh deeply. 

“Mmm…” he moaned softly, enjoying the feelings I was forcing into him, my body fluxing under him, sweating. Alcohol made my head swim, pot clouding everything, but I could still feel him over me, still feel his lips pressing against mine, the taste of his tongue blinding me with colours in my eyelids, bringing heat flushing up my neck. I felt his hands roam across my vision, deafening me with the pulse of my heart in my ears. Oh God, his fingers moving down my hot, shuddering body, drunk from pleasure. My voice in my ears, begging him to just touch me – his gentle shushing, his kisses trailing my chest. 

Begging, begging desperately for him, please just help me. So stiff it hurt, aching for his fingers to squeeze the pain away into pure, undiluted pleasure, thick and white and sticky. Hot on skin, sweat dripping onto the sheets, my head still filled with numbing intoxicating pleasure. His lips on my stomach, nibbling the flesh. 

“More,” I growled, spine twisting into knots of lust. I wanted him, fully, I didn’t care what I said before, I had to feel all of him. 

“You sure?” his voice sent ripples through my muscles, shaking my bones with rainbow sparks of fire. I moaned at the sound, I wanted to grab him, pull him against my body, kiss him like the world was ending. I needed him, a carnal lust born deep within human nature. 

“Just…just…kiss me,” I begged, too drunk, too stoned, too lost in him to care about anything except him. He came back to me, pushing his lips against me again, hands on my hips, pulling my limp, supple body on top of him, hands running gently over my shoulders, back, squeezing my arse softly. I growled, my rough kiss causing both of us to pant. 

“Harder,” I begged, twisting my neck, biting down on his lip, squeezing him forcefully in my wide hands. He smiled against me, pulling me down hard and powerfully, muscles straining as our bodies slammed together, rubbing, pulsing with heat and chemicals pounding through sweating, lusting veins. His hands snaked between us, teasing my crotch, drawing more loud, messy moans from me, my eyes rolling. My shorts were gone, his following, bare skin rubbing together, friction exploding into sensations like fireworks between us. Pure fire like lust cannoned through my head, heavy breaths sounding like tidal waves, tongues licking, fire blazing, hands pumping, volcanoes erupting in creamy, pleasurable spurts, words whispered, hearts beating like drums and eyes held in sexy, love filled stained glass windows, pleasure coming from everywhere.   

Bob’s hands held me in suspense, grasping me as he protected me from the cold silent night full of eyes to frown, mouths to hurt – just him holding me and kissing me like he’d never leave me, never stop adoring me this way, pumping me, kissing me, licking, biting, sucking on my neck, following my moans, smiling against my salty flesh, squeezing my body against his. The duvets lost in a frenzy of movement, passion let loose in the bed and fuelled by the alcohol and sugar of the night. Pure pleasure. 

And the pleasure continued well into the dawn sunlight. 


	38. The Eye Fuck

Bob was eye fucking the shit out of me the next day. 

Seriously, full on eye fuckage. Those long, desperate gazes of lust he sent my way were really distracting…and sexy as hell.

We were sitting in an open top jeep, nine of us somehow crushed into the back. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Firstly, all six of the ‘fags’ had some of the fiercest, most skull splitting, brain numbing, blood shot eyes and sore throat hangovers known to human kind – I could barely open my eyes without wanting to crawl under a rock with cable and die. Bob and myself had been rudely awoken from our warm dreams by one of the leaders kicking the door in, blowing a whistle that scared the shit out of me and sent Bob sprawling on the floor, naked as the day he was born, and ruined any chance of a good morning in together. 

Secondly, we were in a jeep going over rough earth – every single movement was due to a huge cloud of dirt or underbrush sending us rocking for side to side, and made it impossible to get comfortable, have any chance of napping or even resting our aching heads. 

Thirdly, we were stuck in this goddamn jeep (from hell) with three seething homophobes. Add in dental surgery and a few French chemistry exams and it’s my best day ever!

Pete and Bert sat right up against the main compartment of the jeep, ignoring the phobes as stonily as possible, Pete wincing every time a bump hurt his bruising and his ego – so every second. He must have been in agony. But, somehow, they still seemed to have make up and hair styles from the night before, as well as pink nail varnish and glitter. 

And Bob thought _I_ was acting up the stereotype!

I sat next to Pete, trying not to hurt him too much when the jerking of the van sent me crashing into him. Ryan sat opposite me, the only one small enough to fit in with my massive long legs cramped up in the tiny space. He was leaning on Bert’s shoulder and I think, although it seemed impossible, he was asleep. Adam must’ve worn him out, poor little guy. Adam sat next to me, his body turned as far away from the big guy next to him as possible, looking distinctly uncomfortable due to his ‘Lambert next’ post it note hanging over his head. Opposite him – and still eye fucking me like no tomorrow – was my gorgeous Bob. 

I winked at him, smiling sweetly as the van went over a huge root and made us all fly up about three inches before crashing down on our asses again – thank God we were sitting on our soft-ish backpacks, packed with spare clothes, tents and essentials like my trusty toothbrush. 

Next to Bob, the other big guy glowered at the floor of the van, and right at the end of the van – staring right down the middle of us like he was about to be sent to the gallows – was Simon the Homophobe King. Heil. 

I had a feeling I’d enjoy driving him crazy later on in the trip with constant hints that I knew his dilemma – but only if he brought it upon himself. He and his meatheads had started out the trip ok by not saying a fucking word to any of us all morning, even when Ryan and Adam turned up dressed only in their jeans and looking like a stereotypical couple the-morning-after. 

Bob got my attention again, running his tongue softly over his lip. I looked back at his gorgeous blue eyes and smiled, knowing the thoughts going through his head. Both of us couldn’t think of anything else for too long without going back to last night. 

Mmm, I could still taste him in my mouth, feel his body rubbing on mine. I had to be careful – they were such vivid memories I could end up with a bit of a stiff problem if they got out of hand. Bob blinked slowly, his eyelashes brushing his pale cheeks in such a seductive way I wished, more than ever, I was sitting next to him. What better way to piss off a bunch of phobes than to make out with my boyfriend?

…and get the shit beaten out of me once the camp leaders drove off. Maybe not. 

Shit, he was driving me crazy. He leaned his head to one side, and I saw the soft slip of his curved neck, pale and dotted with teeth marks, purple in the morning light. They made him mine, reminded me of every sexy sin we committed together. He smiled again, knowing exactly what I was thinking, my teeth gnawing on my bottom lip, eyes fixed on his neck. I glanced up to see his gaze sweep over me once again – eye fucking me senseless as he shamelessly undressed me with those two blue eyes. 

“Tsh!” 

Adam made a little noise next to me – it was a bit hard to miss Bob’s teasings. He turned his head towards me. 

“You two are shameless,” he whispered over the din of the jeep (from hell). 

I shrugged and smirked at him. “You’re just jealous,” I whispered back. “ Your boyfriend’s asleep,” 

Adam smirked and glanced at Ryan, his eyes glinting. “Tired him out,” winked Adam, leaving the suggestion Bob and I had not been _active_ enough to be tired out. I hmphed and stabbed back. 

“I guess he was doing all the work if he’s the one sleeping,”

Adam’s eyes narrowed. 

“Shit, can’t think of anything,”

“I win,”

Adam hmphed and went back to doing nothing, resting his head on my shoulder and closing his eyes – obviously tired too. I yawned, reminded of how exhausted I felt and how good last night was. Catching Bob’s eye I licked my lips again. He gave me a look as if to say ‘enough is enough of this shit, I wish you were naked’

‘You saucy bitch, I want you’

‘There’s no way we can make out in this jeep (from hell) is there?’

‘I want to lick your knees…’

‘Naked, naked, naked’

‘ _So horny, horny, horny_ ’

‘I think I’m gonna sneeze’

Bob sneezed. 

“Bless you,” I giggled. He rolled his eyes and wriggled his arm – pissing off Ryan a bit, who’d woken up long enough to pull a weird face, wink at Adam, and pull his jacket over his shoulder and fall back asleep on Bert. Bob found what he was looking for and pulled out his phone. He began texting. He looked up and I felt a vibration in my pocket. Some more wriggling ensued, which was not aided by the bloody jeep (from hell). 

_I am so bored of sitting here…don’t feel like stripping do you?;)_

_Yeah, actually, but to a smaller audience. Pete only, maybe Adam…:P_

_You are such a cocktease ><_

_And you love it :P_

_Mmm…you look sexy when you text ^^_

_You look cross eyed, but I still wanna lick you clean ;)_

_Ooo, the imagery, I think I’m getting hard :9_

_Not a good idea with that guy next to you – he might be gay too and I’ll have competition_

_Like anyone is as sexy as you <3_

_You’re making me blush, stop it you big blonde weirdo_

_That’s it, get over here now, and kiss me_

_No. XP_

_Why not?_

_I can’t move my legs_

_That’s cos Ryan’s crushing you lol_

_No shit Sherlock. My butt hurts_

_I don’t remember doing anything to your arse…did I? Last night was hazy, but sexy ;)_

_Sexy, and fuckin awesome :9 and my butt hurts cos of this goddamn jeep (from hell)_

_Yeah, mine too, but I have more padding ;)_

_Getting hard again lol_

_Sounds tasty – we may need to have a ‘toilet’ break soon…;)_

_Adam and Ryan will not protest, I bet…but you know we can’t do too much on this trip…_

_I know, but I can still eye fuck the shit out of you <.<_

_Shameless bitch ;9_

_I WANT YOU_

_I think I just came…_

Bob’s giggles were attracting the attention of both the phobes and the guys, so we put our phones away from a while and spent the rest of the jeep (from hell) trip having a sexy staring contest. 

 

“Ok, boys, this is base camp one,” 

The team leader – which ever fucking one it was – gave me a dirty look because I was standing next to Bob, my hand subtly squeezing his arse. I grinned back cheesily, pretending I had no idea what she was glaring about…

“You’ll be camping here tonight, then spending the next two days getting to base camp two,” she said, and then went on to explain the maps, compasses, tents, all this goddamn shit I already knew. I was too busy trying to distract Bob by slipping my fingers under the waistband of his shorts, touching the gentle curve of his arse, the soft crack between his cheeks. His skin was on flame; his neck flushed bright red as he tried not to squirm too much – his eyebrows furrowed a tiny little bit in the middle. He didn’t stop me though. 

When she’d finally finished, she got into the jeep (from hell) and the two leaders were gone, leaving us and the phobes together in the forest. Secluded and vulnerable. 

The six of us faced down towards the three of them. Even though they were out numbered, the two big guys were HUGE. And not in a good way…

Simon’s eyes were flashing cold death towards me and Bob, bodies still standing close even though my hands were now bunched up in my beaten up old Iron Maiden hoodie. 

Without a word, he turned away from us and went with his two friends to pitch their tents (no innuendo required). We glanced at each other, all of us getting the message: they ignore us, we ignore them. 


	39. The Base

That night we sat in a little circle, sitting on a circle of logs left over from past expeditions. Ryan had got a fire going in the middle, and Bert was building it up as Pete moodily cooked food for the six of us. Adam, Bob and I had finished setting up the tents an hour earlier and were going over the maps and working out where we had to get to the next point. The route planned took us up the mountain then down around to curve back to base camp 1 – which gave us all an idea.

“Why don’t we just stay here for the next week or so? What’s the point in dragging ourselves up and down the mountains if we can just chill out here?” I asked, tracing my finger over the map and looking up at the guys. Bert and Pete didn’t look up, but the rest all looked convinced. 

“Do you think we’d get away with it?” asked Ryan, biting his lip. I shrugged. 

“Probably, they can’t force us to walk up it. They just wanted us out of the way for that sponsor thing, and now we’re out of the way I don’t think they care as long as we don’t turn up complaining…” 

Bob sat down next to me and scanned his eyes over the page of safety instructions and guidelines the leaders had left. 

“It doesn’t say we actually have to walk…” he giggled. It was a pointless statement really, but it still made me smile. 

“We could stay here…but at least if we did the goddamn walk, we’ll have something to do, right? Could be fun,” shrugged Ryan. My eyebrows shot up and I showed him how far we had to walk in one day. “Nevermind,”

“What about them?” asked Adam, gesturing towards the little huddle of phobes gathered around a pathetic fire, whispering. I sighed. 

“They can go, and bitch to the leaders we didn’t, or they can stay and keep their distance – their choice,” I said, shrugging, looking back at the map. It seemed the best idea. Something at the back of my mind kept warning me that walking around a big arse mountain with drop off points and millions of ways to get hurt with a group of people who hate you is a dumb idea. And another one that kept reminding me of Sonny and the bear. I shivered and Bob moved closer instantly, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. 

There was a soft hiss and we all looked over to where Simon and his two friends were watching me and Bob with narrowed eyes, hissing gently as he gripped me. My eyebrows furrowed and my eyes darkened in anger and I slowly stood up, clenching my fists. Bob stayed sitting, his hand touching my wrist. I felt Bert stand up behind me, his anger feeding mine. Adam gripped Ryan’s shoulders and we all faced them – anger clear in our eyes and silence on our lips. 

Simon and the two other idiots stopped hissing and fidgeted – we faced them down until they looked away. Smiling to myself, I sat down again and cuddled close to Bob, wrapping my arms around him and kissing his cheek. 

“We won,” I whispered into his ear, pressing my face against the soft stubble of his cheek. He grinned and squeezed my knee. I knew every movement between us was unfair to both of us – we had to be restrained, to control ourselves, but it was so hard. 

I wanted to kiss him so badly, I was basically panting for his lips. You know that feeling in your chest when it’s just too tight, when you’re practically trembling with need? Shaking with desire? I had that. Shockwaves in my bones kinda shaking – _kiss him kiss him kiss him!!_

Bob’s eyes were just gazing into mine, the same tortured thoughts shining through. I felt the warm stirring of breath on my face, his fingers hot on my bare knee, squeezing a bit harder than normal. I licked my lower lip, gulping – _just kiss him!!_

_Who cares about the phobes?_

_One kiss isn’t gonna make a difference to how much they hate you!_

“Ray,” he whispered, a tiny syllable that sent fire through me. “We should stop…” he whispered, eyes pouring regret. I dumbly shook my head, our faces growing closer and closer til I rested my forehead against his and closed my eyes. 

“I don’t want to…I can’t,” I told him, my hand resting on his knee as well, gripping it gently. Just one little kiss – just tilt your head and kiss him. 

Grab. 

Whoosh. 

Thud. 

I opened my eyes – staring up at the sky. What the fuck? 

“Saving you from yourselves,”

The answer was there before the question got breath. I was lying on the dirt floor on my back, Adam standing over me, grinning. Looking around, Bob was lying in a similar fashion to me, Bert standing over him.  

“No kissing, no naughty touching and no rumpy pumpy!” 

I glared at Adam – ‘rumpy pumpy’ wasn’t something I was considering sitting on the log in the middle of the afternoon in the woods. As for the rest…damn you Adam!

“Remember your own rules, Lambert,” I said firmly, before sitting up. Bob was looking just as grumpy. I met his eyes and we both groaned internally – this was gonna suck huge hairy balls. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Simon stand up and look over at us, taking a step or two closer before reconsidering and staying away. 

“Hey,” he called. It felt he was meant to be followed up with up with ‘losers’ or ‘freaks’ or ‘homos’. But, wisely, it didn’t. He didn’t want a black eye I guess. We all looked over, me and Bob dragging ourselves to our feet. Short silence.

“We’re going on the walk, whether you are or not,” he said to us – focusing on the tree directly behind us. His tone was cold, harsh, clipped and evil. I didn’t like the way he spoke to us. “We’re leaving tomorrow morning,”

He sat down and ignored us, leaving us to turn back to each other and grin widely, our eyes sparkling with delight. 

“They’re going,” whispered Ryan excitedly, as we sat down to gather together in hushed whispers. 

“We don’t have to worry,” grinned Bob, netting his fingers with mine. The touch made me smile and I winked at him – only survive the night without causing a fuss and tomorrow we’d be Scot free to smooch away. 

Fuck yeah!


	40. The Dishes

The next morning was cool and moist – it had rained lightly during the night. Our fire pit was soaked through and we were all huddled in our hoodies and jeans – keeping our hands and feet warm as we watched the phobes pack up their tent and leave silently in the space of twenty minutes. No a single word was exchanged as they disappeared into the deep green foliage. 

We didn’t say anything for about ten minutes, holding our breath just in case they came back. Then:

“WAHOO!” yelled Pete, throwing himself at me and wrapping his arms around my neck just as Ryan jumped on Bert’s back and Adam and Bob grabbed each other. Soon we were meshed in a huge gay huddle of happiness, jumping and cheering and laughing. I found myself wrapped in Bob’s arms, his face pressed into my neck, grinning insanely. 

I stopped jumping and twisted my face to kiss him passionately, elated. 

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close, moving me until I was tipped under him – a Hollywood kiss, what a fucking softy!

“OSCAR MOMENT!” yelled someone – possibly Bert. 

“SPIKE IT IN THE END ZONE!” yelled someone else – most likely Adam – shortly before all four of them dog piled us. I spluttered as I hit the floor, the combined weights of all five of my mates crushing me. 

“My pancreas is bleeding…” I moaned, hardly able to draw breath as they all laughed and wrestled on top of me. Eventually they climbed off and I winced as Bob pulled me to my feet, wrapping his arms around my waist. 

“You ok babe?” he asked, stroking my hair to get rid of any leaves or dirt. I smiled. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I grinned. My stomach gurgled loudly. “Ok, I’m hungry!” 

“Grub time!”

We sat down and dished out Pete’s special mash (crunchy and kinda watery) and sausages (bit burnt). I pulled Bob down to sit on my lap as we ate, Bob kindly donating half his meal to me, just for the sake of feeding me. He did it very cutely, pushing the fork between my lips and eyeing my tongue as I licked the fork clean. It took us a loooooong time to finish our meal. 

By the time we’d finished, I was horny again and the guys were giving us looks. 

“Ok, stop that – it’s irritating,” said Adam, poking Bob’s leg. 

“Why?” asked Bob, his hand tickling the base of my neck lazily. 

“We wanna wash the bloody dishes,” said Pete loudly. 

“Oh, sorry,” 

After we finished washing up and airing out the tents from the rain the last before, Bob took my hand and asked me to take a walk, bored with the guy’s sunbathing in the only sunny patch through the trees. 

We took a long, lazy stroll through the shrubs and ferns, hands linked gently as the green light trickled over us. It was beautiful…simply beautiful. I felt so calm, so at peace. There was a lazy smile on my face and I sighed with each breath – I’d never felt so calm in my entire life. 

I pulled Bob down to sit on a log, taking his hands and smiling warmly at him. He just chuckled back, eyes glinting. 

“What’s up, babe?” he asked softly, reaching up to brush my hair out of my eyes (losing battle). 

“I really love being here…with you, I love being with you,” I told him. He grinned. 

“I love being with you too,” he whispered, leaning forward to kiss my lips gently. I giggled when he aimed for my nose instead – he made me giggle and blush like a schoolgirl. I loved it. 

“Bob…what’s gonna happen at the end of the summer?” I asked him, biting my lip. “At the end of camp?”

Bob’s eyes clouded, his smile losing it’s warmth. 

“I don’t know babe…I guess we keep in contact, phone, email, visit whenever we can,” he shrugged, reaching up to trace my jaw with his thumb. “I know I don’t wanna lose this,” he sighed, his thumb cupping my lip, rubbing over it gently. I smiled gently. 

“I don’t wanna lose this either…I wanna be with you,” I said, pushing the ‘with you’. “But you live in Miami! It’s…a four day drive!” I sighed, shaking my head. 

“We can swing that, I guess,” he sighed. “You could come down, stay for a while when you’re free, or I can up go to yours and stay for a while…I don’t know, we’ll figure it out,” he smiled. 

“Promise?”

“I promise,” he said, leaning forward to kiss me. 

“But it’s ok,” he said a second later, grinning. “We don’t knee to worry bout it yet,” he smiled. I grinned. “We’ve got a whole six or seven weeks to fill!”


	41. The Tease

I yawned sleepily, lying down in my tent and covering my eyes with my arm. I was exhausted. We’d spent the entire afternoon playing football and getting covered in mud and sweat. Pete had attempted to tackle me about five times and completely failed, too sore to even try to push me down. But I managed to flatten all the of the guys in some of my best tackles – and any of the times I’d crushed Bob behind me we hadn’t gotten up for at least ten minutes, so the game went on for a while. 

I heard the guys talking in the circle, Bob’s gentle voice lulling me to sleep as he and the guys cleaned the mud off themselves and shared out food. I wasn’t hungry, I was just tired from a lack of sleep the night before and the early start. 

Half way between awake and asleep, I heard someone unzipping the entrance to the tent Bob and I were sharing. Bob’s familiar smell surrounded me as he crawled inside, zipping it up and leaning down to kiss my forehead lightly.

“What time is it?” I asked sleepily. 

“About 10, you ok?” he asked as I rolled lazily onto my back. I shifted my arm to open my eyes; I could hardly see him, just the vague outline of him from the campfire light. He was smiling. 

“Tired…” I told him, grinning. He smiled again and bent down to kiss me gently, tracing my cheekbone gently with his thumbs, his fingertips tasting my skin softly. I yawned as he drew back, blinking sleepily. “Sorry…”

“It’s ok babe, you owned us at football, no wonder you’re tired,” he said. God, he was so sweet he was going to rot my teeth! I smiled, kissing him softly until he pulled back and sat down next to me, pulling out his mobile and flicking through it. 

“Zan says hi,” he said, reading his new text. 

“Tell her to go fuck herself,”

“’Ray says hi’…” giggled Bob, clicking a reply. I smirked. I yawned again, opening my eyes properly and watching Bob text, his entire body giving me something lush to look at. 

His beautiful eyes, his smile, his ears that begged to be nibbled. His soft hair, that lip ring…and then there were his muscular shoulders, his neck I wanted to bury my face in and breathe deeply. Luscious skin tracing over his tanned arms and the tiny nicks and scars which glowed with stories. His naked chest, cleaned of dirt and glowing in the darkness, his sweet nipples and his adorable tummy as he hunched forward in the tent. I loved every bit of him. Especially the bit I couldn’t see in the confines of his shorts. 

Maybe it was time for another look. 

“Whatcha reading?” I asked coyly, rolling onto my side and propping myself up on one arm. I was still tired, but horny enough to ignore that. Bob looked up and me and his smile grew more cheeky. 

“I’m rereading the text some hottie sent me about a strip show…” he told me, and my grin grew wider. 

“Oh yeah? Did he say when?” I asked, licking my lips. Bob shook his head. “Great – now’s a better time than any,” I grinned. Bob’s face was a mixture of excitement and shock.

“What about –“

Two tangible moans from the tent closest to us – Ryan and Adam’s breathy moans were all too easily audible, as were the rhythmic thumps and rustles of the tent. I coloured, listening to them have sex. It wasn’t fair to Bob, who I wouldn’t let do me until I was ready…Bob giggled though. 

“Nevermind!”

I grinned and sat up, touching Bob’s naked shoulders and pushing him down onto the floor of the tent, onto our joined sleeping bags. I moved so I was sitting astride his hips, and his already hard dick. I grinned and bent down to kiss him gently. He leaned over to reach into his bag, pulling out his MP3 and his speakers. 

“Adam and Ry will thank us for us tomorrow – Queen and Bert too,” he giggled, turning them on and filling the tent with loud music. 

“Thanks Bob!” came the irritable reply from the other tent, making me burst out laughing, burying my face in Bob’s shoulder, breathing deeply just like I wanted to. When we’d stopped laughing, I kissed him again and sat back up. Possibly the cheesiest song ever started playing. 

 

_Maybe it’s intuition_

_Some things you just don’t question_

_Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant_

_There it goes_

_I think I’ve found my best friend_  

 

Slowly, I began to weave on top of Bob, grinding my hips down onto his, pushing down on his strained crotch. He closed his eyes and moaned softly, his hands going to my hips and digging in slightly as I danced clumsily to the music, smiling to myself that he couldn’t see my hair brushing against the sides of the tent. 

But he didn’t open his eyes, the look in his eyes telling me he wasn’t going to miss the strip show. I smiled warmly, my fingers tracing the line of muscle tracing up his groin to his bellybutton, and further up his torso… 

I moved them back, tracing them up my own chest as I teased the hem of my black wife’s beater up my stomach, still winding to the music. I pulled it up slowly and pushed up over my shoulders and arms, threading out of it and letting it drop to the ground. Bob’s smile was wide and satisfied, licking his lips. 

“I wanna lick you,” he whispered, just over the music, loud enough for me to hear. I bit my lip – the idea turned me on far more than he’d have known. 

 

_I know that it sounds more than a little crazy but I believe_

_I knew I loved I loved you before I met you_

_I think I dreamed in to life_

_I knew I loved you before I met you_

_I have been waiting all my life_

 

I lifted myself off his hips gently, flexing my thighs and moaning softly as Bob moved his hands to the top of my thighs. His fingers dug in gently, tracing close to my groin and hardening the pressure in my shorts even more. I moaned again as his fingers moved again, to help me with my belt buckle. I bent my head back, leaning back gently and letting breathy pants escape my throat as he pulled my belt free of the buckle and fiddled with the button. 

I remember I was meant to be stripping for him, a smile coming back to my face. I sat up again, taking Bob’s hands and moving them back down my legs. He opened his eyes and watched as I pulled my zipper down gently, over the bulge in my boxers. Bob licked his lips, eyes fixed on the waist band of my shorts as I pushed them down my legs, pushing them as far as they’d go with my legs spread over Bob’s warm hips. I rocked back until I hooked them off my knees and Bob could feel the warm material of my boxers brushing the soft hairs under his navel. 

“ If only I had whipped cream right about now,” I giggled, running a finger down my chest. “I could do a Playboy shoot in here,”

Bob looked like he couldn’t agree more at what a good idea that was…

“ You tease,” he moaned, biting his lip hard as he watched my finger reach the waistband of my boxers and slip inside. I closed my eyes and licked my lips, sighing deeply and moaning as I squeezed myself. 

 

_There’s just no rhyme or reason_

_Only the sense of completion_

_And in your eyes I see the missing pieces_

_I’m searching for_

_I think I found my way home_

 

 “Mmm…” I moaned slowly, biting my lip and opening my eyes just enough to see Bob’s dirty look. He tried to sit up but I reached out and pushed him down again. “Down, boy,”

He whimpered, pouting at me cutely. He seemed to be begging to help out. I grinned and withdrew my hand. Bob’s fingers darted out and grabbed my hand, drawing it down to his mouth, letting him suck on my fingers, nipping the skin lightly and rolling his hot tongue all over my digits, making me moan for real. 

I knew, right about then, I wanted his mouth somewhere else. 

As he continued to suck on my fingers, I rocked forward on his hips, threading my boxers down my body and baring myself to him – that suddenly took all his attention as his eyes widened. I grinned, flushing slightly as I sat across him, naked as the day I was born, and harder than I imagined. His hands went to my hips, moving to my dick and taking a firm, squeezing hold, making me moan. 

“Fuck baby…” I moaned, leaning forward as shivers passed through my shoulders. He continued to suck my fingers hard, squeezing and caressing me in time. I began to feel like the bitch again, he was giving everything to me – part of me knew he was trying to show me all the enjoyment I could get out of this relationship. 

And fucking hell, was there a lot!

 

_A thousand angels dance around you_

_I am complete now I’ve found you_

 

_I knew I loved you before I met you_

_I think I dreamed you into life_

_I knew I loved you before I met you_

_I have been waiting all my life_

 

“Fuck Bob…” I moaned, going weak as he continued to pump he hard and fast, matching the beat of the music. He grinned, nipping my fingers. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, moving his other hand up my chest and to the back of my neck, pulling me down roughly to collapse against his warm chest, kissing me harder than I’d ever been kissed. I moaned into his mouth, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing, wet nails digging into his skin and making him groan as well. 

He pulled me back down to the floor of the tent, rolling me onto my side and hitching his leg over mine, still pumping and rubbing me roughly in the space between our bodies, our kiss becoming hot and breathy, and very messy. 

He pushed me down a bit further, right onto my back and lay beside me, kissing me and pleasuring me and moaning his lust, my own groans leading him on further and further. He broke away from my lips and nudged my head to the side, fixing his teeth around my skin and growling into my ear. My entire body jerked with pleasure as he bit down hard, a small cry coming from my throat. I instantly blushed, but Bob didn’t laugh or comment, just smiled against my skin and moved his clothed body over my naked one, quelling my shivering from the cool air dancing through the tent. 

“ I want you…” I whispered huskily in his ear and he rubbed his rough covered chest against mine in time with his thrusting hand movements. 

 

_I've got my head, but my head is unravelling_

_Can't keep control, can't keep track of where it's travelling_

_I've got my heart, but my heart is no good_

_And you're the only one that's understood_

 

Bob moaned at those words, his hand pausing as I pushed myself up into him, pulling him in harder and kissing him forcefully, probing his warm mouth with my tongue, really letting loose into the kiss. I felt Bob go speechless in my grasp, my hard member forgotten by his fingers as I blew him away with my kiss. 

I pulled away suddenly, holding my forehead against his. 

“ I want you so bad,” I told him again, hoping my eyes told him what I meant. What I wanted. Heavy breaths rolled over my face and chest as we panted, held close together and yet still so far apart. I tightened my grip on him, my eyes searching his clear blue ones. 

I watched as they widened. 

“ You mean…”

“ I want your lips…on me,” I said slowly, in time with the deep breaths, the music still infecting us. 

 

_I'd come along, but I don't know where you're taking me_

_I shouldn't go, but you're reaching, dragging, shaking me_

_Turn off the sun; pull the stars from the sky_

_The more I give to you, the more I die_

 

His jaw literally fell open. 

“ You sure?” he checked, biting his lip nervously. I nodded slowly, a smile creeping onto my face. I moved a hand away from his back, swirling my tongue over the digits and moving it down his body and found the fist still wrapped tenderly around my stiffness. 

“ Oh yeah baby,” I grinned, running my own fingers over myself, my tongue licking my bottom lip slowly. I closed my eyes and let loose a deep groan, rumbling through my chest into Bob’s. I felt his lips brush mine. 

“ You’re ready for this?” he asked again. “I don’t wanna-“

“ Shh,” I said softly, opening my eyes and shushing him. “I want this…please,”

He looked unsure, but yearning. He wanted this too, he wanted to tease me and taste me – he wanted to give me the pleasure I craved just from him. I didn’t say anything else, but asked him with my eyes, my hand entwining with his on my lower stomach. 

“ Ray…I’ve never felt about anyone the way I do about you,” he told me softly, biting his lip. I smiled, a smile that lit up my eyes and caused one on Bob’s face too. One I wanted to kiss softly. 

“ I’ve never, in my entire life, felt anything, absolutely _anything_ which compares to being here with you,” I whispered, meaning every word with all of my being. Bob didn’t say anything, just leant forward and pressed his lips to mine, raising his free hand to brush the side of my face. The kiss was sweet and tender and so beautiful I felt my body quivering under him. His lips moved down my throat, capturing my Adam’s apple and nipping it gently, tickling me as I let loose vibrating moans. His kisses continued to move, feathering my shoulders and chest, his lips pausing to suck my nipple and pulling another gasp moan from me, whispering his name to the music. 

 

_And I want you_

_And I want you_

_And I want you_

_And I want you_

 

My nails dug into the sleeping bag below me when his lips reached my bellybutton, dipping into it and swirling gently. He grunted. 

“ Could you move up a bit? My butt’s hitting the door…” he giggled. I laughed, pleasure rippling through my body. I nodded and sat up, pushing myself backwards and giving Bob another kiss on the lips. It was so dark now that we couldn’t see each other properly, but we could feel everything. I lowered myself down again, and Bob gently spread my legs, sending more excited thrills through my body. 

“ Oh my God…” I moaned as he blew cold air all over my hot groin, my member straining with pumping blood. I was silently begging for his touch, his tongue to ease the pressure in me. I opened my eyes and watched him lean down, resume his kisses all over my skin, down each thigh, close to the inner sensitive skin. 

I gave a little whimper as his tongue rasped over my slit, jolting me. I was certain we were in for minutes of teasing. Bob chuckled softly, running his tongue up the length of my dick.  

 

_You are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug_

_You are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug_

 

“You’re gonna love this baby,” he breathed, and I gave another loud moan, stifling it as he took the very head of my member in his mouth. I found my abandoned shirt and bit down on it, pure pleasure tingling every single part of my body, from my curling toes to my fluffy hair. 

Bob’s mouth slowly moved down my aching member, his tongue rubbing the underside just as his lips wrapped around and sucked hard, pulling at the tender skin and covering me in such heat I broke out in a sweat. My muffled moans filthied the air as he kept dragging his mouth down, deep throating me. Once he had as much of my length as possible in his mouth he pulled back up, dragging his lips and pulling again with that terrible pressure. 

It was so hot I was ready to cum right then and there, but I forced myself to keep control. 

 

_You make me hard, when I'm all soft inside_

_I see the truth, when I'm all stupid eyed_

_The arrow goes straight through my heart_

_Without you everything just falls apart_

 

I couldn’t bear the pleasure as Bob went faster, bobbing his head up and down in a frenzied motion, his hands holding him up either side of my legs and his eyes fixed hungrily on mine. He was loving every second of this, his tongue rubbing and tasting, lapping up the pre-cum forced out of me by the straining pressure made by his luscious mouth. I couldn’t take it, it felt too good. 

I came so hard, the pressure inside me left me feeling deflated and thoroughly satisfied. My skin poured heat from it, sweat trickling down my head and limbs weak. I had never cum so hard in my entire life. I lay panting as Bob sucked me clean and licked my tip one last time, sighing in satisfaction. 

He crawled up over me and leant down to kiss me softly. 

“You ok?” he asked, the taste of his lips turning me on more than it should’ve. I grinned at him weakly, drained and even more tired than I was before, despite the lust still sizzling between us. 

“Oh yeah…” I panted, reaching up to brush his cheek before my arm hit the floor again. He smiled. 

“You’re amazing Ray, you taste even better,” he told me softly, bending down to nibble my ear. 

 

_My blood, it wants to say hello to you_

_My fears, they want to get inside of you_

_My soul, it's so afraid to realize_

_How very little good is left of me_

_And I want you_

 

“You horn dog,” I giggled sleepily. Bon stuck his tongue out at me, as he moved to my side, pulling his clothes off and opening up the sleeping bag. Before I could say anything else, he’d nestled us up in our sleeping bags, naked bodies intertwined in a loving hug, his head nestled on my shoulder. 

“ This is for the guy who asked me ever so nicely for a blowjob,” he giggled. I blushed. 

“ Shh!” I giggled. Then something occurred to me “Why's it called a blowjob? There's no blowing. It should be called a bobjob,”

Bob threw back his head at the idea, his chest heaving. “A bobjob!” He laughed loudly. I traced a line of sweat off his chest.

“ Shh,” I shushed. “The guys might hear you,” I told him, yawning.

“ Well they certainly heard you, honey, you moan like a beast,” growled Bob, his teeth grazing my earlobe. I blushed again, but Bob kissed my cheek. “Relax, they won’t care – just go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise,” he whispered. 

I was asleep in his arms in seconds. 


	42. The Crisis

When you wake up in a crisis – the first thing to come to mind is usually the simplest thing: where did you leave your housekeys so you can get back inside if you need to? Will the school be open the next day in case someone’s hurt? Where are your socks, you don’t wanna confront anyone in barefeet…

In my case, when I woke up to the sounds of screaming and yelling, it was: how the fuck did I end up with my face stuck into the side of the tent. I sat up quickly, realising there was screaming outside, people running, yelling, swearing, calling our names. Someone grabbed the top of the tent and shook it, yelling for us – the world outside the tent was gold and black, and hot. 

My stomach clenched in fear – it wasn’t morning like I first thought, and the guys weren’t just yelling for the hell of it. 

“Bob! Bob! Get up!” I cried, turning to shake him awake, he was a heavy sleeper – when his eyes flew open, he looked just as confused and panicked as I felt. I pulled my boxers on, ripping the tent open and throwing myself outside, slipping in the mud from yesterday’s drizzle. 

I didn’t get up, too shocked to move – the tent next to us, Ryan and Adam’s , was on fire!

“Adam! RYAN!” I screamed, scrambling to my feet, unable to rip my eyes away from the wreckage of the tent. Canvas goes up in seconds, if you were caught inside it when it went up, there wasn’t much hope of getting out – faded memories of safety from the beginning of camp came back to me, horror washing over me. “NO!”

“Ray!” someone grabbed my arm, pulling me away from the sight of the tent flopping into a blaze of sparks and turning to faded ash – nothing left to burn. My body snapped as I was pulled, my head flipping towards where I was being pulled, heat rising in my throat – “no!” I gasped. 

My eyes settled, my head registered. They were out! They were alive! Bob was running towards them, pulling me with him, until we collapsed either side of the couple, Bert and Pete already with them. 

“Adam! Ry!” I gasped, leaning down over Adam’s body. They were both naked, Bert and Pete’s jackets over their groins for modesty’s sake. Adam’s skin was blackened and he had an angry burn on his shoulder, his hair singed and his breathing labored as his eyes flickered open. Ryan crouched next to him, his skin red and blistered, tears soaking his face as he watched Adam reach for his hand. 

“What happened?” I demanded, growing hysterical, until I felt Bob’s grip my shaking hands. 

“Calm down,” he ordered me and I swallowed my panic, sitting in the mud and feeling tears spill down my face. Bob stood up, his body shaking as he looked down at his friends. His voice shook, but he kept in control. 

“Ray – go get sleeping bags for Ryan and Adam, Bert, go find a phone – we have to call base camp, we need an ambulance, Pete, go get the first aid kit,”

We needed someone to tell us what to do, we couldn’t think on our own. We all jumped up to do what he asked, Bob’s voice commanding more power than the tremble gave away. I ran to our tent and grabbed our sleeping bags, and both Bob’s and my shorts – we weren’t wearing much ourselves. I hurried back, handing a sleeping bag to Ryan to took it, wincing as he wrapped it around his sore body. He wasn’t too badly burnt, but terrified. Adam, though, was worse than I thought, he must have pushed Ryan out first and suffered the molten plastic touching his skin. Already I could see dried, peeling molten plastic in his skin of his shoulders and sides – probably on his back too. We had to wait until it was cool enough to pull off his skin, it would hurt a lot. He would be scarred for the rest of his life. 

I cried for Adam then – he didn’t deserve this. 

That thought brought back the anger in me, the latent fury I felt when I first saw the flames. There was no mistake – they did this. 

“Simon,” I whispered, shivering as the early morning air brushed over my skin. Bob glanced at me. 

“They might still be close…” he whispered, as Pete returned with the first aid kit and both he and Bob began to help in any way they could. Pete dabbed Ryan’s burns with cleaning fluid, washing away the thick smoke from his skin and rubbing oil onto it to keep it clean and soothe it – Ryan couldn’t stop sobbing gently, each breathe Adam’s name. Bob did the same for Adam, cleaning him gently, rubbing balm on him, trying to help as Adam groaned in deep pain. 

“Can we…” I gestured to the plastic on his skin. Bob looked carefully at the wound on his shoulder. He shook his head. 

“Not yet…we have to roll him over though, most of it will be on his back as he ran out…” he whispered, tears dotting Adam’s skin as he bent over him. Ryan looked distraught, thick heavy sobs racking his thin body as Pete cuddled him close, whispering comfort into his ears. 

“Ray, help me,” asked Bob, his hands shaking. I found myself steadily enough helping Bob lift Adam’s body long enough to roll onto his side, into the recovery position. He cried out with every move, his skin tearing under the blistering plastic embedded into his back – blood bubbling up and running down his back. Ryan closed his eyes – he couldn’t watch. 

Bob found my hand and squeezed it gently before going to clean away the blood. 

“I’m sorry Adam,” he whispered, touching his old friend’s forehead, smoothing away burnt hair, soothing if only a little. 

“Guys!” Bert came running over. “They’ll be here as soon as possible – the mountain rescue are sending a helicopter, it’s too far to jeep it,” he told us, his face wet. I breathed a sigh of relief – it would be ok now, right?

“Good, good,” whispered Bob, shivering. “We…we…can’t do anything until they get here,” he whispered, rubbing his knuckles into his eyes. I couldn’t watch Bob do this to himself – I could hear him blaming himself for this, torturing himself for sleeping in my arms instead of guarding his friends from this tragedy. 

I felt his pain, felt the guilt too – but we weren’t to blame. We had to put the blame where it belonged – pin it all on Simon and his friends. I looked up, tears blocking my vision in a thousand sparkling stars, into the undergrowth. Were they still nearby? Were they watching? Were they proud? Happy they’d caused so much pain? Did they know they’d almost killed both Adam and Ryan? I gritted my teeth, anger filling me slowly.  

I couldn’t wait to see Simon’s face again – in the split second it took for my fist to reach it. 

I stayed with Adam the entire time, just as Pete stayed with Ryan. Bob and Bert went to find them clothes, or blankets to cover their nudeness with – silently moving to comfort our friends. No one spoke, everyone just cried until the beating whumpa whumpa whumpa of the helicopter could be heard over our heartbeats, our sobs. 

No one spoke as it landed in the clearing, and paramedics came running. They didn’t look at us, our tear stained faces, our accusing eyes, they just knelt down around Adam and Ryan and in a fluid set of motions took them away – Adam on a stretcher, Ryan in the arms of a burly fireman. We watched in silence as they rushed them away and to safety. 

I didn’t know if they’d come back, even to say goodbye. 


	43. The Return

We sat in the log circle, shivering despite the sleeping bags and clothes we’d bundled ourselves into. Bob and I sat side by side, hands clasped together until our knuckles were white. Pete and Bert huddled on the ground in front of us, their backs pressing against our knees, all of us layered in sleeping bags. No one spoke. 

The mountain rescue sat opposite us, writing down notes on his notepad. He didn’t look up at us much, his eyes moving around the campsite, noting under the brim of his hat. I leaned my head on Bob’s shoulders, tears tracing from my face onto his hoodie, making a small wet patch in the shape of a heart. 

I kept seeing Adam’s face as they wheeled him away, screwed up in pain. I’d never forget the sight of his skin scarred with molten plastic. It was horrific, it’d scar me for the rest of my life. Bob twisted his head to kiss the top of my head gently, murmuring some comfort. 

“So you just woke up and their tent was alight?” triple checked the guy. He was talking quietly, but firmly, and his words just went straight over my head – I couldn’t focus on anything. I was just so scared. 

“It was starting to die out when he managed to get out of our tent,” said Bob slowly. He was still in shock, his eyes replaying everything. 

“What took so long?”

I flushed as Bob answered. “We stopped to put some clothes on,”

“They were already out when you got there?”

“Yeah – Adam had pushed Ryan out first, then got out as the tent collapsed on him,” said Pete. “I saw him pass out,”

“So it was over before you got there?”

“Yeah,”

“Right…so any ideas how this happened?”

“Yep,” we chorused darkly. He looked up in surprise. 

“Care to explain?”

“Our camp leaders sent us up here with some kids who really, _really_ don’t like us,” said Pete. “They’ve already beaten the shit outta me and Bert here,”

“You think they were capable of arson? With intent to seriously harm?”

“Yes,” we chorused again. His eyebrows raised in skepticism. He obviously didn’t believe us that a group of teenagers would try and do something like that – Adam had almost died!

He looked around again – the fire circle was a metre away from the tent, the ash still glowing in the stone circle, the lighters we’d left out next to the log circle. I sensed he didn’t believe us. I sighed and closed my eyes for the rest of the statements. I was too tired and too scared to try and convince a man who obviously didn’t believe us that we were in danger. 

Finally, it was almost over. 

“So are Adam and Ryan are going to be ok?” asked Pete as soon as we began to wrap it up. I opened my eyes again, interested. My insides curled up in worry again. 

“They’ll be fine, your friend Adam wasn’t as severely burnt as he could’ve been, he’ll survive. He’ll be heavily scarred though,” he told us. I gulped, my heart sinking. Poor Adam – his looks were so much to him, not to make him sound like a vain bitch. 

“When do we get to see them? Where did you take them?” asked Bert. 

“They’ve been taken to the nearest hospital, and they’re parents have been alerted. I don’t know whether they’ll return or not, but it’s unlikely your friend Adam will, he’ll be too sore to move or function normally for weeks,”

“Poor Adam…” muttered Bert, cupping his face in his hands. 

“Can we go see them?”

“Probably,” shrugged the guy. “If you want, we can give you a lift back to camp now and you can make your own way to the hospital in town from there,”

We thanked him, still numb and quiet. It didn’t take us long to pack up our tents and stuff, moving silently and quickly, and always keeping an eye on the rangers and the trees – in case we were abandoned against the three phobes still loose. 

It didn’t matter what the rangers thought, we’d go to the police as soon as we could. 

I finished stuffing the tent poles into the bag and hoisted it over my shoulder, aiming for the jeep waiting to go. Bob was heaping dirt over the remains of the fire, his face pale and drawn, red bloodshot. I dumped the tent and went to him as he kicked the dirt more and more violently, tears beginning to build on his face. 

I pulled him into my arms, stopping his angry outbursts, holding him close as he clung to my shoulders, sobbing out his anger into my chest. I held him, shushing him quietly, until I felt him calm down against me, his embrace become tenderer. I saw Bert and Pete motion for us to come – they wanted to get the hell out of here. 

I held my boyfriend, wishing this morning had gone as beautifully as last night had. I wished, more than anything, all I had to deal with was a lot of ribbing over the noise Bob and I made in our tent. But it seemed now I was looking after my broken up, protective boyfriend in his weakest moments, a bitchy resentful queen and a violent, revenge- seeking madman – all without Adam and Ryan to assure us everything would be fine. 

Our ranks were decimated. Our morale shattered. Our fear grown. 

As a group, we got into the jeep and stayed quiet until we got back to camp, an hour later. 


	44. The Dictaphone

They wouldn’t let us leave the campsite. As soon as we dumped our stuff, and put on some clean clothes, we tried to go ask the camp leaders to take us to the hospital, but they wouldn’t even consider it. 

“They won’t let you in anyway, they’ll be looking after them at the moment, you’ll just get in the way,” said one of the woman, with sympathy in her voice. Closing my eyes, I breathed a huge sigh – they didn’t understand!

“But Ryan’s ok, right? We could see him! And Adam…he’ll be ok soon, right?” asked Pete, his voice shaking. The leaders all exchanged looks, and Steve stepped forward. 

“Come on, guys, I’ll talk to them,” he said to the rest, ushering us into a side room. We waited for him to speak. 

“I know you guys are frightened for them-“

“Of course we are!”

“But this has to be dealt with very delicately!” said Steve in such a forceful voice we all took a step backwards. He sighed and motioned to a selection of seats. There weren’t enough so I sat down, pulling Bob to sit on my lap. Steve ignored that. 

“Ok, guys…none of this is to be repeated word to word, ok?” he said. “Remember I’m your friend here,”

We all nodded, apprehensive. 

“Those sponsor guys I told you about – the ones that check the camp over – they’re still here. So everyone’s incredibly…touchy around here. _Nothing_ is allowed to go wrong and this…” he sighed, running a hand through his hair “Is very, very wrong,”

“Tell us about it,” grunted Buttcrack, picking at his mud-caked nails.

“The leaders have decided, in the interest of everyone here, to not report this incident. The sponsors have been told the fire was accidental and we’ve contacted both Adam and Ryan’s parents,”

I felt my blood freeze through. “What did they say?”

“Both sets are coming up to see their sons – it’s between them and their sons if they’re staying in camp. Adam may be too ill to be too active but it’s his choice if he wants to stay,”

I hoped he would, even though I knew it’d be a hard long road to safe or healthy for him to stay. 

“What about us? We were attacked and Adam almost died. Are you, the leaders, going to believe we’re in danger now?”

“Well, kinda. Simon’s two friends – once we find them – are going to be sent home, no accusations of arson at the moment – although Adam’s parents may feel differently,”

“I bloody well hope so,” growled Pete. “Why wouldn’t they?”

Steve sighed. “In return for sweeping this all…into the closet,” – wonderful phasing – “The camp is offering both the Lambert and the Ross’ a substantial amount of money to compensate and agree to drop any charges and keep this…all very quiet,”

I jumped up in outrage, just as Bob flew up too. 

“What?!” I yelled, just as Bert swore and Pete swore even worse. 

“You’re buying their silence? What about Adam? No amount of money this fucking camp could ever pay off the damages to him! You didn’t see him Steve!” yelled Bob, advancing on Steve and dropping his voice to a sinister, terrifying whisper . “His back, his shoulders, his _skin_ has been ruined. It’s going to blister and scar and bleed and seep until it finally stops keeping him awake at night and doped up on painkillers and heals into a wide, mottled scar that will severely cut his confidence, twist his appearance and change his personality. There is _no_ amount of money in the world that will make that even slightly less painful than it already is for him,” he hissed, his knuckles resting on the table. 

“You’re insulting him by pretending this never happened. This camp – everything you represent – just goes to show how sick and twisted and corrupted this country can be when something happens which doesn’t _quite_ fit in our shiny packet label,” he whispered, sending chills down our spines. 

“Adam will never be the same again – this camp, and it’s stupidity in placing us near people who have no reason to hate us other than our pride in ourselves, have killed our friend. There is _nothing_ you can say or do or sell off, that will make that right again,”

None of us could have said it any better. Steve didn’t look happy about it either. His white face stared at the table in front of him. I felt a twinge of pity – Steve didn’t deserve this. It wasn’t his fault. 

“You’re right…” he said eventually. “You’re so right. But there’s nothing I – or you – can do…I’m so sorry,”

“Don’t be,” muttered Bert, slumping down again in his chair. Steve reached up to rub his eyes as I reached for Bob’s wrists, gently pulling him back. He didn’t look me in the eye – he was so angry. 

“Look, guys, this isn’t really…the smartest move for me, I’m already in enough trouble, but I’ll drive you down to the hospital later this afternoon,” he breathed softly, his eyes looking towards the door in case the others heard him. “Just…don’t blow your tops over this, ok? Keep cool, keep sane, and I promise…” he broke off. Shaking his head quickly as a shadow came across the frosted glass of the door. That leader – S…S…dammit! – came in. 

“Everything ok?” he asked, almost cheerily. We all shook our heads. “Ah. Shit,”

I snorted. He had no idea. 

“Look, boys, I know this is all a bit bollocks and you really hate it here – I don’t expect to being seeing you back next year – but we’re willing to make it worth your while for your silence,”

“What?!” barked Bob, his anger growing again. I pulled him back. 

“Bob,” I said gently. I could feel his anger – it was directed at everything, everyone. At S…S…S…whatever!, and at Steve. At the camp, the leaders, the kids. Even at Bert, Pete and me for not sticking up with him. “We’re not interested,” I said, feeling Bob’s hair rise in anger. He shot me a look of gratitude. 

“Now, boys, be reasonable-“ started the leader.

“Hey, Samson, don’t even start it!” Samson! That’s it! Bob and I looked over at Pete, who’d jumped up too. “Our friend almost died, and our other one is so badly traumatized he might never recover! You can’t solve this with money and a big smile, so you can take your silence money and shove it up –“

“Pete!”

Steve cut him off. “Sir, please let me handle this,” he begged, turning to Samson. Samson – white with anger – nodded stiffly and departed, but not before catching Bert’s crude gesture.

“Guys…I know you’re really pissed at the moment –“ Bert made a noise. “I _am_ , Adam was my friend too! But guys, seriously…accept the money – hold it, listen! – and do whatever with it, burn it, spend it, whatever. Go along with this for now, and don’t make this any more difficult than it already is, and I promise,” he looked back at the door and leaned forward, dropping his voice. “I’ll help you blow this all _wide_ open,”

And with that, he laid the Dictaphone he’d been recording with down on the table.  

“Meet me by the road at the bus stop at 4, and I’ll take you to Adam and Ryan,”


	45. The Desert Song

Bob was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Every so often he blinked, or sighed deeply, or gritted his teeth. He held a grip ball in his hands and from the way his forearm muscles clenched, and his knuckles turned white, I could tell he was squeezing the shit outta it. 

I wanted to go over to him, talk to him, hold him, help him in any way I could, but I knew he wanted to be left alone. He wanted to think. I sat on my bed, watching him in case he needed me. My legs had the worst case of pins and needles known to man, but that didn’t stop me. 

For the most part, today – after last night – should have been one of the best of my life. I was with the man I knew I could fall in love with, someone who I could see myself with for years and years, someone I trusted, adored. And instead of spending today together, entangled and glowing, there was this horrible distance between us. Not just me and Bob, but all of us. Pete and Bert and Bob and me. We didn’t speak, we didn’t even make eye contact. We were all too scared, too angry. 

I couldn’t stop the occasional tear slipping loose of my eyelids. It didn’t feel fair, I’d only known Adam and Ryan a week or so and I was crying, whilst these guys, with their years and years of friendship and familiarity, were taking it with stony silence. 

Or so I thought when I heard a broken sob and saw Bert hastily dabbing his eyes. The poor kid was sitting on the floor next to his bed, back to the wall and dirty feet drawn up under him, curling him up. He was looking up at the bright window and trying not to cry in the silence of the cabin. I heard Pete shift on his bed, sitting up and wincing as his sore ribs protested. 

I watched his feet as he padded down the cabin, going past me and Bob and going over to Bert. He hunkered down next to the scruffy Butt Crack and wound his arm around his shoulders. It was enough for Bert to break down into sobs, crumbling onto Pete’s shoulder and whimpering in loud, messy sobs. 

I closed my eyes tightly, the sound only made me want to cry more. I felt selfish, knowing some of my turmoil was due to Bob and confused feeling over last night – did it mean anything to him, or was it just as normal as kissing me? I felt guilty – I should’ve been thinking about Adam and Ryan! 

Gritting my teeth, I opened my eyes and rested them on the acoustic guitar lying next to my bed. I couldn’t think of anything better than laying my hands on that guitar. I bent down and grabbed it, swinging it onto my lap. Strumming my thumb over the strings, I felt the warm vibrations pass through me. I instantly felt better – no matter what, I always felt better with wrong guitar strings under my fingers. 

I strummed a few more chords, my fingers working themselves back into memory. I played a bit faster, an old song Gerard and I had written springing to mind. I let the words slip out. 

“We hold in our hearts the sword and the faith,

Swelled up through the rain clouds, move like a wraith,

Well after all,

We’ll lie another day,

And through it all,

We’ll find some other way,

To carry on through cartilage and fluid,

And did you come to stare or wash away the blood?

For once in my life, the words came smoothly, I could remember them. I didn’t think about them, I just let them out, my tongue forming them better than my head ever could have done. My fingers kept playing. I was aware of eyes on me. Pete and Bert watching me through their tears, of Bob’s blue gaze twisted to watch me strum. 

“Well tonight, well tonight?

Will it ever come?

Spend the rest of your days,

Rocking out just for your days,

Well tonight, will it ever come?

I can see you awake anytime in my head,”

I raised my eyes to meet Bob’s then and he blinked slowly, a tiny little smile coming to his face. It was so faint, so weak, it could have just been my imagination, or a shadow. But then his fingers relaxed on the bal in his hands. He relaxed as he listened. I sang for the dead, for the dying, for the hurt and the scared and the rejected. For us.

“Did we all fall down?”

My fingers twisted, playing a different tune, the one I usually played whilst Gerard kept the other part going, my fingers dancing over the frets. 

“From the lights to the pavement, 

From the van to the floor,

From backstage to the doctor,

From the Earth, to the morgue, morgue, morgue,” 

My voice strained, almost cracked when I sang the morgue, I wasn’t used to singing when it felt like I was about to burst into tears. Just the idea of Adam lying cold on a metal bench, his skin marble cold and hard, his hair brittle, his eyes unresponsive. I couldn’t shake it loose, pushing on with the song. 

 

“Well tonight, will it ever come?

Spend the rest of your days,

Rocking out just for dead,

Well tonight, will it ever come?

I can see you awake anytime in my head,”

I finished the words, but kept strumming, moving up and down the songs parts, repeating it without words. It was the serenade of the sorrowful, the anthem of the grieving. Pete and Bert kept sobbing, Bob still watching me and my fingers. 

“We hold in our hands…the sword and the faith,” whispered Bob. I saw his fingers clenching around the stress toy again, the sword. I saw his eyes shine with our anthem, our faith. 

“Where did you learn that?” asked Pete’s soft voice from the corner as I continued to play. I shrugged. 

“Back home…we were used to stuff like this happening,” I said quietly, my fingers still moving over the song. 

“Stuff like this?”

I kept my eyes down. 

“People getting beaten up, killed, violence…everything wrong with a town was wrong with ours…” I tried to explain, closing my eyes against the chaos of our hometown of Belleville. Gangs, shootings, drug addiction, rape. It wasn’t a home sweet home. 

“Anyone ever burn to death in your home town?” asked Bert. The pause that came after that question was a harsh one. I swallowed before nodding. 

“H-How?”

“Caught in a burning house,” I answered quietly. We fell quiet again, until Bert spoke up again. He seemed the youngest now, the naïve innocent one. 

“Will…Will they arrest Simon?”

Bob and I both looked over at him, me offering a sympathetic look, but Bob growled in his throat. 

“No, Bert, no evidence to suggest he willfully tried to commit arson with intent to harm,” he spat bitterly, repeating the words of the fire marshal. I looked back at Bob as Bert gave another sob. He looked so angry, so unbelievably angry. How could he contain so much anger whilst being so quiet? So silent? I felt, then for the first time, that I would never truly know him, or what he was thinking. 

“Adam will be ok, and Ryan too,” said Pete. It wasn’t a question, but the way he said it suggested he wanted reassurance. I looked over at them. 

“Oh, yeah,” I said, my volume sounding unnatural and uncomfortable even to me. “Ryan’s fine, and Adam’s burns weren’t life threatening, only painful…they’ll both be fine,” I said, offering every scrap of reassurance I had in me. 

“Will Adam come back here?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “It’s unlikely, he’ll be in hospital for a few more days at least…then he won’t be able to move too much, he’ll be in a lot of pain and need a lot of care…his parents will probably take him home. Ryan might stay though,” I said, as if that could help the pain of losing one of their closest friends. 

With a sigh, Bob sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, rubbing his eyes. 

“I’m going for a walk…I gotta clear my head,” he said quietly. He glanced at his watch. “I’ll be back in half an hour or so, then we can head, ok?”

We didn’t answer, but I gave him a smile and a small nod. He stood up and offered me his hand, squeezing my fingers. “Wanna come?”

I looked over at Pete and Bert, but they were ok. Pete was whispering comforts in Bert’s ear, stroking his dirty blonde black hair and cuddling him close. I let Bob pull me to my feet and I followed him outside. 

We walked away from the compound, ignoring the curious stares from the other campers and heading for the beach, and the stony walks along the banks. At first, Bob kept his head down and kicked stones. But when we pulled away from the people, he looked up and found my hand, threading our fingers. 

“You ok?” I asked after we’d been walking for about ten minutes. He shook his head. 

“No, I’m not. I’m…I’m terrified, for Adam and Ryan and for us,” he sighed. “We’re next, you can read the pattern,”

“You really think they’d try anything else? They’ve almost killed someone now!” I gasped, shuddering at the idea. Bob closed his eyes and halted, rubbing them. 

“I don’t know…I don’t want to! Ray…if they hurt you…I won’t stop until they’re black and blue and behind bars! Adam was one of my best friends …and I couldn’t help him,” he sighed. There was too much trauma to process. I pulled him away from the path and sat him down on the mossy bank. 

“Calm down,” I said gently, shuffling close to him and wrapping an arm over his shoulders as he rubbed his eyes free of tears. 

“This is so fucked up,” he whispered. I nodded and rubbed his shoulders. 

“I know,” I said, looking out at the lake. Minutes passed as Bob sat curved into me. When he looked up, he looked guiltily. 

“Are _you_ ok? I mean, what with last night and you and I…”

I smiled. “Bob, relax,” I reassured. “You don’t need to worry about us, I’ll be here for you, you don’t need to pamper me with emotions and shit like some girly girl – this is far more important than whatever’s happening between us,” I smiled, kissing his nose. 

He smiled, nestling into me. 

“You are amazing, Ray Toro…I don’t deserve you,” he whispered, leaning forward for a proper kiss. I kissed him back and rested my forehead against his, closing my eyes. 

“We have to be careful now, Bob…it’s too dangerous now,”

He looked angry then. “I hate them so much for ruining what was meant to be the best holiday of my life!” he growled, his body growing tense again. Despite myself I couldn’t help it. 

“The best?” I echoed. He caught my smile and nodded fervently. 

“The _best_ ,”

I smiled again and kissed him softly, it was all the attention I needed then. This whole Adam/Ryan/Simon thing…well, that took a lot more talking than a few minutes. 

And we still made it in time for the lift.   


	46. The Hospital

We weren’t in the mood to talk to Steve in the van, he’d only try and justify what was going on, tell us it was for the best, all this stuff. We didn’t even want to talk about his plan to blow the camp open to the public. It seemed a fool’s hope anything close to justice would come from it. What he really wanted to do was march into town into the police station and report it, but I had a feeling he couldn’t lose this job. 

You could see it in his eyes as he weighed up the two sides of the conflict. The strong over the right. 

I sat in the front of the van with him, none of the guys had wanted to so I’d agreed. But it did mean I had CD control. 

We arrived at the hospital in virtual silence and American Idiot – kinda fitting, don’t you think? By the time Steve pulled up front and slowed the truck, we were all outta the van and hurrying inside. Bob reached for my hand as we went up to the main desk.

“Hey, we’re looking for Adam Lambert or Ryan Ross – where are they?” he asked as soon as we were in earshot of the woman at the desk. Bert made a confused face. 

“Ryan has a last name?”

We gave him a look. 

“…No chance one of you guys finds my stupidity cute?” 

Pete rolled his eyes. 

“We’ve got to stop using your head as a football,”

We looked back at the lady and she gave us a smile, eyes twinkling in humor. 

“Are you family?”

“In a matter of speaking…”said Bob evasively. She didn’t look convinced. 

“I’m sorry, boys, but –“

“Ok, we can’t see them right now, but can you at least tell us if they’re all right? We saw what happened to them, they’re our best friends and we’re worried about them, ok? Can you just tell us they’re ok?” I begged, stepping forward. She bit her lip, looking back at my pleading face. I’ve been told I have persuasive eyes. 

“Ok, hold on,” she said in a low voice, and began tapping away in the computer. We waited for about five minutes, tapping our toes, sighing, just waiting. She was having difficulty tracing them in the big hospital. Until:

“Ok, Lambert is in intensive care, he’s being prepared to go into surgery,”

“For what?!” cried Pete, going about an octave higher than he’d like. We let it slide. 

“Not sure, reconstruction and extraction I think,”

Bob turned to Bert.

“That means they’re gonna take out the plastic and sewn his skin back together in the right places…”

Bert looked nauseous.

“Like a beanie baby?!”

“Yeah, sure,” 

“What about Ryan? He wasn’t so bad,” I said, ignoring Bob comforting Butt Crack as he got more and more wound up. 

“Patient Ross had been transferred to a ward, awaiting discharge tomorrow – his injuries aren’t severe but he has suffered enough to put him on a heavy case of pain killers,” she told us, not meeting our eyes. I figured, by the way she spoke half to us and half to herself, she wasn’t meant to give out this kind of information. 

Pete pushed himself closer to her. 

“Which ward?”

 

“Oh my God…Ryan,” I gasped as we rounded the last curtain and spotted him. He was sitting up in bed, his chest bare and a drip taped to his hand. He was almost the same colour as the bedsheets, and he was crying. 

“Guys!” he said in surprise as we hurried to sit next to him. I took his hand and squeezed it as he burst into sobs. “It hurts so much!”

I bit my lip, leaning over to look at the burns on his back. The skin on his back was tinged red, and stood out harshly against the sterile white of his sheets and the green of the wall behind him. Most of the burns were covered in waterproofed plasters, smelling strongly of chemicals, but some were left as white blisters. He couldn’t lean back due to the pain it’d cause. 

“You poor thing,” I sighed, reaching up to touch the side of his face softly. Not to sound like a poof, but me and Ryan had become really close – based on the more girly side of life. Gossiping. Clothes talk. Hair care. Seeing him liked this really upset me. I felt Bob come to stand beside me, his hands resting on my shoulders. 

“Did you just get burnt, Ry?” he asked as Pete dabbed as Ryan’s tears and Bert pulled the curtains around us, concealing us. He nodded. 

“It was enough,” he sighed. “How’s Adam? Have you heard anything? They haven’t told me anything!”

I squeezed his hand again. 

“He’s going into surgery soon,” soothed Pete, dabbing moisture off Ryan’s fevered brow. “Surgery?!” he gasped. We all grabbed him as he started forward. He was woozy, running a high fever. 

“Ryan, relax, he’s fine, they’re just taking the plastic out of him, they’re helping, I promise he’ll be fine,” 

We all made comforting noises, stroking his arms, face, soothing him. He was breathing heavily, he was scared and upset, tears dripping onto his sheets. He was terrified for Adam, and for himself. 

“When do your parents get here?” I asked, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles gently. He sniffed gently. 

“Tomorrow evening, in time to get me out of here…they won’t discharge me without them to pick me up, fucking legal guardians…” he muttered, closing his eyes and rubbing at his eyes. “I don’t wanna leave the camp but…I know they’re gonna force me to go home,” he whispered, biting his lip. 

We all knew that was coming, but it still shocked and scared us. We didn’t want Ryan to leave us, or Adam. 

“Can’t you convince them to let you stay?” Bert asked quietly, the innocent child he was sometimes. Ryan shrugged, looking ashen and tearful. I felt so, so sorry for him. 

“I don’t know…maybe…but if I do go home, what am I going to do? What about Adam? He won’t be out of intensive for a few days at least, I might be gone by then! I don’t know when I’ll ever see him again!” he whimpered, gripping my fingers tightly. 

“You will, Ryan – like you said, it’s not that far on train! You can visit him while he’s recovering,” I comforted. Ryan nodded, sniffing fiercely. 

“But how would I explain that to my parents? I can’t tell him we’re dating – they’ll go insane! They kick me out, cut me off…oh God, why did this have to happen?” he started crying again, leaning forward to cover his face. We all moved closer again, touching him gently, offering all the sympathy we could offer. 

I found Bob’s eyes and we mirrored each other’s fear. What if this happened to us?

We stayed with Ryan until they asked us to leave. And when I said asked, I mean forced. As in with orderlies and hospital staff. We sat on the curb outside, waiting in an odd looking line of scruffy teenagers, for Steve to come pick us up. 

“So, they’re sending most of the phobes home,” said Butt Crack, cracking a stick in between his fingers. 

“Well, most of the big ones,” I sighed, resting my body against Bob. I was so tired, it felt unreal. He slung an arm around my shoulders, holding me close. 

“But they aren’t sending Simon,” pointed out Queeny. “As long as he’s there, he can convince anyone to do a number on us,”

I closed my eyes, shuddering. I didn’t know I could be so hated just for being happy. 


	47. The Panic

We were silent on the trip home, Steve letting us fall into our own private worlds. I wanted to know what the others were thinking, but I didn’t want to intrude. Bob’s hand was clasped around mine, squeezing firmly. His brow was furrowed. Whatever thoughts he had, they looked harsh. 

He dropped us off on the road behind our cabin and we made our way down, swearing when we made bad choices where to stand in the dim evening light of the forest floor. I managed to trip over three times, but instead of laughing, the guys just helped me up and brushed the dirt and leaves off me. It was that serious. 

Inside the cabin, we all huddled on one bed, playing cards and talking in low voices. We’d locked the doors, and the windows, as well as hung clothes over them so no one could see us. Our ears pricked at every single noise. 

“Maybe they won’t try anything else,” I shrugged, lying down one side of the bed, my back curved into Bob’s lap. Pete and Bert sat facing my body, the card pile balanced on my stomach. 

“What makes you think that?” asked Bert, the covers pulled up over his head. I dealt a new hand to everyone. 

“They’ve gone too far now – two of us are in hospital, one seriously injured. I don’t think they meant to do something _that_ serious. It takes a certain kind of person to seriously try and kill someone and…I don’t think these guys are up to it,”

“Maybe,” agreed Bob softly, his voice giving away he was thoroughly sick of the subject. We all were. 

“So what then? They continue to ignore us and leave us alone, and we act like they did nothing?” challenged Bert, frowning as he looked at the hand I’d dealt him. 

“Bert, I know what you’re thinking, but you can’t take them all on by yourself – they’ll just send you home!” Pete said sternly. 

“Stop talking to me like I’m a child, they deserve some punishment!” he growled, throwing the cards down. 

“They’ll get some, but you can’t do it on your own. Please, Bert,” I said, reaching out to touch his knee. He hmphed and hung his head, hair covering his face. 

“I hate the fact I can’t just do this the old fashioned way. Eye for eye,” he growled. 

“So do we, but Bert,” said Bob quietly. “With these guys, it’s a life for an eye,”

We all grew quiet then, until Pete turned the conversation around to something more relaxing. After a while, we all went to bed. Bob crawled into my bed and we both shed our clothes, nestling together in warmth. He pressed his lips against mine and pulled me over to lie on top of him. 

I didn’t need to feel scared when I lay with him. 

 

The next morning took a long time to come, as our windows were almost completely blacked out. I was the first to wake up, I thought. I was lying on my side, Bob spooning me from behind, his breath warming my neck. I giggled when I felt his hard on press against my butt. Whatever he was dreaming, it was good. I slowly blinked, the room was as dark as my eyelids. I saw the glowing letters of Bob’s clock and saw it was just after 10 in the morning. I moaned to myself, it was far too early to be awake. 

“Ray?”

I jumped when Bert’s soft voice sounded next to me. I opened my eyes wider to find him sitting and smiling on the bed opposite me. “Morning,” I whispered. “Bob’s still asleep,”

Bert nodded. “So’s Pete,”

I yawned, trying my best not to move so much. “You alright?”

“Lovely tonsils. Yeah, I’m ok I guess…they found them,”

“Huh?”

Bert pointed out towards the rest of the camp. “They found Simon and the other two early this morning and brought them back. The other two have packed their bags and been coached to the bus station,”

“And Simon?”

“He’s sitting in the log circle, gossiping and eating marshmallows,”

I growled. “Which kind?”

“The big squishy ones,”

“That _bastard_!” 

“I’m going for a walk, ok?” he sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I need to go kick the shit outta some rocks or something,”

I smirked. “Have a nice broken toe,”

Bert shot me the middle finger with a smile. “Thanks, mate,”

I watched him slip outside and my smile varnished. A sense of foreboding came down over me. Just because Simon was alone now, without his two sadistic thug cronies, just because Steve had evidence we could use as soon as we got out of here, just because we felt safe enough – it didn’t mean it. Bert wasn’t safe walking alone. Sighing, I slipped out of Bob’s beautifully warm embrace, smiling when he whined softly in his sleep. I leaned over and kissed his forehead gently, loving the tiny furrow of his brows as he wriggled into the wide warm patch I’d left. 

I pulled on my demin three quarter lengths quickly and shoved some shoes on, pulling my Iron Maiden hoodie on as I went, I didn’t feel the need to bother with a shirt. Bob made another noise as I walked across the creaky floorboards, but I ignored the tug in my chest – I could leave my boyfriend long enough to keep an eye on my friend. 

I opened the door and looked out. I couldn’t see Bert anywhere, he’d varnished already. I couldn’t see Simon either. That latter scared me more than the fact Bert could move without breaking or setting fire to something. I hurried over to where a bunch of girls sat, all with marshmallows. 

“Zan?” I poked her, and she squealed, dropping her stick. She turned, eyes wide with shock and bright blue eyeliner. 

“Toro! You ruined my squishy!”

“I’m sorry, which way did Bert go?” I asked her nicely. She stood up and hmphed, hands on hips. 

“Yes, Ray, I’m great, thanks for asking, yes, I did miss you in the whole day you’ve been gone and yes, I would really like to know what happened to one of my best mates up in the woods,”

I sighed. “I’m sorry, but I’m in a hurry, I don’t think Bert’s safe,” I said, lowering my voice. One of the girls behind Zan Zan snorted. 

“McCracken’s never safe – crazy little freak,”

She didn’t say it in an affectionate way. “That’s my friend you’re talking about,” I said harshly. The girl looked pissed. Zan held up her hands. 

“Back off. Not an issue! Ray, promise me you’ll explain later, ok?”

I nodded. “Only to you, and not for the whole camp to know about, ok?”

She pouted. 

“I mean it, Zan, it’s not public knowledge,”

“Fine! Bert went up that way,” she pointed sulkily. 

“Great, which way did Simon go?”

“Simon? Um…shit, he left? That boy is subtle!” marveled another girl, looking around. Zan Zan rolled her eyes. 

“Hatty, you couldn’t notice anything unless it had a 50% off sticker or a car!” she snorted, making the other girl colour “Simon went in the same direction, I figured they were both heading for the bike sheds,” she said, ever the gossip hawk with an eye for details. 

“Thank you _so_ much, Zan,” I grinned, kissing her cheek and hurrying off. 

“Remember, Ray, you owe me!” she called, laughing. I waved but kept going – I had to find Bert before something bad happened. I followed the dirt track up the hill, past the bike sheds, listening for footsteps, raised voices, anything! 

I kept walking, hurrying, hoping I was going in the right direction. 

After a while, I broke into a run. Dread filled me – something was wrong. I could hear raised voices over my heavy breaths. I bit my lip and ran faster, breaking through the bushes and finding myself in a clearing overlooking a brilliant view to the lake. Bert and Simon were there. They were arguing. 

Bert saw me, and Simon took advantage of the brief break in Bert’s concentration. He moved to Bert faster than I would’ve thought. And then both me and Bert were screaming. 


	48. The Cliff

I ran across the clearing, blood screaming in my ears. My eyes were fixed on the last spot I’d seen Bert – I ran past Simon, pushing him harshly aside and looked over the edge of the cliff. The slope was far too steep, and went straight down into the lake, broken only by bushes and rock clinging trees. I could see McCracken tumbling down the side, dust clouds billowing. His screams barely registered. I turned to where Simon stood, shocked but grinning evilly. 

My fist stuck his jaw before I even realized I’d swung. Then I turned and ran over the edge. I could skateboard, I could snowboard, I was a clumsy twat, but I had good balance when I concentrated. I hunched back and angled my feet to the slope and held a hand close to the rock, sliding down after Bert. Pain screamed through my legs as rocks and grit stung my skin, my body crashing against the rock face as I tried to increase speed. Bert was tumbling in a sausage roll, his body bouncing off the rocks and crags, and I felt sick when I saw spots of red in the planes I ran over. 

“BERT! GRAB THAT TREE!” I screamed over the roaring cliff. For a second I thought Bert hadn’t heard me, couldn’t do anything. He was rolling so fast he was a blur of blood and dust, but at the last second, his body collided with a large looking clinger tree and he curled his body around it’s trunk, holding on for dear life. He stopped moving. 

In a split second I grabbed the nearest support, a tough bracken like scrub. It ripped out of my grip, cutting into my palm, but it slowed me enough to push myself across the rock face and slide down until I crashed into the tree too. 

“Bert!” I yelled, straddling the trunk and gripping, pulling at his limp body. He’d passed out. His body slumped over the trunk, and I pulled him towards me, holding him steady. The tree trunk moaned beneath our weight. I was gasping for breath. One hand bled where the plant had cut into me, the other was almost shredded from the rock. There were cuts on my arms, legs and feet from flying stones. But Bert was so much worse. 

I couldn’t turn him over, but his t shirt was ripped open, grazes all over his back and cuts on nearly every bit of skin. Blood steadily dripped from his face, which was covered by his greasy hair. 

“Bert? BERT!” I screamed, shaking him, trying to rouse him. I had to move him and see the damage, make sure he was able to move, breathe. I gripped his back, feeling his chest rise and fall, juddering – he was breathing, but badly. I shook him again. 

“BERT! WAKE UP!”

He stirred, groaning. 

“Oh God Bert, Bert, come on, talk to me, come on!” I begged. Bert groaned deeply, coughing blood and groaning again, in pain. I swore and pulled him closer, the tree shaking as he coughed. I looked down – the rock face almost completely dropped off into crags and then into the lake. Any further and Bert would’ve been too close to death to even bear thinking about. 

Swearing loudly and repetitively, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. My hands were so slippery with blood and shaking, I almost dropped it. I called the police first, begging for mountain rescue. I was so scared, my heart was thumping in my chest like a jackhammer. I didn’t remember anything I said, I just begged them to find us, save us. They called off, promising mountain rescue were on their way. 

I called Bob. 

“Ray? Whe-“

“Simon! Bert! He pushed him over the edge!” I cried, realizing the reason my face was wet was because tears were trickling down my cheeks. 

“What?!”

“Simon pushed Bert over the cliff!”

Bob swore so loudly, too shocked, too furious to hear me properly. 

“He’s ok! I went after him! He’s ok, he’s ok! We’re in a tree down the cliff! Mountain rescue are coming!”

Bob was asking questions, swearing, panicking – he didn’t know how to react. I kept telling him over and over that we were safe, for now, that we were being rescued, until I just broke down crying, gripping onto Bert and clenching the tree between my legs. 

“I’m so scared Bob,” I cried, screwing my eyes shut and listening to his voice try to calm me down, as well as himself and Pete. 

“Babe, hold on! Just hold on! I’m coming, babe, I’m coming!” he promised fiercely. “Just hang on!”

He hung up the phone and I whimpered, I needed someone to tell me we were going to be ok – it didn’t feel that way, trapped on a cliff face, death below us, impossibility above us, and Bert was badly hurt. And the tree kept groaning, bending under our weight. I began to hyperventilate, feeling the piddly trunk beneath us judder, and a resounding crack echoed, sending cold jolts through me. 

No matter how fast someone’s rushing to get you, if you’re waiting it’s never fast enough. I didn’t move for what seemed hours, days, holding onto Bert, trying to get him to wake up, and gripping the tree. I didn’t stop my tears, but I managed to calm myself down enough to stop shaking so much. 

Finally, blissfully, I heard two of the best sounds ever at the same time. 

The beating wings of a rescue helicopter and the sound of Bob’s voice yelling my name. 

I broke down again, screaming for help, lifting one arm to wave at the helicopter, but they’d seen us. It lowered itself close and I saw the side door fly open. A guy dressed in mountaineering gear waved, clipping a rope to the roof of the helicopter and hopping out as easily as breaking into a run – he lowered himself swiftly, and came down right next to me. 

“Thank God!” I cried, as he pushed his visor up and gave me an encouraging smile. 

“HOW LONG’S HE BEEN OUT?” he yelled over the thumpa thumpa thumpa of the helicopter, the noise deafening me, and the wings causing the tree to shake almost uncontrollably. 

“TWENTY MINUTES!” I guessed. The guy nodded and clipped himself onto the rope, freeing his hands to grab Bert’s middle and hold him, clipping a grip around his middle. He signaled and began to be lifted, straining to hold onto Bert’s body. 

“HANG ON! I’LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE!”

Watching him drag McCracken into the copter, I shook with fear – the trunk was groaning with the stress of the wind and I felt weak with relief. I looked up – I could just see Bob’s blonde head over the edge of the cliff – his open mouth as he yelled words I couldn’t hear down to me. Within seconds, the rescue guy was back, offering his hands to me. I grabbed them, my legs shaking as he pulled me up with surprisingly ease, and wrapped a grip ahold my waist, and pulling us up. 

“DROP ME AT THE TOP!” I begged – I had to be with Bob. The guy nodded, and I watched the cliff side at the copter lifted us – the dim patches of blood red where Bert had fallen. We stayed suspended as the copter lifted, the guy gripping me just in case I slipped free. I hoped, prayed, Bert was ok. 

The edge cut through the gray slate of the rock face and I saw Bob and Pete’s terrified faces, calling, waving. The copter moved and began to set us down. As soon as dirt touched my feet, the guy unclipped us and pulled my head down, ducking out of the way of the landing copter. 

I ran straight into Bob’s arms. 


	49. The Trauma

My arms wrapped around Bob’s neck, gripping him with the same fierce passion he gripped me, crushing my ribs in a bear hug, his face buried in my neck. He was saying my name over and over, whispering Oh God and swearing, tears soaking into my hair. I shut my eyes and held onto him so hard, it didn’t feel like we’d manage to let go. 

My bleeding palms stung as I squeezed his back, and I could feel blood trickling down my legs and arms. I couldn’t hear anything over the helicopter’s beating wings, but I knew Pete had run to his best friend, the copter sitting in the clearing as they assessed the damage. 

“Oh God, Bob, oh God, oh God,” I moaned, finally breaking away and kissing him forcefully, so happy to be back with him. He gripped my hands either side of his head, kissing me back, pressing our foreheads together. I met his eyes. 

“Thank God you’re ok,” he said under the noise. He hugged me again and we rushed over to Bert. He was laid out on the ground, two medics looking him over. Pete had turned away, hands over his mouth. As we drew nearer, he pitched over and threw up. Fearing the worst, we moved to see Bert and I gasped so hard Bob heard me over the machine. 

I had to turn away too, hiding in Bob’s arms. 

Bert’s shirt was in tatters, his chest, arms, neck and legs covered in deep grazes, all bleeding badly. He had gashes as well, all over, coating him in red. The worst was his face. There was a large purple bump on the crown of his forehead, a crack in his skull, now being swabbed clean. And his mouth! I wanted to be sick too – his right cheek was a mangled mess of flesh from where he’d hit the rock way worse than any other injury. It was such a bad rip, I swear I could see teeth through. 

I had no idea he was that badly hurt, but now I felt worse – if only I’d stopped him! I jerked away from Bob and threw up as well, emptying my already empty stomach and crashing to my knees, choking on tears and bile. 

“No! NO!” I cried, beating my hands on the dirt. I felt Bob’s hands on my shoulders, pulling me back up. 

“He’s ok! He’s alive!” he cried – he thought I thought Bert was dead. I knew he was alive, I knew how much pain he was in. The medics moved fast, checking the broken bones of his ribcage and arm, applying bandages to his face and arms and chest, moving him to an emergency gurney and taking him away. Pete tried to go with him, tears coursing down his face. I only just noticed both him and Bob were wearing just their shorts. Pete’s bruises still coloured his chest darkly. 

We watched the copter leave as a three, saying silent until it disappeared. It seemed so hopelessly terrifying now. Adam and Bert both critical, Ryan stuck in hospital until his parents came home. We exchanged weary looks and began to trudge back to camp. 

By the time we got back to camp, it was buzzing all over the campsite. Simon had run for it – the camp leaders were looking for him all over and we were left at a distance. No one said anything to us, came near us, except Zan. She ran up to me and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me hard. She hugged Bob and Pete and looked at us all with tears in her eyes. 

“Is he ok? Is Bert ok?” she sounded hysterical, the news had spread like wildfire. We didn’t say anything, but she saw the look in our eyes. A look of tragedy came over her and she burst into tears. She flung herself forward, in my arms again and I held her close, shushing her. 

“He’ll be ok, he’ll be ok,” I said hollowly, wishing I could at least fake conviction in my voice. My head knew it was true, but the doubt niggled away. Bert would never be the same now – he would be like Adam, scarred and traumatized. Then again, Bert being Bert, maybe the Butt Crack would bounce back. 

That thought made me feel a bit better. Not much, but enough to lead Zan Zan, Bob and Pete into our cabin. I could feel the camp’s eyes on us. Then we closed the door and sealed ourselves away to grief. Pete wrapped his arm over Zan’s shaking shoulders and sat her down on his bed, rubbing her comfortingly as tears of his own dripped pointlessly onto his bare knees. I watched them, not even moving when Bob came to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He kissed my neck. 

“I’m so glad you’re ok,” he whispered softly. I nodded, moving to face him, taking his hand as we sat down on his bed, opposite Zan and Pete. 

“I know, I just wish Bert was here ok as well,” I said, my voice rough and broken. Bob looked down at my hands and the raw cuts on them. 

“Let me get something for them,” he offered, leaning forward to kiss me again, restraining his happiness I was ok, and got up. Zan sniffed loudly. 

“H-How did it h-h-“ she shuddered. Pete and Bob both turned to look at me. I swallowed. 

“I heard raised voices and when I got there, Bert and Simon were arguing,” I said slowly, directing it at Zan, I knew she’d tell her friends. I wanted the camp to know the truth. “Bert looked over at me and Simon just…he just pushed him,” he sighed. 

“Over?” asked Bob. I nodded. 

“Right over the edge,” I agreed. Pete swore, jumping to his feet. 

“He tried to kill him! And Adam and Ry too! He’s a fucking lunatic! He’s gonna try and kill us all!”

“Pete! Calm down, you’re being hysterical!” I said sharply, and Pete’s expression changed to one of hurt and mutiny. I felt bad straight away, and pulled him down to sit next to me. “I’m sorry, but panicking won’t help us. Simon _will_ get punished for this! I promise,”

“Simon’s run for it, we saw him race through the fucking camp like he was being chased! The leaders have all gone looking. He’s being sent home to his father,”

We waited. 

“And arrested?” prompted Bob, sitting back down with plasters and wipes. Zan sighed. 

“I don’t know,”

We all swore quietly, looking away. Those cowardly selfish bastards! Simon deserved all he got. 

“Don’t worry – Steve’s got everything on this camp, we’re gonna blow this all wide,” I said, remembering the Dictaphone and Steve’s promise. Pete hmphed, getting up and sitting with Zan again. 

“Like that’ll help us if Simon decides to sneak back and axe us all to bits,”

“Not helping, Pete,” muttered Bob darkly. 

“We can’t wait around for Simon and his cronies to get us _again_!” he said harshly. “You heard Ray! Simon pushed Bert off a cliff! He tried to kill him! Bert almost died because we promised Steve we’d sit here with our thumbs up our butts while Bert and Adam are almost de-“

“Stop. Right there,” said Bob, rising. Bob has a natural authority to his voice, and the way he holds himself. People do what he says, follow his advice. But now he was cold, and bitterly harsh. Pete’s anger instantly froze and he sunk back onto the bed. “Neither Bert nor Adam are going to die, you hear me? Don’t even say that. Don’t even _think_ it. We _will_ get Simon for this, but you have got to stop panicking, you got that?”  

Pete made a noise like a strangulated sob. “It’s bullshit…it’s all just fucking bullshit,” he said in a pathetic voice. I leaned over and took his hands in mine, turning the blood away from him. It obviously didn’t help. I could feel Bob trying to hold back his frustration next to me. 

“Pete, you’ve got to calm down, seriously. We will survive this, I promise,” I said gently, forcing Pete to meet my eyes. He looked so scared, so small. His best friend was gone. Something about being the one calming him down now calmed my own rising panic down. The memory of the ordeal on the rock face dimmed as I focused on Pete’s distress. I could still feel it though – the terror at the back of my throat. The fear of unexpected pain, of falling without hitting a tree this time. My mind flickered with millions of images of Bert’s injuries, of Adam’s bleeding skin, of my Bobs screams of pain, of Pete and Zan crying. I pushed them all away – it didn’t help. 

I stared into Queeny’s eyes, the corner of my mouth trying to twitch into an encouraging smile but I couldn’t move. I just kept reliving my slide down the rocks, feeling the dust sting every bit of skin. My grip on Pete’s hands tightened. Slowly, he nodded, breathing deeply. 

“Ok, ok, I’m ok,” he said. “I promise,”

I held on a bit longer, slowly leaning back. “We’ll be ok, I promise. I won’t let anything else happen to you guys,” I said, turning to look at Bob. He met my eyes and I saw instant softness flood into them, relief. I let go of Pete’s shaking hands to take Bob’s, squeezing them gently. 

“I gotta be alone for a bit,” muttered Pete. Zan began to complain, protest. “Won’t go far…” he muttered, rising and slipping past us. Zan sighed and went to sit on my other side. 

“Are _you_ ok, Ray? What you did, it…it’s not a small deal,” she said. I nodded, letting Bob finish cleaning my hands, his eyes avoiding mine now. I could feel him shaking though. 

“I’ll be fine, I think. I had to do it – Bert wouldn’t have survived,” I said quietly. Bob gave a small sob, his hands shaking so bad he dropped the cloth he was holding. 

“Oh babe,” I hushed, looking at his face. He’d closed his eyes, covering his face with his free hand, his skin turning red as he choked on sobs. I wrapped my arms around him, shushing him as he collapsed onto my shoulder. I felt Zan move behind me, going to hug Bob’s back and encase him between us. 

“It’s ok, Bob, I promise, I’m fine, Bert’s fine,” I comforted, whispering in his ear softly as he cried. I held him close until I felt him relax against me, still pressing his face into my neck. I waited, closing my eyes and feeling him in my arms. The warmth of his skin, the tickle of his hair against my cheek, the beat of his thudding heart next to mine. I had never felt so attached to anyone. 

“Don’t think about it, baby, I’m fine and Bert is too,” I said finally, moving to look at his face. When I kissed him, and he kissed me back hungrily, his lips practically engulfing mine with the need to communicate through touch, I heard Zan restrain an ‘aww’. I kissed him so forcefully I swear I left marks. 

“Stay here a sec with Zan, I’m gonna go check if Pete’s ok,” I whispered, staring into his eyes. I saw the crumpled Bob inside them. He was usually so strong, confident, powerful. Now he’d released it and become to weak one. I had to be strong for the both of us. He sniffed. 

“Ok,” he said, kissing me again. “Don’t be long,” he begged and I began to rise off the bed. I nodded and stroked his cheek. I met Zan’s eyes and winked briefly – she’d look after him while I went a picked up the pieces. 


	50. The Shame

As soon as I left the cabin, I felt scared. There were so many kids milling around in the log pit. Classes must have been suspended for the day or something. As soon as I came out, it felt like a hundred pairs of eyes shifted to fix on me. I wished I’d brushed my hair, or cleaned the blood off my legs. My ruined palms tingled. 

I shook my head free and ducked over the side of the porch, praying to God as I jumped over the side of the rail that I didn’t trip or catch a huge foot or hit the ground wrong. Luckily for me, I managed to do it gracefully enough and slip behind the cabin. I saw Pete straight away. He was sitting moodily at the corner of the cabin, knees drawn up and his hands netted behind his head. 

I wandered down the side of the cabin, kicking stones and burying my hands in my pockets. When I reached Pete I sat down next to him and shoved an arm over his shoulder, pulling him in roughly for a half hug. 

“Cheer up, emo fag,”

Pete snorted and raised his head. He looked downright miserable, two tear tracts running down his face. “Aren’t you the fucking comedian,” he muttered, rubbing at his face. I smiled. 

“Yeah, I know. I’m not gonna bother asking if you’re ok or what’s bothering you, because I already know,” I said, rubbing his shoulder. “So start talking before I so ask,”

Pete sighed. 

“What’s there to say?”

“Whatever you need to. Come on, Pete, you never shut up,”

Pete groaned. “Ok, ok! I’m…honestly, I’m fucking scared. I’m a huge pussy when it comes to fighting and pain and violence and stuff,” he whimpered. “I cried like a bitch when me and Bert got beaten up by that phobe and his fucker friends…Bert promised not to tell anyone else,” he said, his ears turning red with shame. I tightened my grip. 

“It’s ok, Pete, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I cried on that cliff thing,” I shivered. Pete looked up at me, his eyes tragic. 

  
”But that’s just it! You’re so brave you threw yourself down a cliff, and I cry like a bitch when some guy lays into me! That’s why…” he broke off and bit his lip, before looking away. 

“It wasn’t bravery, I told you. I just…did it. It was stupid, but I had to. You so would have done the same thing,” I said confidently. Pete shook his head. 

“I just know I wouldn’t have…I would have stood there like an idiot and Bert would’ve…oh God,” he whispered. “I don’t even wanna think about it,”

I bit my lip, and pulled Pete closer to me. 

“Don’t think about what might have happened. Just be glad everything turned out ok,” I said firmly. “Nothing matters except Bert’s ok and Adam’s ok and Ry’s ok and we’re all gonna be fine,” I said, trying to channel some of Bob’s almost infuriating calm into my voice. Pete sniffed and rested his head against my chest, curving inwards me, winding his arms around me. I held him close, shushing him and whispering comforts as he sobbed softly. 

“Come on, Pete, it’s ok, I promise,” 

Minutes, maybe hours later, Pete raised his head and looked me straight in the eye. 

“You’re wrong, you know,”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

He pulled back slightly from me, rubbing his red eyes with his shirt sleeve. “It’s not ok, and it won’t be. No matter if Adam heals up ok and Bert survives and we all pull ourselves together, it’ll never work. It doesn’t matter how much evidence Steve has on his little Dictaphone – they’ll always have enough money to gloss over it. It’s been happening through history for centuries. The minority, however wronged, never beats the majority. Ever,” he said harshly, looking away. I sighed, there was too much trauma to deal with. 

“Well…I think we can win, and so does Steve. We can, if we believe in it enough,” I said firmly. “It’s not that crazy, is it?”

Pete shrugged. “ I think it is, but what do I know? I just want Simon to get what’s coming to him, and I know I won’t be able to give it to him. Even though he maimed my best friend…”

I reached out and rubbed Pete’s back again. The rest of it didn’t really seem to matter to Queeny – he just cared about his best friend. 

“You don’t need to avenge Bert, he’s ok. He’d want you to keep yourself safe and be bitchily funny at a distance,” I smiled. Pete shook his head. 

“Bert’d want me to beat him to a pulp for him…Jeesh, how am I gonna be able to face him?”

I frowned. “He won’t care, he’ll be happy to be alive!”

Pete hung his head. We stayed in silence for a long time, until Pete broke it again. 

“I know what I’m gonna do, and I know you’re gonna hate it,” he sighed. I sat up, trying to find his eyes. He wouldn’t even look me in the eye. “I’m too scared to stay here, even with you and Bob. I’m a coward and I’m an arsehole. I feel so bad about this, but I’ve decided…I’m going home, Sting Ray,”

I’d been expecting it to be honest. 

“Please don’t, Pete. You heard Zan – Simon’s on the run, he’s going to be arrested. He can’t hurt us anymore and you know what happened with Bert wasn’t your –“

“This isn’t just about Bert or Simon,” he sighed. I frowned. 

“Huh?”

“I mean, I’m scared of all these phobes…seriously scared. I know you said you came from an area with beatings and fires and rapes all the time, but I don’t. I’m a spoilt rich kid and I can’t deal with constant hatred,” he shuddered. “And as for Bert…I can’t see him like this, if I see him all mangled, I’ll freak out. Running home means I won’t have to see him yet,” he whispered. He left it hanging. 

“But…that’s not all?” I asked. Pete nodded. 

“I don’t really know how to talk about it, it’s kinda…deep,”

I waited. Pete started and stopped and sighed. 

“Ok…I’ve fallen for someone. Someone I should’ve have,”

My eyes widened. “Whoa, really? Who? Adam? Ry?” I asked, curious. Pete shook his head and looked at me. Everything carried in the look. My eyes widened even more and my jaw dropped a bit. 

“Oh!” I gasped, when I finally could manage anything. “Really? How?”

Pete groaned. “I don’t know! At first I thought it was just ‘hey, look, hot guy!’ but then I got to know you and…it got worse. And seeing you with Bob, seeing how much he loves you…I feel so bad about it. I can’t actually look without feeling like shit,” he sighed, closing his eyes and turning his face fully away from me. I coloured gently. Bob loved me? I pushed that thought away, Pete needed me. 

“Pete…oh God, what do I say? I’m sorry, I am! You’re a great guy but-“

“It’s ok, Ray, you don’t need to worry about hurting my feelings, I’m completely in touch with reality. I just thought you should know before I went…”

I bit my lip, I felt terrible. “Don’t go, Pete, please,”

He shook his head. “I’ve got to. For me, and for…well, me,” He turned and smirked at me. “Told you I was spoilt, didn’t I?”


	51. The Disney Movies

Pete left the following morning. 

Bob and he spent hours the night before talking. Bob was trying to convince him to stay and Pete trying to make him back off. He didn’t tell Bob about his feelings for me. I was glad of that, even though I felt bad not telling Bob myself. 

The last thing we needed was a messy love drama. 

That night, we pushed our beds together to form a big three-long bed and stayed up all night. We left all the issues at the door. We didn’t talk about Pete leaving, Adam and Bert and Ry in the hospital, nothing like that. We talked about old friends and memories, telling stories, making each other laugh. 

By the next morning, Pete was packed and ready to go. He hugged us goodbye. I’ll always remember the way he squeezed my shoulders in his hug, the way he almost clung to me. I had to bite my lip to keep from spilling tears. 

Bob didn’t. He let the tears drip down his cheeks as he hugged his long-term friend goodbye. We didn’t speak, we just watched him go. 

He was going into town first, to see Adam and Ryan and leave a message for Bert. And then he was catching a train home. 

The door of the cabin slammed shut and Pete’s figure on the meshed frame disappeared as he descended the porch steps and vanished. I hugged myself, closing my eyes and holding the tragedy in. I felt a hand touch the small of my back, moving to my waist, pulling me into a hug. 

“It’s ok, babe,”

As always, Bob’s calm voice soothed me. I felt two tears escape my eyes, tripping on eyelashes. Even my teardrops were clumsy. I felt Bob’s lips press against my cheek softly, tasting the salt and sighing softly. 

“Do you wanna go for a walk?” he offered. “Clear your head a bit?”

I shook my head, opening my eyes and finding his. “No, I just wanna stay here with you,”

He smiled. “I was gonna come anyway, babe,” he laughed. I smirked, sniffing softly. 

“I’m gonna pretend I totally knew that,”

I moved away from him, going to sit down on the bed. Now it was just me and Bob, the two conflicting sides of me simultaneously panicked. I looked up at him as he went to sit next to me, reaching for my hand. 

“Are you ok?” he asked gently. I shook my head. “Wanna talk about it?”

I reached up to wipe away a stubborn tear. “I dunno…I’m not sure what there’s left to say…what about you? I mean, you’ve known these guys longer than I have…”

Bob nodded, leaning forward to cup his face in his hands. 

“It’s…scary. And now it’s just us, I don’t see much reason in sticking around,”

My eyebrows raised at that. 

Bob twisted to look at me. “I don’t know about you, but I wanna go watch Disney movies in the den until I feel like pudding,”

I couldn’t help it, I had to laugh at that. I laughed so hard my ribs ached. I nodded, rubbing Bob’s shoulder fondly. “Yeah…that sounds good,”

 

 

Bambi. Alice in Wonderful. Snow White. 

I think it was half way through Aladdin we got bored and lay on the couch, entwined together and kissing gently. We were both exhausted, from so many terrified nights and early starts and not going to sleep at all the night before. The warm afternoon sun warmed our skin, and only managed to make me more tired. 

I broke away from nibbling Bob’s lipring to yawn. 

“Fuck I’m tired…” I moaned. “Sorry,”

Bob smiled softly, his hand up by my face to stroke my hair gently. He shook his head. “Don’t be, you’re adorable when you yawn,”

I smirked. I was lying on my back, with Bob fitting smugly on top of me, his body propped up by his elbow. His weight felt so nice on me, the pressure just right. 

“Stop being so cute and understanding, I could get used to it,” I laughed. “Then I’ll fall deeply, madly, impossibly in love with you and I’ll have to move in with you and adopt red headed freckled twin boys with you,” I said, sleep deprivation making me very stupid. Bob laughed and slid to reach against the side of the couch, his leg and arm still hooked over my body, his head resting on my shoulder. 

“Doesn’t sound too bad,” 

I laughed again. 

“Ray…do you wanna stay here?” asked Bob softly, his fingers causing havoc in all the sensitive little spots next to my ear, his fingers playing with stubborn curls amongst the fluff. I nodded. 

“Yeah, I like this couch. And I like this couch with you on it,”

Bob laughed and propped himself up again. “Not what I meant,”

I frowned, confused. “The den? Yeah – it’s cool! It’s got crappy movies and sunlight and, once again, you – or the sexy memories of you,” I grinned, still not catching his meaning. Bob smiled and leaned down to kiss me softly, pushing our tongues together. I loved tasting Bob, it sent thrills through my entire body. 

“Again, not what I meant,”

I frowned, simply confused. I wished I wasn’t so dumb. 

“I meant the camp,”

My face cleared. “Oh,”

“All our friends are gone, and there’s little chance they’ll come back. We’re in constant danger from Simon’s bitchy little friends here, and to be honest, it’s not the best holiday place ever,”

I bit my lip. “But I don’t wanna go home yet, I wanna stay with you,”

Bob gave me a look as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Babe, that’s what I was suggesting!”

“Huh?”

“Come stay with me!”


	52. The Confrontation

My eyes widened. “What?”

Bob pulled off me, sitting up. I followed suit. He had an interesting way of sitting up, it seemed to entail straddling me. “I told you my parents let me live at our summer house, except during summer when they send me here so they can use it – well, let’s just go back!”

I wound my hands around his hips, still confused. “You wanna leave the camp full of homophobes…to go back to a home full of homophobes?” I asked softly. Bob waved that aside, excited. 

“I don’t care about that! If we turn up, they won’t be able to send me back. It’s very likely they’re not even there! Come on, my place is great! It’s right by the beach and there’s loads of kids there who’re friends and we’ll have a great time,” he said, sounding really excited. I’d hardly ever heard Bob sound more excited than he was telling me about his home and what there was to do there. I could see his eyes twinkling, his wide smile – he seemed almost desperate to get away. 

I took his hands, causing him to pause. 

“Babe – do you want to leave here?” I asked gently. He nodded. “No, I don’t mean do you want to go home, with me, but do you want to leave here?”

He nodded again, slower this time. He looked down, looking shamed. 

“I hate it here now…the childish innocence it seemed to have…it’s all gone. This place used to be…”

He struggled to find the words to explain it. “It used to be safe. Not for me, back home was perfect for me, but for my friends…and now they’re gone and hurt and it’s not the same. Even though I’ve got you, this place doesn’t fit anymore,”  

I touched the bottom of his chin, making him meet my eyes. 

“It’s ok, we can leave. I’d love to come stay at yours,” I said. Bob’s eyes lit up and he didn’t bother to say anything, he just grabbed me and kissed me with newfound passion. I felt as if I were taking the blows for my friends, softening the hits everytime they came up against something they couldn’t deal with. 

But that was ok, I’d been doing that every since I started highschool with Frank and Gerard. I’d be side by side with them in fights, I’d protect Gerard’s pussy arse and kept Frank from diving head first into trouble. I’d be their council when they needed it. Gerard, especially, his depression dragging him down sometimes. I was used to emotionally picking up the pieces and physically dabbing the wounds. And then, when Mikey and Sapphire entered our lives, I did my best to be there for them too, as a steady older presence. Sapphire trusted me like the big brother she never had, and Mikey relied on me to keep his from slipping.

I was used to being the solid one, the tree trunk. I may not have a good head for logic or numbers, or be able to stop myself tripping up, or remember…well, anything. I’ve forgot my sister’s name, as well as every birthday my relatives have had. I’ve forgotten my last name on occasion. I still don’t know my house number, or my phone number or…I’ve forgotten what else I don’t know. I have, on occasion, left the house without shoes on. I have very frequently forgotten whether or not I’ve shampooed so I end up using the entire bottle. I always, always forget names of people which just gets me in trouble. 

But even though I’m the definition of clutz, I’m a good guy. I’m emotionally pretty damn stable. Which is exactly what people need from time to time, even calm, in-control guys like my boyfriend. 

Bob and I continued to kiss, and grope, until we just got too tired and fell asleep, wound together in the early evening sun. 

I woke up when I heard a disturbance outside. Maybe it was my overly protective nature, maybe it was my upbringing, but my ears and eyes were peeled. I was on the edge of the couch, Bob spooning me from behind, his gentle breathing telling me he hadn’t woken up. 

I heard soft swearing outside, and someone stepped onto the porch. It was dark outside, and we hadn’t turned a light on inside. I saw someone peer inside, but I knew they couldn’t see us. I moved, winding my way out of Bob’s strong arms and moving to the other side of the room. 

The window opened from the outside, someone’s labored breathing, and then they clambered through the narrow opening. They rolled onto the floor and struggled to their feet. I flicked a lamp on. The figure jumped and brushed his hair out of his eyes. 

“Simon…” I muttered darkly. He groaned. 

“Of all the people to run into…” he moaned, straightening and brushing leaves and dirt off his clothes. 

“You should still be running,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “It’s a wonder you’re not bleeding yet,” 

Simon snorted. “If I wasn’t so tired, I’d be threatened, but I can’t be arsed. You wanna hit me, go ahead,” he said, spreading his arms. I didn’t hesitate, I stepped forward and smacked him hard in the eye. He swore and stumbled backwards. He hadn’t noticed Bob still curled up in the shadows yet, and I knew he wouldn’t hear him. 

The look he shot me was shocked and pissed off. 

“Fuck, I didn’t think you’d actually do it…thought you were all talk,” he muttered, nursing his eye. I stepped forward again, clenching my fists.

“Want me to prove you wrong?” I threatened. Simon ignored me, rubbing at his face. 

“Look, I don’t want any trouble-“

“You pushed my friend off a cliff, I’d say that was asking for a lot heap of shitty trouble,” I growled, glaring. Simon had to look at my lips to read them, but he didn’t meet my eyes. 

“I know…it was stupid,”

“Apologize and I’ll grind your skull in,”

I knew Bob was awake now. Simon laughed.  

“I wasn’t going to apologize – that little shit had it coming,”

I stepped forward again. “Call him that again and I swear they won’t find you in one piece!” I said, raising my voice. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d be so retarded after what you did to Adam and Ryan!”

Simon snorted. “They deserved that, you could hear them miles away!”

I swung again, this time catching his jaw and sending him away from Bob, whose eyes flashed from the couch. He stayed low, waiting for the right moment. Simon turned to swear at me again. 

“Stop touching me, homo!”

I hit him again. It was surprisingly easy. “You deserve this, you little shit,” I said, cracking him hard in the temple. Simon held up his hand, in defeat. I stopped punching him, stopped kicking his ribs as he knelt on the floor. My blood called for vengeance, my brain telling me I could get away with it – but I let him cry uncle. This time. 

He shakily rose to his feet, holding his bust ribs. 

“Look, I don’t have a problem with you, you seemed an alright guy until…” he broke off to cough up some blood, wincing “Until they got to you,”

I narrowed my eyes. “’They’ better not be who I think you mean,” I said menacingly. Simon rolled his eyes. 

“You know exactly what I mean – those fags who changed you into this! This…queer! This abomination!”

“Ok, that’s enough!” 

CRACK!

Simon crumpled to the floor, stone cold out, with the same confused expression on his face. Bob stood behind him, unseen and unheard as he picked up a heavy clay lamp and cracked it over his head. I met Bob’s furious eyes. 

“No one calls my boyfriend an abomination,”


	53. The Boxers

Zan looked downright moody. 

She was sitting at the foot of my bed, crossed legged, helping me pack up the miscellaneous crap I’d managed to pick up. I have no idea how my clothes managed to get strewn all over the cabin but it might have had something to do with the play fights we’d had with pillows, various lamps and mattresses. 

“Zan, wipe that pout off your face before Bob throws you out,” I warned, smirking at her. She glared back. 

“I’m allowed to pout! All my favorite gay friends are leaving me…” she said, sticking out her bottom lip like a little kid. I threw a t shirt at her to put in my suitcase. 

“Technically Bert, Ry and Adam didn’t choose to leave,” said Bob, grabbing my wrist as I passed him to retrieve a pair of socks from the corner, and pulling me in quickly for a kiss which had me smiling indulgently until the buzz wore off. 

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” muttered Zan, shooting dark looks at both of us. 

“Well how about us bringing Simon to justice? Along with the complimentary bruises he deserved,” I said, winking at Bob, who smirked. 

“Yeah, I guess…any reason you called the police instead of the camp?” she asked, curious. Bob’s expression soured. 

“Don’t trust this camp anymore, they’d probably gloss if over or something – at least now he’s in custody properly,” he said darkly. I grinned evilly. 

“With attempt to murder and suspected arson!”

Zan frowned. “I thought they didn’t believe you about the others setting the tent off, that they thought it was an accident…”

I smiled wider, my eyes narrowing. “That was until Simon blurted out we deserved to be burnt to death like ‘Lambert and the new fish’ whilst ranting at us from the arms of two police officers. They took us more seriously than mountain rescue,”

Bob high fived me, his smile returning. 

“Little cunt can’t touch us now!” 

Zan laughed and then shook her head, burying her face. “Can’t believe I went out with that freak!”

I went over to her, patting her shoulders softly. “It’s ok, he seemed normal til we realized he was a psycho,”

She snorted. 

“He’s right,” said Bob. “He was fine at first, but you dumped him at exactly the right time!”

Zan looked up at Bob, smirking. “When he came out as a phobe?”

Bob nodded. “Exactly! Little wanker…” he growled. “I wish we coulda pounded him some more…”

I turned back to Bob and took his hands, giving him a kiss. “Yeah, but then we woulda been done for assault and I like your arse the way it is before the prison treatment,” I grinned. 

“You two in a prison full of desperate men? Queeny would be so jealous…” 

I threw a pillow at Zan. “Quiet, you! And put my boxers back!”

She pouted. “Can’t I keep them as a momento of you?”

I shook my head. “No! They’re not clean, _and_ they’ve got doughnuts printed on them!”

Bob jumped to my side. “GIMME!”

I watched as Bob and Zan had a mini fight over who got my boxer shorts and Bob won. He proudly shoved them on over his trousers and grinned at me. 

“I’m SUPERBOB!”

I couldn’t help laughing. “Superbob!”

“And I’m your arch nemesis! Zanzarara!” 

I turned to find Zan Zan standing on Bob’s bed, wearing his jeans around her head like a turban and using Pete’s duvet as a cape. “BEHOLD!”

Bob yelped. “Oh no! My feared half sister and great enemy!”

Zan laughed. “I’m not your half sister!”

Gasp. “GASP! You’re not?”

“No! I am your…GREAT AUNT!”

“GASP!!”

“GASP!”

“GASP INDEED! NOW PREPARE TO DIE FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAY AND CHRISTMAS’S MISSED!”

Zan grabbed a pillow and threw herself at Bob, tackling him full on with the pillow. He ducked under her blows and grabbed mine, scattering a bundle of socks I’d been tying together. They ran around the cabin, wildly hitting each other as I calmly tried to pack, dodging them every so often. 

“We are equally matched, Superbob!” gasped Zan, her hair ruffled and her face pink. Bob nodded, gasping for breath and his blonde hair gone fuzzy. 

“So who shall we decide who wins this match, Great Aunt Zanzarara?”

She shrugged and looked at me, an idea forming on her face, making her eyes twinkle. 

“You! Mighty wise Tree Toro! Which one of us should be the winner?” she asked. Bob grinned. 

“Well yes! Choose, Torosaurus!” he grinned. 

“What’s the prize?” I asked, deciding I liked Torosaurus as a superhero name, rather than Tree Toro…

“Why, you, of course!” grinned Zan. My eyes widened. 

“Why me?” I asked. Zan giggled. 

“I’d say it was your great guns,” she winked, looking at my biceps. I blushed. 

“And the real tight buns,” added Bob, laughing. I burnt as Zan gave Bob a look. “What?” he defended. “He’s my boyfriend!”

“Yeah, and that’s not a bias! Ok, Ray, choose! Who wins? Superbob or the amazing, sexy and owner of a big box of doughnuts Zanzarara?”

I chuckled. “Doughnuts?”

Zan grinned. “All for you!”

Bob zipped forward. “I’ll buy you a whole huge box to share on the way to mine if you pick me!”

“Hmmm…”

Zan pushed Bob back. “I have weed!”

Bob snorted. “I’m growing weed in my back garden,”

Zan glared. “I’ll dress up as duck and dance in the log circle for your amusement!”

I looked convinced. Bob grinned evilly. 

“Starts with B, ends with B, middle goes like Objo,”

Zan looked lost but I grinned, winking at Bob. “Sorry Zan, he wins!”

She hmphed loudly and threw his jeans at me. “FEEL MY WRATH!”

“Actually, all I feel at the moment is Bob’s demin,” 

“Oh baby,”

Zan hmphed again, louder this time. “Guys! Pay attention to me!”

We both turned to look at her. She was standing on the bed next to mine, pouting and still holding Pete’s duvet. She looked seriously moody. 

“I…I don’t want you to leave,” she said, only this time she looked sincere and pretty upset about it. I moved towards her, taking her hand and guiding her to sit down on the bed next to me. 

“Zan, cheer up,” I comforted, wrapping an arm around her. “It’s not like we’re leaving because of you,”

She shook her head. “Like that helps, you’re still going,”

Bob moved to sit on her other side. “Zan, you didn’t hang around with us that much anyway,”

She glared. “So? You’re part of this camp thing, and if you go, it’ll just be me and a whole camp full of phobes,” she hmphed. “And I won’t have anyone to feast on doughnuts with…”

He patted her shoulder. “Get over it,”

She made a ‘chuh’ noise at him as he went to finish packing, smirking. “Bitch,”

I poked her nose. “Don’t be calling my boyfriend a bitch. Now, either help us pack or get lost,” I smiled nicely. She gave me a look. 

“What if I do neither?”

“You’ll have to watch Bob give me an Objo right now,”

“Do nothing Zan! Do neither!”


	54. The Pride

The afternoon air was damp, and refreshing. I stepped out of the cabin and took a big deep breath, feeling it power through my lungs and made every part of me tingle. Behind me, I could hear Bob swearing about how heavy his suitcase was. I smiled to myself clicked my neck, reaching down to pick up my duffel bag and my rucksack and swing them over my shoulders. 

“Come on, baby. Ry’s getting discharged at 7, if we hurry we can see him before his parents have a chance to whisk him away,”

Looking into the dark, now empty cabin, I could just see Bob coming. 

“You know, I don’t have a problem lugging my own stuff all the way into town on the bus, to the hospital and then to the train station,” he said, kicking his bag out of the doorway. “Where I have a problem is having to take Ryan’s stuff with us as well,”

I smirked. “At least we don’t have to take Adam’s and Bert’s as well,”

The camp had already packed up their stuff and delivered it to hospital for when their parents came. From what we’d wormed out of them, Adam was out of surgery and in recovery, as was Bert. Both had been moved from critical to stable. Bert’s parents couldn’t be tracked down, but his aunt had sent word she was coming down in a few days. Adam’s parents had arrived while Adam was still in surgery, but he couldn’t be moved for at least a week. 

Unfortunately, the camp hadn’t done anything about Ryan’s stuff, as he wasn’t in bad enough condition not to pick it up himself, so we said we’d take it. Stupid idea. Ryan packed like a girl, he had so much stuff he couldn’t figure out how to cram it all into his air stewardess bag. In the end, we left it to Zan. 

Bob groaned and sat down on the rock heavy case, rubbing his eyes with his hands. I ruffled his hair fondly. 

“Relax, we’ll manage,” I told him, looking inside to check we hadn’t left anything except dirty sheets and the smell of teenage boy. I prodded Bob until he begrudgingly got up and we picked up our bags and set off. Everyone was away, the log circle was deserted and no one saw us leave. I had a feeling Zan and her people skills had something to do with that. 

We dragged and pulled and puffed our way through the back ways, avoiding the main paths in case we ran into a camp leader, and eventually made it to the road. Our legs were coated in fresh mud to the knee, from the short rain torrent we’d had at lunchtime. Our clothes were damp from the humidity and the drip drops from the trees above, not to mention the fresh soaking every time we walked through or past a low growing patch of ferns or scrubs. 

I only slipped six times. I t would have been an embarrassing record if Bob hadn’t tripped over, laughing each time. 

And then, once again, trying to tug Ryan’s bag from a patch of thorns. 

Reaching the road was a blessing, we were hot and sweaty and thoroughly fed up. Bob’s every other word was a swear word under his breath. I smiled at him as we sat down on the verge and waited until things got less sticky and gross. 

“Come on, Bobby Boy, only a mile or two to the bus stop!” I said, using every tiny bit of enthusiasm I had left in me, which was becoming less and less. 

“Fuck this Ray, we’re not gonna get there in time,” swore Bob, letting me pull him up and winding his arms around my waist. I smiled when he wouldn’t let me pull away, his face pressed into my neck. “Someone smells nice…”

“Bob, we can, but we gotta get moving,”

“No need boys,”

We spun around, breaking away. Steve was standing about twenty metres away, leaning on the bonnet of his van. He was smirking. “Need a lift?”

We glanced at each other. 

“Um…ok,” grinned Bob. 

“Hold on, wait up, shouldn’t you be making us go back?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. Steve shrugged. 

“Yes and no. I _should_ be, but I’m not going to. And since I gave Pete a lift this yesterday, technically I _should_ give you one too,” 

Bob was happy with that, he was already hauling luggage towards the van. I coughed. 

“But…the camp, the leaders-“

“Need never know if you hurry the fuck on! Look, boys, I’m not an arsehole, I just work for them – into the van now,” hurried Steve, helping Bob load Ryan’s ridiculously heavy case into the boot. Bob gestured for me to hurry up and I sighed. 

“You going to the hospital first?” checked Steve as we clambered into the back. 

“Yeah, then the train station,” said Bob, finding my hand and winding his fingers through mine, throwing me a smile. He was so happy to be going home with me, particularly now we didn’t have to drag Ryan’s case. 

 

“Oh, honey, look, aren’t those your friends?”

Ryan’s mom had a voice that could’ve cut through glass. She sounded terrifying. Bob and I looked up from where we’d been dragging his case through the ward to find a woman in a navy blue business suit getting up and moving towards us. 

“Raymond? Robert?” she checked, narrowing her eyes a bit. We nodded, moving until we could see Ryan sitting in his bed. He was wearing jeans and had a nurse applying cream to his back, but he smiled at us. His mom smiled at us and all the terror in her appearance lifted. 

“I’m Ryan’s mother, Helen, lovely to meet you!” she gushed, shaking our hands in turn. ”Can I call you Ray and Bob?”

“Yeah, please do,” said Bob, leaving the case and going over to Ryan, slapping his hand and grinning. I followed, giving him an awkward hug in front of his parents. His father, or who I assumed was his father, stood with his eyes trained on us. Although he wasn’t smiling, his eyes were lit up. Obviously they were both worried about their son, but happy. 

“Hey, guys, guess what!” grinned Ryan, before his mom cut him off. 

“Darling, hold still so Nurse Fen here can finish up,” she laughed. Ryan rolled his eyes at us, wincing a bit as the nurse continued. His dad offered his hand to us. 

“Hello, I’m Ryan’s father, Michael. May I have a word in private?”

He pulled us aside, leaving Ryan’s mother to fuss over Ryan’s hair and clothes. He gave us a proper smile. 

“I understand you were there on the night of the accident,” he said, his eyes becoming hollow. We nodded. 

“Yeah, when he and Adam were attacked,” said Bob. I glanced at him, before meeting Michael’s eyes. 

“Yes, I heard…I’m shocked that camp could let something so…horrible happen. My son is…I love my son, you understand,” he said quickly, glancing at Ryan (who was busy trying to stop his mom combing his hair). His smile said it all. “He’s all I could ask for in a son, so smart, so funny, so handsome…and now he tells me he’s involved with this Adam chap-“

We froze.   
”And I couldn’t be happier! I mean, he’s never had a girlfriend and it worried me, but you should see him talk about Adam…and it’s a dream come true for my publicity, although I wouldn’t discuss their relationship publicly, Ryan told me Adam’s parents aren’t as proud as we are…homophobic fundamentalists…”

Two shocks in one breath. 

“Huh?” I asked. He met our eyes again, obviously lost in his own thoughts.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I’m a politician, and this - whilst being absolutely horrible – is media gold! I’m not going to rest until that fucking camp, excuse my French, is closed down and the people responsible for this are in jail,”

I’d never seen such a determined face in my life. 

“Sir, I think I worship you,” 

Michael looked surprised, then broke into a chuckle. “Thank you, son, but I’m doing this for my son, and for Adam – I saw what happened to him and…my wife had to leave the room,” he sighed. 

“You’ve seen Adam?” gasped Bob. “Is he ok?”

Michael bit his lip and made a pained expression, still looking towards his wife and his son. 

“He doesn’t look good, boys…Ryan couldn’t bear it. I can’t stand to see him so…oh God,” he whispered, breaking off. “I’m sorry, but it shook me. I love my son _so_ much…I’m so proud of him,”

We smiled, Bob’s hand finding mine. 

“And to think, he was scared of telling us!”

Michael laughed and went back over to them, taking the comb off his wife and cuffing his son’s hair, laughing. 

“Fucking hell…” muttered Bob under his breath. “That’s something you don’t see everyday…”

“I know,” I whispered back. “They’re so shiny and…happy! Look at those grins!”

“Best toothpaste commercial ever!”   

 

It took Ryan ten minutes to convince his mom and dad to leave him for five minutes, just so he could talk to us. It was getting a bit surreal, what with his mom hugging him every other second and his dad asking all these questions about me and Bob, and Pete too. 

Finally, they agreed to get some coffee and left, arm in arm. Bob and I instantly climbed onto Ryan’s bed. 

“So…that wasn’t horrible!” grinned Bob. “They love you even more!”

Ryan’s grin couldn’t have been any bigger. “I know! Dad’s so…he’s so proud of me, he keeps saying! He’s proud of my…strength or something like that, I dunno! And mom? She just started lecturing me on safe sex,” he laughed. I grinned at him. 

“Well, that’s important too. So, going home tonight?”

Ryan nodded. “Yeah…we’re gonna go see Adam before we go, and then go,”

I took his hand. “How was he?”

Ryan’s eyes had lost their shine. He stared at the bedsheets and a single tear dropped from his fading smile. “Oh God…”

He couldn’t say anything else. 

“Are you gonna go see him when he goes home?” I asked quickly, rubbing the back of his hand. He nodded, looking up again. 

“Yeah, yeah. Mom’s gonna take me down there for a science convention she’s got over the next fortnight, so I can see him every day…”

He didn’t have to tell us it’d take a lot longer than a fortnight for Adam to heal. 


	55. The Meds

A nurse came and helped Ryan into a wheelchair, him holding on me and Bob’s arms for support as he got lowered down. He was stiff and painful, and winced with every movement. Then we set off, Ryan’s lovely parents leaving us to go see Adam on our own. I shook Michael’s hand before we left. 

“I’m glad my son has such wonderful friends, you boys seem charming,” he told us, shaking both of our hands briskly and repetitively. “Consider yourselves invited down to stay with us any time you want, and Adam as well, and that other friend of yours…Peter?”

“Pete,” corrected Bob automatically, smiling. “Thank you, sir. You don’t know how much this means to us, and to Ryan. Just thank you,”

We pushed Ryan away, moving towards the elevator. As soon as the doors clicked close, Ryan raised his hands and began trying to mess his hair back into it’s usual state. 

“Every time with that bloody comb!”

I smirked and gave him a hand. “At least they still love you, they think the light shines out of your arse!”

Ryan grinned. “I know, it’s such a relief…Dad’s even donating a big heap of money to Adam’s parents to pay towards cosmetic surgery if he wants it, for skin graphs on his back and stuff,” he said, grinning. I whistled. 

“Now, that’s nice!”

Bob looked unsure. “I’ve met his parents and they’re pretty proud…I dunno if they’ll accept it,” he said, looking guilty for blowing the bubble of happiness. Ryan, surprisingly, was still smiling. 

“Adam’s 18, he’s legally able to accept the donation and use it for medical purposes, his parents can’t do shit all,”

“Oh,”

Bob’s face broke out into a smile. “Lucky guy!”

“He got a burning tent on his back, not so sure about that,” I commented as the doors pinged open. Our moods instantly plummeted.

“How did he seem? When you saw him?” asked Bob, walking alongside Ryan as I pushed him down lime green hospital corridors. Ryan shook his head sadly, sinking into his chair. 

“Awful…he was asleep, they’re keeping him heavily medicated. Even when he’s awake he’s so out of it he wouldn’t react if you aimed a shotgun at his face,” he sighed. “He looks all…sick, y’know? He just lies there and has all these tubes running in and out of him, oxygen and blood and drips and all this shit! And he’s covered in bandages…it’s heartbreaking,” he said, his voice choked up. I saw Bob reach down and take Ryan’s hand, squeezing it. 

“It’s gonna be ok, at least he’s ok. Bert too,”

“What? What happened to Bert?”

Oh shit. In the heat of the moment with Ryan and his parents, we’d forgotten he didn’t know about Simon and Bert and the trip down the cliff face. Bob quickly filled him in, and Ryan couldn’t speak. 

“Oh my God…” he choked finally, bursting into tears. “How could he? How could he? He’s a monster!” he cried, attracting the attention of passing nurses and patients. We ignored them, slowing down and crouching in front of Ryan, shushing him. 

“Ry, relax, calm down, he’s ok! Ray saved him,” soothed Bob. I coloured gently. 

“He’ll be fine, Ryan, he’ll be on his feet in a few days hopefully and Simon’s in police custody! We caught him and he’s history, we promise,” I added, taking Ryan’s hands away from his face and holding into them, reaching up again to rub his tears away from his cheeks. “Don’t cry,”

“We’re gonna go see him after Adam, and you’ll see he’s ok,” finished Bob, his knee rubbing against mine. Any touch was instant fire between us. Ryan met our eyes, rubbing his hair out of them and sniffing. 

“What about Pete?”

I bit my lip. “Pete left yesterday…he’s kinda messed up at the moment, but he sends his love,”

Ryan looked tragic then, he and Pete were close, and Pete didn’t even come to see him. 

“Come on, don’t sweat about it, let’s go see Adam,” said Bob firmly, standing up and grabbing my hand, pulling me up. He didn’t let go as we finished our journey to Adam’s room. I met Bob’s eyes as we opened the door, we had to keep cool, for Ryan’s sake. 

At first, I didn’t see Adam, I couldn’t. The white sheets were drawn up to his chest and his arms and neck were covered in pristine white bandages. His face was pale and sweating. A nurse stood over him, removing a bandage from the side of his face and using an alcohol soaked cloth to nudge the crusting fabric free. 

“Oh shit, sorry,” I instantly apologized, just as Ry gasped in horror. She looked up. 

“Oh, it’s ok, come on in! Visitors are still allowed for another hour, I’m just behind today…hey, Ryan, how are you feeling today?” she asked, smiling at him. Ryan shook his head, his eyes fixed on Adam’s sleeping deadpan face. 

“Not so good now…”

“Oh, Adam here? He’s fine sweety, come look,” she said firmly, waving us over as she threw the soiled bandage in a pot on the wheeled table next to her. I hesitated, then pushed Ryan closer, around to her side. She smiled at me and Bob, and then moved so Ryan could see the side of Adam’s face. 

The burn was about the size of a coin, or bigger, and white. The skin around it was bright red and vaguely swollen. She’d cleaned the yellow lymph from the edges and sterilized it. 

“See? It looks bad, but it’s actually very shallow and clean, it’s healing really well,” she said, using a spare hand to smooth Ryan’s hair out of his eyes tenderly. She was about 30, 35, and one of those lovely, smiling motherly nurses you saw on TV. “Come on, sweety, don’t cry, he’s going to be just fine! I just finished his back and arms, everything’s text book perfect and clean,”

“How bad it is?” asked Bob, moving to the opposite side of the bed, touching Adam’s fingers gently. She looked at Bob and smiled warmly. 

“It’s mild first degree burns, quite serious if not attended to quickly, but we operated, and there won’t be too much scarring on his arms, neck or face thankfully,”

“What about his back?” I asked, gripping Ryan’s shoulders for support. Her smile faltered. 

“The majority of the burns were on his back, and some went quite deep…the majority of the scarring on his back will be permanent, even with cosmetic surgery,” she said. She left us then, kissing Ryan’s cheek and squeezing my shoulder. 

“Oh God…Adam,” muttered Bob, looking at his sleeping friend’s face. “Do you think he can hear us?”

“No,” sighed Ryan, tears trickling down his cheeks. “I tried. I talked to him for hours before that nurse, Judy, told me the drug sleeping was far too deep for him to even register a fire alarm…”

I squeezed his shoulder. “It’s ok, Ry, at least he’s ok,”

 

Ryan didn’t want to leave Adam, particularly since he didn’t know when he’d get to see him again, so we left him and went to find Bert, with the promise we’d come and get him at the end of visiting hours. Bob took my hand as soon as we left Adam’s room and shivered. 

“Oh man, that was horrible,”

I paused and took his other hand, holding them tight. No one was around, so I pulled him close for a tender kiss. “You ok?” I asked him, looking him deep in the eye and offering every scrap of support in me. He nodded after a while. 

“Yeah…I am at the moment. I might need it later though,” he said grimly. “Don’t know if I can deal seeing two of my closest mates hooked up to IV in the same half hour…”

I tried to smile, but all that came was a sympathetic lopsided smile thing, so instead I kissed him again. 

“Come on,”

We wove our way through the hospital, following signs to the critical viewing rooms. When a patient was in a critical condition, they didn’t have visiting hours, but viewing hours. We could see Bert through a sheet of sound proofed, shatter proof glass. We could see him covered in white bandages and tubes and plaster, from a few metres away. 

The sickest puppet show I could imagine. 

Eventually, we found him, with Judy’s help. She drew the blinds for us and left us, warning us not to tell anyone she did so. Bob had to close his eyes, it was worse than I thought. Bert’s legs were both broken, one shattered at the kneecap, and the other in the lower shin. His legs were wrapped in plaster and suspended on pulleys above the level of the bed. His arm was broken too, and wrapped in layers of plaster and cloth, held above his chest. His neck was held in a brace and another arm was covered in the blue bandages of a post op cast – they had to screw a pin down his forearm, leaving a long, twisting scar he’d wear with pride. The left side of his face was completely covered with a swab, hiding the gaping hole of his face where his cheek had been ripped away and his jaw dislocated. 

He was naked except for a pair of white hospital boxers and his casts and bandages covering his body in a second skin, most dotted with bright red. The red looked like ink blots, mistakes of a cream white artist’s sketchpad. 

“How can you look at that?” Bob asked, hiding his face in my shoulder. “It’s so horrible…Bert…”

I shushed him. “I saw a lot of stuff like this back home, I’m just trying to work out how many cc’s of methaline he’s on…”

Bob shuddered. “Everytime you say something like that I get freaked out…your home sounds terrifying,”

I shrugged. “It’s ok once you learn how to avoid the bad side of it,” I told him, stroking his hair gently. 

“I’m never coming to visit,”

“That’s alright, I’d much rather visit you in your big, empty house in Miami,” I smirked. Bob attempted to smile. 

“Sorry, I can’t be cool, I’m too freaked out,”

“That’s ok…by the way, he’s on 20, he won’t feel a thing for the next 48 hours and then he should come around,”

“Like I said, creepy. I don’t like thinking about you living somewhere you have to know stuff like that…”

“Methaline’s also a really good way to bring someone off a bad trip by laying them down if you heat it and get them to inhale it,”

“See? I really don’t need to think about that…I’ll just let my head run wild with horrible ideas about how you learnt about drug trips and teen violence and stuff!”

I sighed. “You shouldn’t worry about me, I’ll be with you every day until the end of the summer by the sounds of it, and both Adam and Bert are gonna be fine – so relax, and stop cutting holes into my arm,” I smirked. Bob let go his grip, smiling apologetically. 

“Sorry…”

I smiled and gave him a kiss, hugging him close. He finally managed to look at Bert. 

“It’s a horrible thought…that we still live in a world where people, teenagers, can turn violent over something so…trivial and simple as sexuality or skin colour or religion,” he sighed. “It shouldn’t be that way,”

I nodded, both of us looking at Bert sadly. “I know, baby…I know,”

“Teenagers scare the shit out of me, to be honest,”

I smirked. “I know, baby, I know,”


	56. The Train

 

We bid our goodbyes to Ryan, with the promise we’d come and visit him when he was able to move around freely, and to give all our love to Adam when he saw him. We left messages of love for Bert, with another promise we’d come see him as well. 

“I pretty much want everyone to just come crash at my house,” muttered Bob. “Then we wouldn’t need to worry about anything cept how much we’ve drunk or smoked,”

I smirked as we left the hospital, dashing tears off my cheeks. Ryan had been down to see us go, he’d hugged us both about a million times, forcing us to promise we’d call and email and all this stuff. 

I’d shaken his parents hands a million times and we accepted – a little reluctantly – Michael’s offer of calling a taxi and paying for us to go to the station. We stood out in the sunlight, me leaning against the concrete pillar of the reception, and Bob sitting on the floor next to me, leaning against my thigh and sighing every so often. 

“This has got to be one of the most traumatic summers I’ve ever had,” he said, sounding vaguely surprised at his own statement. I looked down at him and slid my back down until we were sitting side by side, our bodies twisted in towards each other. 

“You think?”

He nodded. “I mean, last summer was pretty grim – but this one definitely tops Sonny,” he decided, nodding. I took his hands and began playing with them, running my fingertips over his knuckles and the sides of his digits, tickling the rough skin and drawing patterns and swirls. 

“It could be worse,” I said, shrugging. “Everyone ended up pretty much ok,” 

The taxi arrived and I got to my feet, pulling Bob up. 

“I know, I guess I’m still in shock at the moment…but it still sucks. If it weren’t for you, this summer would definitely have been a completely write off,”

I smiled, taking his hand as we got in the taxi and squeezing it. “I know what you mean,”

Several hours later, Bob and I were half asleep on the train. It was getting dark outside and both of our iPods were blaring in our ears, silencing the clatter of the train and the roar of tunnels. The scenery wasn’t much to look at but I still stared, hypnotized by the rushing landscape, and half way between awake and asleep. Bob was stretched over the two chairs next to me, his head resting in my lap and his legs jutting over the edge into the aisle. 

My fingers played absentmindedly with his hair, tracing over the curve of his ear gently. We’d just stopped at a station, the name blurring out of my head. I jumped when he sat up all of a sudden and shuffled up to me, kissing me. My shock worn off as the pleasure of the kiss overtook. Bob moved even closer to me until he was practically in my lap, his arms wrapped around my neck. I yanked my earphones out and pulled away from the kiss reluctantly. 

“What brought this on?” I asked, laughing. Bob shrugged, trying to kiss me again but finding himself deflected.

“I occasionally get impulsive, and demanding,” he grinned. “Wanna go to the bathroom?”

“What is this, the train version of the Mile High club?”

“Yeah, if you want, the 100 Miles An Hour club,” he grinned, eyes twinkling. “Come on, I’m bored, we’re both horny and no one’s around,”

I looked around the carriage, and saw he was right, so I nodded, grinning. I pushed him to his feet and let him pull me towards the bathroom.

“This isn’t some sort of reaction to all this tragedy is it, this impulse?” I checked. “I mean, you said it yourself, you’re still in shock,”

Bob stuck his tongue out at me, pushing me into the bathroom. “I’m ok enough to know I’ve been wanting to get my hands all over you since we passed Boringville three hours ago and only got my chance at Nowhereland when the last person in our carriage fucked off,”

He didn’t let me respond, shutting to door to the tiny compartment and pushing me down onto the seat of the toilet, pausing long enough to push the cover down. He straddled me and kissed me like a starving man. I pushed him back again. 

“Not that I’m not enjoying this – because I really, really am – but are you sure now’s the best time?” I checked, our faces so close Bob’s labored breath brushed across my skin like a lover’s caress, his eyes burning into mine deeply. He nodded. 

“I should be with you, this way. That night in the tent –“ My skin grew hot at the reminder “Meant a lot to me, and I wanted you to make sure you knew how much I love being with you, more than anyone else I’ve been with,” he said, his hands moving to the base of my skull, playing with the mass of curls. I met his lips long enough to make him moan and pulled away again. 

“How many guys have you been with?” I asked. Bob looked taken aback at the question. 

“Is now really the best time to open the Ex files? We’re alone in a deserted train carriage, in a soundproofed toilet and I’m _really_ hard,”

I glanced down. “Bloody hell. Does that hurt?”

“The zipper does,”

I reached down and unzipped him, kissing him as I did, my hands exploring and freeing him from the gripping pressure of the demin. He sighed into my mouth, practically melting against me. 

“I still wanna know,”

Bob pouted. “Man, this is surreal. My dick’s hanging out and you wanna know how many guys I’ve been with?”

I nodded. “Please?”

“Four…and then some one night stands,”

My eyebrows raised. Bob blushed. “You think I’m a slut, don’t you?”

I shook my head quickly. “No, no, I don’t! I would never call you a slut, you’re too nice and loving,” I said, wrapping my arms around his lower back and pulling him closer to me. “Tell me,”

Bob sighed again. “Ok, there was this guy I met when I was 14, he was the one who made me realize I was gay, I was really into him. We messed around a lot and I…I mistook it for love and to him it was just fun, but I didn’t have sex with him,”

I nodded, giving in to the temptation to lean forward and nibble on his ear as he spoke. 

“Then there was my first proper boyfriend, I met him through my best friend at a party and we hooked up and kept seeing each other for ages, I was with him for about a year and then we broke up, it stopped working and he started…playing around a bit, or I think he did…he mindfucked me to say the least,”

I tightened my grip on Bob’s arse, only half listening.

“Then…I went a bit mental, the break up had been hard and I went out drinking a lot and hooked up with a lot of guys that way…had a lot of blurry one night stands and gay bar blowjobs…”

I could tell Bob was ashamed, and didn’t like talking about that period of his life. It seemed so out of character for him to do anything that wild, that dangerous, but I could hear the strict honesty in his voice. He was determined to tell me everything. 

“I snapped out of that all really fast though, there were a few months I don’t want to remember, but then I stop drinking so much and met this other guy and dated him for a handful of months, but he wasn’t interested in a monogamous relationship and I got out of that before he gave me something nasty,”

I met his lips as he turned his head towards me. “And then there was Sonny who you know about, and now, thank God, there’s you,”

I smiled and went in for a deep kiss, massaging his tongue with mine. His lipring rubbed against my lower lip and I couldn’t help but chew on it. 

“And there’s you,” I agreed, my hands moving down to take his waiting member in a motion I knew he was craving. As he arched his head back, I couldn’t help but lean forward and capture his throat in my teeth, fastening eager lips around the mark and kissing his skin roughly. 

The moan he emitted vibrated against my mouth, his windpipe flexing under my tongue as I pumped him, my other hand circled to hold his lower back into me. His hands gripped my hips, tugging underneath my t shirt until they found skin and traced up either side of my body, pulling my shirt with it, up and over my head. I left his neck wet and red as he freed my head. He pulled the shirt up roughly over my eyes and kissed my lips before it dropped finally to the floor, leaving me to shiver in the cool air.     

The soundtrack of our embrace was just Bob’s panting moans, his whispered swear words as I squeezed him hard. I could barely hear him over the roar of the train, and the thudding of my heart in my ears. I moaned his name as my lips traveled, my supporting hand moving to yank his own shirt up and let my lips explore the full creamy slope of his chest. My tongue found a nipple and Bob practically yelped. 

Goosebumps hardened all over his body as I wrestled his shirt free and ran my free hand all over his cool arms and back, leaving sensuous trails of my warm fingertips, leaving my prints all over him, marking him in dark, secret little ways. All mine, I told myself, smiling. All mine. 

I found his lips again and leant back, pulling him with me, pumping him hard and fast and swiftly, my palm slicked and my thumb dragging across his weeping slit. Bob collapsed against my cool chest, his skin prickled in sweat and his lips ravaging my shoulder and neck, hands cutting half moon into my arms. 

He came with a ferocious kiss, practically breaking my neck with the jerk he forced me to meet his face with, panting my name and clenching his thighs around mine, juddering and wilting, melting into my kiss. I held him close, feeling him shudder with the pleasure, and whimper. 

I kissed away the tears and mingled them with my own and rocked him gently, rubbing warmth into his skin, and comfort into his soul. 


	57. The Rich Kid

Miami was nice. 

I decided this before I even got off the train. It had been an overnight journey, and Bob and I had shared a bunk in a deserted sleeping carriage with a curtain. We didn’t get a wink of sleep, but eventually I won with 7 orgasms to his 6. 

My dick was incredibly sore, to say the least. We’d spent a few humorous hours with Bob teaching me all the tasty little techniques involved with giving blowjobs and my bottom lip was swollen beyond belief. There had been a rather embarrassing moment when Bob had very loudly exclaimed my name for about five minutes mid-orgasm until we realized the ticket man was standing there, trying to get our attention without opening the curtain. 

I don’t think I’ll _ever_ live that one down. 

Leaving the station, we dragged our bags into the sunlight and instantly flagged a taxi. 

“It’s way too far to walk with these goddamn things,” grumbled Bob, who was both tired and kinda cranky, his hair messed up at the back and his beard in need of a trim. I smirked as we shoved our bags in the back. 

“It’ll cost us, you know,” I pointed out. “And we don’t have that much money left,”

Bob smirked and looked for his wallet. 

“Booyah!” he cried, pulling out a credit card. “Every taxi in Miami’s fitted with one of these babies,” he winked, opening the door for me and sliding in next to me, politely ignoring the fact I stacked it and clambered back onto the seat. 

“Since when did you flash your plastic?”

Bob paused before answering, his grin telling me his mind was processing the millions of dirty jokes my statement aroused. 

“My mom gave it to me, for emergencies and stuff. Dad doesn’t know about it as far as I know,” he said, his smile fading. I watched him stare out the window for a bit, before he snapped back and gave his address to the taxi driver. I moved over so I was sitting up close to him, taking his hand and running my fingertips up and down his muscular arm.

“When was the last time you spoke to your dad?” I asked him gently. He shrugged, still looking out the window. 

“When I was 14, and he kicked me out the house,” he grunted. 

“Really?”

He nodded. “Oh wait, no, I’m wrong – he said Merry Christmas to me through his driver last Christmas,”

I gave him a look, the bitterness in his voice was so overwhelming. Family issues…it had to be family issues. The one thing I can’t help. 

“His driver?”

Bob nodded, glancing to meet my eyes. “Yeah, he’s had a few over the past few years, he sends me messages through them, or Mom,”

“Like what?”

“’Get out of the summer house, we’re coming down’ usually. I have a feeling the latest one made up the Merry Christmas, Dad abandoned any sort of father/son relationship with me when I came out,” Bob shrugged, sighing. I squeezed his fingers. 

“Do you miss him?” I asked gently. 

Bob took his time replying. “If any of the guys asked me that, I would’ve said no and maybe sworn a bit…”

“But?”

“But I can’t say that when you ask me – it’s not true,” he sighed, still staring blankly out the window. “I…I miss who he used to be,”

I leant my head on his shoulder and rubbed the back of his hand gently, coaxing it out of him. “Tell me about him,”

Bob didn’t meet my eyes, his voice became low and gentle, tender. 

“He…he wanted me to be the perfect son. He wanted me to play rugby and soccer, and baseball and wrestle and all that. He wanted a son with the All American blue eyes and blonde hair, broad shouldered and white smile. He paid for me to go to the best schools, got me tutors when I wasn’t Acing, and encouraged me in nearly everything I could do – even when I wanted to take up drums,” he sighed, his voice showing that vulnerable side of him, the one the veil of control and confidence couldn’t always protect. 

“He’d take me fishing on weekends, and taught me to water ski and ride my bike and all that…he always had time for me because I was his son, y’know? Like a protégé, something to be proud of,”

I nodded, even though I didn’t. I was a mama’s boy, my dad and I were more like friends and constant victims of Mom’s merciless cleaning and occasional nagging. 

“God…there are so many things I remember about him I miss, so many things I could tell you…”

“Why don’t you?” I offered. He shook his head. 

“It wouldn’t make me feel better, and most of it wouldn’t really make sense…stuff like, this one time he and I went to the park when I was about 8 and we had this contest to see who could find the most conkers and destroy the others…he let me win, and then we went and had a banana split…”

I smiled. “That sounds nice,” I encouraged. 

“And there was this time, a few years before I came out, he took me and Mom to China as a surprise, for the Chinese New Year…and once Mom and I were messing around with her make up and painting skeleton masks on our faces and Frankenstein and stuff, and Dad came in and I just remember him laughing so hard he fell on his arse…”

I couldn’t keep the smile off my face – Bob’s dad actually sounded really nice. Except for the homophobic thing. Bob moved to look at me, and smiled. 

“I wish you could’ve met him back then,” he sighed, raising his free hand to touch the side of my face and stroke my hair off my cheek. I nodded. 

“He does sound like he used to be really great,”

Bob nodded, resting his head against the window. “Yeah…when I came out, I remember I was sitting on the couch with him and we were both drinking beer. Mom was sitting in her armchair, and reading while we watched TV…Dad turned it off and we got involved in this discussion about the show, I have no clue what it was or what we talked about. I can remember my dad wearing his navy jumper though, which is kinda weird…” he trailed off, smirking. 

“Go on,” I said gently, curious. 

“I can’t remember how I did it, I just told them both I had something to tell them, and that it was important. And then…there was yelling, Dad refusing to believe me, to accept something he thought was a ‘sick joke’. My mom just stared at me, and at him. He stormed out and Mom spent the evening talking to me, trying to calm me down, comfort me. When Dad came home, I heard them argue for hours. The next day, his driver came to tell me I was going to the summerhouse and I didn’t have a choice, I had to pack up and go….”

I squeezed his hand gently and when he turned to face me, gave him a soft peck on the lips. “It’s hard when someone close to you doesn’t understand you,” I agreed. “I’m sorry about your dad,”

He nodded, his eyes overshadowed. “It was like…he’d died or something, you know? One minute he was completely fine, smiling at me. I think he thought I was going to tell them I had a girlfriend or something. And then the next…he wasn’t like himself at all, I’d seen him angry, but this was different,” he shuddered. “I’ve never seen _anyone_ look so inhuman…”

I squeezed him tightly. “It’s ok,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he leant his head on my shoulder. 

“I haven’t looked him in the eye since then, so it’s not like I’ve told him, but someone else – like I just haven’t seen my real father. God, I hated him for so long for rejecting me after so many years of happiness,” he sighed. 

“Some people just…don’t understand,” I shrugged. “Some just don’t want to,”

Bob nodded, burying his face into my hair and neck. “How do you think you’re parents will react…if you ever tell them?”

I could hear the vulnerable tone in his voice. He was unsure of himself, unsure that what we had was strong enough for me to come out and tell my friends, and my family. He was scared what we had between us wasn’t enough – just like the bond between him and his father wasn’t enough to pull them through. I met his eyes. 

“Well…it’s quite a big family, but everyone’s pretty…relaxed, you know? My mom’s the only really religious type, and she’s still pretty chilled with it, she just goes to church and does the charity events and all that,” I shrugged. “And like I said, dad’s as chilled as a cucumber about nearly everything,”

“So…they wouldn’t mind?” asked Bob, hardly daring to believe the idea. I smiled. 

“I have no idea…I think they’d be ok, I honestly don’t know, I don’t think they’d take me seriously,” I shrugged. “Not unless they saw me kissing you, or something…they don’t take anything seriously, anything us kids do anyway,”

Bob smirked half heartedly. “Like what?”

I phewed, making a face. “Like my older brother told them he wanted to be a dancer…and they just kinda laughed and did what he asked and they didn’t say anything when he changed his mind and went to become a chef,”

“So…have they ever…y’know said anything homophobic, or anything?” he asked. I made a face and shook my head. 

“Not as far as I know…dunno what they’d make of it, but I have a feeling they wouldn’t mind,” I smiled. “Once they met you, they’ll fall in love with you and it’ll all be fabulous!” I gushed, giggling. Bob smiled and sighed. 

“I hope they support you…” he sighed. “So…you’re thinking about telling them?” he asked me. I shrugged. 

“Not yet…maybe when I go back, and we have to do that terrible thing where we have to organize ways to see each other more than once a year…” 

Bob smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss. I knew why he was happy. Neither of us had any intention of ending this, no matter what our parents thought. 


	58. The Beach House

You’re joking…right? This can’t be your home!” I said, shocked. The taxi just dropped us on the sea front, and the house in front of me was…huge! Huge white walls, large plates of glass, palm trees in the driveway, a garden filled with tropical plants and I could see the pool in the back garden. It was…like a millionaire’s crib off TV!

Bob shrugged, flushing. “Yeah, it’s the summer house,” he shrugged, picking up the bags and walking through the front gates. I swallowed, I didn’t know I was dating a rich kid. Back home, there were clear lines – the snooty rich kids, the dangerous poor kids and the kids in between, where I was. I knew Bob was well off – but I didn’t know his home has a net value of a million, or a sprinkler system with artificial intelligence. 

“You ok?” asked Bob, looking around to find me still standing there, my bag still hitched off my shoulder. I nodded, shaking my head free. 

“Sorry, just thinking,” I said, flushing. I didn’t know what my mates would say when I told them I was dating a rich kid, one this loaded. My brain clunked – that would mean telling them I was gay. I didn’t know if I could do that yet. Guilt gnawed in me as Bob reached over and took my hand, pulling me with him. 

It was ok for him, he was safe and had loads of friends, and no visible problems. I lived in a cess pit, the kind where they drained corpses out of the local ponds of kiddy parks and everyone’s given a gun for under their pillow at 21. If you walked down the street after midnight, you could expect to be mugged, or beaten to a pulp for just walking into the wrong street. Drug dealers, thugs, I grew up in a dangerous place. 

A million miles away from where Bob lived. 

While I knew my family and friends wouldn’t mind too much, in fact my friends really wouldn’t, particularly if I had found someone like Bob and got one up on the rest of them. Little geeky Toro, with a boyfriend, who would have guessed it? That wasn’t what worried me. If it became public knowledge back home, I’d be dead meat. I remembered what happened when someone accused Gerard of being gay, he was practically massacred walking home from school in broad daylight, they went at him with lead pipes and sticks. 

Add to that that my boyfriend was a rich kid, and I was practically begging for a slaughter. 

“What about?” asked Bob, banishing my thoughts. I smiled at him, eager to forget what awaited me back home. 

“How amazing your house is…how big is this place?”

Bob was pink, embarrassed. “Slightly too big…”

“How many bedrooms?”

“Um, 12,”

“Wow…that’s a lot…”

Bob smirked. “I know, I’m sorry,”

“Don’t apologize, I’m just thinking it’s gonna take us a while to christen them all…”

Bob caught my eye and grinned, laughing. “I knew there was a reason I liked you so much! Come on, I’ll show you around,”

Bob’s front door was like a mini gateway into a palace, and he opened it with an 8 digit code, the door automatically opening. We dumped our stuff and I half expected a butler to come out of nowhere and whisk it away to our room. Inside, everything was wooden floorboards, plaster walls, and motion detecting ceiling lights that changed to make sure the light level stayed pretty constant and even changed colour. There were pieces of art hanging on the walls, and Persian rugs on the roof and Chinese vases in the niches. There was an intercom in every room. There was a TV in nearly everything room. The doors inside were all automatic, like Star Trek doors – only ever so slightly less geeky. 

The kitchen scared me – miles of spotless white bench top, and enough time saving appliances to find yourself with nothing to do in the morning. Seriously – there was a bread maker, a pancake maker, a waffle iron, an egg fryer…I couldn’t even _guess_ what half of them were for. And let’s not go near the coffee maker – that thing looked like it could either pummel me or beat me at scrabble. 

Bob showed me around the place, from the bedrooms with $200 sheets and hand sewn tapestry quilts from Tibet, to the sauna and the pool. I practically came when I saw his games room – a proper sized pool table, darts, a stereo the size of a wall, with the CD and DVD collection to match, and a TV with two swiveling leather gaming chairs (the kind with the joysticks built into the armrests) and another case of games. 

“Holy shit…” I muttered, going over to admire his impressively huge horror movie shelf. He had horrors I couldn’t get my hands on for love nor money! I heard Bob chuckle self consciously. 

“You wanna play?”  he asked, gesturing to the two thrones. I swallowed. 

“Where did you get all this stuff?” I asked, standing up to move towards the two chairs, running my fingertips over the luscious leather and finding my mouth was hanging open in shock. Bob sat down in the other chair and watched me sink into the depths of the other one. It was like sitting in a cloud – the foot was attached to the floor and balanced on a swivel ball, making it so easy to spin around and veer inside it. It warmed under my skin. 

“Dad got it all before…you know. He and I used to play in these for hours in the summer nights,” he sighed, his fingers fitting into the arm rests and starting the game up, the enormous screen in front of me flickering to life. 

“He got all of this? But there’s so much!” I said, biting my lip. I felt more than ever like a freak in my friend’s homes. Only this time, it was a bit more understandable. Bob coughed, embarrassed. 

“Yeah, I know…I’m sorry about this,” he said. I finally met his eyes, having been too busy since laying eyes on the house and taking everything in. He was incredibly self-conscious, ashamed really. I found a smile come onto my face without even feeling it. 

“Don’t be sorry, babe, this doesn’t change anything. It’s just…pretty immense,” I whistled. Bob coloured. 

“It’s all my dad, really. Except the movies and CDs, but I earned the money for those!” he defended quickly. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, I work down at the marina during school time, and most of the holidays I’m here,” he smiled, and I could see he was actually really proud of that. “You wanna play Halo or the Donkey Kong game?”

“What do you do down in the marina?” I asked. “And, at the same time, what the fuck is a marina?”

Bob laughed at me – that wonderful, deep, uncontrolled laugh. The one that sent shivers down my spine, the one I knew I’d fall in love with. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him when he laughed, his mouth open, his eyes closed and his entire being just open with the laughter. I felt a tug inside my heart. The laugh I’d fall in love with. 

“It’s the port, where all the boats are,” he laughed. I smiled as his eyes opened again, his impulsive reckless laughter dying. “I do all sorts of stuff down there,” he shrugged. 

I poked him as he loaded the Halo game up. “Like what?”

“Clean the cabins, scrub the sides, re-rig them – all that boat maintenance stuff. And then I help the sailing club, teaching the kids and the tourists, picking up the skills. I’m saving for my own boat so I’m getting all the experience I need, really,” he grinned. “It’s shit money, but it builds up,”

“That’s so cool,” I grinned. That was something I could relate to – working your arse of for shit money and saving for somewhere you really, really wanted. I’d been saving for a van since forever, and I was so close to scoring it I was practically drooling. I told Bob this and he grinned, just before shooting me ruthlessly in the head. 

“That’d be cool, you could drive down here every so often,”

I nodded, biting my lip in concentration as I regenerated and jumped across several boardwalks, dodging bullets. 

“Yeah, but only if it’s fair game and you come up to Belleville a few times,” I said, tutting. “It’s a long drive!”

Bob made a whining noise, which could have been due to the condition or due to me blowing him to pieces. “Your town sounds scary, what with all the drugs and rapes and murders and all that jazz,” he chuckled. My dismal thoughts came back. 

“Shit, that’s right – don’t come to Belleville, seriously,” I said. I felt Bob’s eyes shift to me. 

“You ok?”

I nodded, killing him again. “Yeah, just never come to Belleville, it’d just be easier for me to see you,” I decided. Bob paused the game and leaned over towards me. 

“Ray, is there any other particular reason you don’t want me to come visit your home?” he asked, looking me straight in the eye. I swallowed. 

“It wouldn’t end well,” I said gently. “It’s a bad town, and people get hurt for simply driving too slow through the wrong part of town – if you came to see me, we’d both be slaughtered for being…”

“Gay?” finished Bob. I bit my lip, nodding. Bob leaned further forward. 

“I don’t care – I wanna see where you live, and meet your friends, at least once,” 

I snorted. “I live in a shit hole, no way I’d want you to see it, and you’ll meet my friends if I bring them with me,” I said, shrugging. Bob reached over and caught my cheek, forcing me to meet his eyes properly. 

“You’re not ashamed of me, are you?” he asked, in all seriousness. I shook my head firmly. 

“Never. I just don’t want you getting hurt just because of who you are, of what we are, and anyway,” I said, smirking. “We wouldn’t be able to have loud kinky sex in my house – the walls are too thin,”

Bob laughed again. As in, properly laughed. My heart turned to a bubble of air in my chest and I felt my hairs on my arms tingling. Watching him, I knew it. I was in love with him. 


	59. The Check In

We played for an hour or two, cracking out a case or two of beer until we got bored of blowing each other up and then spent another hour creativity finding ways to kill each other. I stood still patiently as Bob sawed me in half with a chainsaw, but only so he’d do the same so I could beat him to death with a rusty chain. 

There’s nothing more satisfying than killing your boyfriend over and over, and then being able to lean over and kiss him. 

Eventually our thumbs got seized up and we swapped to watching Saw 2. I cheered when the guy got shot through the eye, because it was the funniest death in the movie, apart from the chick with the razorblade box. Looking over at Bob, I saw his satisfied grin, his sleepy eyes. I got up out of my chair, with some difficulty, and went over to sit on his lap, throwing my knees over the side of the chair. 

“Fuck, you’re heavy,” grinned Bob, winding his arms around my waist. I pouted. 

“How mean – I’ll leave then!”

“Oh, no you don’t, stay right there,” he growled, gripping onto me and dipping the chair back so I physically couldn’t get out of his grasp. I laughed, ignoring the screaming onscreen, and gave him the kiss I knew he wanted now I was there. I opened my eyes and saw his gleaming back. 

The words shimmered on my tongue, the lovely teenage emotions just waiting to spill out and make this evening with him perfect. I knew it, I knew I loved him. I wanted to tell him, and I knew that when I did it’d be so much easier. He’d take me to bed and…and…then would come all those details, all those graphic images Ryan and Bert and Adam and Queeny had painted for me in private conversations – telling me everything I’d ever need to know about sex. 

Could I do it? I had no clue, if I could yet…

The words died on the end of my tongue, my courage failing me. Instead, I leant forward again, meeting Bob’s lips in a silent exchange of love. I felt a stab of guilt again. I couldn’t be honest with him about my feelings because I was still so scared by this whole thing – I wanted to do it, God knows I do, but…it would hurt, and I didn’t know if I could manage it. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to yet. So, I kept my feelings inside, and I shut my mouth. 

But I couldn’t shut my stomach up – it gurgled nosily as Bob and I dipped back in our swiveling chair.

“You hungry?” giggled Bob, his hands up the back of my shirt and holding my hot skin under his digits, flexing against shoulder muscles, ridges of vertebra. I nodded, chuckling. 

“Actually, yeah, the last thing I ate was…you!” I realized, laughing, remembering him shooting his load unexpectantly into my mouth. My lip still complained with swelling – I’d be sucking on him on and off for a _long_ time. I’d decided bobjobs were the best thing, like, _ever_. 

Bob laughed and kissed me again, running his tongue around my mouth as if trying to find the taste again. With his other hand, he started groping around the side of the chair. At first I thought he’d lost his way and was trying to find my zipper, but I realized he was actually trying to grope the chair. 

“Bingo,” he grinned, pulling a cordless phone outta nowhere. 

“Fuck, where the hell did that come from?” I demanded, laughing. Bob grinned sheepishly, ignoring the movie completely now, even though there was some fun bloody shit happening onscreen. 

“Thin air,” he shrugged, speed dialing. I waited, sitting on him and grinning as he ordered a huge pizza covered in our favorite toppings and sides to go with it. He found it a bit hard to concentrate when I started nibbling his ear…

“You’re not ashamed to spend your parents cash, are you?” I said as he dumped the phone back into thin air. He shook his head. 

“I see it as…a fee to the psychological damage they’ve caused by keeping me down here – I gotta eat, and all that…” he shrugged. “Food and drink’s ordered it through my mom, I just order it off her account and she spoils me I guess,” 

“Cool – can we have ice cream after pizza?” I asked, giddy. Bob tipped me back to rock over his body, my face a few inches above him as I readjusted, straddling him. “Cos I have a few…interesting ideas how to enjoy it,”

Bob’s eyes widened and his smile came back. “Oh aye?”

“Aye!

“Oh aye?”

“Aye!”

“Oh aye?”

“This is getting annoying…”

“Yeah, it is, let’s stop and get something else to drink,”

I climbed off Bob (ok, I lied, I tripped) and we moseyed downstairs to the kitchen. Something occurred to me and I bit my lip.

“Hey, Bob, can I use your phone?” I asked. He nodded, his nose already buried in the fridge, looking for coke to go with our rum. He was just trying to get me drunk, horny bitch. I grabbed it and spent several minutes trying to figure out how to dial. 

I wandered out onto the patio and stared off down the dark garden, fairy lights twinkling in the breeze. I waited for the other end to pick up. 

“Yello? House of Pies!”

“Hey Mikey,”

Tick. 

Tick. 

Boom. 

“RAY!! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!”

“Huh?”

“It’s been over two weeks! We thought you’d forgotten us!”

I frowned – it’d been about three or four weeks since I left for camp, but about a fortnight since my last – brief – phone call. 

“Yeah, sorry, been busy,” I laughed. Mikey swore some more and sighed down the phone. 

“I’m shaking a pineapple at you,”

“Careful, you’ll put my eye out – what’s up back home?”

“You know, the usual – Gerard wound up on the roof and couldn’t get down, and Frank and Sapphire got massacred skating again,”

“Cool, is Gerard there now?”

“Um…dunno…Holy shit, I think he’s still on the roof!”

There was a click as Mikey put the phone down, then a series of yelled sentences, a dialogue with his mom which consisted of swearing and references to pie holes and he picked up again. 

“Found him,”

“Where was he?”

“In my room – I just didn’t see him against the carpet,”

I heard him kick and a grunt. “Fuckoof!”

“It’s Toro,”

“GIMME!”

“Hi,”

“OH MY FUCKING LORD YOU’RE STILL ALIVE I WAS SURE BAND GEEKS HAD EATEN YOUR SEXY ASS FOR SURE!”

Pretty accurate actually…

“Nah, I’ve just been busy, sorry I haven’t called for so long. Some…scary stuff’s been happening,”

“Like what?”

My mind went ape shit, trying to work out what I could tell Gerard. I didn’t want to tell him about Bob over the phone, or about how much I was sure I loved him. I didn’t want to tell him about Bert or Adam in hospital either – he hates hospitals. I definitely didn’t want to tell him how amazing Bob’s house was…

I swallowed. 

“Oh, you know, band geek stuff,” I laughed. I looked back into the kitchen where Bob was mixing drinks and singing to himself. “Just a lot of band stuff…” 

Eventually, I was released by the Way brothers to return inside and greet Bob with a kiss and took the drink he gave me. He opened his mouth to say something when the door rang. He smirked. 

“Pizza time!”


	60. The Ice Cream

Sitting next to Bob in the huge living room, I felt uncomfortable. 

Firstly, all I could think about as I watched Jigsaw extract more gut clenching tortures, was how I wanted to turn to Bob and tell him the truth – I’m in love with you, I never want to leave you and will you marry me? Ok, the last part was a joke, but I was so close to panicking I needed to make myself laugh (at least on the inside). I sat there, my entire body language jerked out of natural by this circuit running thought – tell him, tell him, tell him! You know he’ll say it back! I knew Bob thought I was scared – bloody cheek – and had his arm around me, his fingers tracing tingling lines on my upper arm. But I was scared, to be honest. 

That was the second reason I was so uncomfortable. Everything was ok at the moment, we were watching movies and chilled out and it was ok. But what happened when I told him I loved him, and the movie ended? A whole night of silence and just us stretched ahead. Whilst I knew we could easily spend it just cuddling and catching up on our sleep, part of me felt that once I told him the big truth, that’d _something_ would have to happen to really show I meant it…and all we really had left was actual sex. 

Just thinking about it made me shake. With excitement or fear, I couldn’t tell.

And, thirdly, I was so full of pizza I could barely breathe. I’d already had to unbutton my jeans and spread out on the couch. I yawned, I couldn’t help it – food made me sleepy. 

I felt Bob’s fingers move to touch my neck, traveling to tickle the base of my hair under my ear. I leant against him heavily, sighing in contentment. Instead of panicking me more, his simple touch completely zenned me out. I wriggled until my head rested on his lap. 

“You ok?” he asked, interrupting one of the Saws again – we really had no respect for these movies…

I nodded, twisting my head so I could see his eyes gleaming again. His smile glowed in the darkness, lit up by screaming on the screen.  

“I’m really tired,” I shrugged. He smiled a bit wider. 

“Yeah, me too. Pity, cos I was gonna seduce you tonight,” he giggled. I laughed, shaking as I did. He was probably telling the truth in a joke. 

“Ah, well, there’s always tomorrow,” I giggled, yawning. I sighed and wriggled so my back was facing the screen and I was snuggled into Bob’s crotch. He made a soft grunt and I realized something rather important.

“Bob, you’re hard…”

“Yeah, I know,” he giggled. I smirked. 

“Sorry, was me lying here too much of a turn on for you?” I teased, rolling back to see his face again. He gave me a half smirk, but didn’t say anything. My eyes widened. 

“Oh my God – it was! How horny are you?!” I laughed. 

“Horny enough to throw you down on the floor and have my way with you, to say the least,” giggled Bob. I laughed. 

“I’m still so sore from all of last night on the train,” I complained. “My dick’s all purple and bruised…”

Bob hmphed. “I like purple,”

“I don’t, it hurts,” I laughed and went to nuzzle his crotch. I was already licking my lips – I didn’t have a problem with sucking him off again. In fact, I was keen to! I heard Bob moan, but not in pleasure. 

“I think I’m in agreement with you about that purple dick thing…I’m sore,” he complained. “I’ve never been that sore there in my entire life! You have the suction of a vacuum cleaner,”

“I _think_ that was a compliment…”

“Oh, yeah, it was – you’re definitely the best blowjob I’ve ever had,” giggled Bob, reaching for to trace the bottom of my lip. I squirmed, giggling – it tickled like a bitch. 

“You’re pretty damn good yourself,” I laughed, yawning again. “And it’s a bobjob, remember?”

He laughed. “Yeah, but you’ve only had me,” pointed out Bob. “I’ve had quite a few bobjobs, and yours are definitely the best I’ve had,” he winked. I could tell he wanted to lean down and kiss me, but his spine didn’t bend that way. Instead he stroked my cheek. 

“That’s only because you adore me, and worship the ground I walk on,” I giggled, feeling rather stupidly light headed. 

“Yeah, pretty much, you big, sexy, fluffy headed sex god, you,” he growled, running his fingers down the side of my face to my neck and further. I smiled. 

“Babe?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really tired…do you think we could skip games tonight, and save them all for tomorrow?” I asked sweetly. Bob nodded. 

“Yeah, sure, sounds like a plan,” he smiled, and then gave an enormous yawn. “I’m actually shattered…”

“And we’re both a wee bit drunk…”

Bob nodded. “That too…wanna go to bed?” he asked, rubbing his eyes. I nodded, yawning. We were too tired to make sense of anything. 

“Yeah, come on…” I said, dragging myself upright and getting up off the couch with some difficulty. The shaking came back – I was freezing! How it was cold in Bob’s home in the middle of summer in Miami was beyond me. He probably had air conditioning or something. I looked around at my boyfriend, yawning and shivering. 

He smiled up angelically at me. 

“Sorry, I am getting up….it’s just…um,” he glanced down at his crotch and I went ‘oooooo’ a loud voice, giggling. 

“Well, then, I know how to cure that,” I told him with a sly grin. I dropped down to my knees and reached for his belt. 

“You sure?”

“As sure as I am that I wanna go the beach tomorrow,” I grinned. He let me unzip his jeans and pull them down, freeing a now dear and familiar friend to me. He groaned as I took his member in both hands, licking my lips. 

“Don’t tease me, not now, please,” moaned Bob. “I’m too sore!”

I loosened my grip and shuffled forward, dipping my head. Bob stretched out on the couch, giving me headspace to descend to his groin level. My tongue reached out and lapped at the hot shaft of his member, tasting the flesh eagerly. 

“I won’t suck too hard,” I promised, taking his hips in my hands and taking him gently into my mouth, wrapping my hot, wet mouth around his already leaking cock. I loved the way he moaned when I licked him like this – enjoying and tasting him thoroughly before diving in and taking him full deep into my throat. I felt his tension increase as I dipped between deep throating and licking him, my lips swollen and my breath sticking to my hot skin. 

His fingers curled into my hair and I felt his stomach muscles knot together as he released with a strangulated moan. He sighed deeply as I swallowed the salty liquid. I drew back from his now spent cock, licking my lips. 

“Now _that’s_ a flavor of ice-cream,” I laughed. Bob was breathing heavily, wiping his eyes and watching me through half closed eyes. I smiled and did him up, offering him a hand up. 

“Come on, baby, bed time,” I smiled. “I’m cold and wanna snuggle up in a nice, big bed,”

I pulled Bob up and he led me by the hand upstairs to his room. It was so different from the sparse white walls of the rest of the house. Crammed full with a wardrobe, computer, sofa, double bed, a drum set and chest of drawers – and full of stuff. The walls were covered in posters of bands, the ceiling too. The floor was hastily cleared of clothes for when he’d gone to camp, and our bags lay abandoned next to the rumpled bed. I looked around at the walls, seeing photographs of people and girls and parties and surfer guys all over the walls. I could’ve looked at all his walls for ages, except it was too dark and I was too tired. Bob pulled me towards the bed and smiled at me. 

“Gonna go shower quickly,” he said, going in for a sweet tasting kiss, which lasted a while until I pushed him away and smacked his arse. 

“Shoo,” I said, sticking my tongue out. He wrinkled his nose at me, vanishing into an en suite bathroom. I shed my clothes quickly and slipped under the covers of Bob’s bed, accidentally kicking out a t shirt he slept in, and a magazine. I blushed when I saw it was a Playgirl magazine, with semi and fully naked men in it. 

I made a mental note to tease him about that when he got back. 

By the time Bob had finished showering, I’d just adjusted to the cool, neglected duvets and was enjoying breathing in Bob’s smell off his pillows, cuddled up in the bed. He came in naked, towel drying his hair and flopped down onto the bed, wriggling under the covers. His wet, naked limbs found mine and we snuggled together. 

He kissed me gently. 

“Good night, Ray,” he smiled. I beamed back, already beginning to slip away. 

“Good night, Bob,”


	61. The Bath Tub

I refused to get up the next morning, I was so tired I didn’t even open my eyes. I felt Bob kissing my neck and trying to convince me to jump in the shower with him and let him lather me up, but I was so tired all I could manage was a tired moan and mutter of ‘later, sleepy…’

He let me sleep some more, slipping out of the warm cocoon and going downstairs to make himself coffee and bagels for both of us. I just slipped back into sleep. I don’t know how long I was asleep, but when I woke up Bob was sitting at his computer, fully dressed in a new pair of board shorts I’d never seen and a t shirt with a manic Bunnywith towering over New York on it. He’d shaved properly for the first time in days, trimming his beard down to a very sexy goatee and donned a pair of sunglasses as he surfed. A plate of two sour cream and salmon bagels sat next to the bed, alongside a big glass of juice. He’d already eaten I guessed, glancing at the clock. 

It was after midday, nearing 1 in the afternoon. 

“Hey,” I said, coughing to clear my throat. Bob looked over at me and smiled. 

“Hey, sleep well?” he asked. I nodded, yawning and propping myself up on my elbows. Cool air rushed into the space under the duvet and tickled my skin. I pushed the duvet away and swung my legs out, not caring how naked I was. 

“Sorry I didn’t take you up on that shower thing, I’m still pretty shattered,” I shrugged, yawning again. Bob smiled a bit wider. 

“That’s fine, you’re cute when you sleep – you make the cutest little yawning faces, and mutter and stuff,”

I turned red. “Shit, I didn’t say anything embarrassing, did I?”

“Something about nitric acid and dental health care, but nothing else I understood,” giggled Bob. I groaned and held my face in my hands. “Relax, I’ve been told I talk a lot more in my sleep – and usually of a lot worse stuff,”

I smirked at him through my fingers. “No chance you’re gonna tell me?”

“None what so ever!”

“Bitch,” I hmphed, smirking as I picked up my bagel and began chomping through it. 

“I got a text from Ryan, and an email from Queeny,” 

I looked up, swallowing with difficulty. “What they say?” I asked, standing up and going over to Bob, stepping over the chaos already beginning to be strewn around his floors. In the daylight, his walls and room seemed to be even more interesting and filled with odd things. I couldn’t wait to explore.

“Well, Ryan’s back home and says he’s fine – he heard from Adam, he’s come around and accepted the donation for his skin, and apparently the phone conversation they shared was traumatic at best,”

I winced, chewing. I stood next to Bob, staring at the computer screen, at Pete’s email. Bob cast my naked glory a glance. 

“You want a bath?” he offered. I nodded. 

“Yeah, that’d be nice – do you mind if I read through Pete’s email?”

“Go ahead, baby. Ryan’s gonna call us later tonight and tell us more about Adam and stuff,” Bob told me, sighing. He stood up and gave me a kiss, his tongue tingling of mint next to the salmon on mine. He smiled, resting his forehead against mine. “I’m just happy we’re safe, and together,”

I nodded. “Me too. Did Ryan say anything about Bert?”

Bob lifted his sunglasses free of his face. “He went into surgery this morning,”

I sighed, and returned the kiss Bob gave me, before letting him go back into the en suite to draw me a bath. I sat down and quickly read through Pete’s email. It said a lot of stuff about how sorry he was, and how shitty he felt and all that – and some dirty jokes about me and Bob I saw straight through, and felt worse. He asked after Ryan, Adam and Bert but it’s very likely none of us are going to know anything until a family member or Adam or Bert themselves cough up news. He ended the email by telling Bob he’d come down at Christmas as usual, hopefully with Bert and Adam if they were lucky. 

“I didn’t know you guys met up every Christmas,” I said, going to the en suite and finding Bob measuring the water’s temperature. He looked around and smiled warmly at me, straightening to pull me closer and kiss me before answering. 

“Yeah, Queeny, Bert and Adam come down to stay with me over Christmas…partially to avoid family confrontations and partially to keep me sane over the holiday season,” shrugged Bob. 

“I’m guessing your parents don’t spend Christmas here too?”

Bob shook his head and kissed me again. “Nope, but we have a great time. I’d love it if you could come as well,” grinned Bob, his fingers digging into my hips lightly. I smiled back, running my hands over his clothed shoulders. 

“I’d love to. Except I gotta spend Christmas day with my folks, keeping my little sisters entertained – I can either come down before or after, which ever’s longer,”

Bob pouted. “There was me hoping for a white Christmas with my boyfriend! Oh well – before’s probably better, two weeks rather than one,”

I grinned and kissed him softly before getting in the bath and stretching out. I sighed loudly, leaning my head back and feeling the water soak all around me, soothing me. The cuts on my legs and arms hissed at first, then relaxed, and my palms ached with pain until they got used to it. Bob sat down on the toilet next to the bath and smiled at me, his sunglasses hiding exactly which part of me he was enjoying. 

“Man, you’re looking good right now…”

I laughed at him. “Just wait until I wash my hair, then you’ll be sorry you said that!”

He blew a raspberry at me. “Bollocks – you look even sexier wet than you do mid orgasm,”

I blushed some more and splashed some water at him, ducking when he retaliated with a squirty shower gel. We fought for about five minutes, wrestling with shower gel, bubbles, shampoo and a sponge – me getting water everywhere and Bob getting wetter and wetter until he gave up and joined me in the bath fully clothed. And that’s where we were now, Bob sitting with his back to the dip ring of the bath and me lying in between his legs, my spine curved into his chest. 

“So what do you want to do today? Or what’s left of today?”

I grinned, rinsing water over my face and enjoying the feeling of Bob massaging shampoo into my hair. 

“Well, I’d love to go down to the beach, or see what’s in the town and stuff. You know this place better than me, babe, show it off!”

I heard Bob chuckle, his stomach muscles tightening as he laughed. 

“Ok, fine then. I’ll take you for a walk, show you the town, the promenade, the arcade and then we can go down to the beach at sunset with the rest of the kids,”

“Huh?”

“Luckily for me, not every kid in the country is a homophobic prat. I’m mates with loads of kids in the area – everyone goes down to the beach in summer and parties there at night. During the day, everyone either hangs out under the promenade, at the arcade or in one of the various skate clubs in the area,”

“Sounds pretty cool,”

“It is,” agreed Bob. “Everyone knows everyone in this part of town, and you’ll get to meet all my mates,”

I could hear the pride in his voice, that he had a stable life down here, and that he had a boyfriend he couldn’t wait to show off. I had to admit, it sounded like fun – living somewhere with a party zone just a walk out your front door and a Miami Beaches lifestyle. 

I opened my mouth to say something when the bathroom door got kicked open and someone stormed in and yelled at the top of their voice:

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” and then “BOB?!”


	62. The Best Friend

“Oh My God! I’m Sososososososooo sorry!” yelled the girl, almost as soon as the yell of “BOB?!” echoed through my head. She spun around, averting her eyes as I descended from my mile leap of fright into the air and covered myself up, Bob scrambling to get out from behind me. 

“Julie! What are you doing here?!” he cried, climbing out of the bath and dripping onto the carpet. She spun around again, one hand placed firmly over her eyes and the other stabbing him in the chest. 

“What are YOU doing here?! You ask me to water your goddamn plants for the whole goddamn summer, and I come here and hear these voices upstairs and the house is in chaos and I think people have broken in and LOOK what it is! You’ve just turned up out of the blue –“ she lifted her hand to glare at him “Without telling me straight away!” She squeaked and dropped her hand over her eyes again. “And you’re in the bath with some guy I’ve never met and am now making a complete fool out of myself in front of, hi, I’m Julie,” she said, leaning to the side and waving to me blindly, her eyes still covered. 

“Um, hi,” I returned, shakily. Bob turned and smiled apologetically at me. 

“Sorry, babe, I forgot about Julie…Julie, this is my new boyfriend Ray, Ray, this is my best friend Julie,”

“Charmed,” grinned Julie. “Boyfriend?!” she echoed a second later, her hand flying off her eyes again. “Bob, that’s great!” she cried, before squeaking and shoving her hand back again. Bob laughed at her and pushed her out the bathroom. 

“I’ll be back in a minute, just finish up,” he winked at me, before closing the door. I laughed and finished washing my hair and body quickly. Julie seemed insane enough to be Bob’s best mate, I couldn’t wait to find out about the rest of them. 

I got dressed quickly in Bob’s room, pulling on my board shorts and stealing one of Bob’s t shirts as a symbol of his ownership of me – I wanted everyone to know I was his. I smiled when I looked in the mirror, rubbing my face clean and tugging my damp hair back into a ponytail. It always got to the point where I could do that, and I cut it. Always happened.

As I walked downstairs, a newly changed Bob did a double take at me over Julie’s head and grinned. “Ok, I like that, you should do that more often,” he grinned, looking at my hair. I laughed. 

“You think?”

Julie turned and grinned. “Yeah, that’s really nice! Hey, look, I’m sorry about walking in on you guys in the bath…”

I smiled. “Relax, it’s ok, I’m just glad you didn’t burst in five minutes earlier,” I said, making a face. Bob made the same one, remembering me jumping out of the bath to tackle him and push him back into it. 

I refocused on Julie as Bob kissed my cheek and went to get some glasses and something to drink. Julie pulled me over to the kitchen table, still grinning at me. 

“So you and Bob met at band camp? That’s so cute,”

I nodded, blushing slightly. “Yeah, turns out band geeks can fall for each other in real life too,” I laughed, my ears growing warm. ”How long have you know Bob?”

“Oh, years. Ever since he first came here – I live down the road so he and I hang out constantly,”

I nodded. “Bob told me there were quite a lot of kids around here,”

“Millions – particularly in the summer, you get all the new ones here for the holidays, and they change every year. Then there’s kids like me and Bob, here all year round…mostly everyone’s great, but there are a few cunts here and there,”

I made a sympathetic face. “That sucks,”

She smiled. “Nah, it’s fine, everyone gets on and during summer we all gather under the promenade and party all night – Bob said he wanted to take you there tonight, so you can meet everybody!”

“Bloody hell…people? I’m terrible at meeting new people! I never remember names…”

She wrinkled her nose, leaning her elbows on the table and smiling cutely. I decided Julie was over all, very, very cute – from her cute top and cut off jeans to her cute nose and twinkly eyes. 

“That’s ok, no one’s good at names here, you’ll fit right in,”

Bob came back, bearing juice and glasses, as well as a box of crackers. “No doughnuts yet, so these’ll have to do,”

Julie made a face. “Bob! If you keep scoffing doughnuts like you do, you’ll end up fat and ugly,”

“Never!” gasped Bob. “I’ll always be sexy and young and thin and handsome, won’t I, babe?”

I grinned. “Always,”

Bob smiled warmly at me, his eyes glowing. I could feel the words on my tongue: I love you. They begged to be released, Bob’s beautiful face just gazing back at me…but then he snapped to Julie and covered her mouth quickly as she opened it for the ruining ‘awwwwww’. 

“Oh no, you fucking don’t!” he warned, waving a finger at her. 

She pouted. “Sorry, Bobbert…what are you up to today then?” she asked, looking between us. I could tell she was eager to spend time with her best friend, and get to know me. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to chill with both of them or keep Bob all to myself, so I let him decide. 

“I was going to show Ray the area and stuff, the promenade and the shops and shit,” he shrugged, smiling at me again and filling me up with warm air, as well as my glass with tropical juice. Julie nodded, smiling. 

“Cool! Bob _hates_ shops, and shopping,” she told me “So why don’t you take Ray around the promenade and arcade and stuff, and _I_ can take him to the shopping center and show him there while you go catch up with the guys and organize a welcoming party for him,” she suggested. Bob and I met each other eyes. He grinned. 

“Actually, yeah, I should throw a party in honour of my new baby’s arrival – you game, Ray?”

I grinned. “Sure!”

Julie looked at me. “Bob’s parties are immense, live bands, kegs, smoking rings – his house is perfect for parties! He’s a great host,”

“Shut the fuck up Julie, you’re already on the invite list,”

“Well in that case, he’s an alright host, his parties are usually chaotic and his house is unacceptable small,”

“Fuck you, Ju-Ju,”  
”Don’t call me that! Boo Boo!”

“Bitch, don’t start that game!”

“You started it first, wanker!”

I leaned back and fought to stop myself laughing at the two friends teasing each other. With the guys at summer camp, Bob was the quieter one, but with Julie I could see the silly, excitable Bob I’d grown to know and love – the Bob he really was under the desire to not be noticed or disliked, the calm one in control. I heard laughter in his voice again, and the words swam through my head. 

I loved him so much…I gazed at him across the table, Julie ruffling his beautiful blonde gold locks and laughed when he pinched her back, the two of them wrestling. I saw his blush grow up his neck, and his eyes caught mine. 

All I had to do was smile and he completely forgot he was fighting Julie, he just smiled back. Julie noticed this and looked between us. 

“Oh Jeesh! How in fucking love are you two?!”

I blushed and chuckled, glancing at her and meeting Bob’s eyes. 

“Julie, small warning: I’m about to start making out with Ray, don’t take pictures,”

“But-“

“NO,”

“Fine, I’ll go water the rest of your fucking plants and go find Matt and see if I can get a keg for tonight, I’ll meet you guys at…4ish? To take Ray to the shopping center, ok?”

I nodded, looking away from Bob’s eyes quickly to agree with her. “Yeah, that’d be help, I need your help with something,”

She smiled, ruffled Bob’s hair and hugged him from behind once again, glad to have him home, and gave me a hug too, before slipping out of the kitchen. Bob and I sat staring at each other, smiling warmly. I could’ve stared at him all day. 

As we leaned in and began to kiss each other gently, we suddenly heard a noise from the door of the kitchen. 

“Julie! I said NO PICTURES!!”


	63. The First Attempt

 

I knew Bob was keen to lay around at his home, in the garden, just chilling out – but I wanted to see the area, I wanted to get out and around – see what Miami was made of! I tugged on his hand, pulling him up off the couch where we’d been necking since Julie left. 

“Come on, babe, show me around!”

He pouted. “There’s nothing to see now that won’t be there after a handjob or two!”

“Bob, not everything’s sex related, I wanna go look around!” I whined, sticking my lower lip out. “Please?”

He sighed and let me pull him up. “Ok, but let me take the camera,”

“You know I hate pictures of myself!”

“But, I’ll be in them with you! Plus, I need something to jack off to when you go home,”

My smile flickered, my eyes widening in shock. “Bloody hell, honest much?!” I laughed, pulling him towards the front door, shoving my trainers on and grabbing my hoodie to tie around my waist. 

“You won’t need that, babe, you have no idea how hot it is outside,”

I frowned. “Really?”

“I know it’s nice and frosty in here, but that’s because it’s programmed that way – outside it’s _fucking_ hot,”

I grinned, shedding the hoodie. “How hot?”

“Hot enough for us not to bother with t shirts I reckon,”

I smirked at him, and his kinky grin. “You just wanna see me walking around half naked,”  
”I’m not denying it – come on, just step outside and you’ll feel it!”

I narrowed my eyes, suspicious of his intentions, and went to open the front door. There was a space age click as it opened and I stepped out…and practically frizzled in the heat wave rolling in. 

“FUCK!”

“Told you,” giggled Bob. “It was cooling down when we got here yesterday, but this is full blown sun shine heat!”

I pulled off my top and swapped my trainers for some flip flops instead, and told Bob’s advice with the sun cream, letting him rub it all over me, but only so I could rub it all over him…

“Baby, I don’t think my arse is gonna burn, come on, you wanted to go out, let’s go out!”

It was too hard to hold hands, so we just lazily walked out, close to each other. Bob started telling me about his garden, and stories about the trouble he’d gotten into with his parents during his childhood summers. It was so bright, he’d donned his sunglasses again and tossed me a pair. I was bloody glad of that, it almost hurt to look on the white stones paving his front drive and the pavement outside. 

I had wondered if we’d look out of place wandering around in just our shorts and flip flops, but no one gave us a second look as we moved down the road. Glancing at Bob, I smiled – we’d both tanned a great deal. And because of the heat of the summer camp, my appetite had lessened. I’d lost weight and it showed, my stomach was smoother and my chest only looked better for it. But Bob looked amazing, his skin pure golden gorgeousness, his muscles moving silently under it as he walked. He looked amazing, a blonde surf sex god, his goatee trimmed and his shoulders flexing…

Looking away from Bob, I looked at the ocean instead, listening to him tell me all about the people and friends we’d meet, and the things they got up to. Next to the sidewalk we walked on, there was a road, then another sidewalk, and then sets of stairs leading down onto a dip of sand which then went on and on for nearly a hundred meters before hitting a tantalizing slip of turquoise water, sparkling in the blinding sun and disappearing into a huge expanse of pale blue sky, barely spoilt by clouds. 

This was paradise compared to where I lived. My fingers found Bobs, my little angel, and looked back at him. 

“Can we go swimming?” I asked him cheekily, smiling. He nodded. 

“Totally, I can’t wait to get you wet,” he grinned. “Only I’m gonna take you to the promenade first, see the stalls and funfair and all that stuff, and then we can swim under it,”

“Under it?”

“It’s shady…you burn less, and there might be other kids there,” he shrugged. “I’d like to keep you to myself, but you’ll like the kids here,” he smiled.

I smiled back. “They sound cool from what I’ve heard…are they all like Julie?”

“Yep,”

“Oh Christ…we’re gonna need some serious caffeine to deal with this lot,”

“They’re not as bad as the band camp guys, trust me,”

“Shouldn’t be too bad then…man, I’m gonna miss those guys,” I sighed, finding Bob’s hand and slotting my fingers in-between his. 

“Me too…I don’t get to see them that often, so it kinda sucks the time I get with them got cut short, but they’ll turn up again,”

“You think?”

“Definitely. Bert’s probably gonna wanna come down here as soon as he’s discharged, and then Pete might come too,”

I bit my lip. “You think?” I asked. I didn’t think so, somehow…I didn’t know if Pete wanted to come anywhere near the house of Ray and Bob loving…well, loving when we finally got around to it. 

Bob grinned at me. “Yeah, I think he will – he lurves you, and of course he adores me cos I’m wonderful, so we probably won’t keep him away,”

I laughed and listened to Bob ramble on about different friends and stuff, my head going off on one…I wanted to know if my friends were all ok, but on different levels. I wanted to know if Ryan was holding up ok, even with his parent’s support. I wanted to know how Adam was with his parents, and with the cosmetic surgery. I wanted to know what Bert was thinking. I wanted to know how Pete was coping, how he was. 

I wanted to know how they were doing, almost as much as I wanted to know how my friends were doing back home. I’m used to being the emotional support rock, and whilst it gets hard to be strong for everyone leaning on me, when it…relaxed, I got worried. 

I wasn’t in Belleville so I couldn’t keep my eyes on love struck, suffering Frank or oblivious, clumsy Sapphire, or Mikey getting into all his social suicides, and Gerard constantly being hounded. Then it was me looking after the band camp guys as well, and we all know how well that ended. When I’m not there to try and soften the blows for my friends, even when there are no blows to soften, I got worried. Because I always knew the blows would start again. 

We reached the promenade and walked along it lazily, chatting about drinks and alcohol based wastes of time. The walkway was red wood, worn from hundreds of pairs of feet and marked with countless nicks in the wood. My feet slapped lazily against the warm, smooth path, my hand nestled securely in Bobs. Looking at him now, I knew that I didn’t have to worry with him – my violent upbringing in the rough streets of Bellville, with it’s drug crime, rapes, murders, all that, didn’t matter anymore. I was safe with him. I was so happy too…

The words came back at me – slamming against the back of my teeth like bullets. I love you. Why was it so hard to say?! As we reached the end of the promenade, with all the mini rollercoasters and food stalls, Bob and I leant our elbows on the rail and stared out into the sea. It stretched on and on. The fun fair was closed today, the promenade was pretty much deserted. It was so hot, I could feel my skin crisping up. I looked over at Bob and smiled at him, leaning in to kiss him. 

“This place is awesome, babe,” I told him, smiling. He grinned. 

“I’m glad you like it,” he grinned back, raising a hand to run his fingers through my afro, down my arm, my waist. “I hope you like it as much as I like you…” he said, almost shyly. The words buzzed like bees in my mouth, demanding to be voiced. My stomach clenched. 

“Bob…there’s something…I wanna tell you…”

His eyes looked into mine deeply. “Yeah?”

“I…I-“

“DOG PILE!”

We were cannonballed by so many teenagers, I couldn’t see them all, both me and Bob crushed underneath the yelling, excited pack of hormone charged teens. 

“BOB’S BACK!!”

There went that attempt…


	64. The Ex

There was Jack, and Jackie. There was Aaron, and Seth and Paul and Cheeks (guy). There was Susie and Beth and Tilly and Tally (not twins). There was a Seth and a Seb. There was a Midget, and Dogboy and Dan and Dickhead. There was an Alice. There was a Cal, and Jared and Kerry and even an Angela. 

I’d never remember them all. 

They dragged us under the pier and hugged the shit out of Bob and then turned to me and descended upon me like a friendly, eager cloud. I never met so many nice surfer dudes and chicks in my life, stoners and E-chicks and skaters and emos. They all hugged me, shook my hands, touched my hair and spoke to me. 

“You’re Bob’s new boyfriend?”

“Oh my God, you HAVE to check out the arcade!”

“Wow, you have huge shoulders,”

“Where’d you meet Bob? How long have you two been dating?”

“Is this hair for real? It’s amazing,”

“How long are you staying?”

“Is Bob throwing a welcome party for you?”

“Dude, want a toke?”

“Guys, guys, back off the hottie, he’s mine!”

Bob’s calming voice broke over the crowd of chattering friends swarming under the shadowy pier. The huge legs were spray painted and carved with names and cartoon faces, the sea marks rimming the bottom of all of the legs, seaweed drying and crusting onto them. I could tell this was the main hangout – tires buried into the sand dunes made into chairs, a rope swing from the flat above our head – a fire circle. And I could tell I was fresh meat, the latest bit of excitement. 

Bob pulled me out of the crowd and down onto one of the tire chairs, pulling me onto his lap. The next hour or two was spent me talking to so many different people I couldn’t tell their faces apart. Bob knew everyone though, and was busy whispering into my ear about all the dirty little secrets and dramas of the guys and girls around me, from family shit to hook ups. 

Bob could tell I was feeling a bit uncomfortable, even as I accepted drinks of alcohol and puffs of joints. He knew I was feeling desperate when it came to remembering names and stuff, I’m just shit with them. So he took my hand, pulled me up and dragged me off to go meet Julie. 

“You alright?” he asked me. I nodded, shook my head and shrugged. 

“God, I don’t know, I’ve never met so many people who approve of me straight away in such a short time…”

He laughed and looped his arm around my waist as we made our way up the beach. The sun was creeping towards the horizon now, and colouring everything in amber. I loved the feeling of Bob’s skin on mine, it was soft and warm, like pure sunlight on polished floorboards or something. I leaned my head on his shoulder as we walked, twisting to kiss his neck. 

“I think the only reason they liked me so much was because you like me so much,”

Bob laughed again. “They love me because I’m rich, have an enormous empty house and parents who never, ever turn up the next morning when everyone’s coming around from their hangovers, and I love you, so therefore they love you,” he giggled. 

My breath caught when I heard those words ‘I love you’. I couldn’t tell if he meant them or if…it was just sweet, you know? We were on the board walk now, heading for the shopping center and I felt the words come back. 

“Bob?” I said softly. 

“Mmm?” he looked at me, sunglasses taking his sparkling eyes away from me. I smiled and reached over to push his sunglasses off the bridge of his nose and onto his head, so I could see his sleepy, blue eyes. God, I loved those eyes of his. 

“I…well, I…”

I jumped when a screech of tires on asphalt, and a smell of burning rubber. Bob’s grasp tightened on my waist and I followed his gaze over to the shitty looking van that had just pulled over upon seeing us. I expected more excited friends of Bob, but from Bob’s furrowed look, I knew this was different. He flipped his sunglasses down again and kept me close to him. 

“Bob!” called a voice, the driver kicking his door open. A guy of roughly our age, maybe a bit older, jumped out and came over to us, smiling lopsidedly. He had a messy mop of black hair which hung over one eye and couldn’t seem to decide which direction it wanted to flop in. He wore only small white board shorts, and his skin was tanned, freckled on the shoulders and face, and covered in scars and sand burn marks. A surfer, and a gorgeous one at that. 

I instantly was on guard.   

“Hiya Cass,” replied Bob, smiling at him. The guy completely ignored me, grabbing Bob and pulling him into a tight hug – like he hadn’t seen him in years. 

“Missed you, man,” he smiled, standing closer than I would’ve liked. Bob smiled, chuckling a bit. 

“Well, it’s bound to happen if you fuck off for months at a time, how long you’ve been back?”

Cass shrugged, raping Bob’s eyes with his brown eyes, eating up his beard, smile, hair – taking his appearance again. “About two days,” I bristled when I saw him look down, admiring Bob’s chest, stomach, legs. I’d never felt jealously before like this. Bob felt me stiffen. 

“This is my boyfriend, Ray, from band camp,” he filled in, his arm still firmly around my hip and holding me close to him. Cass glanced at me, looking me up and down. 

“Sexy,” he commented. “Nice piece of arse, Bob,” 

I frowned, he was referring to me like an accomplishment, like he and Bob were competing with objects. I suddenly felt an affinity with all those prize girlfriends on the arms of loser jock guys everywhere. 

“Don’t talk about Ray like he isn’t here, Cass,” muttered Bob moodily. “That’s not cool,”

Cass held his hands up in the air defensively. “Alright, I’m sorry, my bad!” he looked at me again, and smiled – I instantly saw why he got away with being such an arse, the cunt was gorgeous, and open with that smile. “Hey, I’m Cass, an old, old friend of Bobs. You two been dating long?”

I shrugged, shuffling my feet. “A while,” I muttered. I couldn’t even remember how long. 

“Hey, Cass, it’s great to see you, but we’re actually meeting Julie so we gotta go,” said Bob, moving away. “Catch you later,”

“Sure I will,” grinned Cass. “You ditch summer camp with your new piece?”

Bob’s eyes narrowed again but he nodded, letting it slide. “Yeah…see ya, man,”

Cass nodded, stepping back, letting us go. “See ya, man, you’ll be around tonight I’m guessing!” he laughed, waving as Bob pulled me away and we fell into step. 

“Glad to see you’re still wearing those sunglasses I gave you!” he called after us. 

The 2 nd attempt died without a hope, needless to say. 

“Who the fuck was that?” I asked, whistling. It was exhausting just speaking to that guy. Being around him longer than 10 minutes sounded terrifying. Bob sighed, rubbing his eyes. 

“You remember I was telling you about my exs?”

My eyes widened, even though I kinda knew it was coming. “You dated him?”

Bob nodded. He didn’t even want to meet my eyes. “Yeah…I did,” I could hear the shame in his voice. 

“Was he the one who mindfucked you?”

Bob closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah…pretty much,”


	65. The Mall

When we finally hooked up with Julie, Bob kissed me on the cheek, cupping the other side of my face as he did. I cherished that little moment when he still his had arm around my waist, and pulled me into him. His skin was so, so warm. 

We hadn’t spoken much since Cass vanished. 

“Later, babe, gonna cook up a big surprise for you,” he smiled, kissing my cheek again. I smiled weakly. I felt a bit weird, to be honest. As much as I loved Bob, and wanted to tell him…something stung me over this Cass guy. Maybe it was the way Bob tensed when he came near, or the way Cass looked at Bob…like I wasn’t there. Maybe it was how Bob didn’t want to even talk about him after that. 

I’d never felt like I couldn’t talk to Bob about something before. 

Julie waited for me to watch Bob turn a corner before poking me in the arm. 

“Did you actually bring a shirt?”

I smirked and nodded, a little confused. “Yeah…course,” I said, pulling the tank out from where it’d been tucked into my back pocket. She smiled and hopped off the rail she’d been sitting on. 

“Good, they don’t let you in the mall without at least having one nearby to put on – let’s go!”

She grabbed my wrist and began to tug me towards the mall, but when I fell into step beside her she let go and grinned at me. 

“God, you have no idea how excited I am to meet you! Bob and I go way back and…wow, you’re just SO awesome,” she laughed. I blushed. 

“Thanks, but I’m not, I’m just a big geek, and Bob’s attracted to geeks,”

Julie snorted. “Not with his track record…you can’t be all that geeky, because Bob’s attracted to strong guys, y’know? Not muscle men, but self willed, sometimes arrogant guys who know what they want and stuff…”

My face remained steady. “Oh, ok,”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m making this awkward! Tell me about your homelife,”

I smirked at her tragic face, and touched her shoulder. “Relax, I’m not awkward, I’ve just got some stuff on my mind…”

She nodded but didn’t ask after it. Instead… “So, whatcha looking for in this mall of amazingness?”

My eyebrows raised in a gesture of ‘Oh God, no clue…’. 

I looked around the mall I could see…pity it was so big I couldn’t see the end. There were bookstores and clothes stores and toy stores and everything you could possibly want. But what did I want?

“Well…I was thinking of getting something for Bob, like a present for letting me stay with him…but I don’t know what,” I sighed. Julie grinned. 

“Oh, awesome! Bob’s easy to buy for – you could just get him a box of doughnuts, I’m sure you two will find many, enjoyable ways to eat those…”

I almost choked on my tongue laughing. “You little pervert! You’ve only known me barely 5 hours!”

“Yeah, and I met you walking in on you and Bob in the bath – oh, please,”

I had to laugh, it was funny. The laughter died when I remembered Cass’s eyes on my Bob…I don’t know, something about him really, really bugged me. 

“Julie…can we go get something to drink? I need a little help,”

She stopped gazing at the Shrinking Violet shop with a mixture of awe, envy and lust and looked at me weirdly. “Yeah, sure, is something wrong?”

She was staring straight into my eyes which kinda unnerved me, like she was forcing the truth out of me. “Sort of, maybe, not really – I just need to talk it over with someone who’s known Bob longer than me…and you gotta [I] _promise[/I]_ not to tell anyone, got it?”

She nodded in a frenzy, a determined look across her face. 

“I promise! I promise!”

She dragged me to the other end of the mall…which took a stupidly long time I must point out – this place was bigger than most airports. There was a juice bar there selling smoothies and stuff, and we both bought the biggest smoothies on this side of Hawaii. Julie found the quietest corner of the bar and buried us in the bright yellow plastic seats under a fake palm tree. 

“Ok, spill,”

I let my more…girly side come out. I’d done it with Zan Zan, and with Ryan – so now I did it with Julie. 

“Ok, so…I’m in love with Bob,”

Julie’s face dropped out as she squealed. “OH MY GAWD! THAT’S SO CUTE!”

“Shh!” I shushed, covering her mouth. “Keep it down!”

She giggled, pink in the face. “I’m sorry, but oh my God, this is huge! Have you told him?!”

I shook my head and avoided the disappointed look in her eyes. 

“You’ve got to tell him, he’ll absolutely die! Some of his ex’s were evil to him, he was always the devoted one and they were always shying away from the emotional shit…you will not believe how happy he’ll be if you tell him!”

“I believe it, I think he loves me too but…”

“What is it?” asked Julie, seeing confliction on my features. “What’s wrong?”

I glanced around. “Ok, I’ll tell you, but remember, [I] _not a fucking word[/I]_ to anyone, and don’t freak out, ok?”

She nodded, sealing her lips. “Ok…well, Bob and I have been…messing around a lot and he knows I’m not quite ready for…the whole thing, y’know?” She nodded. “Ok, so I was worried if I told him we’d have to kind of mark it by…y’know,”

She nodded again and opened her mouth but I cut her off. 

“Hold on! But I think I’m ok with that now, I feel really good with Bob and I think I wanna do it, so I’ve been trying to find moments to tell him but they keep getting ruined…like, when we were walking here, we ran into someone…what can you tell me about Bob and Cass?”

Julie’s eyes widened so much I thought they’d drop out. 

“Oh…my god,”

She was so shocked she forgot about the smoothie she’d been downing during my little speech.  

“Julie? Come on, this is bad, isn’t it?”

“What happened?” she asked, reaching over and touching my wrist. A little harder than normal. 

“Should I be worried?” I asked again, my stomach clenched up. Julie ignored my question, which didn’t help. 

“Tell me what happened,”

“Well, we were walking and I was about to tell him, and this van pulled over all of a sudden and this guy jumped out and…he was standing really close to Bob and eye fucking him so, so bad and…ignoring me,” I said, looking into the depths of my smoothie as if it had the answers. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

Julie had a poisonous expression. “It…doesn’t sound good,”

“Tell me about Cass and Bob, please! I gotta know and Bob didn’t want to talk about it…it’s the first thing he’s never wanted to talk about,” I said. Julie looked stricken, covering her face with a hand. 

“I shouldn’t tell you…but I will anyway. Cass is a few years older than us, and I knew his little brother – when Cass was here, they’d hang out as a pair and so when I invited Dan to a party, Cass would come too. I didn’t like him that much, he was a bit arrogant and self centered and all that shit, but he and Bob ended up going out…” I waited, she was thinking it over carefully. “Bob changed in that relationship…he became more submissive, he really fell for Cass…but that guy was an arsehole, he treated Bob like an accessory - if he was out, he wanted Bob on his arm, if he was horny he expected Bob to drop everything and go home with him or whatever. There were so many occasions Bob would ditch on me or the guys because Cass wanted him to come over,” she muttered some swear words under her breath before continuing. 

“But, even though we all disliked him, Bob really liked him – I don’t know if he loved him, but it seemed like Cass liked him just as much…they were crazy about each other. But I guess Cass got bored, he played around a bit…and there were suggestions everywhere – he’d flirt with anything, male or female, in front of Bob, and leave emails open for websites, and basically do everything to run Bob down and get him to break up with him, which he eventually did,”

“Fuck,” I whispered. Julie snorted. 

“You don’t know the half of it! Bob was heartbroken, to say the least…and the worst part was, Cass would drunk-dial him for months after that. At first, Bob would take him back, sleep with him and then the next morning get his heart broken again…but then he came to his senses and broke away, we all did – that’s when Cass left town,”

I waited, there was more. 

“I didn’t know he was back…he can’t have been back long, and from what you said…I think he wants Bob again. That’s the thing with Cass, he’s compulsive and demanding and jealous. If he sees someone with something, he wants it. And he’s really, really possessive. Whenever Bob even _spoke_ to another guy we knew was gay or Bi, just as a friend, Cass would go mental – on both of them,”

“Did he ever hit Bob?”

Julie made a face. “Boys are boys, they get into fights a lot…they had one or two explosive arguments but Cass was known to rip up guys who went too close to Bob, he was a bit of a nut case…”

“And now he’s back…and I’m here…”

Julie fixed me with a worried look. “He’ll want Bob back, just because Bob’s happy again. For ages after they broke up, Bob was a wreck and did a lot of stuff he’s not proud of…”

I nodded, looking away. “He told me about the bars and hook ups, that doesn’t worry me…but what do I do bout this guy? I don’t want him near Bob, he freaks him out and I know he just wants to steal him!”

Julie touched my wrist again, only this time it was comforting. 

“It’s ok, Bob would never, ever cheat on you and there’s no hope of Cass getting him off you – Bob knows that guy is an arsehole and he loves you!”

I sighed, biting my lip. “Maybe I should just tell him and get it over with, then there’s no way he’d-“

Julie cut me off. “Don’t even consider having sex with Bob just because of Cass!”

I looked at her, still chewing my lip. 

“Seriously, Ray, don’t do it for the wrong reasons! It should be because you’re both in love and want to and you’re ready, not because some guy’s sniffing around your man, that’s the wrong reason! You’ll regret doing it if that’s the only reason,”

“It’s not the only reason-“

“It’s a reason, and therefore don’t! Just…promise me you won’t do anything you don’t want to just to back Cass off,”

“But Bob-“

“Bob’s a nice guy, he’s the good guy! He would never force you into anything or expect you to do anything, and there’s no way he’d consider going to Cass just because you’re not quite ready – promise me!”

I sighed. “Alright, I promise…but I do want to. I wanna tell him I love him and have sex, and all that,” 

Julie wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I’m glad, you and Bob are cute together…as for Cass, relax, if he turns up tonight I’ll kick him out…I do think you should talk to Bob about him though,”

“Bob doesn’t want to talk about him,”

“And that’ll stop you, how?” she asked, looking devious. I snorted. 

“You may be able to do it, but I don’t like forcing Bob to do stuff he doesn’t want to,”

“Ok, fine, whatever, but mention it – ok? Safe side, blah blah blah, can we please go shopping now?”

I laughed and hugged her. “Thanks for listening, and yes, we can,”

“Yay! Any idea what you’re buying him yet?”

I smirked. “Well, actually…I did have a brainwave,”


	66. The Second Attempt

Julie and I had nipped back to her house quickly after the mall to wrap up the gifts I’d brought Bob, and then I waited for her to get changed, watching the sun set outside the window.  

“Ray, dress, skirt or shorts?” she called through her wardrobe door. I stopped looking around her room and focused on the door covered in band pictures, her room looked a lot like Bobs. 

“Um…for what?”

“The party!”

My eyes widened. “Party?!”

“Yeah, Bob said he was cooking up a surprise for you and you knew he was throwing you a welcoming committee, right? That means blowout party!”

I laughed. “I forgot about that…in that case, shorts and a top,”

“Reason?”

“You don’t flash anyone if you get drunk and fall over,”

“Excellent reasoning!”

As for me, I didn’t bother to change, my board shorts and tank were fine for any occasion, particularly when I planned to drag Bob upstairs and make out with him until clothes weren’t an issue anymore. Everyone knows parties don’t get started for at least an hour, and an hour alone with Bob was enough to make sure this whole Cass thing wouldn’t be a problem. 

I hurried Julie along, back towards Bob’s house, ignoring her complaints of wanting to be ‘fashionably late’. 

“Bob?” I called, opening the door and pulling Julie in. I instantly regretted that because I interrupted two very busy couples making out in the hallway. I looked beyond them and saw girls wandering around in bikinis and sarongs, guys in board shorts…a whole bunch of people I recognized from the beach and even more I didn’t know in the kitchen, living room…just everywhere! There were so many people I was terrified! I felt Julie brush past me, slipping away and leaving me to wind between people. 

I smiled at anyone who smiled at me, took sips from drinks offered to me, spoke briefly to people I recognized but couldn’t remember the names of…all in my search for Bob. I found him in the garden, holding the stick for the limbo dancers. 

“Ray!” he yelled, pushing his sunglasses off his nose and grinned at me, dropping the stick onto the girl attempting to get under it. He hopped over to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed my neck noisily, gripping me hard. He was already tipsy and it wasn’t even after 9!

“Come on, you, upstairs, I have something…interesting to talk you about,” I whispered in his ear. He nodded, letting go a bit and grinning hugely. 

“Ok, ok, but hold on!” he turned around to the full garden and spread his arms. “Hey everyone! Lookit mah sexy new boyfriend Ray!! Isn’t he awesome?”

Everyone cheered and raised their bottles/spliffs. I blushed furiously and grabbed his wrists, spinning him around. 

“Thanks babe, come on, upstairs!” I grinned, pulling him into the house and through the people who all reached towards Bob with gratitude and drunken grins. How could these people all be drunk and stoned already? I pulled Bob upstairs by hooking my hand in his belt buckle and yanking him up. 

“Whassa hurry, babe?” he slurred, whirling me around by the shoulders at the top of the stairs and pushing me into the wall. I licked my bottom lip suggestively and started pulling him with me again, aiming for his bedroom and the heavy make out session I wanted. 

Bob jumped when the front door slammed open and male voices were heard whooping and yelling. 

“Holy shit, Cass is back!” some girl’s voice echoed up the stairs, and people began to talk and yell in loud voices – welcoming him back, pulling him and his brother inside. Bob was staring at the lip of the staircase, both of us hidden from the action below. I felt my stomach clench again. 

“Wait til Bob sees you!” echoed another bimbo’s slur. 

I sighed and let go of Bob, biting my lip and watching him carefully. He turned and met my eyes, a weak grin returning. 

“Where were we goin’, babe?” he asked, moving close to me again. I didn’t react, just looked at him. 

“Bob…I need to talk to you,” I said, in a clear tone which said ‘sober up’. He met my gaze evenly, nodding. 

“Yeah…ok,”

He followed me into his room. I went straight over to the bed and sat down, staring at my hands. I had no clue how to start now…

“Ray, can I just explain some stuff, before you say anything?”

Thank God, Bob did. 

He sunk onto the bed next to me, taking my hands. I could see he was pretty tipsy, but trying to talk me to evenly. 

“I’m guessing you picked up on the fact that Cass and I have history, and Julie probably filled in the blanks…well, I just wanna assure you I _know_ his habit of…stealing people and breaking things up, and I’m not gonna let him,” he said firmly. “I love you way too much to ruin this just because some arsehole from years back snaps his fingers…I’m with you, and you’re with me and neither of us are gonna lose each other cos of one stupid, possessive headstrong, arrogant wanker…so, are we good?”

I couldn’t help it, I grinned like a schoolgirl. It was exactly what I wanted to hear. 

“Yeah, we’re great,”

“And just so you know, whatever he says to you, it’s complete shit, and you don’t need to worry about _anything_. Plus, I think Julie’s gonna kick him out…she hates him,” he stated like it was a big secret. I laughed, he was so cute when tipsy!

I wrapped my arms around him, chuckling. 

“That’s ok, baby, I trust you,” I grinned. “Now…for that _other_ thing I wanted to speak to you about…”

He pulled back, grinning dirtily. “You wanna speak?”

I laughed. “Ok, well, no,” as said as I pulled his neck into me, leaning back into the pillows as our lips met messily. Bob’s weight pushed down on the center core of my body, pushing my legs around his waist and wrapping my arms loosely around his neck. He tasted of beer and cigarette smoke and I moaned into his mouth, his lipring tickling my lower lip. I could feel his crotch burning into mine, dragging deep sensations of pressure and friction into me. His hands moved to my sides, holding himself steady as he kissed me hungrily. I sighed in pleasure when his whiskery kiss moved to my jaw line, nudging my chin up to nip and suck on my neck and then moving slowly down my throat…

His fingers found the rim of my tank, pushing it up over my stomach and chest, riding it up around my arms, but neither one of us bothered to move it once his lips moved to my collarbones and then down. I groaned when he lips caught around my nipple, rolling my back into him as he swirled his tongue and sucked lightly, nipping and abusing the sensitive bud until my head was thrown back, moaning hotly. 

I couldn’t help myself, I suddenly didn’t give a fuck about the party, I burrowed between us and reached for my shorts fly, fumbling with the button and trying to tug them off. Bob’s fingers took me over, one hand dealing with the zipper whilst the other rubbed me hard through the hot material making me clench my teeth to stop swearing. 

“I love you,” he gasped, still torturing my nipple.

My hands found his belt buckle, attacking it with the mindless coordination of an eager virgin, and making short work of the zipper, I dived my hand in. Bob nipped me hard in shock and I yelped in ecstasy, the pain turning me on even further than his pumping hand on my member did.

“I lo-“

We were interrupting by the jarring sound of breaking glass, an mini explosion that made us both jump. 

“Shit,” swore Bob, sitting back in-between my legs and trying to see out the window. He looked back at me, and our hands swapped in each other’s shorts. “I should…”

I smiled, even though the third attempt had been ruined. “No worries, I’ll be waiting for you back here,” I winked. He grinned. 

“Do you think we’re gonna actually go to this party I organized for you?”

I laughed. “Course we are…right after we have a little fun for an hour or so,” I grinned. “Go on, save your glass,” I giggled, sticking my tongue out and pushing him off the bed. Bob’s grinning face disappeared as he skipped downstairs to rescue his windows, zipping his trousers back up. 

I lay back, leaving my flies open for his eager return. I closed my eyes and sighed. 

“Wow…lucky Bob,”

I jumped half a mile in the air. 

“What the hell are you doing in here?!”


	67. The Bitch

Cass was grinning like some brilliant joke was going on in front of him I couldn’t see. He watched me zip myself up again, bright red and angry. 

“What’s the problem?”

“Could you please just get out? I’m waiting for Bob to come back,”

Cass nodded. “I figured. He’s a lucky, lucky boy,” he commented, his sunglasses pushed back onto the top of his head and his smirking eyes fixed on the diminishing bulge in my jeans. I blushed harder. 

“Knock that off,” I said, straightening myself out and moving my leg so he’d stop staring. I didn’t know how to react to him – angry, awkward, embarrassed. I knew both Bob and Julie hated him, I knew I didn’t trust him…but I also knew he was a big guy and completely capable of inflicting some pain on me before Bob could get back. He was standing in the doorway, cutting me off. An angry defense didn’t seem wise. 

“Knock what off? Just looking, sugar,”

I frowned and moved back on the bed, leaning my back up against the headboard. 

“Comfy?” asked Cass. I nodded, my eyes narrowed. “Yeah, I remembered that bed was always comfy,”

My eyes narrowed even further, my skin warming up. He was trying to bait me. I’d never felt jealousy like this, I’ve never been the jealous, overly emotional type. I guess love had driven me a little bit mad. 

“Yeah, it’s great. Why don’t you go back down to the party? Plenty of guys down there,” I said lightly. Cass smirked, his eyebrow twitching. 

“Only interested in one,”

I didn’t know, meeting his eyes again, if he meant Bob or me, with that look he was casting over me. Either way, my blood rose. Cass flicked his eyes off mine and wandered into the room, going over to the dresser, keeping the distance from the bed wide. He didn’t get any closer, thank God. 

“So…Bob loves you then,” he stated. I opened my mouth but he cut me off. “I heard,”

“You were _listening_?”

“Oh no,” I frowned. “I took in the show too,”

I made a face. “That’s disgusting! Can you leave me alone, please? I’m waiting for Bob to come back to _me_ ,” I said, emphasizing the ‘me’. Cass chuckled, looking at pictures on the walls. 

“Aren’t we all. I remember some of these photos…don’t suppose I’m in any of them anymore…”

I didn’t say anything. Cass turned and met my eyes. “I’m guessing either Bobolicious or Julie told you about me. I don’t suppose too many other people know the guts, or would tell you them,”

I nodded. “I know,”

Cass smiled. “I’m guessing you don’t trust me then,”

I shook my head. At least, if he was somewhere I could see him, I knew he wasn’t hovering near my Bob. 

“Yeah, not many people do these days. Bit of a cunt, to be honest,” he laughed lightly. I couldn’t understand what he hoped to gain from putting me on edge like this. I wasn’t scared, I was mainly irritated. I looked at him again. He was a kind of gorgeous, I could see what Bob saw in him, but I wasn’t attracted to him. To be honest, I wasn’t attracted to anyone except Bob. My chest tightened as Cass stepped towards me, holding a photo frame in his hands. 

“I took this one,” he giggled, holding it out for me to see. “Me, Bob and some of the guys went to a concert up in the mainland. Bob was so wasted…he couldn’t contain himself on the van drive back,” he laughed, shaking his head fondly at the memories. I narrowed my eyes. “Horny little bastard. Best I’ve ever had,”

“Dude, fuck off, that’s not cool,” I said loudly. Cass looked up sharply and raised his eyebrows. He didn’t say anything, just went and placed the picture on Bob’s bedside table, coming close enough to me for me to smell that male smell. The one of sex and sweat and long sleepless nights and I closed my eyes. It was sharper than Bob’s smell, meaner. 

I felt the bed move and my eyes snapped open, watching Cass sit on the foot of the bed, opposite me. He leaned against the wall and pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. 

“Bob never cared if I smoked in here,” he explained. 

I didn’t know what to say, so I just watched him smoke. I eyed the door, should I just leave? Go find Bob? He couldn’t be much longer, he’d come back, kick Cass out and make me moan again. 

“Do you love him?”

His question caught me off guard. “Huh?”

“Do you love him?”

I swallowed. “Why do you care? You just want to steal him,”

Cass laughed. “Bitch got balls. Yeah, you’re right, I do want him back. Now, I’ve been honest, do me the same – do you love him?”

  I considered, watching him drag and blow smoke into Bob’s room. The smell made me cringe. 

“Yeah, I do,”

It felt weird telling my boyfriend’s best friend and evil ex boyfriend that I loved him, before I told him. 

“And I still want you to leave,”

“I will, in a minute. Lemme finish my cig. Does he know you love him?”

“He knows a lot about me,” I said softly, trying to make it sound faintly dirty. It worked, Cass shot me a poisonous look. 

“You think you’re hot shit, don’t you?”

I shrugged. “Not really. But at least I’m not you,” I said, putting myself in dangerous territory. 

“Meaning?”

“I’ve got a boyfriend who loves me, and a whole party full of people who approve of me. I didn’t fuck up my last boyfriend and lose all my friends, or leave town for years because of it,”

Cass whistled out the smoke in his lungs, laughing slightly. “Jesus. Bitch has balls, all right,” he muttered. He met my eyes again, finishing the cig. 

“The best part about having no friends here means I can do anything, to anyone, and not be any worse off,”

My eyes narrowed, watching him get off the bed and lazily walk towards the door. 

“The second best part is, it’ll hurt you so much more when I get him back. Love is a bigger bitch than you, sugar,”


	68. The Conversation

 

I waited a few minutes, feeling my legs shake and evening out my breath. I had to piss, I had to scream, I had to do _something_ – I was so on edge I was ready to blow. I wanted Bob back here, safe with me. I slipped off the bed and buttoned my shorts again, leaving his room and following Cass down the stairs. 

I re entered the party so much easier than the first time, slipping into the crowds of people which just seemed to have multiplied. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the first unopened bottle of vodka I could see, snapping the cap off and swigging the horrid liquid. I was angry, angry at Cass and angry at Bob for some reason. I felt…evil because it was _his_ evil ex-boyfriend causing problems. I was angry because it was it was _his_ mistake keeping me from being honest and us from being happy. 

But mainly, I was angry because it was one thing after another getting in the way. 

At the back of the kitchen, I found Julie taping a sheet of newspaper over a shattered hole in the window. The glass was all gone. 

“Hey,” I said, going over to her and watching her. “What happened?”

She ripped off a bit of selotape and gave me the roll to look after. “Some jackass threw a golf ball through the window,”

“Fucking douche,” I muttered, downing more vodka and offering some to Julie, who obviously downed some in between taping. “Where’s Bob? He left the bedroom to sort this out,”

Julie caught my eye and grinned. “Did you tell him?”

I groaned. “No, we heard glass breaking just as I was about to…he told me and everything! I swear every time I go to say it, something goes wrong,”

Julie snorted. “Just your luck then, honey. Bob went out to the garage to dump the broken glass somewhere safer than the bin,” she told me, drinking some more vodka. She saw the look in my eyes. “Jesus, something’s happened,”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Cass was upstairs, he was watching us make out and then, when Bob left, he came and talked to me,”

“What did that cunt say?! If he said anything wrong, I swear to God I’ll kill him!” she raged all of a sudden. I blinked heavily, half the bottle gone down my gullet in the time it took to walk across the kitchen and my head beginning to feel it. 

“He…he wants Bob back, he wanted to upset me,”

Julie swore loudly and dropped the tape. 

“Ok, that’s it, where is he, I’m kicking him out!” she fumed, before turning. I grabbed her arm. 

“Jules, chill, I can handle it!”

She turned back with fire in her eyes. “You don’t understand! I know you love Bob and you mean well and all that crap, but you didn’t see him, Ray! You weren’t there watching that arsehole change Bob! You didn’t see the wreck! You didn’t have to watch your _best friend_ turn into a mess! Lemme go, I’m gonna make that arsehole bleed!”

I let her go and watched her storm off, grabbing a few big guys as she went, cooking up a storm. I sighed, and decided to find Bob. The alcohol was clouding my anger now, I’d given it all to Julie it seemed. 

I headed out the side door of the kitchen, moving away from the party and the loud music, finding myself in a tiny path going down the side of the garden full of dancing, drunk beautiful people, and all the way down to the garage. By now, the vodka bottle was empty and I felt pretty close to being wasted, so much alcohol in such a short time making everything harder to focus on. 

I reached the garage and put my hand on the door, swaying dangerously. I could hear voices inside, two people talking quietly. I recognized Bob’s soft voice and grinned, opening the door silently and slipping into the garage unseen. Looking up from the dark door, I saw a light illuminating two figures. Bob stood next to the bin, both hands on the edges, his body rigid and uncomfortable. On the other hand, Cass lounged with his hips resting on the tool bench easily. The way he cut him off, Bob couldn’t get past him without touching him. 

Anger flared up in me again but I didn’t move, narrowing my eyes as I watched. 

“You remember that time we had sex on Carter’s roof?”

Cass’s voice was low, seductive. He gave off the feeling of reminiscing, harmless fun. 

“Of course I do, Cass, why bother asking? You were the one who drank most of our memories into fuzz,” muttered back Bob. 

“Ah, but they’re great memories, eh?”

Bob smirked, turning to look at Cass. “I’ve got better ones now,”

Cass flipped him off. “I suppose you do…he’s a nice slice, Bob, he really is…the shoulders,” murmured Cass. Bob’s smile couldn’t be dampened and I felt my chest tighten. 

“Nice _everything_ Cass, get it into your head…I don’t know what you think you’re achieving here, but it won’t work,”

Cass looked up at Bob, putting his beer down and standing. Bob stepped back, his legs hitting the bin. 

“I’m not trying anything, I promise!”

“When have I heard promises like that before?” muttered Bob. “Look, don’t bother, just leave me and Ray alone, please? You owe me that much,”

Bob went to walk past Cass, but hands grabbed his shoulders and arms, pulling him back and stopping him. Anger rose inside me, and my hand grasped for something to defend Bob with. My fingers found a smooth wooden handle. 

“Bob, please! Just listen, ok?”

Bob sighed, and I could tell from the look in his eyes he knew he had no choice. Cass seemed agitated. 

“Look, I know I’m a cunt, and how I treated you was the worst mistake I ever made, I wish I could take it all back and everything but –“

“Please tell me you’re not gonna carry this on for too long, I have a boyfriend to get back to,” muttered Bob. 

“Bob, please, I didn’t come back just to apologize, and I didn’t come back to break up your happy home,” 

LIAR. 

I felt _so_ angry then, he was outright lying to Bob now!

“I’ve been on my own for years now, and I’ve finally come to realize the only way I’d ever get over you is if you forgive me for everything I did to you,” Cass whispered fiercely, as if he had to rush to get Bob to understand. “I never thought what I did was so terrible but I couldn’t get any of it out of my brain for years and years! It just became more and more obvious what I did and it’s…it’s fucking plagued me, to be honest. I had to come back, only to make it up to you, earn your forgiveness and then I promise I’ll leave again,”

Bob took all this without a flicker of expression. “Cass…I loved you,”

“I loved you too…so much more than I ever showed you,”

Bob snorted. “Too late now though…God, if what you did was so terrible, what do you think coming back’s gonna do? If it’s just to clear your conscious then fine, forgiven, please leave,” he said shortly, before trying to slip past again.   
“No!” called Cass, grabbing Bob’s arms again. “You don’t understand!”

“No, YOU don’t understand Cass!” yelled Bob all of a sudden, slapping Cass’s hands off and turning from someone almost calm to someone furiously powerful. My heart rose in support of Bob’s anger. “It would’ve just been better if you stayed away forever! You’ve done too much to ever be remembered here as a good thing! None of your fucking memories are gonna stop me hating you like I do!” he hissed angrily, shoving Cass’s shoulders. 

“I know why you’re here, and I know your forgiveness trip is a fucking lie, you just want to ruin my happiness and ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me! Because that’s what you do! You take something beautiful and amazing and you just _ruin_ it and poison it and destroy it! I don’t want you anymore, so don’t even _think_ of getting between me and Ray because you will bleed,” he promised. Cass didn’t say anything. 

“Now get out of my house and out of my life again, I don’t want anything to do with you…you can stuff your forgiveness bollocks up your arse,” 

Bob angrily turned away from Cass but a hand reached out and gripped his wrist again. 

“Bob…please, I’m not lying to you, I _do_ just want to talk about this. Please, yell at me, let it go,”

Bob snorted. “You just don’t get it, do you? Just leave me alone,” 

“And I will, I promise! Just, come on, talk to me. I promise that if you hear me out and we move out with this, I’ll leave town and never come back, I cross my heart,”

Bob groaned. “Let go,”

“No, please Bob,”

Bob sighed heavily, covering his eyes. “This isn’t fair, Cass…you broke my heart, you shouldn’t still have hold over me, you cunt,”

Cass’s smile made my blood boil, Bob couldn’t see it. 

“Sorry, honey…if it’s any consolation, I really did love you…I just never told you,”

“Might’ve helped,” growled Bob angrily. Cass’s smile vanished as Bob turned. 

“Bob, I _did_ love you…ever since you, no one’s even come close, I haven’t wanted anyone else…I know I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me, but I’m glad you’ve got someone new and better,”

Bob snorted, smiling a bit. “He’s perfect…he’s not you for starters,”

“Yeah, I had balls,”

“Fuck off,”

“No, I’m serious. I talked to the kid, he’s hot but he’s not me, Bob. He’s not your type. You like leaders, the kind to slam you across the kitchen table. I knew you Bob, and I still do, and you may be in love with this kid but he’s not your type…this won’t last,”

“Cass, every single word is just bringing you closer to pain,”

Cass held his hands up. “I’m sorry, and I will shut up, but I gotta say it. The kid’s got no passion, no explosions to him…at least with me, you had passion and excitement,”

“I wouldn’t call beating up my mates and cheating on me ‘passion and excitement’,” said Bob flatly. “Ray’s perfect, he is. He’s strong willed and gentle and loving and I love him, so back off,”

“Whatever, but he’s got no balls,”

“Why do you keep saying that?”

“It’s true! He can’t even storm up the guts to tell you he loves you!”

There was a pause as Bob’s eyes widened slightly. “He loves me?”

I swore under my breath, gripping the handle tighter.

Cass shrugged. “Yeah, said so, but the fucker’s too scared to tell you, he’s a pussy, Bob, he really is…you like bad boys, you like scumbags,”

“No, I don’t. You _never_ told me you loved me,”

“I did, just never with words…”

“Sex isn’t love, Cass, don’t kid yourself. Ray loves me and I love him, and it’s so completely different than us,”

“Us was the stuff of great legends, baby, Romeo and Juliet, William Thacker and Anna Scott, those Titanic kids…”

Bob was laughing now. “You’ve got to be joking me!”

“No, I’m serious,” said Cass, as Bob continued to laugh his full throated, gorgeous laugh. “And I’m gonna show you,”

Cass moved so fast neither Bob or I could have seen it. He flipped around and placed an arm on either side of the wall behind Bob, pinning him with his hips to the bench. Bob’s laughter got cut off, his eyes flashing. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

“Bob, you know you’re still attracted to me,”

“Get o _ff_ me,”

“Why fight this? You know you still want me, you want the taste, you can feel it…you’ve won, I’m under your control, I need you, please…”

“Cass, I’m warning you!”

“Just one kiss, and you’ll see how much you’ve missed me too, you’ll see who you really love, come on baby, just one kiss, for old times sake,”

“Cass!”

“Don’t get angry,” growled Cass, threateningly. It sounded ominous, like Cass was daring Bob to try and break free. There was an air of menace now. All Cass had left, to be honest. I raised the object in my hands up, a slim, dusty baseball bat. “You know you want it, you want it so badly you’re shaking,”

“I’m not shaking because I want you, let me go,” whispered Bob, eyes downcast. Cass moved his face forward, his lips on Bob’s ear. Jealousy raged inside me, but I was gonna wait until stepping forward and making him pay. “Cass, please, let me go!”

“Just one kiss, and it won’t hurt,”

The menace was swimming through the air now and Bob whimpered in agitation as Cass’s lips traced down his jaw. “I don’t care what you can do to me, I’m not gonna kiss you,” he said, turning his face. Cass’s fingers, which had been caressing his neck, moved to his chin and twisted his face around forcefully. 

“Yes you fucking are, you little bitch,”

I stepped forward, throwing the empty vodka bottle down on the floor as I did. The bat swung into the light as Cass jumped back from Bob. My lover’s eyes were shining with tears, and now his smile came back seeing me. I inclined my head at him, and looked at Cass. 

“No, he’s fucking not, you cunt, this bitch’s got balls,”


	69. The Baseball Bat

Cass moved away from Bob and me, backing to a corner of the garage as I strode into the center of the pooled light, swinging the bat lazily through the air and keeping my eyes fixed on him. 

“Ray,” moaned Bob, in relief. “Thank God!” he whimpered, rushing to my side and wrapping an arm around my waist, the other snaking around my shoulder, his face pressed into my neck. I kept my eyes on Cass, circling my free hand around Bob protectively. 

“It’s ok, baby, I’m here,” I whispered, glaring at the man watching me like a snake from the corner of the room. “Stand back,”

Bob tensed. “Don’t, Ray!” he cried, his fingers clawing at me. “Please, don’t!”

I glanced at Bob. “What?”

“Don’t start a fight, he’ll hurt you! I know he will, don’t do it,”

“He hurt you, Bob, he tried to kiss you – I’m not letting him get away with that,” I growled, teeth gritted. I pushed Bob away from me, behind me, and stepped towards Cass, baseball bat raised. 

“And how about you, arsewipe? Got anything to say?”

Cass didn’t say anything, his eyes watching me carefully as his back hit the corner wall. 

“Not so clever now, are you? You should’ve thought twice before saying all that shit to me, or my boyfriend,” I hissed. “You shoulda thought twice before thinking of coming in here and trying to break this up,” I threatened. 

“I didn’t, I wasn’t!” 

I laughed, a laugh ringing with menace. “Oh please. You told me you were going to get Bob back, one way or another, and I’ve caught you now – trying to force him into kissing you. Come out of that corner and fight, you prick!” I yelled, anger settling into my veins. I never knew I was this aggressive, or this jealous. Even thinking of him near my Bob made me angry. 

Did this make me any better than him? Julie said he beat the shit outta any other guy Bob talked to…was I doing any better? Beating down the competition?

Then again, I had good cause and I _knew_  this guy was trouble. 

“I don’t wanna fight, please, just calm down,” pleaded Cass, hands out as if to calm a wild animal. That’s what I felt like, a wild, insane animal.

“Ray, please, it’s ok, put down the bat and we’ll go back inside and Cass’ll just leave, won’t you?” growled Bob, aiming at Cass. He nodded quickly. 

“Yeah, yeah – I’ll leave, I’ll pack up and leave tonight, I promise, I won’t come back!”

“Bullshit,” I growled. “I know your type – you won’t go far, you’ll be back, you’re not that easily beaten,”

Bob stepped forward again, his hands on my shoulders. “Ray, ple-“

“You’re right,” interrupted Cass, his body side on to me, hair shaded his eyes. “I’m not,”

He moved and swung faster than I would have thought possible. He jumped forward, bringing a rusted pole of metal up and over in an arc, aiming for the top of my head. I flinched back, crashing into Bob and feeling the pole strike my forehead, down across my eyebrow and swung free, hitting the baseball bat.

“FUCK!” I swore, shocked and in pain, feeling warm liquid trickle down the side of my face and down the bridge of my nose, netted in my eyebrow and dripping into my eye. Bob was yelling, at both of us, swearing and trying to see the damage. I pushed him back and threw myself at Cass, throwing himself back to splay against the bench.   

He grunted as his lower back crashed into the bench and he bent back with the force, the metal pole still gripped in his white knuckled grasp. I raised the bat and swung, slamming him in the free arm gripping the bench and hearing his scream of pain as the hard wood sunk into muscle. 

“SHIT! YOU CUNT!” he cried, pitching to the side and cupping his arm close to his chest, face screwed up in pain. I hissed as blood trickled down my neck and swung again, hitting the other tensed bicep even harder so he screamed again and dropped the pole, slumping to his knees. 

It’s a lot easier to inflict crippling pain on people than to knock them out. Two hard hits on pressure points in hard muscle usually does the trick. 

Cass was crying now, I don’t think he realized tears were leaking out of his screwed up eyes, his screams pumped out with each spittle producing panted breath. His arms were useless now, the nerves crushed by blows. 

“Oh my God…” I heard Bob whisper behind me. I let my last shred of anger flow into my arms again and swung for another hit, this time jabbing him hard in the side of the neck, hard, swift and rendering him practically unconscious on the floor. 

I stepped back, releasing the anger in a huge sigh and feeling heat drain off my body. My forehead stung and I winced, my frown relaxing and causing the cut left over to irritate, blood covering my face. 

I felt Bob behind me, staring at Cass, making sure he was out of it before wrapping his arms around me from behind and stifling sobs onto my shoulder. 

“Oh my God you saved me, Ray! I was certain he was gonna…”

“I’d never let him touch you that way if you didn’t want it,” I promised, dropping the bat to the floor with a wooden clatter and covering his hands with my sweaty ones. He nodded, kissing my shoulders, my neck, frantic, insistent, thankful kisses. 

He moved to see my face, my body immobile, staring down at Cass.

“Oh my God, Ray!” he gasped, touching my forehead gently, his tear streaked face shocked, the alcohol banished from him now. 

“That bad?” I asked, rubbing my eye where a drying trail of blood irritated it. I brought my hand away and looked at it – it was smeared with blood, and I realized I must have been covered. 

“Yeah…are you ok?” he asked, his body pressed into mine, his chest heaving with fear. I nodded, forcing a smile to calm him down, not touching him so I didn’t cover him in blood. 

“I’m ok now,” I promised. “It’s nothing, I just gotta clean it up,” I promised. He grinned and kissed me, ignoring the blood covering me. I didn’t remember the walk back to the party, although Bob led me around the front of the house and through the front door, slipping up the stairs and avoiding as many party goers as possible, my appearance too frightening to risk questions. 

In his bathroom, he sat me down on the side of the bathtub and began to clean the blood off me with towels and water and soap, rubbing the red off. I saw my face before he tried – there was a long scrap cutting through my eyebrow and the blood netted over nearly all of the left side of my face – down my nose, onto my lips, down my cheeks, in my eye, down my neck…I looked mean, tough, disgusting. 

He was cleaning the wound for me, sterilizing it against the rust when I met his eyes and found the first proper smile in a while coming. He smiled back, eyes twinkling. 

“I love you,” I said quickly. “I know Cass told you I did first, but I don’t care – I’m telling you because now’s the right time,” I told him as he froze, eyes widening. “Sitting here, alone with you, with you caring for me and cleaning me up after another drama…seeing you every day with your smile and your eyes and your laugh…I’ve fallen in love with you, Bob Bryar, and I don’t want to ever stop,” I said, my hands moving to his hips and pulling him closer to me, in between my spread legs. 

I’ve never seen such a wide, happy grin. 

“Oh my God,” whispered Bob, dumping the cloth in his hand into the sink. He took my face in his hands and kissed me quickly. “I love you too! I’ve loved you for so, so long – I’m so sorry about Cass,”

I shook my head, grinning back. “Forget about him, he’s history, we’re current news,” I growled, pulling him down for another, longer, steamier kiss. 

The kiss developed until hands began to explore, to touch and caress and moans began to be pulled from mouths, sighs and pants into hot air. Eyes meeting in smoke desire, lips capturing unspoken words, hands carving love into skin. 

“Bob…” I whispered, breaking the kiss. 

“Mmm?” he asked, his hands dancing over my ribs under my tank top. 

“I’m ready,” I breathed. “I’m ready _now_ ,” I said, standing up and pushing into him in a way where he didn’t miss my meaning. His eyes widened. 

“Really?! Now?”

I nodded, licking my lips. “Fuck yeah,” I purred, closing the gap again. “Make love to me, hard, fast and right _now_ ,”


	70. The Home Run

I wish, more than anything, I could have captured a picture of Bob’s eyes then. I never wanted to forget it. I usually forget everything, I’m known for it, but this I wanted to remember forever. 

He was almost bug eyed, his mouth hung open, eyes frozen – just staring at me in vague shock. 

“Seriously?!”

I laughed at him, my hands still resting on his warm skin and my body standing so close to his I could soak his warmth up. I leant forward and caught his bottom lip in my teeth, eyes shut and listening to him moan gently. 

“Hell yeah,” I whispered against his face, my fingers tracing up his back, to his shoulders. “Fuck me,” I growled, breathing onto his neck as my face nestled against his jaw, my hands beginning to rub slow, sensual circles in his back. 

“Do you have any idea…” Bob’s voice was soft and shakey, his hands trembling on my hips. “How sexy you are…” I nipped his ear lightly, making him gasp breathily. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face, listening to him moan weakly. “When you’re bad?”

“No…but I think it’ll be just as sexy as you are when you’re being naughty,” I said, stressing the naughty part. 

“Like this?” 

His hands suddenly moved from my hips to down, cupping my arse cheeks and squeezing, pushing my crotch into his forcefully. I grinned, backing up to look at him again. 

“Just like that, you sexy bitch,”

He hissed, biting his lip. “Go on, do that nasty thing you do, be my bad boy,”

“Yes sir,”

He didn’t see it coming, the fact that I just stooped down, circled my arms around his hips and lifted him up, taking him quickly from the bathroom to the bed, dropping him down and leaning over him, pushing his legs apart roughly. 

I grabbed Bob’s wrists as he tried to reach for me, and pushed them over his head, kneeling over him and licking my lips as he bucked under me, rolling his spine up. 

“You like me bad?” I asked him, smiling. 

“I love you bad,”

“You want me to treat you rough?”

“I want you to play with me,”

“And I want you to fuck me. Now, as a matter of fact,”

Bob wrestled free of my hands, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me down to join him in the mattress. Our bodies slumped together, hands squeezing skin, lips fighting hungrily for another kiss even as we carved out the first – just so hungry for more and more and more. 

Gasping for breath, sweat breaking out across our skins, we mauled each other. My hands caressed his back, shoulders, hips, buttocks and thigh – melding him into my body and abusing flesh I wanted to kiss but didn’t have time for. His tongue tasted like heaven. His fingers delved in-between us, moaning for release, his hands more interested in my zipper than anything else. 

I loved him when he was naughty, he thrilled my blood. So much, in fact, I was pressing into Bob’s leg before he even managed to figure out my zipper and where my boxers were. I moaned softly into his mouth as his hand gripped me eagerly, rubbing and pumping as best he could. 

“Gah, fuck this!” he growled, ripping away from me suddenly, cold air slamming my wet lips and front. I blinked, shocked. Bob kneeled over me, pulling at my clothes. His face was a picture of irritation, desperate for the comfort of bare skin. He tugged my tank off my head, pulling at my shorts and boxers, bearing me. I laughed, pushing him off and turning him over, kicking my shorts off and grabbing his t shirt. I took the step up, playing the bad boy – I tore his t shirt in two and off his shoulders.  


"Jesus!” he gasped. “And I kinda liked that shirt!”

I laughed, licking my lips as I pulled his shorts off roughly. “I’ll buy you a new one after I finish you off,”

He moaned as I ran my hands up his bare legs, stomach, chest. “I _love_ you bad!”

I didn’t respond, grabbing his shoulders and yanking him upright to meet my lips, nails marking skin. We moved together, writhing in our nudity on the rumpled sheets. The thin blanket twisted around my hips as I moved my body to weave around Bob’s. It felt so sexy in his grasp, naked and free and happy. No self conscious feeling, no embarrassment about anything  - just me and Bob lost in our embrace. 

His fingers delved again, that naughty boy, to my member again. His hand glided over moist skin, his thumb dancing over my slit with ease and making me moan. I sighed deeply against his neck, slumped against him with the force of each racking breath. 

“I’m sorry…” I groaned, licking his neck and sucking on the skin, marking him as mine again. “I can’t be bad anymore…I just want you to make love to me,” I begged, my body aching for it now. Bob giggled. 

“I’m so happy to hear you say that…” he groaned. “Let me prepare you…”

I nodded, meeting his lips again. He shifted me closer on his lap, lips closing over lips again, tongues meeting in a gorgeous union of emotion. I was so happy, I was tingling all over.  

“Wait, wait, wait!” I gasped, something hitting me all of a sudden. Bob froze in his adoration of my nipple. His expression read fear, had I changed my mind?

“I just remembered, I brought you some presents,”

His expression was priceless. 

“Um…that’s great, but weren’t we having sex here?”

I laughed and kissed him again, my hands either side of his beautiful face. “Ok, ok, I’ll leave them for a little bit,”

He happily forgot about them, kissing me again and bunching his arms around my hips, sighing. I giggled when I thought of what I’d brought him – he’d curse when he realized he’d passed those fun and games up!

I groaned deeply as he made me forget everything, his wrist flicking to move his palm roughly up and down my length, sending tingles of pleasure through my entire body with the tip of his thumb. Skin bumped over skin, sweat building as breathe steamed us up and muscles clenched and released – moving us in a rhythm of lust on the beats of our pulse. Chests weaved next to one and other, nipples brushing over hot flesh and lips locked. I felt his fingers brush my skin as if he couldn’t believe I was here, in his arms, that I was really solid and kissing him back. 

I let my eyes flicker open the tiniest crack, seeing his gorgeous face intent on our kiss, lost in it. He looked so happy. I let him push me down into the mattress again, sighing as my spine curved into the bed and my hips rocked back – rubbing our groins together so we both sighed in horny contentment. 

His touch moved to my neck, fingertips tracing lightly up my throat, holding my jaw securely as he ravaged my mouth hungrily, blossoming emotions from every corner. I wanted him so bad I was numb with the buzz. His unseen hand stroked and caressed my skin as he moved it to my hip, spread my legs again – moaning as I bit his lips gently. 

That hand moved again, pressing on the inside of my thigh, taking it slow. I sighed softly as I felt him creep his touch up the inside of my thigh, aiming elsewhere than my member. He was treating me with care, loving me with all the patience I needed. I knew I could ask him to stop. 

But, right now, I was more likely to demand a faster pace. 

I reached down, my hand slipping from his shoulder to his wrist and moved it closer to myself, urging him. I was open, ready, willing. My head threw back with pleasurable sensations as the first of his fingers entered me and began to slow move, making me practically quiver under him. My open mouth sucked in air and exhaled so noisily I couldn’t hear Bob’s guttural whispers of desire. His lips now graced my shoulders, neck, jaw – light, tender butterfly kisses across a melting teenage boy. 

Fingers gripped through his hair, across his muscular back and shoulders as he continued to tease me, my teeth gnawing my bottom lip in liquid pleasure. 

I groaned as he pushed the second one in, scissoring now, widening, loosened. I didn’t care what he was doing, it felt amazing and painful at the same time. I hissed gently as he moved over me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. 

“You ok?”

I nodded quickly, holding him too tight to let him move away from my sweating torso, my lips now on his cheeks and lips, messy, uncoordinated, needful. 

I don’t know how long he continued to pleasure me, drawing breathy moans and begging whispers, but the pain disappeared as my swollen organ pounded with blood against Bob’s stomach and we wound against each other again – my body pushing itself down on his hand. I barely noticed the third finger, my fingers scratching four lines down his side and making him squeal gently. He liked that, the way he writhed as I did it – breathing in sharply. 

I juddered as he got me back, wriggling his fingers inside me and making me swear loudly, my entire body jumping. 

“Oh shit…” I groaned. “This fucking…fuck…” I couldn’t describe it. It didn’t hurt but it grated me to be going so slow. I felt Bob’s laugh rather than heard it, his muscles tightening and shuddering as he chuckled against me, his mouth on my ear, sucking lightly on the lobe. I could feel his member leaking against me, the liquid drying to cool on my sizzling body. 

He moved again, pulling his fingers out and reaching in his bedside drawer. He continued to kiss me feverishly, still hot and energetic as he slid down on top of me. My legs wrapped around him, giggling as well as we wrestled tongues and lips, wriggling. 

He gave me one last, lingering kiss. Our eyes burnt for each other, lips dragging across sore lips. I stayed down on the mattress, my lower body wound around him as he sat back and eyefucked me senseless – running his clever fingers all over my lower stomach, thighs, member and hips – touching everywhere. 

I watched hungrily, without a stitch of self-consciousness or fear, as he squirted lube from a tube on his fingers and rubbed it onto himself. His eyes met mine again as he rubbed and I growled, licking my upper lip. 

“You tease…” I growled as his fingers found my own rock hard member and sent tingles through me again. He blew a kiss, wiping his fringe from his sweating forehead and sighing as he squeezed more lube onto his fingers and touched me again. 

I hissed as cool gel covered me, his fingers moving more to work than to tease. He bent down to meet my lips again, biting my lower lip in a way to make me groan from the depths of my stomach, his hands pulling my hips up and into his crotch. I felt him fiddle with something, positioning, preparing. 

I was more ready than I ever thought I could be, holding him closer as he readied himself. One last look and I smiled, and then it all crashed around me. Something slid in, and I couldn’t form a single coherent thought, crying out without realizing. Pain, mingled with itching desire shot up my spine like a million ice cold needles. Electricity sliced through my entire body, clenching me hard around him. 

I heard him grunt, pushing deeper as I moaned in pain into his ear. I clung to him forcefully, sweat dripping off both our bodies now. Love stained words flew off his bitten lips onto mine as he kissed me, cradling me as I whimpered, breathing into each others lungs. 

He kissed away tears I don’t even feel trickling down and licks the salt off, shushing me, telling me it’ll get better. I groan as I feel him pull out, and a poisonous thought fires itself through my brain: _Why did I ever think this would be ok?_

I cast it away as Bob asks me if I’m ok for the millionth time, kissing my tears and his voice cracking when he thinks he’s hurt me. I open my eyes and find his and suddenly…I remember why. I nod and smile weakly, a hand sliding down his moist back to his arse, urging. 

I can’t even begin to express the joy in Bob’s face as he thrust into me again, our lips joined as he pushed and I sighed. It didn’t hurt as much this time and I wriggled my spine, almost in pleasure. The soft hairs of his navel tickled my member as he moves, building a rhythm over me. It faded, the thoughts and the pain, until all that’s left is shuddering pleasure and blurry lust. I can feel every part of me buzzing with excitement…I can feel my lower stomach tingling. I see stars as Bob pushed deeper and makes me swear, crying out. This time, in ultimate pleasure. 

Lights flash in my eyes, teeth scar lips, hipbones shake against hipbones. Everything just trembles and judders as Bob spikes something powerfully insane inside me. I barely feel his hand grip my aching member and squeeze a new colour onto my stomach, spine arcing into him. 

Tongues glide together, breathing so loud it drowns everything out and I laugh with pleasure as he thrusts again, hitting it again and making me shake in his embrace. Fingertips abuse nipples, run over moist shoulders and backs – I’ll never stop touching him. He pushed one last time and sighed deeply into my mouth, spent and glowing with satisfaction. He collapsed on top of me, panting for breath as our bodies wrapped together in a hug. 

He tried to speak but we couldn’t manage it, chests heaving, limbs shaking with effort. I held him close, staring blurrily up at the ceiling. I can feel his heart hammering next to mine, and the sticky semen drying on my stomach. I can feel my lower regions throbbing and aching. 

“I love you…” Bob whispered in my ear, eyes shut and body slipping away. I smiled lazily and touched his hair with my fingertips. 

“Totally, dude…”

We shared another tender kiss, both so happy it’s practically glowing in this rumpled bed…we both heard it at the same time though – raised voices, people arguing, yelling. Had the party managed to completely disintegrate while we were away?!

Bob pulled away from me slightly, straining to hear something. 

  
”Fuck’s sake…” he moaned, sitting up and listening. I tried to hear words, exact voices, but it was too low under the music. Which suddenly got cut. A man’s voice echoed up the stairwell and I saw Bob pale. 

“What do you bloody kids think you’re doing in my house?!”

“Oh fuck…” he moaned, throwing the sheets off and scrambling out of bed, going to the door to listen closer. 

“Where the fuck is my son in all this mess?!”

He looked back at me. “My parents are home…”


	71. The Temper

“Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck FUCK!” yelled Bob, panicking. And I mean, seriously panicking. He was wide eyed, pale, shaking practically as he quickly shut his bedroom door and wrestled to find boxer shorts and jeans on his crumpled bedroom floor. 

“Babe?” I asked quietly from the bed, unsure what the fuck to do. I was stuck, just like him – only I was a lot less likely to get bollocked. I’d stand by him though. I’d fucking hold his hand against his homophobic blast-from-the-past daddy. 

He didn’t seem to hear me, running into the bathroom and turning the tap on, slapping water onto his glowing, sweaty skin, scrubbing hand lotion all over his bare chest and face, swearing repeatedly under his breath. 

Jeez, he was unraveling into a mess, I’d never seen Bob so frantic. I completely skipped past being insulted or upset he was cleaning our taste off himself, watching him shake. He pulled on a t shirt as more angry yells sounded through the house. 

“Robert?! Where the _fuck_  are you?”

I bit my lip, watching Bob carefully as he ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes moving restlessly over his room like he was looking for a magic doorway out of this mess. 

“Jesus,” I whispered, seeing his fingers quiver as people argued downstairs, music being turned off, couples pulled apart – the party torn apart. Threats to call the police. 

“Fuck,” moaned Bob again, going to the window, watching people being shoved out of the garden. He jumped back all of a sudden, going even paler if it was possible. 

“He saw me! Oh God, he’s coming,” he moaned, lower lip trembling. “He’s coming!” he whispered in a strangulated voice. He finally met my eyes. “Help me, Ray!”

He didn’t need to ask twice, I slid out of his bed and pulled him into a tight hug, wrapping one arm firmly around his waist and pinning his quaking body to mine, my other hand in his hair, pressing him against me, letting him lean into me. 

“It’s ok,” I said firmly. “Just keep calm, I promise this’ll be ok,”

I tried to keep everything in my mind. Bob’s love for his father, his anguish at losing him and being banished, the pain and suffering caused by this one homophobic arsehole. I tried to keep in mind how much Bob still loved his father. 

It was so hard when all I could think was how soft and gentle Bob was under my embrace, completely overwhelmed. He felt nothing like the usual Bob I held close. He was terrified. _Terrified_. 

All I wanted to do was beat the shit out of his father for hurting him this deeply. 

“It’s ok,” I said again, firmly in his ear, kissing his cheek. Footsteps pounded up the stairs and I heard Bob whimper. I broke away from him as the door was forced open, his father slamming into the room so hard and fast the door almost came free of the door. Bob yelped, shaking like a leaf against his father’s fury. 

Bob’s father. I could see the resemblance as the pissed off man’s eyes flickered from his son to me, taking in my ruffled nudity and glowing, love bitten skin in a wide eyed, furious glance. I stepped back and pulled the soiled sheets off the bed and around my waist. 

“Robert Bryar!! What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?!” snarled the man in front of us. Upper 40s, thinning blond hair with a light brush of silver. Clean shaven, but with a craggy face – a man who was dashing when he was young and put on married fat far too fast for his body to grow with it gracefully. A sagging waistline and jowls. The last however many years hadn’t been kind to him…the thing with Bob had hurt him as badly as it still hurt Bob. 

It didn’t stop me hating him. 

“I…I…” stammered Bob, shivering under his fathers gaze. 

“You’re supposed to be at that fucking band camp I pay good money to fucking keep you in!!” he screeched, his voice high and scratched with fury. His face slowly turned red with the force of air being forced out his lungs. “And here I find you, you little piece of shit! Back in _my_  house, spending _my_  money, letting your fucking friends destroy my house and up here…with _him_ ,” he spat, pointing at me. I stepped forward again, my shoulder touching Bobs as my hand found him proudly, gripping his clammy unresponsive fingers. “What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?!”

“I-“

Bob couldn’t even breathe without his father yelling in his face – swearing, cursing us both, yelling to hell and above about all sorts of nonsense. I felt my anger rise, and my protective streak thicken around Bob, slowly moving to stand in front of him as his father paced angrily, listing our sins and punishments, grabbing things of shelves and throwing them on the floor, and out the window. 

“The kitchen windows are all smashed, the systems been shut down, the garden’s a complete fucking TIP!” he ranted, so angry he wasn’t even looking at his son anymore. 

“Dad-“

“Stains on the carpets, beer bottles and pizza boxes _everywhere_ , it’s a fucking disgrace, you’re revolting, you live in a pig sty and you’re not even meant to fucking _be_ here!” he swore, turning back to Bob. 

His finger waved dangerously in my baby’s face and I moved completely in front of him, opening my mouth for the first time. 

“Back off,”

This only added water to boiling oil. 

“You little SHIT!” roared Mr Bryar. “Don’t you dare even speak to me in my own house! I’ll treat my son as I fucking please, now get the FUCK out of my way!” he yelled in my face, covering me in spit. “You DISGUSTING faggot!!”

I shoved him away from me. “Don’t call me a faggot and don’t spit in my face,” I said as evenly as I could. “Leave Bob alone,” I said, trying to remain calm in some way. 

It wasn’t working, I could feel the anger building up dangerously. 

His father swung clumsily, hitting my jaw with enough power to knock me away from my Bob. 

“No, Dad!” I heard him yell, hitting the floor with a grunt. 

“I mean it, stay away from him!” I said loudly, looking up to where Bob’s dad had his fists locked around his son’s wrists, holding him away from helping me. Bob’s eyes burnt into mine – begging for help. I pulled myself up, watching as Bob’s dad forced him to sit down on the bed, waving a finger in his face. 

“Boy, you better have a good reason for wasting my money, wrecking my house and…” he looked at me, a disgusted snarl on his face “ _embarrassing_  me and your mother like this!”

I hmphed, shaking my head, trying to keep my temper. Bob was sitting on the bed, head bowed, cowering as his father stood between us. 

“Excuse me, but you’re causing far more of a fucking scene here!” I said angrily. “Look, just back the FUCK off-“ I yelled, raising myself to his volume “and fucking LISTEN to us! You owe your son that!” I said harshly, stepping forward again and reaching for Bob’s hand. He didn’t see it, his eyes shut. 

Mr Bryar looked me up and down again. 

“Why are you even speaking to me?! You’re disgusting, what you two are doing together is unnatural, it’s sick!”

I smirked. “Felt great,” I fired back. His eyes flashed in anger. 

“You’re disgusting,” he spat in my face, hitting me in the eye. I stepped back, wiping at it with the back of my hand. 

“Dude! What the fuck’s wrong with you?!” I yelled. “Jesus Christ, you’re the fucking piece of shit here! Your son is the best fucking person I’ve ever met and I fucking love him, and all you do is make him fucking miserable!” I said, shoving him with my other hand and raising my voice. “You’re the scum here, punishing him for what makes him happy! He wanted to share with you, he wanted you to know everything about him – to accept him, for fucks sake! You fucking failed as a parent, man!” I yelled, forcing him back, standing in front of Bob again. 

“This is _my_  house and you will speak-“

The man in front of I raged pointlessly but I cut him off, anger overtaking me like a volcano. 

“WRONG!”

I felt Bob’s hand touch my wrist, gaining confidence from my strength. I let the words bubble out. 

“Bob has put up with utter shite from you, you bigoted moron! You fucking _abandoned_  him! And as for that fucking camp of homophobic, sunshine snorting wankers you sent us to, we ran away because our friends were viciously fucking attacked one by one and put in hospitals with mortal injuries, just for being fucking happy and honest! You’re lucky your only son isn’t dead! And no matter how much you rant, that still cuts you fucking deep, so this is how it’s going to fucking be, got it?” I yelled, backing him up one step at a time, dominating him. 

“Bob’s been through too much shit to need to _ever_ see you again so _this is how it’s going to fucking be, ok?!_ Until Bob’s 21, neither of you can legally split from the other but that doesn’t mean you have to interact! You stay in Chicago with your wife, and Bob stays here. As in, holidays, term time – whenever he wants to. If, and when, he decides he wants to go somewhere else, you’ll be paying for him and leaving him alone. You only get to use the beach house when he says you can. This is  _his_  house now, ok?! He’ll be responsible for repairs, food, cleaning up – all you do is pay the bills,” I said firmly. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?!” blustered the shocked, pale father. I smirked evilly, raising my chin to my eyes narrowed and I looked down my nose at him, the sheet still clinging around my lust stained hips. 

“I’m the boyfriend,” I said, licking my lips. “And right now, _you’re_  my bitch,”

I heard Bob chuckle gently. His father gritted his teeth, blue eyes flickering in a last hope of defiance, the battle fading in his worn, unhappy face. 

“You homos…” he whispered, shaking his head “You’re just sissies, you’re not _tough_ ,” he said viciously, leaning past me to spit at his son, the disappointment still there. I laughed, shocking both of them. 

“Not tough?!” I echoed, laughing from the depths of my stomach. “Dude…we fuck _men_ ,” I said nice and clear. I heard Bob laugh out behind me, standing up. I could feel him siphoning off the power I had over his dad, gaining confidence.  

“Yeah, we do,” he agreed, his voice still shaky. He came up behind me, his hands winding around my waist. One crept up my chest, pulling me back into him, and the other snuck down to touch my bellybutton, tickling the firm line of tensed muscle from my hip to my groin, the light hairs stirring under his digits. “And look at the man I’m fucking, Dad…a specimen of pure masculine sex appeal, stocked full of solid muscle and a dirty attitude bad boy, the sweetest, most caring son of a bitch I’ve ever known,” His dad looked outraged, like we’d started wanking in front of him. 

“Oh my God…”

“Game, set, and match, I believe,” I grinned, grinning dirtily. “Now, fuck off and leave us alone – we were busy,”

“No way am I letting you get away with this!” yelled his father, purple in the face now. I was tempted to let the sheet drop, just to see his eyes bulge. All three of us jumped. 

“Shut up, Henry – yes, you are,”

“Mom!” cried Bob, grinning wildly. A woman walked into the room. Fierce blue eyes, blonde hair in a whisked, honey coloured bun. Black slacks and a white tunic shirt, her lined hands covered in silver rings and bracelets, her neck in a circlet of silver as well. She had a smile like a mother should – warm, dominant and in complete control. 

“Hello, darling,” she smiled, not even batting an eyelid at me. Bob unwound from me to hug her tightly, her bangles jingling as she embraced him. “Nevermind your father, he’s all hot air and bad language. I’m sorry to barge in on you,” she said, kissing his cheek. 

“That’s ok,” he said shyly, avoiding meeting his defeated father’s eyes. His mom glanced at me, and then at her cowed husband. 

“Henry, go downstairs and use the rest of that anger kicking the rest of those kids out,” she advised. He did as told, shuffling out of the room. I quickly covered myself properly, blushing a bit. I was caught off guard, to be honest. Bob’s mom…she saved the day!

“I overheard Henry’s little rant, followed by your lovely man’s,” she told Bob, looking past to me and approaching, offering her hand. 

“Betty,” she smiled warmly, eyes crinkling in greeting. I smiled shyly. 

“Ray,” I said, shaking her hand. “Um…sorry?”

“Oh, don’t apologize, young man, you’re the first person besides myself to out argue my husband, and that’s simply lovely,” she said, her eyes sparkling wickedly. “I can see you’re…busy, so your father and I will head out for dinner, and spend the night in a hotel. We were planning on spending a week or two at the beach, but I’d rather return home…Miami’s too warm for me!” she sighed dramatically. “Plus, too many fucking teenagers,”

I smirked when she swore, winking at us. 

“Bob, darling, would you and your lovely man care to join us for dinner tomorrow night? In, let’s hope, more formal attire?” she teased, raising her eyebrow. We both nodded and she kissed our cheeks, saying her goodbyes in that cigarette stained, upper class voice of hers – breezy, beautiful and unshockable. 

“Until tomorrow, darlings!”

Bob and I waited until we heard the front door shut before looking at each other again. We were both…stunned. 

“So…” I said, starting first. He grinned. 

“You mentioned presents?”


	72. The Summer

 

I nuzzled Bob’s neck gently as he moaned, his sore lips parted in pleasure. Smiling to myself, I let my hands move down his body playfully, raking four lines down each side of his rib cage. 

The hiss of air rushing into his lungs and the whimper of pleasure, as well as the bucking of his entire body told me he enjoyed that. I moved my mouth up again, kissing his throat lightly and gently fastening my teeth around his Adam’s apple as I sucked, feeling him writhe under my body. 

“Fuuuck…” he moaned heavily, droplets of lust trickling down the sides of his face and neck. I trailed my tongue hungrily down his jawline, enjoying torturing him. 

As I sucked gently on his ear, listening to him gasp for breath, I could feel his wriggling toes rustling wrapping paper, torn off the kinky little presents I’d bought him. The first one bit across his wrists, handcuffing him to the top of the bed, the velvet bonds gripping his ankles as well. The blindfold completely obscured his vision, leaving him clueless as to my devlishly smiles and licked lips. 

The new sunglasses reflected our entwined bodies from the nightstand. 

I couldn’t keep myself off him, the scent of his body driving me crazy. Maybe it was just because we’d fucked for the first time that night, but I felt like I’d just woken up to the fact I was truly in love – and with someone I couldn’t bear to be without. 

How had I managed without feeling this secure?

I smirked at myself, remembering my nights spent reading comic books and watching movies, talking to my friends over the internet or the phone. Living years without really feeling anything. Sure, I was happy in that time, but nothing like this. 

I’d never felt…god, I don’t think there’s even a word for it. It’s like I’m glowing. Like Bob touched the real me and now I’m glowing with light and grinning permanently. Like my stomach’s doing permanent back flips. Like… like I’m so in love it’s all I’m running on, molten love instead of blood. 

Smiling to my very core, I pressed myself into him, laying my entire body across him and finding his neck again with my lips, nibbling out messages of love as my hands traveled his familiar and tantalizing body. 

I felt him strain against the bonds, loving the loss of control and the way I abused the power I had over him – giving him a slaughter of pleasure that just didn’t stop. I kissed every single part of him, his lips, ears, neck, chest, stomach, hips…I traced the lines of muscle and vein on his arms with the tip of my tongue, feeling the goose bumps tingle below me. I caressed his skin with cold air, my lips bringing feather light kisses of warmth to him. 

“Oh God, Toro…oh God…”

I couldn’t keep the grin off my face, sitting back and looking at his raptured face as I loved him slowly and thoroughly. I’d been torturing us both for hours, teasing and adoring and now the night had worn into early morning. 

I kissed him again, feeling air fill my lungs with star dust again, my fingers undoing his blindfold and finding those amazing blue eyes again. We smiled and the kiss this time was both hungry and exhausted, and thoroughly glad. 

We didn’t say anything, happiness wrapping around us as I let him go and we sunk into each other’s tired, smiling embrace. 

 

 

The summer was amazing. 

And pretty much uneventful. I’m not sure what there is to tell you, except it was one of the those summers you’d always think back to as being the perfect moment in time. The next morning, Bob and I tidied up the pigsty left over by the party guests and called Julie. We spent all day at the beach, talking to people and mucking around in the sea and sand– a pattern that was repeated many times over the summer. That evening we went to dinner with his parents and that was weird…Bob went tense again, and his father didn’t say a word, but his mom was so nice soon Bob and I spoke freely to her. It was like his father didn’t exist. 

But we’d won. I’d won the house for Bob, to live without worry of his parents sending him away. After they left Miami, we really abused that…there were parties almost every night and Bob and I always ended them in a drunken haze, fucking in every room of the house we could fit in, playing with each other to our hearts content. We smoked everything, took anything, drank and partied, danced and slept through the hot nights and days. Always together. 

Finally, there was news on the guys too. 

Bert’s surgery was a success, his skin sewn back together and healing really well. He came to stay, crutches and all, unable to go back to his place with his aunt, band camp not being over. Having him back was amazing; he was everyone’s best friend, little brother and private monkey all in one – a constant joker and even more in-your-face than before the attack. With him there, Pete came as well – as he honestly seemed happy to see me and Bob welcoming him. I knew I was ecstatic to see him, and I dimly remember Bert tackle hugging him out the front door with interesting results. He didn’t seem to care Pete ran off, the Idiot Twins just fell back together like drops of water. 

As for Adam and Ryan, they weren’t able to join us until a week before I had to go home. That was the best week of my life though. Adam’s reconstructive surgery was a success and his back was slowly healing. He never came out without a shirt on, but Ry quietly told me the scars weren’t as bad as Adam thought they were. He was still sensitive, and a bit jumpy, but he seemed right on form. As for Ryan, the quirky little queen as even more deeply in love. 

Having everyone together again was insane, even if we couldn’t coax Zan to ditch summer camp. 

It was seven days of heaven, hanging out every single day, drinking from noon, messing around on the beach, building sandcastles, playing video games late into the night, going to the pier, go carting in the sand…we crammed everything in, laughing the entire time. 

But at the same time, I could feel it growing. A kind of dread inside of me. 

I could see it in Bob’s eyes too – we could see the end coming to the dream. 

It didn’t really hit me until it was my last night and Bob and I were standing at the doorway to his room. We were both standing with our backs to the doorposts, eyes joined sadly. I’d already uttered the horrible words ‘I should pack’. 

The silence was heartbreaking. “What…what if you stayed?” he asked, reaching over and tracing my cheek gently. “Just a bit longer? A week maybe?”

I dropped my eyes, biting my lip. “I wish I could. I’ve left it as long as I can…I have to go back home, back to school, it’s my last year,” I whispered. The words were true, and they cut so deeply. 

Bob’s touch still caressed my cheek, his digits memorizing the way my cheekbones slanted gently, tracing my jawline. 

“What if…?”

I shook my head gently. “No, Bob, you can’t come – they’ll kill us both,”

Bob looked crushed, but he understood – he’d picked up on how harsh my hometown was. 

“I don’t want you to go…and I can’t come with, I hate that even more…I don’t want this to end,”

I smiled gently, looking up again. I could feel it, now a harsh ache, stabbing my every breathe. Prickling my eyes. Begging me to break down. I took his wrists and pulled him inside his love stained bedroom, pushing the door shut so the guys and Julie couldn’t hear us. 

They knew it was our last night, the misery in the air was intoxicating. 

Going over to the bed, I moved the duffel bag I’d brought with me off, scattering the few t shirts I’d found and stuffed inside. I pulled him down to lie with me, wrapping the duvet around us as limbs entwined and hearts thudded against rib cages. 

For the first time in weeks, we didn’t kiss or move to entice each other, we just held each other. 

“I’ll be counting down the days until I can come back,” I whispered after a short silence. Bob stifled a sob, finally releasing the tears I knew he’d struggled to keep inside. He wanted to make this easier on me. I didn’t think there would be any easier way, no matter what. 

It wouldn’t matter if he begged and pleaded or watched me go silently. 

I’d still have to leave him.

He rolled off me, putting a tiny crack of air between us, forcing us face to face – looking so deeply into my eyes I felt tears slip out. His cheeks were streaming, he was so unhappy at the idea of me going. 

My heartstrings were playing a duet at this point – I didn’t want to go. 

“Ray…I’m sorry because what I’m about to see is going to sound really Emo and clingy and I know you might not feel the same way but…I love you so, so much I don’t wanna let this go –“

“Babe-“

“No, lemme finish,” he begged, silencing me by pressing his lips against mine gently. “Let me say this,” His eyes shimmered like pools, I couldn’t help but nod, resting my head on the pillow. 

“I know long distance relationships are always hard to keep…and the constant going back and forward, and the trust stuff and hardly ever seeing each other but…but I don’t care about that, I wanna be with you, I want to be yours and know that you’re mine. So, can we stay boyfriends? Not just friends? And when you come back we’ll kiss and hug like we’ve never been apart, and I’ll come down and see you and you see me and we’ll never look at anyone else like we look at each other and we won’t stray or anything – we’ll just be as in love as we are now, for as long as possible,”

I couldn’t stop the tears soaking the pillow. 

“God, baby, what made you think we’d go back to being friends?” I whispered, listening to the broken crack in my throat. Bob’s face crumpled as he let out a huge sob, wriggling until his face was nestled against my neck, his hands clinging to my shoulders.

“I don’t know…it’s just nothing good ever seems to come from distance or anything and…and I got worried maybe you thought of this as just a summer thing and, and –“

I shushed him gently, kissing his lips and wrestling him onto his back, pinning him down. I found his hand and entwined our fingers next to our faces, kissing him softly. 

“Babe…look at me,”

He did, tears still sliding down his cheeks. 

“Babe…do I look like an idiot?”

He looked surprised, shaking his head. I smiled wider. 

“Then why would you think I’d let you go? Babe, I don’t think you get how much I love you,” I whispered. “I,” Kiss. “Love,” Kiss. “You,” Kiss, kiss, kiss. 

He smiled gently as I kissed his nose, rubbing our noses together sweetly. 

“This is the kind of love without an expiry date…I want you, and I can’t see a time when I’ll stop, so stop freaking out, ok?” I grinned, making it lighter. “Plus, who the fuck am I gonna meet in Belleville, New Jersey that is even a stitch on you?” I asked, cocking my eyebrow. 

Bob snorted with laughter, his tears finally slowing. 

“You never know,” he whispered croakily. 

“Ha, well I _do_ know, and I know us,” I gestured to our netted fingers clasping onto each other. “Is a keeper,”

“Really?”

“Really really,”

“You’re gonna miss me too?”

“Like a heartbeat, baby,”

With that he let me kiss him goodbye a million and one times, in a million and one different ways. With lips and tongue and eyes and moans. With sweat and heat and touches like breeze. With cries of passion and with whispers of love. 

With golden memories I’d never, ever forget. 

No matter how forgetful and clumsy I am. 


	73. The Last Day

So this is what misery feels like.

  _The whole truth,  
_ _And nothing but the truth.  
_ _Stop me if you've heard this one before.  
_ _The whole truth is nothing but a good excuse_

This is what lying feels like, what it’s like to look into the eyes you want to see every day for the rest of your life and tell them you _have_ to go and there’s no other way. You tell them it’s for the best, you’ve got to, there’s no choice – and you pretend as if you believe it and it’s the truth. 

And then, as soon as you follow through, you let yourself realize it’s not the truth – I didn’t _need_  to go, I didn’t have to go home and finish school. I couldn’t even choose the love of my life over school, looking at it now just feels cheap and shameful. How could I? I know, somewhere, it’s the right thing to do but…but look how spineless I was. Look how pathetic. 

Sitting alone in a compartment on a speeding train going 100 miles per hour away from the man I loved, crying my eyes out as I stared out the blurring windows. 

_"So as long as you don't torture me with my past,"_

I let myself close my eyes and think back to the nights I’d spent lost with Bob. I tried not to remember his face as my train pulled out, his eyes staying glued to mine until he was just a dot on a platform, the guys gathered around him like a grieving wake. 

I tried to remember him singing softly in the shower, whistling when he couldn’t remember the words. I tried to remember what he looked like when he wrestled with Julie in the sand dunes, tickling her and grinning like a maniac. I tried to remember the way he caught me off guard, grabbing the waistband of my board shorts as I left a room, pulling me back and spinning me before pushing me into the wall and stealing my breath away. I tried to remember the sensation of his tongue playing with my navel, his soft moans sending tingles through my body. I tried to remember what it felt like to wake up curled up in his arms, his scent greeting me and his eyes blinking sloppily. 

I tried not to remember seeing Gerard’s bleeding, swollen face when he’d finally been pulled free of the gang intent of murdering the ‘fag’. I tried not to remember the constant reports of the rich neighborhoods being vandalized, nice cars being trashed – parents and kids attacked for just being better off. 

But, no matter how many times I replayed the first night with Bob inside me, I couldn’t block out the flashes of my broken home. 

Tough youths with scarred faces, broken noses. Spitting on the ground as you walked past. 

Blood stains turning brown over time, scattered across the shopping highstreet and the alleyways. 

The dull thuds and crunches of lead pipes and feet hitting someone in too much pain to moan out anymore. 

The radio reporting another hate crime…

_Let's be honest; a secret silenced,  
_ _Is a secret safe._

Then a poisonous idea hit me, more deadly than the ones I’d entertained until this point. What if…What if I didn’t tell anyone? What if I stayed closet? Lied about what happened, where I went, who I was with…who I was in love with. 

A secret silenced is a secret safe. 

It was the only option, I knew. If I even told my best friends, soon it’d be easy knowledge and I’d be massacred. One, for being gay, and two, for being with someone rich. 

Gay…I’d never called myself that before. 

It brought a million more questions with it. A million more issues. I knew I loved Bob, I was insanely attracted to him – but what about anyone else? Was I truly gay, as in all men? I had no idea…with Bob nearby, I didn’t even entertain the idea. I didn’t want to either, I wanted Bob, but what if? What if, for fucks sake?!

I groaned and turned my body away from the window, feeling oddly angry at this entire thing. Helpless, like I couldn’t choose anymore. Like…I was stuck and trapped in this stereotypical idea of gay. I wasn’t…I was just in love. 

I took ten deep breathes and thought it through again…thought about it logically. 

If I went back, and kept it a secret. Told everyone I stayed at a friends house but didn’t mention the hate crimes, the relationship with Bob, Cass, all of it. I would just be geeky Ray Toro as usual, loveless and a big geeky loser with my friends. I wouldn’t get beaten or attacked, I wouldn’t be ostracised and hated. My parents wouldn’t kick me out. I’d be…safe, with my secret. 

And, of course, I’d nip back to Miami every so often to indulge in that secret all I wanted.   

_Miami, Miami, Miami.  
_ _Well every hour on the hour,  
_ _Every hour on the hour_

Miami…it seemed all that more perfect now. Sunny and warm, safe and comfortable. Bright colours shimmering in the hot air, the sea twinkling. Soft breezes, carrying the scent of freedom. And, of course, it had Bob. I could see myself walking down the pier. The sea surrounded me, sparkling in that impossible blue way. No one else was there – only a figure at the end of the pier, looking over. 

I’d call softly, breaking into a soft run and feeling the warm, worn boards greet my bare feet. I’d get right up to him. He’d turn slowly, his smile growing as his eyes met mine – two impossible blue pools. Our bodies would fit together as our lips and hands touched. Liquid warmth of the sun spilling over us as we just embraced. 

I felt a dangerously painful stab in my chest…literal pain as I pictured Bob in my head. I yearned for him, feeling tears well up in the corners of my eyes. 

Inside my head, he held my face between his hands and kissed me so sweetly, resting our foreheads together. He was so, so happy to see me. 

Then, that pain again. In my head, I looked down and moaned – blood seeping through my white tank top…spreading down. The pain withdrew with a slice and I bent double as someone grabbed my hair and wretched my head back. Hits laid across my arms, shoulders, hips, stomach, face…Bob and the pier and the sea all faded away as I hit the cold wet pavement and coloured it red. Curled up and surrounded by dark figures. White teeth flashing as mouths opened in hate, eyes narrowed.

Just waves and waves of hate and anger and pain all on me as I bleed out onto an unforgiving street in an unforgiving town.

Miles away from where I was safe. 

_You have to,  
_ _You just have to trust me.  
_ _Whoever I was then,  
_ _I can't ever be again._

No. No, I can’t do it. 

I’m not like Pete, I’m not a coward, but I’m not suicidal for fucks sake. I can’t be proud and gay and out when everything that survives on is on the other side of the country. I…I feel like puking, even thinking of being closet. 

I don’t know if I can handle it. When the others finally do fall in love, they’ll look at me with pitying eyes. ‘Poor Toro, he’ll never find anyone’. Too late – I have. And I can’t tell anyone. Just my luck, my clumsy, forgetful, sodding luck. 

I’m sorry Bob, but you’ve gotta trust me on this one. Who I was in Miami, I can’t be in Belleville. 

_Reminders they are not reluctant,  
_ _So stop me if you've heard this one before.  
_ _Sideways blinders;  
_ _I can't find a way a_ _round._ __  


I can’t stop picturing Bob’s face. I want to go back. I want to go back! I want to stay in Miami, I want to stay me…but there’s no hope now. 

Parents meeting me at the station. No way around this fucking mess. 

_Miami, Miami, Miami.  
_ _Well every hour on the hour,  
_ _You have to,  
_ _You just have to trust me.  
_ _Whoever I was then,_

_  
_ _I can't ever be again._

So what the fuck now? Living life as a shadow, with this inside me the entire time. Everyone around me clueless and isolating. This…passion a secret, even from my best friends. Is that a way to live life?

I needed someone, I needed some comfort…I needed someone to talk to. 

I gritted my teeth and whipped away my stubborn tears, and picked up the mobile resting on my backpack. Dialing, I choked back tears as a familiar voice answered. 

“ Baby?”

 

 

 

The End


End file.
